No lie reaches old age. - Sophocles
Hamber's lies barely last ten minutes. - Me
gifts I got my girlfriend, doctors appointment, & opening up about something... vlog 10 - August 18, 2022
Hamber pulled her usual stunt, doing/saying something reprehensible then hiding out for a couple of days, waiting for the storm to blow over, then pops up again and, as usual, completely ignores the shitstorm she began. I really do hope Becky has the balls to put together a coherent narrative of what happened in those four years she was stuck with Fat Ham, and in particular, the "cancer" year.
Hey, guise.
Grrr.
They are "exchanging gifts", it is so totally not an anniversary of this new MG,W who is not the same as the old MG,W. That would be crazytalk. They haven't even even together a year in the amberverse!
Of course we have to see what Hamber bought her MG,W. What's the point of buying shit for no reason (wink wink) if you can't flex about it? Shorts from somewhere I've never heard of and don't care enough to go look up. "She really enjoys color blocking stuff, so..." So you bought her khaki with a light green block? Truly, you put tons of thought into that one. Let me guess: it was the first pair of shorts on the site when you went to order some.
Ooh, another pair. Khaki and blood. Whee. "definitely her style." Green sweatpants doesn't exactly scream "style" but whatever you say, Hamber. "Well, her style is kind of...variety." You mean like every other person on the face of the planet who doesn't make themselves to be arbiters of haute couture? Maybe if you got out into the world more instead of siting on your shelf ass all day every day watching "influencers" on social media....haha. Kidding! We know you can't and won't.
Brown Jordans. Sigh. Listen, Hamber. I know you don't understand this, but just because someone says "I like XYZ." does not mean they need every single color, design, and type of XYZ. It's like finding out someone likes, I dunno, eagles, and then buying them pins and stationery and shirts and posters and shotglasses andandand, all with eagles on them, for every single holiday and birthday and anniversary. Instead of all that shit, you could buy them something special. Like a trip somewhere to go eagle spotting. Or to a rehab facility to work with injured eagles. That would be thoughtful and mean a lot more than a ton of physical junk that keeps expanding to fill every nook and cranny in the house.
Some kind of skin crap, and come ON, hurry up, this is boring. Origami paper. "She likes to make, I think they're called craaaaanes? Drains?" I refuse to believe that even Hamber is this totally fucking stupid. Oh hey, another identifying feature of MG,W, aka Jade Francis of NYC, currently hiding out and residing in Lexington, KY: a tattoo of a crane. Thanks, Fat Ham! "I wanted to give that to her. My way of saying 'I listen to you, baby'." Really? By not knowing that they're cranes and not drains? Sure, Fatty.
I will say: I have no idea what it is with adult coloring books. The only times I've colored as an adult have been with kids, helping keeping them entertained or occupied. LOL. A horror tattoo coloring book. Hope there aren't any ghosts in there. Oops, can't say "ghosts" around sensitive, scared MG,W.
Electronic coffee warmer. Hamber acts as if she's never seen a hotplate of any sort before. She thinks it's cool for "someone who likes technology". It's a fucking mug warmer, Hamber. It isn't rocket science.
A teaball and some "bomb ass tea". You don't even drink tea, Hamber. What the fuck do you know about tea varietals, the terroir where they're grown, or hell, even where the places they are grown on a map?
She's so nervous about giving gifts, because "what if they don't like them" and in the next breath, pats herself on the fupa for being a good gift giver. Whatever. You try to buy peoples' love because you're incapable of loving anyone but yourself.
YOU ARE NOT BIPOLAR YOU FUCKING CUNT. There's more to it than the stuff you're pulling off wikipedia or WebMD than being "super high" and "low, depressed" and you really, really piss me off with this bullshit. Blaming her nonexistent bipolar for not turning on the camera to film. Also bullshit. We know exactly why you didn't film: you tried to slough off your inability to take responsibility for your own health on Becky, and you thought people would beat her up about it instead of you.
You DO NOT hate talking about yourself, your narcissistic behemoth. you are your favorite subject. You attention whored your way into the spotlight by INTENTIONALLY pulling your "cancer" shit when Becky wanted to be with her mom who was actually - or, to use your fucking crutch word, ACTIVELY - dying. Skip me with this shit about how you're depressed and unmotivated and blaming it on a condition you absolutely do not have.
You hate showing your life right now because you do not have one. You live in your stank apartment with a "gf" who isn't, stuffing your goddamned face and mindlessly consuming reality tv. She "doesn't want to trigger anyone" oh fuck off, like you give a single shit about how anything affects anyone other than you. You didn't care how you were barking at Becky to go get food or to haul your giant fat ass around while she was basically sleepwalking and you sure as fuck don't care if anyone who watches you is "triggered" by anything.
She took another fucking ten days off. Most people don't get to take every other goddamned week off from their job, even if they're self employed. I sure don't, and I have actual employees. Aw, Hamber was "super low" from her muh mentalz. You know what would help that? First, stop fucking lying about what muh mentalz you actually have, which I'd peg at generalized anxiety and maybe - MAYBE - depression. I would bet if you stopped being a lazy goddamned pig (no offense to real pigs, which are both more intelligent and more industrious than Fat Ham) both of those would improve and/or disappear completely.
Claims to be talking to her psychiatrist and imaginary psychologist and to be taking her meds and I'm gonna to nope that, too. Stop getting all your goddamned information off Wiki and WebMD, bitch. I'm not going to indulge your pity party.
Tells us that if we "feel like" she's skipping some days in filming - more bullshit victim-couched language - it's because she "can't physically pick up" the camera, and yeah, fuck off with that. You don't because your life IS BORING AS FUCK. Get some hobbies that don't involve sitting on your ass. Stop fishing for pity and asspats. They ain't coming.
Zoned out on more of the "Poor me, bipolar" junk. I had to put her all the way to 2x speed. I usually get through them at 1.5x, since I basically live react without stopping, if possible, typing while she's blathering on. I can't decide if it's just because she's fucking stupid and has to really concentrate on stringing words together or if it's a deliberate tactic to stretch the videos out.
It's now a couple of days later, and miraculously, she feels all better now. Wonder why that could be, hmm.
WASH YOUR NASTY, GREASY FUCKING HAIR, BITCH.
Nobody cares about your fucking sleep. you've complained about it for years. Either get it addressed by going to a fucking doctor or shut the fuck up about it. There is NOTHING in your life that prevents you from getting sleep but your fucking fatness.
Finally going to drop off her performative donation to the shelter. Sure, whatever. Her MG,W has been "super busy". At least she has a job, allegedly.
Her MG,W get her a Telfar bag, and also earrings, should she wear those? Hamber's just "so tired", guise. FROM WHAT?
We really, really do not need the waddling shots of the floor.
Back from the alleged doctor visit. Her MG,W got her a bunch of flowers. Stuneeeeeeen. You know, I think baby's breath flowers smell putrid. Another reason for me to dislike Hamber: she loves it. Here's another handy bit of knowledge for you, Fat Ham. The entire baby's breath plant, including the flowers, are toxic. Not like you care, since you insist on using all those things you burn or spray to keep the stank at bay in the "luxery" apartment, but just a note.
Upped the Ozempic dosage, and I don't think it will be long now, gorls, before we get a quitting Ozempic arc!
Nothing like a new health thing to distract from a different crisis of your own making! Has a lump under an arm that is making it swell (how the fuck could you tell?) and turn red. Scheduling an ultrasound and getting referred to a lymphedema doctor - were you not already referred to one by the outpatient center, Hamber? Guess your MG,W didn't FORCE you to follow through on that, eh? How caring. How so very supportive.
Once again, no outro. Lazy, lazy, lazy.
TL;DW/R: Back down below 20 minutes on the video after her brief hiatus to hide from the stupid shit she said in her IG Q&As. Buys a bunch of crap for her MG,W that is definitely not, no way, no how, anniversary gifting, because this is definitely not, no way, no how, the same MG,W as the other MG,W from last year. I'd give her points if her lies were at least entertaining, but they're just stupid.
Says she is bipolar (no, you are not) and hasn't been filming because wah, depressed.
Goes to the doctor, allegedly, because of a lump under her arm. Says she will have an ultrasound and is being referred to a lymphedema specialist, just like she claimed the outpatient place was referring her to one. We'll see how much her MG,W cares and how supportive she is about "forcing" Hamber to go - you know, unlike Becky, who just shrugged off Fat Ham's "cancer" when Hamber suddenly, after two years, and coincidentally, at the exact same time Becky's mother was dying of cancer, decided maybe she should have her "bleeding to death" from her dainty period hole checked out.
Literally, that's it. The End.
I havent heard that one before but fuck thats accurate!!
