- Joined
- Dec 29, 2020
I have a female friend who's, in theory, perfect trad-wife material. She's 25-26 years old (unsure of the exact age), an ardent believer in Christ, having grown up in the church her father pastored. She is a fine cook, a great homemaker, and very, very sweet. There's no corruption or craziness whatsoever, and she is looking forward to being married and starting a family.
There's one problem though and it's a glaring one. She puts zero effort into her appearance, maybe even less than zero. She brushes her hair and has color-coordinated outfits, but that's about it.
Let it be known that I am not a woman who fusses with her appearance much at all. I don't look down on those who choose the natural approach. I don't wear makeup. I don't style my hair. I don't even have pierced ears... but I do try to make myself look appealing. She doesn't.
What am I talking about specifically? For starters, she was born with a condition where one of her eyes is way droopier than the other. I think it's called ptosis. It's whatever. It's kind of out of her control (I'm pretty sure there are corrective surgeries but you get the point).
She has a THICK unibrow which can be fixed easily. You try to avoid looking at the droopy eye and there's a big 'ole unibrow staring back at you. Based off that alone, you'd be right in assuming she doesn't manage the hair anywhere else on her body. One hot day, I saw the entirety of her calves and they were covered in long hairs.
Her teeth are crooked, bucked, jutting, and always look like they're covered in plaque. This is a big point of cringe for me. I don't know what's going on there. Maybe she doesn't brush her teeth? I haven't asked. It's a vulgar thing to say, but I highly doubt she keeps her pubic hair trimmed or shaves her asscrack, nor deliberately washes those places, if you cratch my drift.
She presents herself in a way that'd only attract creepy dudes, in my opinion. It's hard to describe, but nothing in her wardrobe is mature or flattering to her body. Very boxy, a step down from the Amish, shape-wise. She dresses like a modest 9-year-old girl.
You can absolutely be modest while coming off as an adult... I guess she doesn't realize that. You wouldn't believe she was a grown-up if you saw her, especially since she's shorter than me and I'm only five feet tall.
She's confused that guys ignore her and I truly think they're mistaking her for a kid half of the time. Being sheltered her whole life made her naive, mousy, and unable to hold a conversation. She looks and acts like a little kid.
I've tried very gently to tell her how she can attract male attention, where she could make broad improvements. Her response is always, "my mom says I don't have to change myself at all. If I have to change myself for a guy, then he's obviously not the right one."
Well, yeah... there's a big difference between maintaining your appearance and changing your personality to suit a guy. I've told her that too. She doesn't get it.
If it wasn't obvious, she's still living with her parents. They're basically hundred-year-old boomers and who seem unrealistic/deluded in this regard. Women in their day didn't have to compete with exposure to literal super models and porn stars.
I don't want to be mean or hurt her feelings but I'm woried about her. She so, so badly wants to have a boyfriend and get married. She's convinced God's gonna bring him to her any day now 'cause she's having "dreams" and old church ladies are telling her God's "preparing" her for a husband 'cause she's had to do more house work lately. But maybe a potential mate is already around, he just has a hard time getting past her appearance?
There's a single guy she has a massive crush on at church who she's known for years. He seems reasonably disinterested even though she checks all his boxes.
My Kiwi dudes, does this kind of stuff actually matter to you or am I being a huge superficial bitch? This is a genuine question. Is my concern unfounded? Would you take the trad-wife pill under these circumstances?
I don't think she'd extend the same no-effort courtesy to a boyfriend. She's into the clean-cut guys who dress well.
There's one problem though and it's a glaring one. She puts zero effort into her appearance, maybe even less than zero. She brushes her hair and has color-coordinated outfits, but that's about it.
Let it be known that I am not a woman who fusses with her appearance much at all. I don't look down on those who choose the natural approach. I don't wear makeup. I don't style my hair. I don't even have pierced ears... but I do try to make myself look appealing. She doesn't.
What am I talking about specifically? For starters, she was born with a condition where one of her eyes is way droopier than the other. I think it's called ptosis. It's whatever. It's kind of out of her control (I'm pretty sure there are corrective surgeries but you get the point).
She has a THICK unibrow which can be fixed easily. You try to avoid looking at the droopy eye and there's a big 'ole unibrow staring back at you. Based off that alone, you'd be right in assuming she doesn't manage the hair anywhere else on her body. One hot day, I saw the entirety of her calves and they were covered in long hairs.
Her teeth are crooked, bucked, jutting, and always look like they're covered in plaque. This is a big point of cringe for me. I don't know what's going on there. Maybe she doesn't brush her teeth? I haven't asked. It's a vulgar thing to say, but I highly doubt she keeps her pubic hair trimmed or shaves her asscrack, nor deliberately washes those places, if you cratch my drift.
She presents herself in a way that'd only attract creepy dudes, in my opinion. It's hard to describe, but nothing in her wardrobe is mature or flattering to her body. Very boxy, a step down from the Amish, shape-wise. She dresses like a modest 9-year-old girl.
You can absolutely be modest while coming off as an adult... I guess she doesn't realize that. You wouldn't believe she was a grown-up if you saw her, especially since she's shorter than me and I'm only five feet tall.
She's confused that guys ignore her and I truly think they're mistaking her for a kid half of the time. Being sheltered her whole life made her naive, mousy, and unable to hold a conversation. She looks and acts like a little kid.
I've tried very gently to tell her how she can attract male attention, where she could make broad improvements. Her response is always, "my mom says I don't have to change myself at all. If I have to change myself for a guy, then he's obviously not the right one."
Well, yeah... there's a big difference between maintaining your appearance and changing your personality to suit a guy. I've told her that too. She doesn't get it.
If it wasn't obvious, she's still living with her parents. They're basically hundred-year-old boomers and who seem unrealistic/deluded in this regard. Women in their day didn't have to compete with exposure to literal super models and porn stars.
I don't want to be mean or hurt her feelings but I'm woried about her. She so, so badly wants to have a boyfriend and get married. She's convinced God's gonna bring him to her any day now 'cause she's having "dreams" and old church ladies are telling her God's "preparing" her for a husband 'cause she's had to do more house work lately. But maybe a potential mate is already around, he just has a hard time getting past her appearance?
There's a single guy she has a massive crush on at church who she's known for years. He seems reasonably disinterested even though she checks all his boxes.
My Kiwi dudes, does this kind of stuff actually matter to you or am I being a huge superficial bitch? This is a genuine question. Is my concern unfounded? Would you take the trad-wife pill under these circumstances?
I don't think she'd extend the same no-effort courtesy to a boyfriend. She's into the clean-cut guys who dress well.
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