How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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Been shifting from feeling amazing to feeling like shit. Back and forth. One minute I’m shitting on myself, the next I’m complementing a lady friend on her hair when she talks about wanting to change it.

Got myself some adjustable dumbbells and a bench at least.
 
I try to stay positive but I frequently feel like I am living in a world more and more incompatible with my beliefs and life. I'm grateful to have tasted this sort of futuristic world of comforts and distractions that I have, but I know that these good times have dammed the future of mankind.
 
Carlos Weston Chantor said:
My football team won a match, I'm finally done grinding for the week, just ordered some fresh oysters, busiati with veal and apple pie, drinking apple cider and organic chilean wine, later gonna relax with an organic nicaraguan cigar and watch the boxing and mma fights that I've bet money on. The process is looking swell
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I won 3x the amount I spent today betting combat sports :cunningpepe:
 
soft breathing said:
My partner and me kinda want to settle down in the next few years, so I made the big mistake of looking at prices for houses. Yeah... I feel kind of sick to my stomach now and feel an existential crisis coming at me full-force.

For some reason I can't stop thinking about people who are 10-20 years younger than us. And how much they're going to have to pay for houses when they're old enough and want to settle down. This just somehow sends me spiralling. I don't even know.
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The worst part beyond the prices is credit history and frequent need for a boomer cosigner. I will say that buying a house is something I deeply regret, I'm in my mid 20s and needed a cosigner for a mortgage despite being to pay it comfortably even after a massive pay cut due to having no major debt history (I only applied for student loans to get grants). I wanted to buy House A with a higher value but lower mortgage due to HOA, but my grandfather refused to sign and pressured me to buy House B with lower equity but higher mortgage in a much worse location.

Location matters more than you'd expect, so I hate House B. It's going to cost 100k+ to move assuming the house keeps value relative to the ones I want to buy, apparently similar houses to House A are going for 200k to 300k above asking so it might become impossible.
 
Got my first jab of the Moderna vaccine today. Glad to get it now and hope to get the second soon.
 
I realized, that art helps me with my sadbrains and bought a tablet. See you in a month, listening to me bitching that it doesn't help. Have a good one!
 
I've been feeling very lonely for many years. Shit hit the fan with my closest friend, and now I truly have nobody. My life looks good on paper, but I feel like shit.
 
My gf mentioned that it is world down syndrome day. For some reason I found this hilarious and laughed until I cried. I think I need more sleep or something.
 
The Emperor Skeksis said:
I have a massive burn-out. Second time in five years too. Serves me right pursuing a career in academia. I might actually quit this time. It's like being in an abusive relationship but without the highs, just shit 24/7 and being called a cunt in emails. Will also be homeless soon because uni decided PhD students don't need a house during a pandemic.
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So a month on I'm doing somewhat better. My housing situation is likely resolved and that helps tremendously. Now to get back to re-establishing some form of fitness, which is gonna suck because I got pretty rekt. Luckily I got help from a physical therapist on short notice so the universe has smiled upon me for once.

Hang in there Kiwis having a rough time :heart-full:
 
Pretty fuckin' good actually. The world is coming apart at the seams, but I managed to tie up a ton of loose ends in 2020, bought some more land this year, and I'm building an awesome behemoth of a Jeep right now.
Of course, that's a double-edged sword because everyone's still afraid of the goddamn chinkvirus and I can't hang out with anyone because they're a bunch of pussies. Can't win 'em all I guess.
 
My job has made me a little worried that I don’t get enough exercise as I used to. I’m not saying that I’ll get the Jean Claude Van Damme body in no time, but I think I might need to reconfigure my eating/exercise habits so I don’t end with a flabby stomach and lazy mind.

In my opinion, the latter sounds a lot worse to me, because laziness in my new phase of life is not something I can tolerate.
 
I’ve been feeling happier recently. The depression heap in the corner of my room has been taken care of and is now clean. I’ve been calling someone every night. We talk until we get sleepy and our brains can’t think anymore. I’m drunk right now, but I’m happy. I’m fucking happy. I have shit to look forward to. Life seems worth living in this moment. It’s nice. Things might go downhill, they always seem to, but at least I’ve been having more moments like this to enjoy. I’m getting there. It’s a slow process, but it feels so goddamn right.
 
We got the apartment 😭😭 I'm so happy that we're finally going to be away from all the drama and drunken retardation permanently and the rest of our lives can start. These coming weeks are going to be rough while i figure out how to budget but I don't care.
 
I'm not even sure how to feel. I've been stuck in a perpetual spiral of "i just don't want to wake up anymore" and "life is actually quite good", alternating between the two all the time. The fact that the smallest positive things can pull me out of the suicidal mood is probably a good sign, I guess. I don't know.
 
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