Autistic Asparagus
kiwifarms.net
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- Jul 11, 2021
Zachary sucks at being a Hayder because he’s always got to say leftie positive garbage.
🍗 Deathfat Amberlynn Reid - 600 pound pathological liar and U-Haul lesbian moving in with her next live-in maid/nurse/girlfriend.
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- Sep 28, 2019
The countenance is the portrait of the soul, and the eyes mark its intentions. - Marcus Tullius Cicero
Hamber, gorl, you dead. - Me
Cast your mind back to before The Troubles (hold your tits, micks, it's a fucking joke) of the Farms: a whole five days ago. Ancient history, I know, but in history, there can, at times, be wisdom.
This is not one of these times.
Yes, it's the lost tape! Not really. But this bullshit-filled fantasy informs the next even more bullshit-filled fantasy, so fuck it, let's do it.
You know what's gross? Unwashed hair. You know what's grosser than that? Running your beetus paws through that unwashed hair, or constantly touching the sideburns of it with your beeus paws. In both cases, what's even more gross than that is touching other things with your now hair-grease beetus paws. WASH YOUR FUCKING NASTY, GREASY HAIR, YOU UTTER FUCKING PIG. Goddamn, that shit skeeves me out.
Says she posted to her community tab asking for peoples' questions. She's giving up on IG Q&s, I can feel it. (Note: I typed this react before her next video came out, with her confirming she did, in fact, do this.) What, Fatty, you are just going to abandon platforms one by one because people aren't universally applauding you, giving you asspats, or asking how brave you are or for your spam recipes? I suppose it's beyond hope that you'll abandon YT.
Now, I never really paid much attention to her IG crap. I don't like IG, the way comments are threaded, or how fucking difficult it is to move through things. So, that means I only saw what anyone posted here or to reddit. YT, OTOH...I went through, and people were asking some damn good questions. Disregarding the ones where people were a bit crusty, there were respectful questions about the "book club", her relationship, why she wouldn't give straight answers on some things, etc. I read them all, including one about Russia invading Ukraine, which is hilarious, and which I'd love to see her try to stumble through, since she couldn't find Russia on a fucking map. But I digress. Let's see what kinds of questions she answered.
Before we get to that, though, she has to apologize for no vlogs, which she hopes we understand because she can't walk poperly. Hamber, you haven't been able to walk properly in decades. Says she has been geting questions about "can you walk" and she says she can, but with what she assumes is a high ankle sprain...wait, what? Why are you fucking assuming you have a high ankle sprain? Oh wait, sorry, forgot: Doctor Lynn Medicine Woman knows all. Claims to have talked to her PCP (sure) and that everything she's experiencing is normal and that what she's doing for her ankle is "perfect". Well, hell, we can hang that one right up on the bullshit hatrack with the "perfect" bloodwork. Whatever. You just know Hamber went to WebMD looking for ankle sprains and came away with "high ankle sprain" as one that takes longer to heal. Tell us, DLMW, which ligaments specifically does a high ankle sprain involve, above the ankle but below the knee? And tell us again how exactly you know you have torn any ligaments at all, considering you're too godamned fat for an MRI? How long will it take your shit to heal? Maybe about the same amount of time it takes your MG,W, to get her ass back to KY so you can have her there 24/7, I bet.
Answers a question about her terrible writing, and if she would consider explaining i to everyone. Says she might like to rewrite it, since she's such a better writer now than she was, and then explaining it. Says her old crap is cringey. Your writing sucks. Some people simply are not meant to be writers. And since you never read anything challenging, sticking to your trauma porn, terrible "celebrity" poetry, and "hi, lesbian" graphic novels, your writing will never improve. She then repeats this answer three times. Pad that video, gorl.
Someone asks if she would consider sharing more about her oh so traumatic childhood. No, people will twist it and make up conspiracies, blah blah. No one really give a shit about your childhood bullshit.
Upper body workouts in bed? LOL. As if she would.
Admit your weight may not have been the cause of your fall but contributed to the severity of the injury? Proceeds to lecture the questioner on why her weight didn't cause the fall. Yes, it did, Hamber. If you didn't take up the entire fucking sidewalk and didn't have to waddle, you wouldn't have fallen except on purpose. I'm not entertaining her shit on this. Skipping what is no doubt her repeating the same "NO, HAYDURRRR!" response four times.
At the tail end of this, she claims to be more than her weight, and that one of the most common ways people injure their ankles is by stepping of a curb, implying this is what she did. No, bitch, you're not stepping off a fucking curb in your "I fell" snip. You're clearly walking on a sidewalk. I'm surprised not to have seen anyone call her out on this. Also, if you're going to make claims, Fatty, get your citations together.
"A lot of you just look at me as a fat, morbidly obese, lazy ass bitch."
"There's more to me than just my weight." No, sadly, there isn't. You'd be a lot more entertaining if there were.
"I could very well have been injured because my shoes were unstable."
Might one say.....you wore the wrong shoes?
"My animals are so loving and so obsessed with me."
Nope.
"Will we ever get couple content."
Tries to justify trying to hide her MG,W, claiming that "haydur nation" has treated her terribly.
"I protect the people that I love."
Really? By making clickbait titles that have enough information for you to dox your MG,W, then identifying her in a livestream chat? That kind of protection? Filming Becky when she was a zombie? That kind of protection? Filming Destiny in the shower, on the toilet? That kind of protection? Constantly shoving a camera in Krystle's face even though she didn't want to be on camera, or trying to catch her sitting on the toilet? That kind of protection?
Go fuck yourself.
Says "everyone who meets" MamaMeth loves her. I'm sure your grandmother and that service dog your mother abused would not agree.
"Are you planning to get lymphedema surgery?"
Blathers on and on about how surgery is invasive - thanks, Captain Obviouslynn - talks about massages. Whatever. Whoever asked that: don't take any advice she sprinkles through her word salads. She's too scurred or too broke to do much about it at this point.
The fact that lymphedema is not curable is just "crazy" to her, you guise! You mean like virtually all cancers are not curable? Tons of viruses and conditions are not curable? Type 1 diabeetus is not curable? I'm beginning to think DoctorLynn Medicine Woman may be a fake, y'all.
Claims to have a "close friend" who had lymphedema surgery, but of course still has to deal with it. No, you don't have a close friend who did this. You have no close friends. Stop trying to jam your fantasies into everyone else's lives, bitch. Note: the questioner said her boyfriend was considering surgery for his lymphedema, so of course Hamber has to one up that, by talking about an imaginary friend.
Once again, she's "being referred" to a lymphedema specialist. JFC, how many referrals does this make this year? Four?
"Evey doctor I see knows what lymphedema is, but they don't knoooow." (Emphasis hers.)
They know you're a gigantic fatass with lymphedema there's no way to cure you of. Good job, Hamber, casting your disdain over them, as if they should know everything, intimately, about every condition that afflicts the human body and how to cure it. Once again: GFY.
She wants to "know everything about lymphedema". Really? You haven't had the time or means in the past decade to do the same sort of rigorous research into this subject as you did on Optavia?
"Does the idea of losing the weight and maintaining the weight loss scare you?"
Duh, of course it does. She's scurred of everything. "I sometimes have these moments where every single day for the rest of my life, I have to choose to be on track." Blah blah blah. She seems to think that one day, as if by magic, everything will just "CLICK" like the sound of the seatbelt she doesn't wear would make if she wore it, and she won't have to think about not demolishing a diner platter of orange chicken followed by two pints of Ben & Jerry's. Doesn't work that way, Fatty, so allow me to answer that questioner.
Hello, questioner: alas, the premise of your question is flawed. She will never lose the weight, and thus has nothing to fear about loss of it. Thank you for allowing me to guest-answer your question.
Copyright striking channels. Pretends she don't know nothin' about filin' dem strikes, Miz Scarlett!
"Have you been recognized in public and how did that go?"
Claims she has been recognized easily over a hundred times, and that they always start the same way, with someone asking her if she is Amberlynn from YT, or is she on YT, that they always hug her, sometimes take a picture, and sometimes ask for her autograph. Throws her mother and her MG,W into the mix as allegedly having witnessed this, to try to bolster this entire mountain of horseshit. Nobody is asking for your autograph, and they're certainly not hugging you, because you fucking stink. You're a pathological liar, so you can sit there and tell us that despite this huge number of people who have recognized you, not a single picture of any such meeting has ever made it online. The rest of us live in reality and know this is just more shit you've written to yourself to answer, and you think your life is some kind of Hallmark or Lifetime movie. In some demented hellscape maybe, but not here.
Thankfully, she finally shuts the fuck up about her little fantasy of fawning admirers and the video ends. Once again, no outro. You have nothing to do because you've decided to lay on your ass while your "ankle injury" heals. Edit your fucking videos.
TL;DW/R: Hamber lies about fans just lining up to see her, tries yet another story for her dangling foot injury, will never do workouts in bed for her upper body, although she claims to have thought about it. Says her PCP that she totally has, guise, told her she's doing everything "perfect" to treat her ankle. Answers a question about lymphedema treatment as if she knows anything about it. Is generally more boring than usual, because she's choosing to be bedbound. Claims she's protecting her MG,W, by not having her on camera, because she "protects the ones she loves", just like she protected Becky, Destiny, and Krystle by shoving the camera in their faces at embarrassing or unwanted times. No intro, no outro, sub-20 minutes. The End.
Hamber, gorl, you dead. - Me
Cast your mind back to before The Troubles (hold your tits, micks, it's a fucking joke) of the Farms: a whole five days ago. Ancient history, I know, but in history, there can, at times, be wisdom.
This is not one of these times.
rumors drama, getting lymphedema surgery, & scared to lose weight | part 2 - August 25, 2022
Yes, it's the lost tape! Not really. But this bullshit-filled fantasy informs the next even more bullshit-filled fantasy, so fuck it, let's do it.
You know what's gross? Unwashed hair. You know what's grosser than that? Running your beetus paws through that unwashed hair, or constantly touching the sideburns of it with your beeus paws. In both cases, what's even more gross than that is touching other things with your now hair-grease beetus paws. WASH YOUR FUCKING NASTY, GREASY HAIR, YOU UTTER FUCKING PIG. Goddamn, that shit skeeves me out.
Says she posted to her community tab asking for peoples' questions. She's giving up on IG Q&s, I can feel it. (Note: I typed this react before her next video came out, with her confirming she did, in fact, do this.) What, Fatty, you are just going to abandon platforms one by one because people aren't universally applauding you, giving you asspats, or asking how brave you are or for your spam recipes? I suppose it's beyond hope that you'll abandon YT.
Now, I never really paid much attention to her IG crap. I don't like IG, the way comments are threaded, or how fucking difficult it is to move through things. So, that means I only saw what anyone posted here or to reddit. YT, OTOH...I went through, and people were asking some damn good questions. Disregarding the ones where people were a bit crusty, there were respectful questions about the "book club", her relationship, why she wouldn't give straight answers on some things, etc. I read them all, including one about Russia invading Ukraine, which is hilarious, and which I'd love to see her try to stumble through, since she couldn't find Russia on a fucking map. But I digress. Let's see what kinds of questions she answered.
Before we get to that, though, she has to apologize for no vlogs, which she hopes we understand because she can't walk poperly. Hamber, you haven't been able to walk properly in decades. Says she has been geting questions about "can you walk" and she says she can, but with what she assumes is a high ankle sprain...wait, what? Why are you fucking assuming you have a high ankle sprain? Oh wait, sorry, forgot: Doctor Lynn Medicine Woman knows all. Claims to have talked to her PCP (sure) and that everything she's experiencing is normal and that what she's doing for her ankle is "perfect". Well, hell, we can hang that one right up on the bullshit hatrack with the "perfect" bloodwork. Whatever. You just know Hamber went to WebMD looking for ankle sprains and came away with "high ankle sprain" as one that takes longer to heal. Tell us, DLMW, which ligaments specifically does a high ankle sprain involve, above the ankle but below the knee? And tell us again how exactly you know you have torn any ligaments at all, considering you're too godamned fat for an MRI? How long will it take your shit to heal? Maybe about the same amount of time it takes your MG,W, to get her ass back to KY so you can have her there 24/7, I bet.
Answers a question about her terrible writing, and if she would consider explaining i to everyone. Says she might like to rewrite it, since she's such a better writer now than she was, and then explaining it. Says her old crap is cringey. Your writing sucks. Some people simply are not meant to be writers. And since you never read anything challenging, sticking to your trauma porn, terrible "celebrity" poetry, and "hi, lesbian" graphic novels, your writing will never improve. She then repeats this answer three times. Pad that video, gorl.
Someone asks if she would consider sharing more about her oh so traumatic childhood. No, people will twist it and make up conspiracies, blah blah. No one really give a shit about your childhood bullshit.
Upper body workouts in bed? LOL. As if she would.
Admit your weight may not have been the cause of your fall but contributed to the severity of the injury? Proceeds to lecture the questioner on why her weight didn't cause the fall. Yes, it did, Hamber. If you didn't take up the entire fucking sidewalk and didn't have to waddle, you wouldn't have fallen except on purpose. I'm not entertaining her shit on this. Skipping what is no doubt her repeating the same "NO, HAYDURRRR!" response four times.
At the tail end of this, she claims to be more than her weight, and that one of the most common ways people injure their ankles is by stepping of a curb, implying this is what she did. No, bitch, you're not stepping off a fucking curb in your "I fell" snip. You're clearly walking on a sidewalk. I'm surprised not to have seen anyone call her out on this. Also, if you're going to make claims, Fatty, get your citations together.
"A lot of you just look at me as a fat, morbidly obese, lazy ass bitch."
"There's more to me than just my weight." No, sadly, there isn't. You'd be a lot more entertaining if there were.
"I could very well have been injured because my shoes were unstable."
Might one say.....you wore the wrong shoes?
"My animals are so loving and so obsessed with me."
Nope.
"Will we ever get couple content."
Tries to justify trying to hide her MG,W, claiming that "haydur nation" has treated her terribly.
"I protect the people that I love."
Really? By making clickbait titles that have enough information for you to dox your MG,W, then identifying her in a livestream chat? That kind of protection? Filming Becky when she was a zombie? That kind of protection? Filming Destiny in the shower, on the toilet? That kind of protection? Constantly shoving a camera in Krystle's face even though she didn't want to be on camera, or trying to catch her sitting on the toilet? That kind of protection?
Go fuck yourself.
Says "everyone who meets" MamaMeth loves her. I'm sure your grandmother and that service dog your mother abused would not agree.
"Are you planning to get lymphedema surgery?"
Blathers on and on about how surgery is invasive - thanks, Captain Obviouslynn - talks about massages. Whatever. Whoever asked that: don't take any advice she sprinkles through her word salads. She's too scurred or too broke to do much about it at this point.
The fact that lymphedema is not curable is just "crazy" to her, you guise! You mean like virtually all cancers are not curable? Tons of viruses and conditions are not curable? Type 1 diabeetus is not curable? I'm beginning to think DoctorLynn Medicine Woman may be a fake, y'all.
Claims to have a "close friend" who had lymphedema surgery, but of course still has to deal with it. No, you don't have a close friend who did this. You have no close friends. Stop trying to jam your fantasies into everyone else's lives, bitch. Note: the questioner said her boyfriend was considering surgery for his lymphedema, so of course Hamber has to one up that, by talking about an imaginary friend.
Once again, she's "being referred" to a lymphedema specialist. JFC, how many referrals does this make this year? Four?
"Evey doctor I see knows what lymphedema is, but they don't knoooow." (Emphasis hers.)
They know you're a gigantic fatass with lymphedema there's no way to cure you of. Good job, Hamber, casting your disdain over them, as if they should know everything, intimately, about every condition that afflicts the human body and how to cure it. Once again: GFY.
She wants to "know everything about lymphedema". Really? You haven't had the time or means in the past decade to do the same sort of rigorous research into this subject as you did on Optavia?
"Does the idea of losing the weight and maintaining the weight loss scare you?"
Duh, of course it does. She's scurred of everything. "I sometimes have these moments where every single day for the rest of my life, I have to choose to be on track." Blah blah blah. She seems to think that one day, as if by magic, everything will just "CLICK" like the sound of the seatbelt she doesn't wear would make if she wore it, and she won't have to think about not demolishing a diner platter of orange chicken followed by two pints of Ben & Jerry's. Doesn't work that way, Fatty, so allow me to answer that questioner.
Hello, questioner: alas, the premise of your question is flawed. She will never lose the weight, and thus has nothing to fear about loss of it. Thank you for allowing me to guest-answer your question.
Copyright striking channels. Pretends she don't know nothin' about filin' dem strikes, Miz Scarlett!
"Have you been recognized in public and how did that go?"
Claims she has been recognized easily over a hundred times, and that they always start the same way, with someone asking her if she is Amberlynn from YT, or is she on YT, that they always hug her, sometimes take a picture, and sometimes ask for her autograph. Throws her mother and her MG,W into the mix as allegedly having witnessed this, to try to bolster this entire mountain of horseshit. Nobody is asking for your autograph, and they're certainly not hugging you, because you fucking stink. You're a pathological liar, so you can sit there and tell us that despite this huge number of people who have recognized you, not a single picture of any such meeting has ever made it online. The rest of us live in reality and know this is just more shit you've written to yourself to answer, and you think your life is some kind of Hallmark or Lifetime movie. In some demented hellscape maybe, but not here.
Thankfully, she finally shuts the fuck up about her little fantasy of fawning admirers and the video ends. Once again, no outro. You have nothing to do because you've decided to lay on your ass while your "ankle injury" heals. Edit your fucking videos.
TL;DW/R: Hamber lies about fans just lining up to see her, tries yet another story for her dangling foot injury, will never do workouts in bed for her upper body, although she claims to have thought about it. Says her PCP that she totally has, guise, told her she's doing everything "perfect" to treat her ankle. Answers a question about lymphedema treatment as if she knows anything about it. Is generally more boring than usual, because she's choosing to be bedbound. Claims she's protecting her MG,W, by not having her on camera, because she "protects the ones she loves", just like she protected Becky, Destiny, and Krystle by shoving the camera in their faces at embarrassing or unwanted times. No intro, no outro, sub-20 minutes. The End.
- Joined
- Jul 18, 2022
The hair thing is new in the last year or so. It's annoying. She started it to be quirky and now it's a nasty ass habit.
Little kids start doing that and biting nails as stimming behavior. Parents do shitty things to their kids to stop this instead of working with occupational therapy to help. Lots of smacking involved.
Jade start smacking your bitches hands.
Don't worry guize. It's her mentuhls
Little kids start doing that and biting nails as stimming behavior. Parents do shitty things to their kids to stop this instead of working with occupational therapy to help. Lots of smacking involved.
Jade start smacking your bitches hands.
Don't worry guize. It's her mentuhls
- Joined
- Dec 16, 2019
Amber pissing off the trigger warning babies is the most amusing thing she's done all year.
- Joined
- Mar 23, 2022
Guess I’m lucky. My doctor did my endoscopy and colonoscopy at the same time so I wouldn’t have to deal with the bullshit twice. I was a human fucking shis-kabob there for a minute, but I’m all for a convenient two for one special! Good luck Sitch!I hear ya. Had mine on Monday. Hard to watch people ‘weekend eating’ whilst I had to drink litres of lemon-flavoured prep every couple of hours. But, got the all-clear, so I’m sure you will too
Also, Amber is fat and I wouldn’t have sex with her (and apparently neither will anybody else).
- Joined
- Oct 26, 2018
He used to sling more shit Amber's way which was entertaining. He became insufferable when he jumped on the retarded non-binary bandwagon, started coloring his hair, and got FAT. Now his just another self righteous gender blob.
- Joined
- Apr 18, 2021
Yea but he's not amber.
- Joined
- Feb 20, 2019
Me too. Welcome to being old as fuck, I guess.
I think it's hilarious that Fat Albert lets the "haters" get to her so much that she quits whatever hobbies she has. Most people don't give a shit what other people think, even if they are tard-level arts and crafts, because it makes them happy and fuck anyone who makes fun of them. I'm 100% fine with this dummy marinating in her disgusting bed, eating everything she can get her beetus paws on and making her girlfriend, Jade Francis, formerly of New York, clean her ass and fetch her DoorDash.
- Joined
- Oct 26, 2018
Whatever, he's Amber adjacent.
Amber is a FAT lying lazy cunt of a woman who overcooks everthing she makes and I would not have sex with her. Happy?
- Joined
- Apr 18, 2021
Not particularly but that's because I'm grumpy. But Im glad you have standards.
- Joined
- Sep 18, 2021
So glad we’re back!
And chiming in late to add another fall to our list: the infamous two and a half somersaults with a half twist she performed into Lake Flotsam—while holding Twinkie, no less. U. S. Gold medalist Laura Wilkinson, on her best day, could only dream of this level of execution.
And chiming in late to add another fall to our list: the infamous two and a half somersaults with a half twist she performed into Lake Flotsam—while holding Twinkie, no less. U. S. Gold medalist Laura Wilkinson, on her best day, could only dream of this level of execution.
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2019
I hope they don't settle with that grifter.
Holy shit, I had forgotten about her. Broke her damn foot, and stormed back from 8th place to take the gold. Her final dive was about as perfect as it gets. Fitting.
Meanwhile, Fatty has her shelf ass planted in bed, watching shitty reality tv and every reaction channel, reading every forum, stuffing her fat face with snacky cakes, whining about "all the mobility" that she's lost.
Go fuck yourself, Hamber. Stop whining. Start doing.**
**LOL. I do crack myself up sometimes.
- Joined
- Oct 2, 2021
Since Amber gets to bitch and moan about her fall I need asspats for waking up with a charlie horse last week and how TRAUMATIZING it was half asleep and having to get up and how it was the worst couple of days in my entire life
- Joined
- Mar 20, 2018
Do you think Amber got this one and it prompted her to make Becky sell her advent calendar (and also break up with her and end their engagement, etc)?
Did anyone else catch Amber saying in her timeline of events that she texted Jade Francis and then got up? But in the video she obviously picks the phone up from above off the ground. Hmm...
Last edited:
- Joined
- Aug 15, 2022
The embellishment of Amber's projected reality is directly proportional to how much time has passed since the first version of the story was told.
Polystyrene Glioblastoma
It's funny because it's true! - Trudy Wiegel
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Oct 20, 2018
Summed up perfectly. Amberlynn definitely plots on those in her sphere. Jade seems a bit more resilient to ALR's bullshit tactics than Becky was, but that doesn't mean she's impervious (Ala muh ankle, food delivery, and Lord knows what they've fought about). Remember when Amberlynn threw a giant pity party for herself when Jade visited her family in NY during the Holidays of 2021? Tantrums and guilt blaming are Amber's backup plan to get her way.
Amberlynn's character has went through many arcs, eras, and completed circles around her cycle. I've noticed since Jade came along, AL sure does love letting stage three boil before she explodes in manipulation for victim points; Likely to make Jade complacent and get asspats. The cycle hasn't changed all that much over the years, though.
low sodium
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Feb 25, 2020
Mook the bang
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Feb 16, 2021
Removed link as ninjad
Providing photographic evidence of a gap between the grass and sidewalk and her walkeen shoes. Collating evidence to make a claim I wonder?!
We also get to find out that she uses her bed for sleeping and making lurrrve. Yum
Providing photographic evidence of a gap between the grass and sidewalk and her walkeen shoes. Collating evidence to make a claim I wonder?!
We also get to find out that she uses her bed for sleeping and making lurrrve. Yum
- Joined
- Feb 6, 2021
god even 4 minutes is an eternity I don't know how @Situation Type Deal Gorl can take the full thing. I am honestly questioning why I started following Amber because this ain't it.
If Jade gets that settlement I can bet she's gone within a day or two.
If Jade gets that settlement I can bet she's gone within a day or two.
Imsohot117
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jun 10, 2021
hamber is acting like she fucking sustained major injuries i’ve never seen someone so over dramatic over a foot sprain. I literally almost broke my ankle and sprained it and i was able to walk normally in about a week