Bikini Armor Battle Damage - Hypocrites and Sexy Art

[Jet Fuel Johnny]

Time for a total change to this first edition design and the queen got the biggest change.

Don't make Uncle Johnny get the belt, you prudish bitches.

First of all...

Queen of the Spiders Re-Covered

We decided to try our hand at a combined redesign, where each of us picked a character in the same picture and redesigned them. And we thought this image, the cover of an old Dungeons and Dragons adventure called “Queen of the Spiders” would be a good candidate (blame for throwing it at us goes to @theoldhack).

Since all of you have absolutely now understanding of drow or drow society, my money is that you're going to fuck this up.

Interesting bit, this was one of the prints for Mezzoberranzan, the Forgotten Realms boxed set for the drow of the underdark set.

TSR used this image about a dozen times.

This is where the infamous drow race is introduced,

NO NO FUCKING NO!

The Drow were "Technically" introduced at the end of G3, an original monochrome module. That let to "Descent into the Depths of the Earth" D1 & D2, and then Vault of the Drow (D3), culminating in Q1 - Queen of the Demon Web Pits.

These people are 5E dipshits.

where I guess they were just… evil women of color.

This shows your pig ignorance.

They were the baddest of the bad. Originally they were ebony in color (due to Underdark radiation and to adapt to the heat of being MILES below ground).

Unfortunate. We decided to make them purple-skinned like they are in more modern lore.

So, you don't know anything about the Drow or their society but think you're qualified to do anything more than shitty tumblr fan art to... oh, Tumblr site, carry on.

At first, Icy thought the “queen” in the title referenced the lady in the middle there, but it’s actually one of the names for Lolth, the spider goddess whom the drow venerate, so…. We’re sure the drow on the cover are important mini-bosses somewhere in the adventure, probably, maybe.

At first Icy was a retard, then I joined her.

So, they didn't even bother to read the adventure, know next to nothing about the drow, and think they can do this reboot.

Don't make me get the belt, you dangerhair prude.

Just gotta say that it’s a huge pet peeve of mine when (usually male) writers write a matriarchal society as, air quotes, “sexually liberated,” otherwise known as “an excuse to draw them in lingerie because I can’t imagine women’s bodies not catering to me personally in any scenario, while still drawing men in full body armor.” Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

It's one of my pet peeves when know nothing scolds come into my hobby and try to throw their weight around with "AS A WOMYN!" while fetishing retardation. Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

So, you don't know WHY they dress like this, do you?

Sit down. Shut up.

Okay, so…. I’m not sure what she’s supposed to be… besides a swimsuit model, which maybe the drow do have. Is there a quest where the players go to the underground beach to play underground beach volleyball? Cause if not, why is she like that???

Now, if you knew the first thing about Drow, you'd know. But you don't, so you don't.

Lolth prizes sexuality, sensuality, beauty. Ugly drow, male and female, are killed. Full stop.

A black widow spider (Lolth's chosen avatar) is a deadly and beautiful thing, graceful and sleek, with minimal coloration. (Another reason the drow were ebony skinned, to resonate with Lolth's chosen avatar)

The 80's were very much "Flaunt it if you got it, fake it if you don't" with spandex tube tops, Daisy Duke shorts, and sexy was in. Jazzercise and morning exercise kept women from being land whales if they chose not to be.

The sexual revolution of the 70's and 80's had destigmatized the female body. Being sexy was empowerment.

I decided to make her a mage (this was a 1st edition book, so that’s all we got).

Once again, ignorance.

She would be a Mage/Cleric at the least. Probably a Fighter/Magic User/Cleric or, if she was sneaky, a Magic User/Cleric/Thief.

The other thing is, it was somewhat of an unsaid nod that magic produced heat. Skimpy clothing was sometimes the only warning you got that they were about to drop enough magic firepower on you to make a paladin scream.

Oh, she could have also been an Illusionist/Druid since class restrictions for the drow weren't really known. A Fighter/Illusionist/Druid would WRECK THE PARTY.

But she doesn't really know 1E, so she's talking out her ass.

I ended up changing…. everything, really. I think the only thing I didn’t change was her nose shape. It’s not my fault though, the redline for her original pose was an unsalvageable eldrich nightmare.

We get it, you're fat.

Next point.

I gave her a more confident pose, more comfortable magic-user-friendly clothes (with the spider motif, cause spider god), and even different hair. The original hairdo just wasn’t doing it for me. I wanted her to look cool enough to have her own illustration in the book. She even has a little magic flame (mostly cause I didn’t know what to do with her hand lol)!

She looks like an immature drow, and her modesty would make her a victim of more well endowed and confident drow.

She'd end up a drider or dead.

That also doesn't go into Drow society and a big thing of dressing skimpy and without much clothing is saying "I don't need a knife up my sleeve to kill your heretic ass."

Oh, and the little flame in her hand? Yeah, I'm sure she'd just be chillin' with a flame in her hand, using up a first level spell, which she wouldn't have many of.

Christ, these people piss me off.

She just painted a target directly on her face, it adds nothing to picture and takes away from it.

Her hair didn’t quite turn out how I wanted it to, but overall, I think it’s a good redraw. She’s got lots of fun shapes, an actual color scheme, and an attitude. What else do we need?

You need knowledge of the drow, know that they wouldn't be caught dead, literally, dressed like that.

I rate this a 2/10 only because you didn't shove the pen up your ass.

The Queen

The composition was so awful that I had to actually largely re-do it by changing the third lady’s position from right to left and recreating large parts of the throne… some of which ended up covered by the main drow’s dress anyway (probably for the better).

So now she looks fat, stupid, and her shoes are fucking travesties instead of good boots.

Bitch about her outfit and then put those fucking sandals on her? Fucking sped.

Speaking of which, boy was she hard to fix without just throwing everything away and starting over! First of all, the way she sits on the throne seems like a product of an alien who never experienced what a chair is… which might also explain the throne’s uncomfortable-looking design. I actually ended up giving it a bigger seat and more lumbar support.

So you made her fat and made the throne bigger.

You changed her pose because... holy shit, that fucking pose is not dynamic at all.

The clothing is shit. Nothing a drow would reasonably wear. Number one, in actual 1E AD&D there was a thing called "Somatic Components" which mean, you know, MOVEMENT. You stripped some of her magic items off of her, gave her shit someone could grab, and basically made her into a fat soccer mom sitting on an ugly chair.

In the redesign there is NO sense of menace or danger.

Any 1E party that ran into that group would be too busy laughing at them.0

These half-wits know nothing of Drow, 1E, the time period the picture was drawn, or what it is trying to convey.

I give their ending picture a 3/10 just because they managed to color in the lines and probably didn't choke on a random dick.

 

[Corn Flakes]

@Jet Fuel Johnny, that's MOTI but it's good MOTI so have a medal.

I really don't like this idea that people have that "dark skin = black = racism". They were dark elves. Not black elves. They weren't talking in ebonics, they weren't listening to boomboxes, and sure as shit they weren't having Kentucky Fried Cockatrice down in da Underhood. They were dark to demonstrate at a glance that they were different from the elves already in the game, and that if you saw one of them watch out or your party is going to get wrecked.

But now they have to be purple. Which is not a bad look, but it's a change that's happened for entirely stupid reasons. There were many black guys in my D&D groups through the years (including one very good GM), and the only time they referred to drow as anything even close to "black" was in the context of "GET THAT NIGGA BEFORE SHE GETS THAT SPELL OFF!".

 

[Hummingbird]

The ladies actually celebrate a bared back, but it's on a man. And the way it's designed looks silly on a dude.

 

[Corn Flakes]

The ladies actually celebrate a bared back, but it's on a man. And the way it's designed looks silly on a dude.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand we're right back to business as usual.

Double standards, thy name is BABD.

(Fujoshis to the last, these ladies.)

 

[Hummingbird]

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand we're right back to business as usual.

Double standards, thy name is BABD.

(Fujoshis to the last, these ladies.)

BABD seems to only like feminine, revealing clothing as long as its on a man even if he can't pull it off. IMHO, unless you're doing drag, women's clothing is going to look awkward on a man (and even a number of them can't pull it off).

 

[Grumpy Pickle Rick]

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand we're right back to business as usual.

Double standards, thy name is BABD.

(Fujoshis to the last, these ladies.)

BABD seems to only like feminine, revealing clothing as long as its on a man even if he can't pull it off. IMHO, unless you're doing drag, women's clothing is going to look awkward on a man (and even a number of them can't pull it off).

They don’t care, fujoshis and fudashis tend to be a bunch of shameless perverts. At least the ones I’ve seen on DeviantArt and Fanfiction.net are.

I mean, MPreg, futanari, yaoi/yuri, etc. You know, I never understood why these types of people are so obsessed with sex, attractive looks or why they’re so desperate to lose their virginity.

I’m serious, can someone explain to me, why they’re so obsessed?

 

[Corn Flakes]

I’m serious, can someone explain to me, why they’re so obsessed?

You could ask that about 90% of people on the internet. Not digging too deeply into it, I would simply argue that people are obsessed with other people's sex (porn, roleplaying, barging into other people's sex lives...) because they live boring, meaningless or otherwise unpleasant lives. Not bad lives, just devoid of stimulation. Sex is, biologically speaking, the ultimate in stimulation. Just looking at it, though, provides only a very short-term high, so these people end up hooked and looking for harder and harder stuff just to satisfy their need for stimulaton.

To a certain level, all kinks work like that.

 

[Grumpy Pickle Rick]

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand we're right back to business as usual.

Double standards, thy name is BABD.

(Fujoshis to the last, these ladies.)

Speaking of double standards. Check out this video I found:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Ypj9QB80icE

Apparently, Rebel Wilson lost weight and the fat feminists are whining about it. They never complain about attractive men but when a fat woman becomes skinny, healthier and more attractive, it's ‘bad!’.

What a bunch of jealous bitches.

 

[NoReturn]

Apparently, Rebel Wilson lost weight and the fat feminists are whining about it. They never complain about attractive men but when a fat woman becomes skinny, healthier and more attractive, it's ‘bad!’.

Damn, good for her.

2015:

August, 2020:

 

[Thiletonomics]

So what's BABD's stance of women wearing sportswear that is considered to be "skimpy" in their tastes, i.e. the bloomers that are commonplace in anime, and bikinis that women wear in IRL Beach Volleyball events? Do they even dare to give them puffy leggings to cover them up?

 

[Grumpy Pickle Rick]

So what's BABD's stance of women wearing sportswear that is considered to be "skimpy" in their tastes, i.e. the bloomers that are commonplace in anime, and bikinis that women wear in IRL Beach Volleyball events? Do they even dare to give them puffy leggings to cover them up?

They probably do give them leggings, except for real women in beach volleyball. They can’t touch real people outside the internet.

 

[Corn Flakes]

They probably do give them leggings, except for real in women beach volleyball. They can’t touch real people outside the internet.

I'm sure if they could photoshop leggings onto women's beach volleyball player, they would.

Thankfully, they lack the skill. They can barely make their poofy pants match the original style most of the time.

 

[Hummingbird]

Time for another make over where girly ribbons are not allowed. At least they didn't poof up the pants.

 

[Caddchef]

Literally boobs bad, the redesign has no practical advantage over the original, no added utility and no additional protection.

 

[Judge Dredd]

Time for another make over where girly ribbons are not allowed. At least they didn't poof up the pants.

The removal of the boot heel got me. It's not as if it was an impractical 6 inch stiletto heel or anything, it's a boot heel. Literally anyone in the military would wear boots with a heel like that.

 

[Grumpy Pickle Rick]

Literally boobs bad, the redesign has no practical advantage over the original, no added utility and no additional protection.

Yeah, they call ‘fixing’ art? All they did was cover up her chest. It’s actually pathetic they’re jealous of a fictional character’s boobs.

I wish tumblr and Twitter would shutdown. I mean, it’s full of people chasing clout and pushing their bullshit agendas. All while hurting innocent people in the process.

Remember that video I showed a little while ago?

Speaking of double standards. Check out this video I found:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Ypj9QB80icE

Apparently, Rebel Wilson lost weight and the fat feminists are whining about it.

This shit is getting old and these people are getting old too.

Does BABD and other SJWs think they can do this forever?

 

[Emperor Julian]

Literally boobs bad, the redesign has no practical advantage over the original, no added utility and no additional protection.

One of the more interesting aspects of redesign is how often they provide no tactical advantage or are even less effective than the origional since it's now restrictive to movement and accumulates heat, their's a reason atheletes generally don't wear much.

 

[Pointless Pedant]

You could ask that about 90% of people on the internet. Not digging too deeply into it, I would simply argue that people are obsessed with other people's sex (porn, roleplaying, barging into other people's sex lives...) because they live boring, meaningless or otherwise unpleasant lives. Not bad lives, just devoid of stimulation. Sex is, biologically speaking, the ultimate in stimulation. Just looking at it, though, provides only a very short-term high, so these people end up hooked and looking for harder and harder stuff just to satisfy their need for stimulaton.

To a certain level, all kinks work like that.

I'm not sure how kinks connect to this. They're about engaging in something, not just looking at it. If someone has a foot fetish then he'll want to get a footjob, but I don't think that would go that differently from other sex acts.

Even the really gross stuff like scat and cuckoldry still involves real, physical acts and isn't boring or meaningless.

 

[Corn Flakes]

I'm not sure how kinks connect to this. They're about engaging in something, not just looking at it. If someone has a foot fetish then he'll want to get a footjob, but I don't think that would go that differently from other sex acts.

Even the really gross stuff like scat and cuckoldry still involves real, physical acts and isn't boring or meaningless.

I'm going to oversimplify this to hell and back because someone could write a whole damn book on it. I'm pretty sure someone already has.

Anyway, for a lot of people over-indulging in a kink results in becoming desensitized to said kink and looking for harder stuff to get the same effect. It's essentially like getting hooked on a drug: you don't get nearly the same effect from, say, alcohol after you get used to it compared to you do when you had your very first few beers. It just happens a lot faster with people enjoying those kinks in porn form because the high is a lot shorter-lasting, a lot less intense, and the physical commitment is low so you can just keep going back to it. There are only so many times someone can get off to having his nuts crushed in a single night before he has to stop and recuperate (and let all the neurotransmitters in his brain come down a bit). That guy can be satisfied for a while. Meanwhile, someone with that fetish can spend all night watching porn of it and enjoying hit after hit of instant gratification.

That's why I said it applies to all kinks in more or less the same way. Say you have someone who's into cuckoldry. If he gets to partake in that kink twice a year, he's likely not to go as far with it or get so involved with it as someone who watches his wife banging five different dudes twice a week. The more someone partakes on a kink, the more likely they are to be extreme at it. You could say it's flipped the other way around (people who are extreme will indulge harder), but the vast majority of people start small and then build up to their full life-destroying kinks.

 

[Pointless Pedant]

I'm going to oversimplify this to hell and back because someone could write a whole damn book on it. I'm pretty sure someone already has.

Anyway, for a lot of people over-indulging in a kink results in becoming desensitized to said kink and looking for harder stuff to get the same effect. It's essentially like getting hooked on a drug: you don't get nearly the same effect from, say, alcohol after you get used to it compared to you do when you had your very first few beers. It just happens a lot faster with people enjoying those kinks in porn form because the high is a lot shorter-lasting, a lot less intense, and the physical commitment is low so you can just keep going back to it. There are only so many times someone can get off to having his nuts crushed in a single night before he has to stop and recuperate (and let all the neurotransmitters in his brain come down a bit). That guy can be satisfied for a while. Meanwhile, someone with that fetish can spend all night watching porn of it and enjoying hit after hit of instant gratification.

That's why I said it applies to all kinks in more or less the same way. Say you have someone who's into cuckoldry. If he gets to partake in that kink twice a year, he's likely not to go as far with it or get so involved with it as someone who watches his wife banging five different dudes twice a week. The more someone partakes on a kink, the more likely they are to be extreme at it. You could say it's flipped the other way around (people who are extreme will indulge harder), but the vast majority of people start small and then build up to their full life-destroying kinks.

Would you say it's the same for general satyromania? It seems to me that often virgins are crazier, especially incels.