🍗 Deathfat Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[AbraCadaver]

Tess has proven shes a bitch and a nightmare to work with who will lie about her size and then shit talk the company that hired her.

Anna is an idiot drunk, but manages to fulfill her sponsor obligations with a moderate level of professionalism.

Anna>Tess lmao

Anna, dare I say, is somehow MORE competent and put-together as an influencer than Tess, and bear in mind she’s utterly pissed most of the time. When a drunk girl with no “SUPAHMODDLE” face is getting better spon than you, you have fucked up, Tess.

 

[GrouchiCorn]

 

[Easy Peasy]

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You get them a rabies vaccine and a fifth of vodka to help them forget

 

[Angry New Ager]

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Just buy them a cake, Tess. You know you want to. And anybody who would willingly make out with you would, I am certain, be delighted to get cake involved in it. You'll get to buy a cake for someone else, and eat it too!

 

[JambledUpWords]

 

[Angry New Ager]

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So her virtual "Galentines" party with friends was really just set up so Tess can shill products for whatever Glowrecipe is? How thoughtful. How meaningful. Isn't that what friendship is for, so you can use it to sell shit to all the unlucky consoomers who didn't get an invite?

Then again, given that Tess's friends are all scrounging for exposure and paid deals as influencers, this seems perfectly fitting.

 

[Voivode]

So her virtual "Galentines" party with friends was really just set up so Tess can shill products for whatever Glowrecipe is? How thoughtful. How meaningful. Isn't that what friendship is for, so you can use it to sell shit to all the unlucky consoomers who didn't get an invite?

Then again, given that Tess's friends are all scrounging for exposure and paid deals as influencers, this seems perfectly fitting.

Funny thing, I went to look for this on their Instagram and it isn't mentioned anywhere so idk what kind of collab this is but it's definitely one-sided in where Tess is doing promotion for them and they don't even mention her. Glow recipe actually has good skincare but it's definitely not the kind of stuff that will even come close to fixing Tess' pitted greasy face, let alone any other deathfats.

 

[BIG DADDY]

What is this, she threw one of those MLM pyramid scheme parties or what? Sounds sus

I also predict even canceled Gina Carano will go on to have a much better career than Tess could ever dream of

 

[Dean Pentel]

Was it ever revealed how Tessa puts her shoes on/ties them? When you're that stunning and brave, I imagine that's quite an undertaking.

 

[FuckDuckSeagull]

Is Valentines day really this big of a deal?

Also why isn't anyone calling Ryann out on making out with a guy outside her immediate family? RYANN, WE'RE IN A MIDDLE OF PANDEMIC! At least that's what you said, when you blasted those fit frat dudes for having an bbq.

 

[Internet's Boyfriend]

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I know it's been said before but it doesn't make any sense that she replaces the o in Holliday with cherries. Her name's not Hoolliday. Why not just use one cherry? Or like a strawberry or some shit?

Was it ever revealed how Tessa puts her shoes on/ties them? When you're that stunning and brave, I imagine that's quite an undertaking.

I'd assume she either makes someone else do it for her or just wears slip-on shoes.

 

[AprilRains]

I know it's been said before but it doesn't make any sense that she replaces the o in Holliday with cherries. Her name's not Hoolliday. Why not just use one cherry? Or like a strawberry or some shit?

Are you asking Tess to practice portion control? I'm surprised it wasn't a vat of cherries.

 

[Fìddlesticks]

Nah, that person is just stupid and confused Trader Sam's with Trader Joe's.

Oh. How coincidental that a tiki bar in Disney land has the same name!

Just buy them a cake, Tess. You know you want to. And anybody who would willingly make out with you would, I am certain, be delighted to get cake involved in it. You'll get to buy a cake for someone else, and eat it too!

2 cakes. Otherwise the food aggression of Tess handing you the cake for you to eat may mean risking your life.

Better make it 3. Get those jowls some exercise.

You know when parents ask to share a bite of something with their kids. Bet Bowie always fears that request....

 

[TurdFondler]

I was gonna make a post about her wasting helium, but I guess since she's never fitting into an MRI anyway, she can use her helium rations for shitty balloons.

 

[bloomingcactus]

Yeah I'm that person, these ribbons and cats do not mix. If her cat eats it it could die. The ribbon cuts up their insides.

 

[Pollybock]

Assuming her “galentine event” was only for names that matter or may be recognizable, but not for IRL friends that she actually does interact some with like Jolene?

 

[TurdFondler]

Probably some MLM shit involving Z list influencers, has-beens and wannabes.

 

[JambledUpWords]

 

[multiverse]

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She is hosting a virtual party to shill #spon products. Only herself and Olly are there in person.

And I spy, with my little eye, an full dozen doughnuts, a bowl of candy, and more food items in a cornucopia to the right. A party snack for two people, one of whom is vegan.

Guess who gets to eat 12 doughnuts, bowls of candy, and whatever else is off to the side because she's a bit peckish?

 

[FuckDuckSeagull]

She is hosting a virtual party to shill #spon products. Only herself and Olly are there in person.

And I spy, with my little eye, an full dozen doughnuts, a bowl of candy, and more food items in a cornucopia to the right. A party snack for two people, one of whom is vegan.

Guess who gets to eat 12 doughnuts, bowls of candy, and whatever else is off to the side because she's a bit peckish?

Soo... a normal day at the Holliday household?