I hope Phil gets mauled by a poodle, a big French poodle not a little miniature one and I hope it does serious damage to him and tears up some tendons and ligaments in his calf so he walks with a limp for the rest of his life and I hope it bites his favourite tattoo and ruins it and I hope it bites his wrist and leaves a chip in the bone and nerve damage so he no longer has full movement of his thumb without excruciating pain, and then I hope when he cries about it on facebook we all pretend to think it was a miniature poodle and laugh at him for being a giant pussy and crying about a little yappy dog nipping at his ankles and we post lots of adorable miniature poodle pictures in the thread and they have those funny half-shaved hairstyles, and he reads the thread in hospital and feels even more sad and I hope the hospital doesn't give him enough painkillers.