The obese cunt is even going as far as to claim she has a 130+ IQ. Hamber, you most likely have a much lower than average IQ, please choose slightly more feasible lies to tell the world.
How fitting that she's making another impossible, grandiose claim. Playdoh, cheap plastic feed shaped choking hazard toys, vocabulary of a particularly stupid seven year old, shopping as if it's someone else's money, ordering crap food via ubereats just because you want something Right Now, terrible grammar, inability to properly pronounce simple, common words, inability to speak on or know anything about the world outside the luxery stankpartment. Yep, that all screams gifted intelligence.
Honestly, despite her obsession with food, I think she'd even fail at this. First of all, these competitive eaters all have personalities - as well as BASIC TABLE MANNERS (though to be fair, Beard can get a little gross - especially in his older videos). During challenges Tzuyang, Eric the Electric, Katrina Eats Kilos, Beard vs Food, and Matt Stonie all chew with their mouth closed, and don't make O-faces and gross noises every time they eat something. Even during timed challenges when most of the manners go out the window, they still aren't quite as gross as Amber. They also don't regularily cry about their mentals or how shitty their audiences are in their videos or on social media. Tzuyang actually seems to have a dedicated team of trolls after her, yet she is still very polite on social media and is super sweet to the people that run into her when she's out filming.
Ah, I should have been more clear, fam (all y'all!): I would not expect Hamber to actually win any competitions, or even to be vey much competitive. I think it would be a blast to hear her wheeze and squeal her way through one, insisting she couldn't POSSIBLY eat so much - that'd be a lie, because w all know she can hoover many thousands of calories in the privacy of her stankartment. She'd still have to pretend in public to be this dainty, quirky girl, and we can't have that!
I am thinking mainly of our entertainment, but also just thinking out loud here, because Hamber abandons the audience she despises every January, and I just don't feel like diving back into the Chantal show.
Second, they also have to have SOME discipline - and I don't mean in regulating food intake during non-competition days (as Amber has no intention of losing her deathfat status). She's so pathological that she'd flake on a competition/challenge because of 'her mentulz', or because she just 'didn't feel like' eating whatever specific food was part of the challenge that day. Look at her carrying on about taking the tiniest bite of takoyaki (when her teeny nibble was only getting the fried batter and not even touching the octapus). She'd complain she doesn't like the brand of hotdogs in the challenge (as meat 'creeps' her out), or the 'texture' of the buns after having to dunk then in water. And SHE DOESN'T EVEN *LIKE* PIZZA!
The takoyaki thing is just her being irrationally, performatively stupid. MG,W should have told her it was shrimp or orange chicken or something. She's way too picky to take part in 90% of challenges or competitions. No tomato (except salsa is JUST FINE), allergic to ayygs (except when she isn't), is "creeped out" by meat (a flat damn lie), is a "dry gorl" (because she's a retard) etc.
She'd NEVER make it in competitive eating circles. Never. You look at folks like Joey Chestnut and the insane amount of Nathan's hot dogs that boy can shove in his face at one go.
And here's one of those idle thoughts of mine. Hamber can unhinge her jaw like a fucking anaconda when it suits her. Would she learn to pick up two fistfuls of shrimp and shove them in her piehole at once, swallowing them whole like a lot of those people do? Take down half a giant burrito in one go, a bit of Diet Coke chaser to help slide it down that old pelican gullet? Burning questions! A couple of years ago, Raina and Joel did a bunch of challenges together (aside: Joel eats like everything is a race, but that boy does love food, especially bbq, and who can fault that?). Would Hamber learn to let go some of those things she's scurred of - even just one? Is she really, truly, incapable of making any changes whatsoever at this point? (Yes. But it would still be fun to watch.)
And there's one more bonus of this scenario: all the people who watch Raina an Matt and Beard and Joel and tzuyang (who I cannot beLIEVE I forgot) would have themselves a new spectacle. Since she's so unlikeable and a shit person, they'd hate her. Hamber would get an entirely NEW haydur nation audience, thereby getting more clicks and thus more money, which is all she's after. In fact, it would be a great way for her to collect feederizers' money without having to resort to OF. MG,W may be a sped, but doesn't strike me as one to leave cash on the table.
Everyone wins!
It's also been a nice thought exercise, gaming out the way things could go.
It's the goddamn plant based proteins that get me. Look, I was a vegetarian for a long time. Imitation meat is fine, But it doesn't hit the same way, and there are only two reasons for it: morals (kek), or because it takes a minute to make in the microwave instead of having to pre-heat the oven and bake for 20 minutes, or heaven forbid, a pan and oil water.
She just can't wait to get her hands on it.
I tell you what, I am currently a vegan, although not by choice (no, not gonna PL that shit). It sucks. All I want is sushi and a double bacon double cheese double patty cheeseburger with a pile of onion rings.
