🍗 Deathfat Amberlynn Reid - 600 pound pathological liar and U-Haul lesbian moving in with her next live-in maid/nurse/girlfriend.

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dfranki723 said:
She is so painfully boring and irrelevant that nobody has even documented her first video of 2024...
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My ears were burning, heh. Here ya go! [Spoiler: it's not worth it...]

Plot Summary with Commentary - readable in just over 2 minutes (as per my New Year's resolution since Amber isn't worth one second more of our time). When we last left our Witless Wonder, Amber was once again trying to avoid accountability for being a (low IQ) machiavellian narcissist as well as a loser junkie with an absolutely pathetic drug of choice. What's going on in the Amberverse today? More bullshit, but hey, we're already here so TAKE US IN!

"Hello hello, welcome to a new vlog". Improper intro.

"Today" in the amberverse is Amber's 33rd birthday. It's a very good number since 3s are impor-en in Amber's superstitious family.

Hair and earring talk. YouTube video/vlog watching talk. Rainbow tarp talk.

JUMPCUT!! In the pleather shearling coat. I guess Mommy took Amber out to buy her the 3rd Eilish perfume that she wanted.

FREEZE FRAME!!
perfume.png

Amber's talks about how she's so excited that the Eilish perfume bottles are getting more and more beautiful, yet it looks EXACTLY THE SAME as the other two. This feels completely fake as the blathering is just Amber mindlessly immitating what she thinks some posh influencer would say/do. Also, look to our left at the LEGO set she was also excited to get, just to shove it between her couch cushions and immediately forget about it.

This new perfume has a "pepper smell".

[PLACARD: next day]

Amber's on camera raving about her Sonic diet cherry limeade situation type deal. So addicted.

Amber has nothing to drink, and shows off her lack of artificially coloured and sweetened beverages in her fridge - completely ignoring the ENDLESS supply of beverage that comes out of the multiple faucets in her apartment.

Amber shows her fridge which is pretty much empty apart from a buzzball, some condiments, a few aaaygs, and multiple sticks of butter. Amber admits that she's been ordering all of her meals - surprising absolutely no one.

Amber promises that this will all change starting January 1st. Amber has personal goals written that she doesn't want to share, but the ones she does want to share are:
  • Trying her "freaking damnest" to upload every other day
  • Weigh in every single day and share it (all 366)
  • Getting yet another therapist
  • Work on her poetry book to publish "for you guys" [Thought you weren't going to share it with your haydurz, Amber?]
  • "Lifestyle change" that's she'll talk about in another video
  • Daily journaling
  • Lose 100 lbs in 2024.
Amber claims that she's been using her 'adjustment period' living alone as an excuse to not get on track [as opposed to the hundreds of other excuses she usually uses to avoid getting on track].

Amber loves and cares about herself more than she ever has in her life.

[PLACARD: next day]

Going to the Birth Canal's house to celebrate Amber's birthday. Grandma and mommy there, but no mention of Aunt Tammie.

Amber does a retarded skit about pretending that she's afraid that the boogeyman/Pennywise is hiding behind her shower curtain to pad out the video. Amber would probably be less afraid of her shower and more certain that some degenerage wasn't camping out in it if she actually SHOWERED every now and again.

Torrid.com blathering to pad out the video.

Boardgame blathering to pad out the video.

JUMPCUT!! Video of Amber at BC's house blowing out her candles. Amber struggles to blow out three candles due to her dangleeng lung. Oh wait, they actually gave Amber trick candles. $33 inside a balloon for her present. Then a scene of Amber shopping at Target to spend her big girl birthday money.

Balloon talk to pad out the video.

Sunglasses talk to pad out the video.

Target haul: cat food, dog food, calendar, napkins, pinesol, planner (why do you need a planner if you have a bullet journal?), and shitty hoop earrings to start rebuilding the earring hoard.

Amber talks about her favourite smell being vapo-rub and how she could eat it (don't worry, she actually HAS eaten it).

Amber shows off the candle she bought for her bestest friend in the whole wide world (in the hopes of getting her audience to give her engagement by asking who the friend is).

More empty 'influencer' bullshit blathering. Byee!!

TL;DR: NONTENT. This video covers December 27th to 30th in the Amberverse. Amber pretends to be an influencer showing off Eilish's new perfume and her almost empty fridge. Amber lists off a set of New Year's goals which are exactly the same as her failed goals from every other year (including losing 100lbs). Amber celebrates her birthday with her mam and gramma, then buys and shows off her target haul of pet food and journals (well, calendars/planners).
 
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Even though I do not watch My 600 lb life. As soon as I saw that her goal for 2024 is to lose 100 pounds, I discovered that I have an inner dr. Now voice. I thought "you need to lose turdy pound one munt".
 
That is embarrassing, Kiwi was the largest archive and forefront of Amber discussion. The amount of people the Amber thread drew was enormous (like her) but now it can be days that a new video is even referenced. It is not even worth the archive either because we know the fat bitch will keep it up.

Fuck even the Casey shit was a pitiful astroturf necro that bore 0 fruit. Only proved what a disgusting-looking pooner Casey is. I do think 2024 will be the year there will be a drastic drop-off for her. Her December was pitiful and only the Casey shit netted a woeful 70k views. (not even that).

It has become clear that her decrease in views has affected her because she is doing nothing because she cannot. Sure she can grab some Amazon shit now and then but that is it because her finances are strung up in her living costs.
 
Chaotic Pizzaparty said:
That is embarrassing, Kiwi was the largest archive and forefront of Amber discussion. The amount of people the Amber thread drew was enormous (like her) but now it can be days that a new video is even referenced. It is not even worth the archive either because we know the fat bitch will keep it up.

Fuck even the Casey shit was a pitiful astroturf necro that bore 0 fruit. Only proved what a disgusting-looking pooner Casey is. I do think 2024 will be the year there will be a drastic drop-off for her. Her December was pitiful and only the Casey shit netted a woeful 70k views. (not even that).

It has become clear that her decrease in views has affected her because she is doing nothing because she cannot. Sure she can grab some Amazon shit now and then but that is it because her finances are strung up in her living costs.
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In all fairness, the constant attacks on the server that hosts KiwiFarms have probably pushed away a lot of the Amberlynn-centered userbase. Combined with the fact that alternative spaces (Reddit, Facebook, Twitter) are filled with unpleasant retards trying to one-up Amber, blame her for 'triggering' their ana-chaning, or white-knighting for everyone she comes into contact with, the lack of any discussion on the cow and her calves makes her just... boring.
 
No need to worry about Pennywise, FatAl; there's no way he could fit you through the sewer system.
 
Happy New Year Kiwi friends!

I just gotta say how pathetic it is that the only people at her ‘birthday party’ was her mom and gma….at 33 years old. She really needs to take a long look at herself and ask why that is before she ends up all alone again.

But hey, upside is she won’t live past 40 so it’s not that many years of mind numbing loneliness.
 
goodgrief said:
I can't believe there's finally one time I'm more on Amber's side than on the side of someone who has a problem with her. That fat troon is embarassing. Giving interviews to obsessed idiots about some moron you dated more than 10 years ago. That's an insane thing to do. Amber sucks but you would think these greasy 15 IQ fucks were dating Ted Bundy by how much sympathy they're asking for. You're ok, you're here, you're ugly as all shit. Get over it. Casey or whatever the name is should pay me a one time fee for having to set eyes on her face. She looks filthy. Fellow farmers, I have a general absence of respect for troons so that may also be clouding my judgement. But I'm just like....this buzzball lardball handled herself well even considering how stupid the shit they asked her to comment on is. Imagine a bunch of speds dragging out stories from high school.
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There's a part of me that wants to feel sorry for these clearly damaged individuals (I know, I know) that Amber manages to suck into her orbit, but then they go and do cringey shit like the "interview" with Mr Snowflake, who is well on the way to cowdom himself and any good will I have goes straight down the toilet with Amber's old period blood.

If Casey/ Becky/ Dusty/ whoever want to be left alone to work on their "trawmuh" or whatever, then GO AWAY. Krystal may have been a sped but at least she dipped out of the Amberverse as soon as the U-Haul truck came to take Amber to wherever Destiny was and has so far stayed away. Snowflake hyped this interview up as a scandalous tell-all that would have Haydur Nation's jaws hitting the floor, and all we got was Casey mumbling some stupid answers about how they were "so young" and telling us shit we already knew. If you don't have anything new to say then shut up, or if you're just doing it for five seconds of YouTube clout then fucking own it. If some random fag from YT approached me to talk about my ex of a decade ago I would think they were unhinged.
 
Chaotic Pizzaparty said:
It has become clear that her decrease in views has affected her because she is doing nothing because she cannot. Sure she can grab some Amazon shit now and then but that is it because her finances are strung up in her living costs.
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This makes me wonder what the chances are that Amber will manipulate methmom into letting her move in with her when that adsense finally tanks. She liddurally has no other recourse and it seems inevitable that she will not be able to afford to pay rent on such boring nontent.
 
Mr. Ghoul said:
This makes me wonder what the chances are that Amber will manipulate methmom into letting her move in with her when that adsense finally tanks. She liddurally has no other recourse and it seems inevitable that she will not be able to afford to pay rent on such boring nontent.
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We'll know the time is drawing near if/when she starts calling Mr Mamameth "my stepdad" rather than just referring to him as her mum's boyfriend. All part of the dainty gorl lovebomb manipulation.
 
I truly do wonder what's in store for our pig this year. It's very likely that her situation will further decline as she's never going to get a job and isn't doing jack shit on Youtube to 'earn' her feedbag bucks. Very possible that she'll try to manipulate methmomma into taking care of her with tons of guilttrips about how methmomma chose the drugs over her when she was a kid, and it's her falt that Hambie is now a 600lb toddler lardbucket. Methmomma will either cave in or more predictably, relapse and tell the fat fuck to fuck off once again. Better start planning how you're going to function in future Hambie, but we all know you're not going to make it to 40 unless you lose thurdie punds dis munth!
 
I only see the bits of ALR through whatever reaction channel annoys me the least. But on her most recent upload she mentioned visiting the Torrid website where she saw something cute that she would have bought, but they were sold out in her size.

Shyeah, right. First of all, her size doesn’t exist. Second, she can’t afford Torrid anymore. If she needs new clothes, REI is having a sale on tents.
 
Yeah, that was when the penny dropped for me she has depleted a lot of her savings. It also made me realize her CPM must not be that high because she used to do Torrid hauls for guaranteed clicks but because she can barely muster up 50k, they are not worth it.
 
some cunt said:
I truly do wonder what's in store for our pig this year. It's very likely that her situation will further decline as she's never going to get a job and isn't doing jack shit on Youtube to 'earn' her feedbag bucks. Very possible that she'll try to manipulate methmomma into taking care of her with tons of guilttrips about how methmomma chose the drugs over her when she was a kid, and it's her falt that Hambie is now a 600lb toddler lardbucket. Methmomma will either cave in or more predictably, relapse and tell the fat fuck to fuck off once again. Better start planning how you're going to function in future Hambie, but we all know you're not going to make it to 40 unless you lose thurdie punds dis munth!
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Her TikToks with super fatty baby pictures gives credit to this. She is latching onto her childhood being back with her Mom and that is not going to end well for anyone. She will absolutely pull the "you didn't take care of me then, so take care of me now" card.
 
Truly an amazeen video. She'll be paying her bills with youtube forever if this quality persists. She bought a new planner because that's definitely an item she was lacking. Now she's all set and Operation -100lb Buzzball can start. She got some hoop earreens. Shooo kyoot. Definitely doesn't have those.

Also, she got her very best friend in the wooorld a candle. She's the only vlogger gorlie who manages to have friends and a best friend in the whooole wide woooorld that has never been seen or talked about In any of the years she's been plaguing youtube. How someone manages to acquire all these close friends without leaving her home for years. Impossible for most people but not this magical gorl.
 
I can always tell when she is in the mid 500s. She develops these pointy cheeks (no bones) that look like the skin is about to break through. She had it really bad in 2019
Screenshot 2024-01-02 180908.jpg

now
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