Alcoholism Support Thread - Down the hatch

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⋖ cørdion ⋗ said:
I've got nothing going on, so drinking isn't gonna screw anything up.
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Then get some structure. Add some responsibilities. Get hobbies so you have a reason to get up at 6 AM on a Saturday. It's a better life than putzing around a bottle every Friday. There's meaning out there that can make you less miserable, but you have to grab it. It won't come up and bite you in the ass.
 
dick brain said:
I'll dispute this. Drinking certainly helped me mitigate PTSD symptoms for a long time, which in turn enabled me to be sociable enough to cultivate a support network. It served a real purpose, and while the consequences have probably been a net loss in aggregate, they were delayed in such a way that there was a period where my life really was better because of drinking. Until it wasn't.

I'm usually a big fan of epigrams and pithiness but in the context of sobriety I think they too often oversimplify something that's already frequently oversimplified. If it was that simple, people wouldn't do it.
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This is how most addictions start. Your drug of choice starts out genuinely improving your life, until you no longer get the same effect from it any more and your entire existence begins revolving around it.
 
⋖ cørdion ⋗ said:
And success stories like this make me feel even more hopeless about it because these people have alcohol ruin an already stimulating life. I've got nothing going on, so drinking isn't gonna screw anything up. There's a healthy challenge in going sober for the hardship of it sure, but I just see no reason to struggle through it, just so I can wake up 6am saturday morning and do nothing. I know that once you're sober for a month in a row it doesn't even cross your mind, but the darkness of winter and issues at work ain't putting me in that healthy mindset required to push through. If I obligated myself to a sports club on sundays and an event or outing every saturday, I'd prefer that. Shit it's probably what I need in life, but I prefer being miserable right now.
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This post could've been written by me two years ago. Well, maybe with the level of drinking you're discussing, 10 years ago. Alcohol didn't ruin an already stimulating life, it kept me from taking even the first step towards building one. I was going to meetings half-heartedly, trying to string along more than a week of sober time and relapsing constantly, constantly making that exact comparison. I was aware that the life I was living, slacking off/cheating my way through work and otherwise spending all my time nursing a drink and staying home was no life at all, but when I was in the rooms I just kept thinking "these people had lives alcohol ruined, I can't even build one worth ruining" and assumed I was beyond their help.

I wasn't. And I ultimately did choose to prefer being miserable over what I needed in life. I was utterly defeated by my addiction. I went to rehab mostly because I was too exhausted to think of a way to kick my sister out of the house when she came to stage an intervention.

Your drinking habits as outlined in your post history aren't what pegs you as an addict in my mind, but your thought process. And if you're thinking this way about it when the question is whether you drink too much on a Friday or get up at 6am and do nothing, I can only tell you that it's a progressive illness.
 
⋖ cørdion ⋗ said:
social isolation
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On days where nobody is reaching out to me, and I have no desire to reach out to anyone, and I have no plans and no ideas on what to fill a day with... those are the dangerous days for me. What can I do on those lonely days that will make me feel differently? Drinking is an absolute solution to that problem. I can go to one of one hundred nearby establishments where there's a possibility to make a friend for an evening to share in the misery, so long as I stick around and order drinks for a few hours. Or rush in and out of a liquor store and let the booze brain do the entertaining while I secretly drink in my own house.

I don't have an answer on what exactly to do during those times, especially when the weather at this time of year makes it unappealing to simply go for a long walk. But days like those are a symptom of many strung together days of not really challenging myself, either socially or mentally. That's a perfect day to spend many hours working on a skill, or reading something new, or doing a chore that I've been putting off, or reaching out to someone and seeing what they are up to. The longer I go without frequent contact with other people, or without challenging myself in an area where I might fail, the harder it is to get back on that horse. It's hard the first time you work out any muscle, it gets easier once you start stringing days together.

I don't personally have "best friends" or guys I hang out with consistently, but I have plenty of family or guys I can call or text to catch up with once in a while. It brings me out of that lonely mindset. But I have to "force" myself to go to social events (AA meetings are great when there's nothing else) where I get there a little early, leave a little late, and try to interact where I can. It's tough, I'm more practiced in being alone than I am being a social butterfly, but it's better than being alone.
 
Jerk Sausage said:
On days where nobody is reaching out to me, and I have no desire to reach out to anyone, and I have no plans and no ideas on what to fill a day with... those are the dangerous days for me. What can I do on those lonely days that will make me feel differently?
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Jerk Sausage said:
I don't have an answer on what exactly to do during those times
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Keep going to meetings. That's my suggestion, anyway. You don't get close relationships or good habits by osmosis. You have to build them.
 
Hey Johnny Bravo said:
Keep going to meetings. That's my suggestion, anyway. You don't get close relationships or good habits by osmosis. You have to build them.
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Yeah, the idle times are when you want to marinate in the program. And the best thing about meetings is you don't have to go out there and be Mr. Social Butterfly at them to get started. People want to talk to the newcomer at meetings. Proximity is its own form of exposure.

Like, I'm an awkward fuck who sucks at making small talk. It's a defect I'm struggling with right now as I try to find sponsees. But when I got out of rehab I took a service position at any of my meetings I enjoyed. Cleaning up at one, handing out keytags at another. And that both a) took away an excuse to skip out on a meeting (nobody there really knows me, I won't be missed, etc etc addicts are fucking professionals at rationalizing not doing something) and b) gave me enough exposure to people that the close relationships started to happen without me getting scared off or turning every social interaction into a job interview.
 
Getting a service position at a meeting is an excellent way to stay close to AA, meet people, and learn.
 
I've been to two meetings now.

With an admittedly small sample size, it seems like there are a couple of main types of alcoholics:

1. The absolute balls-to-the-wall out-of-control party person who gets up there and says: "I was stealing dirt bikes and fucking a different slutty girl every night and getting kicked out of bars and I met some of my best drinking buds at the classes for my five DUIs and I didn't even care that my last ten breakups all involved a furious woman throwing dishes at me and it was a great time until..."

vs.

2. The sad sack who drinks because they're lonely, bored, and depressed. Probably an introvert, possibly spectrumy, where booze allows them to deal with other people in a less painful way, but the booze itself becomes their best drinking bud.

vs.

3. My dad was an angry drunk and I'm an angry drunk and I am scared for my kids.

Even though I am generally a happy and amiable drunk, I have to admit that I'm a little jealous of the first kind, even though the bottoming out often involves serious jail time.

But I will say that one thing I can see the appeal of for meetings is that it's a bunch of people who are glad you're there and who accept you as you are.
 
this weekend i got fucking trashed and some fucking cunt that i tought i was my friend fucking stole from me and i was so fucked up that i knew she was lying and couldnt do anything. in two weeks time i have already booked my vacations and then i will fucking stop
 
After 30+ years and probably half a million dollars I finally quit.
It's been more than 30 days so I'm comfortable talking about it without feeling like I'll jinx it.
I made it through NYE and a lunch with my semi-estranged dad without a drink, so I'm feeling ok. Would love a whiskey, but also don't want to open that particular door again.
It is kinda ugly to remember all the things I did when I was drinking, but at least they mostly involved folly, not fistfights.
 
Frostnipped Todger said:
After 30+ years and probably half a million dollars I finally quit.
It's been more than 30 days so I'm comfortable talking about it without feeling like I'll jinx it.
I made it through NYE and a lunch with my semi-estranged dad without a drink, so I'm feeling ok. Would love a whiskey, but also don't want to open that particular door again.
It is kinda ugly to remember all the things I did when I was drinking, but at least they mostly involved folly, not fistfights.
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Congrats, man. Welcome back to the land of the living.
 
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