🍗 Deathfat Amberlynn Reid - 600 pound pathological liar and U-Haul lesbian moving in with her next live-in maid/nurse/girlfriend.

[Hippy Dippy]

Seriously. Fat Alex should make Amberlynn the Godmother. They are two peas in a pod.

 

[I call shenanigans]

Seriously. Fat Alex should make Amberlynn the Godmother. They are two peas in a pod.

They aren’t religious. Even their weddings were both civil ceremonies. While I’m sure there will be a naming day, because any excuse for a tax deductible party with presents, Godparents are religious figures. I’d expect them to appoint guardians, but not godparents. Amber is neither godparent or guardian material. I know you were just joking about it.

Imagine if Amber started throwing parties. We’ve haven’t seen any since the gaycare days. Now that would be content. Who would she invite I hear you say. Well Alex has no friends either but still manages to wrangle family members and their tag alongs, so it could be done.

 

[Tony Martin's Force Ghost]

Imagine fucking skin walking Learning 2 be Fat, the most boring cunt on the planet. So boring she does not have a thread, so I can say her husband is probably fucking other women and men to spend as much time away from her boring ass.

That needs to be studied really.

 

[I call shenanigans]

So boring she does not have a thread

It’s on its way.

 

[blubberlubber]

Amberlynn says she collects poetry, but honestly I don't think she really collects anything. I think a better term would be "consume". She CONSUMES poetry books. She has an entire shelf full of books that she says she hasn't read most of, and while this seems nitpicky I really think she just has a problem with abundance. Instead of reading essentials and figuring out the general hallmarks of poetry she instead plucks whatever is fanciest off le aesthetic Target rack to give off the idea she's smarter and more thoughtful than she really is. Instead of reading the books and explaining what is inside of them she talks on and on about making lists and ranking them, and honestly I think this is the most interesting part of Amberlynn. In a way, it is not herself that is the excitement (if you can even call it that) but because she is such a superstar consoomer that I think it gives us a peek into who the hell is buying all these Colleen Hoover books and tacky ass beige furniture. She's a poser in the purest form, but honestly I don't even think the people she is copying are 'real' themselves. If a Target marketing executive saw her they'd blow a ball out.

 

[I call shenanigans]

She CONSUMES poetry books. She has an entire shelf full of books that she says she hasn't read most of,

That’s another thing she’s picked up from Fat Alex. Alex buys coffee table books from target simply for their aesthetic. If it matches her decor then she’ll buy it and place it under a lamp or a vase of fake flowers. It’s crazy to see.

 

[FatalTater]

I ain't watching this loser but has Amber started wearing the giant fake eyelashes again like she did while her mom was visiting her a few years ago?

 

[Lidl Drip]

It’s because her favourite YouTuber Fat Alex does it. She also copies Alex’s pronunciation. The funny thing is, Alex hasn’t got a creative bone in her body and copies whoever she’s watching at the time. So many of these fatties are just copying each other until most are the same, just in a different body.

I was just going to come here to make a post about this lmao. Since our fat gorls have become so boring I have been branching out and watched some of Alexandra Rodriguez videos and I immediately noticed how much she sounds like Amberlynn and then I remembered that Amber has admitted to watching her, she is copying her ENTIRE personality and way of talking, it's insane. I'm sure Alex also just copies other youtubers since all of these vloggers are very same-y but Amber is properly skinwalking Alex and wants to be her so so bad. I wonder how Amber feels about Alex being pregnant and expecting a baby. Something Amber can't copy. I know Amber is dumb as a box of rocks but seeing everyone she looks up to move on to the next stage in life while she is permanently stuck as 13 must at least sting a little?

It’s on its way.

Based

 

[Bibbity Bobbity]

Amberlynn says she collects poetry, but honestly I don't think she really collects anything. I think a better term would be "consume". She CONSUMES poetry books.

There's no TS Eliot or ee cummings up there, I bet. Just quantity, cuz she's suuuuch a voracious reader.

If she wanted to be totally beige aesthetician, she could turn the spines in. Same amount of shelf space and reading accomplished.

 

[Billie Ross]

Hambo compared to other 2 morbidly obese women. ( those are both over 200lbs).
Hambo is a fucking unit.
1000lbs combined of pure trailer trash.

 

[I call shenanigans]

Hambo compared to other 2 morbidly obese women. ( those are both over 200lbs).

The dark shirt one isn’t quite 200lbs, but Kristine is hitting closer to 300lbs. Seeing them in the same shot like that just shows how enormous Amber is. I don’t believe she’s sub 500lbs.

 

[Tony Martin's Force Ghost]

Amber is clearly 550+, she looks no different.

 

[Even more 8008135]

Dark shirt lady isn't remotely "morbidly obese". C'mon now, that's Reddit-tier shit.

 

[SkeebyPebbles_14!?]

Mukbang started with Korean streamers, but it's been largely branched out - the gist of it is just the streamer eats and/or cooks a lot of food while talking about random topics, usually involving what they're currently eating

What exactly people get out of that however, I'm not entirely sure

I think it was first bc eating alone at dinner was weird in Korea so u put on someone to eat w u, moms basement behavior imo, than it got to the Americans and now its whatever tf. ik people that r on RLY restrictive diets (400-800cals) that watch mukbangers to feel satiated, watching others eat makes u feel full operantly, but ur more prone to binging if u watch that stuff too often.

 

[Mekahineyho]

Is that her most tragic outfit ever?

 

[I call shenanigans]

ik people that r on RLY restrictive diets (400-800cals) that watch mukbangers to feel satiated, watching others eat makes u feel full operantly, but ur more prone to binging if u watch that stuff too often.

Or just makes you feel so ill , it either puts you off eating, or as a cautionary tale, helps you work past the fact that you are restricting your own eating so you don’t end up as big as the super morbidly obese creators. I’ve certainly NEVER binged after watching one of them, although I may have run to the bathroom for fear I might throw up.

 

[Boolean Bitch]

The Astrometics Lab is picking up two Trojan Planets not previously recorded on any of our starcharts? ...

*** VLOG ALERT!! ***
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=22hUxCDsdMU
Invidious: https://yewtu.be/watch?v=22hUxCDsdMU
Archive: Stand by (working on it) Edit: can't attach the video :-(

Plot Summary with Commentary! When we last left our Witless Wonder, Amber was spending half of her video talking about how she didn't want to talk about what happened at her Doctor's appointment. The other half was trying to gaslight her audience and prove them wrong on things that they weren't wrong about. What's up today? I imagine nothing good. TAKE US IN!!

Spoiler: mothers day with family, fornite with Zachary Michael, & tjmaxx haul! | vlog

"Hello, welcome to a new vlog". Improper intro - pure disappointment.

Perfume talk *SKIP*. Billy Ellish talk *SKIP*

JUMPCUT!! Hurpling action at TJ Maxx. She's SO EXCITED that the Granny Grappler gets to experience Amber touching random fugly tat *TOUCH TOUCH TOUCH*. Amber waddles out with bags stuffed. Prepare for an upcoming haul.

JUMPCUT!! Hurpling action at Hobby Lobby because Kristine wants to get something. *TOUCH TOUCH TOUCH*. Yet more tat-- HEY, It's a new ring for Ambo (a napkin ring). LOL, Amber just said that her haydurs would say this is her ring size!! LOLOL. GG, Amber, GG!!

JUMPCUT!! Back home and totally stoned outta her gourd. Tomorrow is Mother's Day!

PLACARD: Next day

JUMPCUT!! In front of the bookcase. It's MOTHER'S DAY, so the Reid clan is going to celebrate by going to Texas Roadhouse. Oooh, it's been awhile since we've seen Amber get shoe leather from a restaurant. But first....

TJ MAXX HAUL!! Ambo got: fugly pink plastic tumblers, fugly pink D6 candle, fugly pink glasses, and fugly giant clear makeup bag. Careful with all of this shopping, Ambo; you no longer have a thumb-butler to clear out your hoard for you.

JUMPCUT!! Amber's grocery cart arrived and she's going to put it together on camera.... except it's not a grocery cart - it's a folding wagon. OMG, residents of OKC - you have an OBLIGATATION to post pictures of Ambo pulling this thing around if you encounter her in the wild!

*THIS* is what you were supposed to get:

FREEZE FRAME!!

Not this. I guess Amber buys such a horrifying amount of food every few days that she needs something large enough to haul a full-sized human around in. (Oh yeah, Rarity and Twinkie sighting - 2 of 3 pets accounted for).

Amber was confused about how to screw it together as she's never screwed in her entire life as she's not a tool girlie pop - but she figured it out. Amber states that she's not supposed to carry heavy things because of her hernia.

FREEZE FRAME!!

Two newly discovered Trojan Planets orbiting around Amber. (Trojan planets are two planets of similar size which follow the exact same orbit around a larger celestial body - see, watching Amber isn't a COMPLETE waste of braincells!)

OOH!!!! GRANNY GRAPPLING ACTION!! WWE SMACKDOWN 2!! The Granny Grappler and the GorliePlop tag team the Birth Canal!... GO GRANNY GO!!! HIT AMBO WITH THE FOLDING CHAIR!! ... Oh, disregard; it was just a group hug. Sorry, false alarm. Amber cackles hysterically at Kristine's revelation that her boyfriend is, in fact, a "mother fucker". *SKIP*

FREEZE FRAME!!

Welcome to The Farms, Birth Canal (and you can thank Aunt Tammie for that nickname)... Just realized: even 1/4 of her size Granny has bigger boobs than Amber. How unfortunate.

JUMPCUT!! Taking the pork out for some beef at Texas Roadhouse. Blink and you'll miss it.

JUMPCUT!! Back in Amber's natural habitat (on her couch). Blathering about camera angles. Amber carb loaded with rice and mashed potato to go with her shoe-leather at Texas Roadhouse. Amber's living the molment she always wished for - having her mother in her life. Just ignore the fact that Amber only actually wanted this once she exhausted the ENTIRE SELECTION of morbidly obese, slow-in-the-mind, lesbian slugs in the US who would put up with her stinky personality and even stinkier fupa.

Amber claims to have met ANOTHER subscriber at Texas Roadhouse. Pics or didn't happen, Ambo.

JUMPCUT!! Poetry book blathering. Poetry book organizing - where she has already started to find doubles in her hoard.

JUMPCUT!! More bullshit questions.
1) Amber wasn't wearing her seatbelt in the car because they were parked.
2) Amber's thinking of posting Fortnite gameplay (I'm not covering that. Fuck off, you can't make me).
3) Amber thinks her hair length is genetic.
4) Amber interrupts this question to tell her audience that if you look up and say 'cucumber... cucumber' when you feel like sneezing, you won't sneeze (don't worry - the question wasn't important). It was involving playing Fortnite with Zach if he wants to (just so she could use a minute of his clip to stretch out her video).
5) Amber stopped getting her nails done because (Karina Kaboom reminded Amber that) Amber's a lesbian.

Okee, byee!!!

TL;DR: Instead of a grocery trolley, Ambo buys one of those folding wagons (that you use to haul kids around in), in order to hold her groceries. Amber goes to Texas Roadhouse with Kristine, Gramma-Kris, and Kristine's BF - monetizing pictures of Kristine and Gramma. Amber organizes her poetry books and realizes that she's bought doubles. TJ MAXX and Hobby-Lobby hurpling and haul of fugly tat. Kristine confirms that her boyfriend is, in fact, a 'Mother Fucker' (you're welcome).

 

[catbyte]

Grandma's gonna outlive them both.

With a generational weight trend like this, it's a good thing that Amberlynn can't procreate.

 

[Diet Coke 4 Life]

Archive: Stand by (working on it)

Got'cha, fam.
Potato archive because fuck doing any better:

Spoiler: word about archiving rn while the farms is being a cockblocking bitch

ETA: for those having issues getting archives to load, sometimes just having TOR browser open to the onion variant of the page you're attempting to update will force the archive to actually load in the .st site upon refresh. It's weird, but it's worked for the last few weeks on my end.

If that refreshing tip doesn't work, TOR is more reliable for actually getting media files to attach. It just takes about 1.2 billion years. I just drink to pass the time if it comes down to doing an actual TOR upload (this time, the 'tor open, logging in on onion forces attachment to properly load, refresh the .st to make it pop and post like normal' trick worked so no reason to get the vodka out.)

 

[Thumb Butler]

Damn, Amber really fats up the people circling her orbit.