🍗 Deathfat Amberlynn Reid - 600 pound pathological liar and U-Haul lesbian moving in with her next live-in maid/nurse/girlfriend.
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- Aug 2, 2020
Even if there were, there'd only be a few around, and if they let fatties use them there'd be no time for the animals!
- Joined
- Aug 4, 2022
If the relevant part of the animal can't fit into a human-sized piece of equipment then the animal doesn't get the scan. Stuff is diagnosed other ways, or left undiagnosed and the symptoms treated if possible. Veterinary care (particularly for exotic animals) lags decades behind human care. If the animal is really sick and you can't treat it you euthanise it, after all. It's only very recently that better treatment options for cancer, or even things as common as a broken bone (in the case of horses) or torn ligaments is readily available for common domestic species like cats and dogs.
This is part of why it's so fabulous that so many people now value their animal companions enough to pay for things like cancer treatments. It literally enables the development of treatment for all animals of that species. I'm not saying anyone should beggar themselves, or needlessly prolong the suffering of any creature when the prognosis is not good, but for the things that can be treated? Every time someone opts to try it helps the greater collective going forward. No money = no way to fund experimentation and development, basically. Things are changing quickly -- there are now options for treatment that didn't exist two or five years ago.
Esquilax
kiwifarms.net
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- Jan 4, 2021
I'm famous! Heyyy gorl!
- Joined
- Jun 23, 2020
Jade was in the last video she posted.
low sodium
kiwifarms.net
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- Feb 25, 2020
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- Sep 11, 2021
Interesting engagement in the comment section...
dfranki723
kiwifarms.net
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- Dec 6, 2019
Ah, what I wouldn't give to take Rarity, Wasabi and Twonk.
Such sweet beans in the grasp of such a useless sack of cellulite. Her silly little ''furmomma'' act is so transparent and empty. I hope she doesn't capture and imprison anymore animals after these three have left.
Hm, more bacon for the gorl who doesn't actually like bacon.
Oh for fucksake, the crying on camera didn't get the reaction she wanted so she's dragging up her exaggerated past. MUH ABUSIVE PARENTS. She's so traumatised you guys, nobody has lived a life worse than ALR. That's what made her fat.
Fatty, counting calories isn't stressful if you have no intention of following through with it. You've not been counting calories for over a decade, you've been reading labels and then eating whatever you want. It's not the same thing.
You still don't have a binge eating disorder Fambo. no matter how much you mention it.
Arms. Gross. Vlog. Shit. AmberLynn. Still Fat.
Such sweet beans in the grasp of such a useless sack of cellulite. Her silly little ''furmomma'' act is so transparent and empty. I hope she doesn't capture and imprison anymore animals after these three have left.
Hm, more bacon for the gorl who doesn't actually like bacon.
Oh for fucksake, the crying on camera didn't get the reaction she wanted so she's dragging up her exaggerated past. MUH ABUSIVE PARENTS. She's so traumatised you guys, nobody has lived a life worse than ALR. That's what made her fat.
Fatty, counting calories isn't stressful if you have no intention of following through with it. You've not been counting calories for over a decade, you've been reading labels and then eating whatever you want. It's not the same thing.
You still don't have a binge eating disorder Fambo. no matter how much you mention it.
Arms. Gross. Vlog. Shit. AmberLynn. Still Fat.
- Joined
- Dec 16, 2019
Presented without comment, Amber's Socialblade page
socialblade.com
I had an honest think about how I might feel if I heard that Amber died.
I would spare a concern for the future of the pets. That is all.
amberlynn reid's YouTube Stats (Summary Profile) - Social Blade Stats
View the daily YouTube analytics of amberlynn reid and track progress charts, view future predictions, related channels, and track realtime live sub counts.
I had an honest think about how I might feel if I heard that Amber died.
I would spare a concern for the future of the pets. That is all.
- Joined
- Jan 15, 2017
I have to say, I had never seen a horse undergoing a medical procedure like that. Pretty nifty to see.
Even if she could fit into the MRI, Amber won't. Pretty soon she'll abandon this new doctor that is the 'best she's ever had' over some petty or fake and gay reason like "they wanted me to not eat vegetables" or "muh sodiums."
Even if she could fit into the MRI, Amber won't. Pretty soon she'll abandon this new doctor that is the 'best she's ever had' over some petty or fake and gay reason like "they wanted me to not eat vegetables" or "muh sodiums."
- Joined
- Mar 22, 2020
What is the ID that Amber is so nervous about? Does the US have a standard ID card that's just for.... ID?
She's so dainty eating her teeny little ayg salad crackers, tiny queen.
I was trying to figure out what was bigger, the watermelon or her upper arms. She's so incredibly boring and irritating, why do I torture myself?
She's so dainty eating her teeny little ayg salad crackers, tiny queen.
I was trying to figure out what was bigger, the watermelon or her upper arms. She's so incredibly boring and irritating, why do I torture myself?
- Joined
- Feb 20, 2019
I can't bear to watch her some days so I don't know what her problem is but in the US, the states issue basic IDs if you need one. At least where I am, you get it at the DMV, just like a driver's license, minus the driving test. IIRC, you need to provide your birth certificate and some kind of official mail proving you live in the state, like an electric bill or lease.
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2022
Theres been the "Amber doesnt have ID " sperg in the thread before, but seeing as its a slow Friday what the hell. Its a classic.
You have 2 options for ID if you do not qualify for a drivers license. 1: You can go to your states DMV and get whats commonly called a "walking ID". as others said it looks just like that states drivers license with some comment on there stating its NOT a drivers license. Because some states were being fuckwits and giving EVERYONE a drivers license without requiring that they prove who they were (I.e Illegal aliens) NOW you are required to get whats called "Real ID" where you have to prove your legal residence in the US. Also now to fly in the US you MUST show a "Real ID" verified Drivers License/ Walkers ID. Once you do this you get a little star on your ID or some other marker.
The other method is to get a passport. In the US you can get an ID card version for a few extra bucks along with your booklet passport. The card version is good for border crossings into Canada and Mexico, and counts as "2 forms of ID' where other places may ask for your drivers license AND your birth certificat/social security card. This ID also counts as a "Real ID" and will allow you to board an airplane for domestic flights.
To get any of these ID's you would need to show proof of who you are and that you're legally allowed in the US. For a natural born citizen that would be your birth certificate and social security card. I would venture to guess that Amber does not have either. Which would be very interesting as you have to show these things when you work somewhere to verify you are legally allowed to work.
Looking back at the history of Amber, she does not vote...which usually requires some form of ID to register etc depending on the state, most register you through the DMV now. Also I never recall Amber claiming she received a paycheck for any of her work even at the one supposed job she had with destiny. It came out that she was a volunteer.
She must have some sort of ID, or had these things at some point as she has a bank account that her youtube checks go into, and a credit card/debit card for uber eats and torrid orders.
Is it Poor Foster Care Amber Lynn who is the victim that her mom lost her birth certificate and she's been too traumatized to go get replacements so she can adult and get full ID....
Or does Amber just not want to be on record with the government anywhere with her address?
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- Jul 6, 2022
That blood pressure though, totally normal for a 30yo who is big but healthy right?
- Joined
- Jun 5, 2021
Well we do keep saying if she shows her pets more we will actually watch. Wipey tried to limit her self destructive behavior and not let her little sub princess do harmful things like obsessively read comments, lurk on the farms and watch reaction channels but here we are. She knows her views are down and showing her pets (aka showing how loving she is towards her pets because everything is about her) is something we all wanted so unfortunately we got it. Shes just also insufferable and annoying.
Or poor gorl adulting through eating things she doesnt like. So brave. So mature. This is the pizza all over again.
Poor amber. Those arms are almost as big as her hopes and dreams.
She did have an id of course because youtube money but its been forever and shes skirting the issue because usually it involves going outside and squeezing into a doorframe and standing for an ungodly ammount of time because the chairs they have at normal places for normal sized people wont fit amber. Then being seen by strangers who gawk at her size... Truly a terrifying event for our gorl. I bet the move is coming up soon and they have to prepare to show a form of current id to get the new place and ambers id has been invalid for a while. She didnt need one till now so she just didnt do it.
She probably found her social security card when cleaning out all the shit from becky and seperating the hoard or wipey off camera helped her go get everything else because amber is of course so dainty sexy and helpless. Since she didnt film it my guess is she found it somewhere in the apartment.
Amber doesnt care about the government amber cares about doing the least possible amount of anything unless its shoving food into her maw. Shes in her 30s now and the "oh tee hee its expired i didnt rullize" bullshit has lost its charm, and amber has to adult. Finally.
- Joined
- Mar 22, 2017
- Joined
- Feb 6, 2021
Fucking boring vlog skipped around and nothing was lost. Amber's main problem is looming around the corner and that is reach. At the moment her channel is on life support and she has to repeat the same clickbait tactics over and over. Each time there is a diminishing returns. She did it with mukbangs to the point she can't because she hands more views to detractors.
She can't do exes etc because it fails, and she cannot with Q and As because they crater hard to the point she loses viewership. Each time gaining fewer and fewer subs. Her next go-to is health emergency but if you notice even those are starting to lose their luster. She is backing her each time into a corner where she will be unable to clickbait.
Compared to last year an average made 70k views now its 55k, 60k if lucky. She has lost 22% of her audience in about 10 months. I said this months ago when she hits that average of 55k views she is going to emergency after emergency.
The classic Amber "I can't talk about it but I've been cryeen and that used to tag people on for months but now people are just not buying it. So at the moment, she is going to push weigh-ins the old faithful but her weigh-ins even now are bullshit she never shows the scale usually.
Amber is genuinely in danger zone territory now because here is the truth. Amber has not hit 100k these were:
I did not lie posted on March 7th - 106k views - days since 221
Before that, it was Cook in weight in with me posted on October 11th gap between March and October 217 days
That video took 135 days to hit 100k, it did so in February because I was watching it like a hawk. What used to take 2 days takes nearly 200 each way. No wonder she is panicked as fuck because her empire of click-bait is done. I haven't sat down in a long time and crunched the analytics of her videos but I predict like 30 - 40% are her old classic videos.
She can't do exes etc because it fails, and she cannot with Q and As because they crater hard to the point she loses viewership. Each time gaining fewer and fewer subs. Her next go-to is health emergency but if you notice even those are starting to lose their luster. She is backing her each time into a corner where she will be unable to clickbait.
Compared to last year an average made 70k views now its 55k, 60k if lucky. She has lost 22% of her audience in about 10 months. I said this months ago when she hits that average of 55k views she is going to emergency after emergency.
The classic Amber "I can't talk about it but I've been cryeen and that used to tag people on for months but now people are just not buying it. So at the moment, she is going to push weigh-ins the old faithful but her weigh-ins even now are bullshit she never shows the scale usually.
Amber is genuinely in danger zone territory now because here is the truth. Amber has not hit 100k these were:
I did not lie posted on March 7th - 106k views - days since 221
Before that, it was Cook in weight in with me posted on October 11th gap between March and October 217 days
That video took 135 days to hit 100k, it did so in February because I was watching it like a hawk. What used to take 2 days takes nearly 200 each way. No wonder she is panicked as fuck because her empire of click-bait is done. I haven't sat down in a long time and crunched the analytics of her videos but I predict like 30 - 40% are her old classic videos.
- Joined
- Sep 20, 2016
Remember when Fat Black Becky was going to teach Amber how to drive so she could be an independent pig, and Amber was soooooo "pumped" because FBB was soooooo supportive and Amber trusted her soooooo much and she rullllly didn't want to have to rely on anyone to take her to the place where the hamburgers live ever again?
Wonder what happened to that.
On a personal note: every single dipshit unironically entertaining the ID Discussion has been moved into the Fucking Retard column in my mental ledger book, where they will forever remain.
Wonder what happened to that.
On a personal note: every single dipshit unironically entertaining the ID Discussion has been moved into the Fucking Retard column in my mental ledger book, where they will forever remain.
My Cat Is Racist
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- May 21, 2017
The Henry aint cheap y'all. Her rent, all that uber eats and her Ozempic shots are probably leaving her pretty dry right now. Thankfully, she's a dry gorl.
Regarding the HIV tests and people saying it's because she doesn't have a primary care physician, you might be right.
The assumption is that she's is getting these Ozempic shots from her GP but that may not be the case. In my country and in the UK, there is a company that offers Ozempic as part of a weigh loss program. You speak to one of their doctors online, they prescribe the shot and then you have follow up sessions with their weight loss doctors and "health coaches". Their company FAQ even suggests seeing them for Ozempic and not your GP as they offer all of these amazing benefits your doctor can't.
It's not cheap either and can only be claimed on some health insurance plans.
Having said all that, they may have just done the HIV test because she overshared (as per usual) with hospital staff and mentioned her partner is poly and they have such an amazing sex life you guys!
I'd just like to reiterate that this is all entirely Fat Amber's fault and she's just another addict, just like her parents.
Regarding the HIV tests and people saying it's because she doesn't have a primary care physician, you might be right.
The assumption is that she's is getting these Ozempic shots from her GP but that may not be the case. In my country and in the UK, there is a company that offers Ozempic as part of a weigh loss program. You speak to one of their doctors online, they prescribe the shot and then you have follow up sessions with their weight loss doctors and "health coaches". Their company FAQ even suggests seeing them for Ozempic and not your GP as they offer all of these amazing benefits your doctor can't.
It's not cheap either and can only be claimed on some health insurance plans.
Having said all that, they may have just done the HIV test because she overshared (as per usual) with hospital staff and mentioned her partner is poly and they have such an amazing sex life you guys!
I'd just like to reiterate that this is all entirely Fat Amber's fault and she's just another addict, just like her parents.
- Joined
- Oct 11, 2018
Sorry it took so long. Been busy today. Might've been ninja'd by the time I post this.
TL;DW/R: Fatty fats about being fat. Does more lego, emphatically professes she likes big things. Eats slop on wheat thins. Doesn’t show her ID, but squeals that she looks thinner in her new RealID’s photo (doesn’t realize it’s called a RealID, though). Blathers about how she overate while she was bed bound from fucking up her ankle and blew up, but then says once she could stand on her own she’s been dropping weight once more. Cooks slop that she forces down JFoNY:MGF,W’s throat.
0:00 ‘Okay, you guys’ Well. What kind of shit greeting is that? I guess we’re abandoning any sort of method and just blathering at the camera. Coo’. I can roll with this fuckery. She says she just filmed her last video and hasn’t bothered changing, and is filming a couple hours after loading her last shit. She’s been doing journaling and watching YouTube and now she’s going to do Lego and wants us to ‘come on this Lego journey’ with her, to which my response is to immediately look for an exit door and a parachute or life preserver, because fuck off, AL.
0:35 She says people’ve been asking her why she thinks the two steps she’s done is the middle of the globe, and she starts waxing on about her past experience with Lego and sometimes you build the middle first and whatever. I give no fucks.
0:53 RARITY!!
0:58 She states that there’s extras included in Lego stages in case you lose or break a piece, and the piece they chose to replicate is arbitrary. Except of course she doesn’t say arbitrary, because that word is far outside of her AuthorLynn vocabulary. She simply states that she doesn’t know how they chose which piece is going to be extra. She also baby-talks at Rarity and I want to poke my eardrums out with a corncob holder.
1:24 Into the time-lapse lego building bullshit. She says she’s doing a voice-over IT’S NOT A FUCKING MOLMENT YOU ASSHAT. Waxes on about how when she was growing up, legos were outside of her fiscal capacity, but there was a neighbor friend who had tons of legos, so she’d go over and play with them, so her obsession with them started when she was a child and didn’t return until fatty fatted her way through her Torrid obsession and her hair tie obsession and her suckahlent obsession and her scratch art obsession and her book obsession and any other obsession I’m not pulling off the top of my slightly gewürztraminer-pickled brain right now. She finishes the next part of the arch that’s going to support the globe.
1:59 ‘It’s a lot bigger than I thought it would be.’ That’s what she said. Hurhurhurhur. There are disgusting screen shots to be had here. Like this one.
Look at that sincerity on her face. With that protruding tongue and raccoon ‘beetus eyeballs, under that poop-bun of crisco-drippings and filth. So smexy. No wonder JFoNY:MGF,W is so dedicated and supportive </sarcasm>
She’s excited about large sizes. States it’s an SSBBW globe. Guess she likes ‘em thick and… ya know, I’m going to stop right there.
2:21 Cutting watermelon, promises this won’t be a voice-over IT’S NOT A FUCKING MOLMENT NOR IS IT A COLLECTION OF MOLMENTS YOU RETARDED HEFFALUMP vlog the entire damned time. She still handles knives like an inebriated brainless amoeba. States ‘I love me some watermelon’ and says she normally gets pre-cut so she doesn’t have to do the messy part. And then states she’s cutting each piece into triangles (I legit almost am getting anxious watching her handle that knife), but then states that she’s cutting ‘this end piece’ in such a fashion that it ‘makes pieces like for a party situation tyFUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOU’ and there goes the rest of my glass. Gotta go refill.
3:00 Of course, she saw this ‘technique’ on TikTok, because that’s where AL gets every bit of information about anything in her life these days. How the hell did this brainless lump of pumice survive before that app? The world may never know.
3:08 THE NEXT DAY. Oh, yippee. Lemme contain my excitement. Opens with Rarity, so that’s good. AL needs to shut up and say that her cat is obsessed with her. She does show off how Rarity taps her hand when she wants more petting, because this feline is desperate for affection. AL keeps blathering on and I want to mute her so badly, but that’d affect my recap capabilities. Bleh.
3:46 AL professes that Rarity is her babieeee, and she loooooves her. And Wasabi and Twinkie, those little shits who aren’t in frame. They’re her ‘worlds.’ Yes, plural. Because AuthorLynn is on point in this particular video. But yes, she showed us Rarity because AL thought it was sho freaking KYUUUUTE. No other descriptor will fit.
3:50 A change of outfits. The shirt/dress looks wretched as fuck, like something a blind grandmother would wear to a cabernet show. I don’t know how to describe this shit, but it’s a visually offensive picture-vomit pile of crap that should never have seen production.
I mean…. I can’t see how this is SHO KYUUUUTE, but I’m sure it is.
Anyway, there’s a loud sizzling in the background, and she tells us that they’re cooking bacon. She’s going to show us an idea AL had. ‘It’s just a low-key situaFUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOOOU.’
4:05 She states that she hopes the noise doesn’t annoy any of us. Nah, I’m just annoyed by you, AL.
4:07 Anyway, she states that her ID has expired, and she needs to get another one. No shit. A week ago she went to go do a new ID IT’S NOT A FUCKING MOLMENT and it’s already arrived in the mail. So she decides the best thing ever would be to open that shit up and show it off on camera. Of course, she’s sceeered about how it turned out. Dumbass McGee doesn’t know it’s called a RealID. She’s smart enough not to just flash that shit to the camera immediate, but she does let loose an ear-piercing squeal of delight and profess that she looks better in this ID than she did in her old one. Those rose-colored glasses are imbedded into her eyeballs, it seems. She says she can see weightloss in her two IDs (the other one’s from 4 years ago). Then she says her signature’s changed. Maybe she’s learned how to hold a pen properly in her giant meat mitten in the last 4 years.
5:25 Oh, goodie. She’s going to show us what she’s making. Puts out a plate, shows us wheat thins (reduced fat IT’S NOT A FUCKING MOLMENT). Lays them out in… I am twitching violently.
Why… the… hell… didn’t… she… just… do… 9….
Refilling my glass. BRB.
Now she’s putting egg salad (probably from a container) onto each wheat thin. So CrEaTiVe. Next she puts a chunk of crispy bacon on each of her little lumps of egg salad shit. This completes her big-brain idea, because while she wanted to add scallion, she doesn’t have any.
Looks like something a 1st grader would put together if forced to ‘cook’.
6:30 Taste test. Predictably, it’s shooooo guuuuuud with mm hummmms. Oh wait, I typed that while she was munching. She doesn’t actually say it’s sho gud. She just says it hits all the spots. No food-gasm or anything, so… probably not impressed with her own concoction, and will inhale it so she never has to think of it again.
6:45 Weight gain talk. (She says weight loss, but we know what it’ll be thanks to the title of the video). Wants to talk with us about her binging and what she’s currently doing. Says when she was bedridden thanks to her ankle, she spent a lot of time mentally unwell because of the whole situation and turned to food daily for a few weeks (no shit). She wanted to NOM her anxiety and she felt helpless and she sUfFeRs WiTh BiNgE eAtInG (except she doesn’t, because she has no idea what an actual binge is - she’s confusing it with overeating and emotional eating).
7:45 And she’s tying this back to her shitty parents and sitting around listening to her parents fight in the other room with her father beating the shit out of MethMom and AL would stuff her face to cope. Because going to sit in a pantry and stuffing her face is how she copes with everything.
8:05 Says she’s seeing her psychiatrist tomorrow, because she does go to therapy (press x to doubt) and that she just doesn’t talk about this shit because it’s all the same shit every day.
No kidding, AL. That’s your entire YouTube career. For the last 7 years or so.
8:09 She realizes she’s not quite eye-fuck worthy in the viewfinder and fixes her hair, then confirms that she does indeed eye-fuck herself in the viewfinder and doesn’t realize she looks like warmed over maggot-riddled feces until she commences with the eye-fucking.
8:18 She got back into the 490s, and once the pain lessened from her ankle she started moving and her spirits truly RISEN (GrammarLynn can fuck off) so she stopped binging and turning to food (because she doesn’t know what binging is). She says she’s afraid of food and not turning to food, so she’s back into the 480s. Waffles between ‘I’m back on track’ to ‘I’m partially back on track’ and ‘You know me.’ Weighed in at 481.6 because those decimals count again.
9:46 Oh here we go, says she’s ‘paying attention to calories without counting calories.’ And people have asked here ‘what the fuck are you on with your nonsense?’ So she goes on to explain that she’s dumb as a box of rocks, and she can’t stop paying attention to calories and she’s calorie obsessed even when not counting calories and wah wah wah she makes as much sense as my cat’s hatred of her tail. Whatever. She says she’s trying to pay attention to that shit again and lose weight again.
10:28 Big-brain moment - ‘If I don’t binge, I lose weight.’ Lemme fix that for AL. ‘If I don’t overeat like a pig, I lose weight.’ NO SHIT, SHERLOCK. And you still don’t binge because you don’t have BED.
10:38 She just wanted to tell us she’s a fatass.
10:50 Gah, more ChefLynn showing us her shitty cooking. She’s making dinner, and it’s chicken (I thought MEAT WAS WEIRD) and rice soup because she has no idea how to cook. She’s boiling rice, chicken and some other slop in a pot. Says she is nervous as to whether or not JFoNY:MGF,W will like it, but ShE’s LiKeD eVeRyThInG tHaT i’Ve MaDe (the x key on my keyboard is pretty much dead at this point. Poor one out for it, homies).
11:09 So she makes a disaster area when she cooks, showing us the sorry state of her stovetop. Then cuts immediately to her white ‘Thanks for watching’ card and says that JFoNY:MGF,W did like it, hopes we enjoyed her shitty video, and thanks us for suffering through her shit.
0:35 She says people’ve been asking her why she thinks the two steps she’s done is the middle of the globe, and she starts waxing on about her past experience with Lego and sometimes you build the middle first and whatever. I give no fucks.
0:53 RARITY!!
0:58 She states that there’s extras included in Lego stages in case you lose or break a piece, and the piece they chose to replicate is arbitrary. Except of course she doesn’t say arbitrary, because that word is far outside of her AuthorLynn vocabulary. She simply states that she doesn’t know how they chose which piece is going to be extra. She also baby-talks at Rarity and I want to poke my eardrums out with a corncob holder.
1:24 Into the time-lapse lego building bullshit. She says she’s doing a voice-over IT’S NOT A FUCKING MOLMENT YOU ASSHAT. Waxes on about how when she was growing up, legos were outside of her fiscal capacity, but there was a neighbor friend who had tons of legos, so she’d go over and play with them, so her obsession with them started when she was a child and didn’t return until fatty fatted her way through her Torrid obsession and her hair tie obsession and her suckahlent obsession and her scratch art obsession and her book obsession and any other obsession I’m not pulling off the top of my slightly gewürztraminer-pickled brain right now. She finishes the next part of the arch that’s going to support the globe.
1:59 ‘It’s a lot bigger than I thought it would be.’ That’s what she said. Hurhurhurhur. There are disgusting screen shots to be had here. Like this one.
Look at that sincerity on her face. With that protruding tongue and raccoon ‘beetus eyeballs, under that poop-bun of crisco-drippings and filth. So smexy. No wonder JFoNY:MGF,W is so dedicated and supportive </sarcasm>
She’s excited about large sizes. States it’s an SSBBW globe. Guess she likes ‘em thick and… ya know, I’m going to stop right there.
2:21 Cutting watermelon, promises this won’t be a voice-over IT’S NOT A FUCKING MOLMENT NOR IS IT A COLLECTION OF MOLMENTS YOU RETARDED HEFFALUMP vlog the entire damned time. She still handles knives like an inebriated brainless amoeba. States ‘I love me some watermelon’ and says she normally gets pre-cut so she doesn’t have to do the messy part. And then states she’s cutting each piece into triangles (I legit almost am getting anxious watching her handle that knife), but then states that she’s cutting ‘this end piece’ in such a fashion that it ‘makes pieces like for a party situation tyFUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOU’ and there goes the rest of my glass. Gotta go refill.
3:00 Of course, she saw this ‘technique’ on TikTok, because that’s where AL gets every bit of information about anything in her life these days. How the hell did this brainless lump of pumice survive before that app? The world may never know.
3:08 THE NEXT DAY. Oh, yippee. Lemme contain my excitement. Opens with Rarity, so that’s good. AL needs to shut up and say that her cat is obsessed with her. She does show off how Rarity taps her hand when she wants more petting, because this feline is desperate for affection. AL keeps blathering on and I want to mute her so badly, but that’d affect my recap capabilities. Bleh.
3:46 AL professes that Rarity is her babieeee, and she loooooves her. And Wasabi and Twinkie, those little shits who aren’t in frame. They’re her ‘worlds.’ Yes, plural. Because AuthorLynn is on point in this particular video. But yes, she showed us Rarity because AL thought it was sho freaking KYUUUUTE. No other descriptor will fit.
3:50 A change of outfits. The shirt/dress looks wretched as fuck, like something a blind grandmother would wear to a cabernet show. I don’t know how to describe this shit, but it’s a visually offensive picture-vomit pile of crap that should never have seen production.
I mean…. I can’t see how this is SHO KYUUUUTE, but I’m sure it is.
Anyway, there’s a loud sizzling in the background, and she tells us that they’re cooking bacon. She’s going to show us an idea AL had. ‘It’s just a low-key situaFUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOOOU.’
4:05 She states that she hopes the noise doesn’t annoy any of us. Nah, I’m just annoyed by you, AL.
4:07 Anyway, she states that her ID has expired, and she needs to get another one. No shit. A week ago she went to go do a new ID IT’S NOT A FUCKING MOLMENT and it’s already arrived in the mail. So she decides the best thing ever would be to open that shit up and show it off on camera. Of course, she’s sceeered about how it turned out. Dumbass McGee doesn’t know it’s called a RealID. She’s smart enough not to just flash that shit to the camera immediate, but she does let loose an ear-piercing squeal of delight and profess that she looks better in this ID than she did in her old one. Those rose-colored glasses are imbedded into her eyeballs, it seems. She says she can see weightloss in her two IDs (the other one’s from 4 years ago). Then she says her signature’s changed. Maybe she’s learned how to hold a pen properly in her giant meat mitten in the last 4 years.
5:25 Oh, goodie. She’s going to show us what she’s making. Puts out a plate, shows us wheat thins (reduced fat IT’S NOT A FUCKING MOLMENT). Lays them out in… I am twitching violently.
Why… the… hell… didn’t… she… just… do… 9….
Refilling my glass. BRB.
Now she’s putting egg salad (probably from a container) onto each wheat thin. So CrEaTiVe. Next she puts a chunk of crispy bacon on each of her little lumps of egg salad shit. This completes her big-brain idea, because while she wanted to add scallion, she doesn’t have any.
Looks like something a 1st grader would put together if forced to ‘cook’.
6:30 Taste test. Predictably, it’s shooooo guuuuuud with mm hummmms. Oh wait, I typed that while she was munching. She doesn’t actually say it’s sho gud. She just says it hits all the spots. No food-gasm or anything, so… probably not impressed with her own concoction, and will inhale it so she never has to think of it again.
6:45 Weight gain talk. (She says weight loss, but we know what it’ll be thanks to the title of the video). Wants to talk with us about her binging and what she’s currently doing. Says when she was bedridden thanks to her ankle, she spent a lot of time mentally unwell because of the whole situation and turned to food daily for a few weeks (no shit). She wanted to NOM her anxiety and she felt helpless and she sUfFeRs WiTh BiNgE eAtInG (except she doesn’t, because she has no idea what an actual binge is - she’s confusing it with overeating and emotional eating).
7:45 And she’s tying this back to her shitty parents and sitting around listening to her parents fight in the other room with her father beating the shit out of MethMom and AL would stuff her face to cope. Because going to sit in a pantry and stuffing her face is how she copes with everything.
8:05 Says she’s seeing her psychiatrist tomorrow, because she does go to therapy (press x to doubt) and that she just doesn’t talk about this shit because it’s all the same shit every day.
No kidding, AL. That’s your entire YouTube career. For the last 7 years or so.
8:09 She realizes she’s not quite eye-fuck worthy in the viewfinder and fixes her hair, then confirms that she does indeed eye-fuck herself in the viewfinder and doesn’t realize she looks like warmed over maggot-riddled feces until she commences with the eye-fucking.
8:18 She got back into the 490s, and once the pain lessened from her ankle she started moving and her spirits truly RISEN (GrammarLynn can fuck off) so she stopped binging and turning to food (because she doesn’t know what binging is). She says she’s afraid of food and not turning to food, so she’s back into the 480s. Waffles between ‘I’m back on track’ to ‘I’m partially back on track’ and ‘You know me.’ Weighed in at 481.6 because those decimals count again.
9:46 Oh here we go, says she’s ‘paying attention to calories without counting calories.’ And people have asked here ‘what the fuck are you on with your nonsense?’ So she goes on to explain that she’s dumb as a box of rocks, and she can’t stop paying attention to calories and she’s calorie obsessed even when not counting calories and wah wah wah she makes as much sense as my cat’s hatred of her tail. Whatever. She says she’s trying to pay attention to that shit again and lose weight again.
10:28 Big-brain moment - ‘If I don’t binge, I lose weight.’ Lemme fix that for AL. ‘If I don’t overeat like a pig, I lose weight.’ NO SHIT, SHERLOCK. And you still don’t binge because you don’t have BED.
10:38 She just wanted to tell us she’s a fatass.
10:50 Gah, more ChefLynn showing us her shitty cooking. She’s making dinner, and it’s chicken (I thought MEAT WAS WEIRD) and rice soup because she has no idea how to cook. She’s boiling rice, chicken and some other slop in a pot. Says she is nervous as to whether or not JFoNY:MGF,W will like it, but ShE’s LiKeD eVeRyThInG tHaT i’Ve MaDe (the x key on my keyboard is pretty much dead at this point. Poor one out for it, homies).
11:09 So she makes a disaster area when she cooks, showing us the sorry state of her stovetop. Then cuts immediately to her white ‘Thanks for watching’ card and says that JFoNY:MGF,W did like it, hopes we enjoyed her shitty video, and thanks us for suffering through her shit.
TL;DW/R: Fatty fats about being fat. Does more lego, emphatically professes she likes big things. Eats slop on wheat thins. Doesn’t show her ID, but squeals that she looks thinner in her new RealID’s photo (doesn’t realize it’s called a RealID, though). Blathers about how she overate while she was bed bound from fucking up her ankle and blew up, but then says once she could stand on her own she’s been dropping weight once more. Cooks slop that she forces down JFoNY:MGF,W’s throat.