"Hello hello, welcome to a new vlog". Improper intro. Damnit, Amber! I thought we were making progress here...
Hair talk (don't care). Fortnite action filmed in the Dutch angle shot style to be extra terrible (don't care).
JUMPCUT!!! Amazon haul (fuck my life, man...). Amber talks about getting things for Kristine as it's their first Mother's Day together. Amber got: Magnetic eyelashes for herself (so she can look like she has tarantulas stuck to her face), and.... oh, that was it.... (dafuq?)
JUMPCUT!!! Mommy is taking Ambo to the doctor! Quick flashes of the doctor's office filled with doctory-officey thingies....
FREEZE FRAME
... and this, of course.
JUMPCUT!!! In the pet section of a store to get chew toys for Amber. Kristine doesn't give her cats catnip due to it being a drug - but is fine with Ambo drinking, doing delta-8, AND EATING HERSELF TO DEATH - so it's painfully obvious who she loves more. The two cackle and bond over silly cat toys.
JUMPCUT!!! Amber informs us that catnip is natural. Yeah, Amber, so are poppies. SO IS RADON! But as we are on this subject, Ambo, DELTA-8 IS NOT "NATURAL".
JUMPCUT!!! Ambo back in her natural habitat. Sorry if her eyes look a little swollen,
she's blazed out of her mind she's been cryeeeen (FUCKING CALLED IT - Yeah, I know, even Stevie Wonder saw this coming). She's cryeeeen because of her appointment, but doesn't want to talk about it. Interesting that this terrible, horrible no-good news didn't make her too upset to play with cat toys right after the appointment. Amber keeps talking about how she doesn't want to talk about it.
... Amber CONTINUES to talk about how she doesn't want to talk about. Amber talks about how she immediately went online to talk about her cancer Dx, but she's no longer that type of person. First, YES SHE IS. Second, the only reason she mentioned her previous cancer Dx is to make people worry that she has cancer again - not slick enough, Ambo. Try harder... actually, don't bother - we still don't care.
... STILL talking about it without wanting to talk about it. You STILL want to know about what went on at the appointment? Tune in to a later episode (same FAT time; same FAT channel)! Okay, I'm skipping this nonsense *SKIP*
PLACARD: Next day
Makeup before and after. Hair before and after (with cheesy effects). Clothing before and after. All at a bad angle because why would Ambo use her new tripod? I mean, it served it's purpose as 2 minutes of haul content. Amber puts that anti-frizz stuff in her hair (as Ms Delulu still thinks she has the same hair texture as Wifey).
JUMPUCT!!! On the couch, with her hair looking as greasy as fuck due to the anti-frizz goop (or maybe not washing it). Purse talk (don't care) *SKIP*
Random fact about Ambo - she collects shitty poetry books! Poetry is adorbz! Amber might even start READING them!! Also, Barbie perfume... recommend!! Amber flexes that she wasted $70 on it.... Honest question - how retarded does someone have to be before Adult Services steps in?
JUMPCUT!!! Food truck with some unfortunate rando immortalized in Ambo's vlog. Amber's mom got a lamb Guy-roe (Holy fuck, Ambo, it's Yee-ROS). And Ambo got a dainty snack...
FREEZE FRAME:
How's that calorie counting going?.... Thought so.
Amber struggles to figure out how to hold the camera without letting go of her precious food for a second. Eating on camera for degen clicks.
JUMPCUT!!! Back on the couch. Amber's been home for two hours and already looks blitz. Amber pretends her gorlfriend messaged her. Amber talks about how the idea of eating lamb makes her uncomfortable (but not the idea of eating 5000+ calories/day for DECADES). Have you even been close enough to SMELL a lamb? Have you ever been kicked by one? Yeah, pass the tzatziki.
More questions:
1) Not a real question *SKIP*
2) Amber didn't get WLS because she wasn't ready what-so-ever, and cancelled so she could get herself ready - but then she decided to put mustard on everything and eat like a pig instead (which Amber calls "going through a breakup"). Amber subtly (not really subtly) blames the breakup and having to move for why Amber gained weight instead of getting her shit together.
3) Amber didn't realize that her new ways of speaking is like a Kardashian/Amanda Bynes hybrid - but she'll take it.
4) Amber hopes that her audience will meet Valentine soon.
5) Amber finds it funny that some people from her audience sees this as "straight up feeder content" - 'cuz it's totally not! (No.. it's CLICKBAITING feeder content. Is that worse? Actually, I don't know)
6) Amber has started watching Baby Reindeer. Amber thinks everything going on IRL about this is crazy, and recognizes the lady as having "mental illness problems"
BONUS BULLSHIT!!... Amber's arguing the whole Bingo thing and not missing numbers and attempts to disprove her audience... by showing a different clip than the one people are disputing. *SKIP*
Byee!!
