Act like your avatar! - Aka the official RP

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The larp... it's so strong!
Seriously don't read this. I couldn't help myself. It's Christmas!

Date: 12-19-2020
Place: Prison dungeon of notorious tech wizard Wraith. Living room.
Time: 6:28 pm
NOTE - All the various sentient monsters under the command of tech wizard Wraith are relaxing in the living room. The lower level 'disposable' monsters are roaming the halls of levels 3 and 4 to kill heroes. Hey, it's the Christmas season!

Denzel the kobold: "It's really nice of you to spend to much time with us out here, lord."
Wraith (aka Hot Cloak McGee): "You guys aren't normal monsters. You work hard, you play hard... I just thought I should hang out with you on a regular basis."
Denzel: "It's still nice though. No normal master would spend time with their summons. I mean you even have the creeping coins here."
Wraith: "What am I supposed to do with them? Creeping coins are not very powerful monsters, but these guys got kill records so long they leveled up to be able to take on that Ghaleon guy from that Data East game. So whatcha playin'?"
Denzel: "That Goldeneye nintendo game you bought for us."
Wraith: "Pirated. Pirated. Don't insult me by inferring me as a customer."
Denzel: "Sorry, lord."
Vandal (Lord class warrior): "Wraith, do you smell that?"
*we look around trying to place the smell, even the creeping coins look perturbed and they have no face*
Macho (Ninja): "Smells like nasty wet fur."
All nine kobolds: "HEY?!"
Macho: "Present company excepted. You guys take care of yourself."
Lucinda (succubus): "Yeah you guys are the only kobolds in history who smells like a lilac bouquet. ... Boss, this is a nasty smell."
Dennis Lone (Chief Lord warrior): "A familiar smell."
*audio is silent except the sound of the background music on the paused video game*
Suddenly at that moment Wraith looks over to the nine lord, who were engaged in various recreational activities. They share a knowing look.
Dennis Lone: "Oh no."
Wraith: "We're in trouble."
Denzel: "What is it?"
Vandal: "Where is it? ... It's above us, isn't it?"
Lucinda: "Now wait, that's a ventilation shaft. It's really small. You have to remove blocks just to get to it. Only creeping coins and bubbling slimes, things that small can really get through it comfortably."
*Wraith looks at Dennis Lone knowingly*
Wraith and Dennis together: "Ceiling fox."
Macho: "Oh for [REDACTED]'s sake!"
Wraith: "I'd tell you to watch your language, but we have a real problem here."
Lucinda: "Can a ceiling fox really get through that small of a space?"
Wraith: "If they're flat enough and determined enough, they can."
Vandal: "Well there goes Christmas."
Denzel: "Do you think it odd that we're magical summon monsters and we celebrate a Christian holiday?"
Macho: "We're larping here. Shut up."
Vandal: "What do we do?"
*Wraith pauses for a moment and then slowly builds up to a nod*
Wraith: "I have a plan. Denzel, I need your help. Go and get something from the freezer to eat, and- *whispers*"
Denzel: "Should I get some hot dogs?"
Wraith: "No! Go for those left over chicken tendies we have. Nobody liked those. Besides foxes can't handle nitrates or some such."
Macho: "Nuggets all the way, broh."

*10 minutes later*
Location: Level 4 dungeon kitchen and grill. (They make great hamburgers there, but invite only.)
Denzel (in falsetto): "Oh I am so very hungry after that hard day of spamming leet kills against noobs! I'm glad I have something to eat!"
*sound of microwave number nine goes off*
Denzel: "I am so glad this is done! Let me put this and my complimentary mugs of hot chocolate and cocoa down to cool off as I go to the bathroom right quick!"
*Denzel leaves the room*
Kitchen is empty and quiet.
*2 minutes later*
A ceiling block falls to the floor narrowly missing a countertop and a dirty fox girl wearing a green tunic that looks stolen off of an old video game plops down to the floor hard. With yellow fur, this emaciated thin creature takes a couple of moments to recover from the drop. Once shaking out the force of the impact and losing a few HP, she looks up and sees the meal. A couple of different delightful sauces are left near a heaping pile of chicken nuggets. Two mugs of steaming winter beverages wait consumption.
The little chicken thief grabs a nugget and immediately tries it to her delight when:
Lucinda: "Get her!"
And the kitchen is swarmed from all sides to keep the ceiling fox from escaping.

*56 minutes later*
Lucinda: "You owe us for this."
Wraith looks at her incredulously. She looks away ashamed at his gaze. He walks over to meet her gaze and she looks away again. He moves a third time and she relents.
Lucinda: "Okay, okay. It was something we're supposed to do anyway, but you don't know how hard she fought us."
Macho: "Took all nine of you to bathe the little thing?"
Lucinda: "She maybe small, but she's energetic and hates water." She looks down at the little beast and says, "She hates getting clean."
Denzel looks her over. The ceiling fox is wearing a left over leather armor some hero "dropped" after he was "dropped"L during combat months ago. the blood and entrails were cleaned off of it a long time ago. She looks up at the dog dismissively, then with scorn. Her hands are tied behind her back, and her legs are tied together as well.
Ceiling fox: "Let me guess, a jack russel terrier kobold?"
Wraith: "Permission granted to smack her across the room."
After she was dragged back to the center of the room with a bloody face, she looks at the monster she initially thought was low level with fearful respect, a reverence if you would. The far wall has a dent where she once traveled.
Denzel: "That was back handed."
Wraith: "After that hit you should have what, 2, maybe 3 hit points left?"
Ceiling fox: "I have nine, than you!"
The assembled group 'ooohs' her proclamation with fake approval and fake being impressed.
Macho: "You should be able to take on what, two, maybe three bubbling slimes with that set up."
Dennis Lone eyes her angrily: "Child, what are you doing here?"
Wraith and Lucinda as well as four of the nine succs: "That's no child."
Dennis Lone: "How can you tell."
Lucinda: "We know old women when we see them."
Wraith: "Spoiled Christmas cake has a smell." He looks down at the fox, "What are you doing here?"
Ceiling fox: "I smelled chicken."
Vandal: "You were here before Denzel cooked the chicken."
Denzel: "Don't tell her my name!"
Vandal: "W-why?"
Denzel: "She'll only get it dirty."
Ceiling fox spits at Denzel.
Wraith: "Permission granted. Leave her one hit point left."

*48 minutes later*
Ceiling fox wakes up. She finds herself draped on a wooden frame.
Ceiling fox: "What did you do to me?"
She finds herself... decorated.
Wraith: "She's awake, guys."
Macho: "Goody. Her mouth smells almost as much as the rest of her did."
Lucinda: "We're out of mutt mouthwash. The coins like bathing in it for some reason."
Wraith: "So that's why they smell like a winter wind."
Ceiling fox: "What did you do to me?"
Wraith: "I kind of screwed up this year. I didn't take the Christmas tree out. I mean we have presents and all, but I just didn't feel like it this year."
Denzel: "So we decorated you."
Lucinda: "You should be proud. It's not every day a fox makes people happy for once. If you're a good tree, you can have some chicken too."
Ceiling fox looks away angrily, almost pouting.
Lucinda: "What were you doing here anyhow? You're barely alive. Assassinating boss is out of your ability."
Ceiling fox looks down for a while and soon depression comes across her face. "My travel group are all dead. I... I lead them here."
Wraith: "To take me out."
Ceiling fox: "We were working on it."
Wraith: "So what's the current excuse for my murder this week?"
Ceiling fox looks up at him quizzically. "You have red eyes."
Vandal gets angry: "That's it?! he has red eyes?"
Ceiling fox: "The bounty was really high, something like a million gold pieces and a special pill for growth!"
Dennis Lone: "Level growth?"
Macho: "Muscle growth?"
Denzel: "Speed growth?"
Vandal: "Intelligence growth?"
Lucinda and the succs guffaw. Lucinda: "Chest growth."
Ceiling fox: "Not everybody is like you! Some of us need help!"
Wraith (dispassionate): "Glorious. ... Vandal, take a trio of squads and look around for her friends' bodies. We might be able to sell the level 1 starter armor they all had for a bag of chicken or something."
Ceiling fox: "That is so crude!"
Wraith: "So is murder." *sighs* "So what now?"
Ceiling fox: "What now what?"
Wraith: "You going to try to kill me if we let you go?"
Ceiling fox: "Why would you... why would you let me go?"
Lucinda: "Uh oh. I feel it coming."
Dennis Lone: "Another mouth to feed."
Macho: "Maybe we can paint her white and red like a big candy cake and use her as bait to lure pedos. That is how she was able to fit in the ceiling, right?"
Lucinda: "Yeppers. Boss, you're not thinking of forgiving this idiot, are you?"
Ceiling fox: "I'm smarter than you. I'm a fox."
Lucinda: "All went to your brain and not your femininity I see. ... Boss?"
Wraith: "Let her be a tree for a while, feed her some nuggets, then give her some supplies and escort her out of the dungeon. ... You ever try to murder me again and I'll personally rip those tails right off of you. All nine of them."
Vandal & Lucinda and two lords: "You're letting her go?!"
Wraith: "This one has to live with the fact she led her friends to their deaths for stupid reasons. ... That's kind of hard. ... Do what I say. ... And someone put some tinsel on her. The tree looks barren around the top middle. It's Christmas."
*Angry fox noises*

THIS HAS BEEN WRAITH THEATER, PRODUCTION COMPANY 1: LEVEL 4 PRODUCTIONS IN ASSOCIATIONS WITH LARPING INDUSTRIES AND NINJA CROWBOTICS.
 
Hey anybody wanna play contra? *pulls it out, blows on, it pops it in the nes...it glitches out* "Ok....how bout a video? i got phantasm II, The Thing, The Fly, Hell...oops i mean...heck raiser. Anyone?
 
Well at least I got to enjoy the holidays before I get executed!
 
But I'm already batshit insane and have to take a bunch of pills to be stable
 
Let me help some of you inspiring summoners / tech mages out about monsters. You see, after a while you get to have an appreciation for the more intelligent monsters, the ones that respond to you and do what you will. You reward them. You get to- treasure them, and don't want to see them die by some loud ass level 15 fighter with a badge and a blue shield. FFS.

So having them around you put an investment in them, and you find ways to improve them on the regular, those that deserve it. The problem is that intelligent monsters tend to have... a soul, and things get weird after a while. So here's 13 ways laundry day becomes more interesting with your summoned monsters. These are things they never tell you about in the summoning books. Why 13? Because jews hate Jesus and His disciples, so there. [Angry tongue sticking out mage emoticon in black and red]

1. Succubi, kobolds and oddly creeping coins love fresh laundry straight out of the drier. I didn't even know coins had nerve endings.

2. Bubbling slimes loves freshly dried towels too, but this is dangerous. Get one on a towel and the towel is useless. (Worse than removing magic tech powered Velcro.)

3. Don't let the succs trick you with the warm clothes to cuddle. one things leads to another and... yeah. FOOL ME FOURTEEN TIMES, SUCCS, BUT NOT AGAIN!

4. If you have really big washing machines, always go item by item as you put them in the washer. Sometimes you find roaming fox girls stuck in the laundry for some reason. (Odd they never seem to drown even after the spin cycle. Always left with 1 HP. I think someone's cheating the system. At least the wet fox fur smells better with all the detergent.)

5. Same as 4, check your laundry for bubbling slimes and creeping coins. The coins will bang loudly against the side of the washer and if they're big enough damage the thing. Bubbling slimes tend to get washed away in the spin cycle and there goes your pipes. They are never going to tell you this, but a bubbling slime stuck in your pipes when winter comes along freezes, and pipes burst. Not fun.

6. If you find your socks going missing, always check your succs first. On more than one occasion they will try to bargain disgusting things like holding hands in public or whatever if they "find" your socks. Always have a hamper with your socks secured. Succs aren't good lock pickers. However they might make a deal with gremlins if they pay well enough.

7. Make a big deal about taking your kobold's stuffed animals and washing them with care, even to staying in the laundry room with them and watching them get clean. They get attached to the things rather quickly. This is true for dog kobolds, not so much the reptilian kind. And always use a second dose of fabric softener just for them. I know it's weird, but sometimes they will sneak one out when they go battle, and there is nothing like a group of "heroes" smelling a lilac bouquet moments before they become splattered across all four walls of the dungeon. Free turn of confusion by smell!

8. Ninjas must be constantly reminded to wear not only clean underwear, but to wear any underwear. They find it binding. Because of their athletic endeavors sometimes they have lots of close calls and take heavy damage, so whatever you do, don't humiliate them if you find brown or green or blue streaks in their draws. (The brown and green I understand, but I still can't track down what they're eating to make blue streaks. Are they eating jewish satanic national flags or smurfs or something?)

9. If you have a creeping coin that has done exceptionally well, don't feel bad in giving them a tiny little cape to help their evasion stat. Wash that cape just like everything else. It's odd, but you can inspire killer money to work for you harder. It takes money to make money. [Wraith emoticon sticking his tongue out at you]

10. Now this next one I actually learned years ago from Donald Trump of all people, before he become president. Some people try to sell used cars, but they don't give it a thorough once over and wash it and make it look as presentable as possible. Your resale value can really go up if something looks really well taken care of, even if it has a lot of miles on it.
So my suggestion is when you get a lot of cloth based equipment with splattered blood and guts from heroes on them, wash them thoroughly, several times if you have to. You might find it a chore, but you also have summons to help, those intelligent enough to handle laundry. When you resell that stock armor for a higher cost and are able to buy more fig bars, garlic bread and energy drinks with it, you'll thank me then.

11. Using water elementals for the washer isn't a good idea. Sure they can help in the shower, and even in some careful ways washing the dishes, but they can get dizzy too. And having a water elemental throwing up for half an hour because of a rough washing session isn't fun for anybody.

12. What do you do if your washer or drier breaks down? My suggestion isn't repairs right away. Determine through your gremlins if the repairs are easy and cheap. If they aren't, you're a summoner. What way to torment female heroes than having roaming bands of washers, driers and even dish washers in groups chasing after them in the dungeon corridors. It's hilarious as well. I'll bet that brand new cheap 25 gold long sword of yours with your female STR stat is really going to do a lot of HP damage against that metal, especially when you drape it in left over metal armor to boot. [Insert b-grade horror movie ideas here]
You can really get creative with this one.

13. It's a really good idea to plan to lock up your dungeon and disguise it after you do blanket washing day so no one bothers you all. With all those warm blankets and also sheets, you'll have scores of monsters that just want to cuddle up and sleep or watch funny cat videos or videos of heroes getting chopped to pieces on Mage Tube or something. Bake some cookies on those days. (Yes, you have to make some for the creeping coins too. They don't eat them. they just don't want to be left out.) Bring out the beverages of your choices and just enjoy the warm moments in winter. Maybe, really late at night, you'll hear your more disposable monsters just outside down in level 3 relieving your enemies of that nasty breathing problem they're trying to kick. You can tighten your warm blankie around yourself, and have a nice night for once gripping a hot cup of hot chocolate.
 
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