This isn't surprising to me cuz this is my industry and obviously full of dudes. Quiet programming men who don't fit into the traditional 'man' mold because they, stupidly, believe that all men have to be a certain way when that isn't true.
The hallmark of masculinity that I've noticed is not giving a fuck what anyone thinks and being your own man. That's pretty much it. It's not sports, it's not being into guns or weight lifting or beer. It's the mindset of masculinity and confidence and not being under the sway of anyone else's opinions or thoughts. (For good or bad but whatever) but these programmer guys constantly worry about what others think - have low self esteem because they're so focused on what everyone thinks and just think they're so outside the realm of their notions of 'masculinity' that they must be 'women'. It makes sense to them. They were bad at being men, must be a lady! When they reality is, they're men. Not bad. Just mentally weak ones.
Honestly most of these quiet nerd dudes need to read Meditations and How to Win Friends and Influence People. Develop an actual backbone and stop thinking changing the exterior is gonna make the interior happy.