💼 Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Aaway]

just caught this bit of gold from the last live chat

jack claims he told a friend of his about how the CWJ FB had gained a bunch of likes and the friend asked him if those were really people he wanted on his page since they had only "liked" due to the porn. well jack's defense was "i know guys from church who struggle with porn but that doesn't mean they're evil" lolol

 

[Shambler]

just caught this bit of gold from the last live chat

jack claims he told a friend of his about how the CWJ FB had gained a bunch of likes and the friend asked him if those were really people he wanted on his page since they had only "liked" due to the porn. well jack's defense was "i know guys from church who struggle with porn but that doesn't mean they're evil" lolol

https://youtube.com/watch?v=B2DzP31UJ2I:985

jack doesn't even consider that those people probably won't even watch his shit either

 

[AnOminous]

Who in the absolute fuck thinks spicy = 3 different types of hot sauces, sriracha and hot taco seasoning. Because some arbitrary blend of products will make your "own" sauce? Sounds disgusting as it looks.

Jack would love it.

There is also no point whatsoever in marinating for five days. That's just stupid.

 

[Marissa Moira]

just caught this bit of gold from the last live chat

jack claims he told a friend of his about how the CWJ FB had gained a bunch of likes and the friend asked him if those were really people he wanted on his page since they had only "liked" due to the porn. well jack's defense was "i know guys from church who struggle with porn but that doesn't mean they're evil" lolol

https://youtube.com/watch?v=B2DzP31UJ2I:985

Look if you're struggling with porn you probably should try Viagra and a water based lubricant.

 

[Slimy Time]

Most people could easily walk 3 miles in around an hour. Even out of shape people could easily do it.

Why would he even attempt a 5k when he has to use a mobile scooter at the grocery store?

If I couldn't walk 3 miles without tapping out, I'd shoot myself. Paraplegics who put their minds to it can do amazing feats of endurance, be it through wheeling themselves there or using one of those bionic legs with crutches, yet this stroked out lardass can't even do a leisurely walk for 3 miles?

Just chronic levels of laziness with this guy, and all death fat cows in general.

 

[Aaway]

i wonder if his inability to walk long distances is because of his stroke or diabetes. he mentioned earlier this year that he was suffering from pain in his legs and could only walk a short distance before the pain became too much for him to handle

hence why he's been using motorized carts to get around stores

 

[Slimy Time]

i wonder if his inability to walk long distances is because of his stroke or diabetes. he mentioned earlier this year that he was suffering from pain in his legs and could only walk a short distance before the pain became too much for him to handle

hence why he's been using motorized carts to get around stores

That's probably the 500lbs of fat put on the hip, knee and ankle joints of 50 year old man. It is entirely that. I know 60-70 year olds who hike up hills and the odd mountain with no issue. Take it slow? yes. Rest more frequently than others? yes. But they are doing beyond 3 miles. Stroke or no stroke, his chronic laziness in his cooking, diet and general health is what has done him badly.

The only feasible I can think a guy his size with painful legs can do is wade around a pool or do lengths. The water takes strain off your joints and doing lengths won't strain your joints. If you can't do lengths because you are not a strong swimmer, then just follow the edge of the pool and grab on when you need a rest.

 

[Dave Meltzer]

i wonder if his inability to walk long distances is because of his stroke or diabetes. he mentioned earlier this year that he was suffering from pain in his legs and could only walk a short distance before the pain became too much for him to handle

hence why he's been using motorized carts to get around stores

Both should play a factor. The stroke hurt his ability to move the right side of his body. People with diabetes often have serious issues with their feet or legs due to circulation problems. Leg muscle atrophy causes stability issues with handling body weight for normal sized people. Just imagine with all of his extra weight. We only get to see his arm but I bet his leg looks really bad.

 

[Ira the Weatherman]

https://youtube.com/watch?v=jcZPp5xAze4 In typical Jack fashion, he gives us barely cooked bacon and undercooked greens.

His abuse of the sprouts triggers me. There's a reason you cut the stem off (beyond the fact that the stem is the toughest part): it's so the outer leaves easily fall off, because they're often wilted or tough in their own right. Jack is oblivious to this and just throws them all on a baking tray. Now, this shouldn't really be a problem if they look alright and you were intending to just boil them. But grilling them in the oven will make those thin little leaves char like crazy. Predictably, however, he seems to have burnt all the sprouts. And I can guarantee they were uncooked in the center, hence why he quickly cut away after his first bite (because he was probably chewing like a cow on the greens and undercooked bacon for a minute). He should've just parboiled them beforehand: make a small cut in the base, toss em in the water and they'll be ready for the oven in 5 mins tops. Though this is a recipe that could just as easily be done in a pan, with less chance of fucking it up.

And drizzling liquid sugar on sprouts 'n bacon would get you fucking lynched round these parts.

 

[Chamulum]

It's not the exact same recipe. But he at least knows what he's doing in this one.
•Cooks bacon separately
Brussels sprouts still have the stem on them, but they look cooked properly.

Why doesn't he have Jr or Tammy help him in the kitchen?

 

[Adamska]

Herro ferrow farmers. I am Ralph Barnhardt of no fame whatsoever. Recently my favorite cow, Bob "MovieBob" Chipman announced his latest culinary masterpiece.

Spoiler: it's not a bag of blood but that is duck-tape

Image provided by @Quixotic Man
View attachment 1013599

I'm not familiar with Jack other than skimming through the OP. Has Jack tried anything like this before? I would find it very disturbing and yet intriguing if there were two speds out there who would do something as horrible as this to their food. Thank you and dosvedanya.

I have heard Moviebob has some shittastic recipes (a friend of mine called his wedding soup divorce soup for example), but eesh. He doesn't even get that you need an acid and medium of sorts to make it a marinade that works. Also with that much spice all it does is mask bad cooking or kind of shitty meat.

just caught this bit of gold from the last live chat

jack claims he told a friend of his about how the CWJ FB had gained a bunch of likes and the friend asked him if those were really people he wanted on his page since they had only "liked" due to the porn. well jack's defense was "i know guys from church who struggle with porn but that doesn't mean they're evil" lolol

https://youtube.com/watch?v=B2DzP31UJ2I:985

Fatty again weaselling out but clearly showing he fell for a scam to build likes.

Again, any boomers out there with FB pages, report Fat Jack since it's more and more obvious that he did this on purpose.

 

[Ira the Weatherman]

https://youtube.com/watch?v=EVdpMMaawTo It's not the exact same recipe. But he at least knows what he's doing in this one.
•Cooks bacon separately
Brussels sprouts still have the stem on them, but they look cooked properly.

Why doesn't he have Jr or Tammy help him in the kitchen?

I'd still rather he parboiled them and then sautéed rather than half-boiling them in all that fat, but then again it's Jack we're talking about and this is more of a taste thing than cooking methods that are objectively, horribly wrong. At least this is somewhat edible, and he even seems to show some suprising culinary common sense here (breaking the bacon into smaller pieces, draining excess oil), which is the real disturbing thing as it shows how far he has regressed over the last years, that his gastronomic peak was during the fucking Aunt Myrna's Salad era.

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

OFFICIAL JACK SCALFANI DEATH POOL

USER​	CAUSE OF DEATH​	EST. DATE OF DEATH​	KETO POINTS​
Murmur​	Heart Attack​	Early 2021​	500​
Wilhem Bittrich​	3rd Stroke​	Mid to Late 2020​	300​
The Wichita Lion​	Ham Sandwich​	May 11, 2021 (Ramadan)​	420​
FemalePresident​	3rd Stroke​	March, 2021​	666​
SmileyTimeDayCare​	Sepsis by Food Poisoning​	Early 2022​	456​
Religion is Dead​	Diabetes​	Mid 2020​	600​
Mesosalpinx​	Gangrene w/ side of diabetes and cholesterol​	April, 2020​	365​
Chamulum​	3rd Stroke and diabetes combo​	Early to Mid 2020​	148​
Mein Garten​	Coronary artery disease w/ an aneurysm​	Fall 2021​	1965​
Begemot​	Trichinosis​	April, 2020​	350​
Man vs persistent rat​	Stroke leading to coma and death​	August, 2022​	400​
Xochi​	Beaten to death by actual chefs​	January, 2021​	19,324,557,416​
captkrisma​	Stroke and heart failure​	Late, 2020​	1​
Waifuman Cooper​	Stroke​	June, 2020​	1776​
AnOminous​	Stroke​	Julay 4th, 2020​	2020​
Rod Dangerous​	Pulmonary embolism​	4th Quarter 2022​	25​
LordofCringe7206​	Salmonella Infection​	March, 2020​	2​
Captain Fitzbattleaxe​	Complications from gastric bypass surgery​	March, 2023​	500​
Suburban Bastard​	Berry Aneurysm​	January, 2021​	6969​
Dave Meltzer​	Murdered by Maury Davis for shoe related transgression​	Christmas Eve 2019​	202​
Adamska​	Cardiac Arrest​	June, 2022​	3350​
Stock Photo Hacker​	Shot by a rogue Mcdonalds manager​	April, 2020​	420​
Archie_Kimkicker​	Thrown off cliff by Tammy's bull (for insurance)​	February, 2020​	1488​
Redeemer and Destroyer​	3rd Stroke​	Summer 2020​	777​
Spasticus Autisticus​	Heart Attack from witnessing Tammy making love to a black gentleman​	February, 2021​	69​
Kamov Ka-52​	Stroke​	Mid 2020​	1488​
Pineapple Fox​	Gangrene caused by uncontrolled diabetes​	October, 2020​	30​
GandT​	Choked out by son​	June 21st, 2020 (Father's Day)​	420​
Mr. Manchester​	Complications from final stroke​	April, 2021​	201​
desu91​	Stroke w/ a side of head trauma​	Mid 2020​	9001​
ObeseScreaming- BlackMan​	Crushed by AS SEEN ON TV gadgets.​	Winter 2021​	42069​
salmonellajack​	Head trauma via shoe​	April, 2020​	187​
Coconut Gun​	Natural causes while surrounded by loved ones​	Summer 2054​	0​
irishAzoth​	Cirrhosis​	Summer 2022​	1337​
GloriousRapeRabbit​	Heart attack after stroke and two year coma​	April, 2022​	789​
Chive Turkey​	3rd Stroke​	June, 2025​	7​
Mr._Blonde​	4th Stroke​	April, 2022​	300​
Scented Candle​	Smited by the good Lord for blasphemous onion ring sorcery​	February, 2024​	80,085​
Zaryiu​	Atherosclerosis​	2020 or 2030+​	2013​
Dirty Mug​	Chokes on a dick burger post 3rd stroke​	December, 2021​	1488​
Slimy Time​	Fatal stroke​	July, 2022​	1266​
feral cat #6385​	Mr. Hands'ed by Tammy's bull after a case of mistaken identity​	June 21st, 2020​	9001​
A Single Cheeto​	Tragic house fire​	Apparently Never​	80085​
Raindrop3000​	Killed by one of Jack Jr.'s Christian rapper rivals, or heart attack​	December 12th, 2020​	10,000​
Jersey Devil​	Gas Gangrene from the 'beetus​	Winter 2021​	400,000​

To enter, reply to this post with your guess at the cause of death, a rough estimate on when, and how many Keto Points you are betting.


On the day of Jack's death, the entrant with the best guess will receive ALL Keto Points entered into the pool.

This post will be updated as bets come in. Good luck to you all!

Spring 2021
Suicide after Tammy leaves him and takes the kids to go live with her bull.
I place a small wager of 1 million Keto Points, enough to get started in Brooklyn.

 

[AnOminous]

I have heard Moviebob has some shittastic recipes (a friend of mine called his wedding soup divorce soup for example), but eesh. He doesn't even get that you need an acid and medium of sorts to make it a marinade that works. Also with that much spice all it does is mask bad cooking or kind of shitty meat.

If it wasn't shitty to start with it would end up shitty sitting and rotting in that vile glop for five goddamn days. Just looking at Movieblob you know he isn't likely to have refined tastes. Despite his loathing of "mayonnaise ghouls" from "flyover states" he is as white trash as you get, a fat fucking slob with no taste in movies or anything else.

 

[feral cat #6385]

Herro ferrow farmers. I am Ralph Barnhardt of no fame whatsoever. Recently my favorite cow, Bob "MovieBob" Chipman announced his latest culinary masterpiece.

Spoiler: it's not a bag of blood but that is duck-tape

Image provided by @Quixotic Man
View attachment 1013599

I'm not familiar with Jack other than skimming through the OP. Has Jack tried anything like this before? I would find it very disturbing and yet intriguing if there were two speds out there who would do something as horrible as this to their food. Thank you and dosvedanya.

Looks like a severed human head being marinated in blood. The duct tape adds to the cringe.

Surprised (and disappointed) Moviebob hasn't had a stroke yet. Maybe soon hopefully. I would love to see Jack and Bob fight each other to the death. But only after Moviebob has a stroke and loses use of his left arm, you know. To be fair. Just picture these two cows engaged in gladiatorial combat to the death. It would be delightful. They are both horrible, failed human beings.

 

[JackDavis]

Honestly think he just wanted to have cheesy potatoes myself. But if that was the case, why not just make a spicy variant of potatoes au gratin?

Lol you expect him to slice potatoes? You know how long it would take him to slice up 12 potatoes (double batch) like this?

 

[Adamska]

Lol you expect him to slice potatoes? You know how long it would take him to slice up 12 potatoes (double batch) like this?

View attachment 1014862

Just have him whine at Tammy or Jr then until they do it for him like he does in half these videos nowadays then.

 

[desudesu]

We are days away from the Thanksgiving turkey shitshow. Can't wait. Fat Jack just posted this on Twitter yesterday:

Shit's burnt on the sides and there's no dough rise. Honestly, I can't wait to see him struggle using one arm to prepare the Thanksgiving turkey - best if he does the whole deep frying thing and the vat of hot oil tips over. That'll be fun.

Edit: Found out he's smoking the damned turkey, so no deep fryer tipovers to look forward to. Also, he prepared the bird 14 days before. I'm not sure about turkey customs but is it normal to marinate/season a turkey almost 2 weeks in advance?

 

[Adamska]

We are days away from the Thanksgiving turkey shitshow. Can't wait. Fat Jack just posted this on Twitter yesterday:

View attachment 1015420
View attachment 1015421

Shit's burnt on the sides and there's no dough rise. Honestly, I can't wait to see him struggle using one arm to prepare the Thanksgiving turkey - best if he does the whole deep frying thing and the vat of hot oil tips over. That'll be fun.

Edit: Found out he's smoking the damned turkey, so no deep fryer tipovers to look forward to. Also, he prepared the bird 14 days before. I'm not sure about turkey customs but is it normal to marinate/season a turkey almost 2 weeks in advance?

View attachment 1015422

Fat Jack again proves that he can only touch anything remotely healthy (ie spinach dip, which for all of its cheese still has the evil greens in it) by loading down bread with a "too mushbrained and lazy to make" compound butter and then even more fucking cheese. Like, fatty, you already have a cheese dip for that, you don't NEED to put more on. A mildly garlicky bread could've worked for the dip, but again the glutton called Jack has to eat more than normal. Also it's Thanksgiving dummy, why not have a Pilgrim hat based bread to complement the day rather than show your love of consumption?

And with turkey? Fuck no, my folks (and I in the one or two times I cooked the bird) do THAT on the day we eat it. Why? Because turkey's already a dry meat, and doing something stupid like smoking it (he'll not put moisturizers like a water dish in there and open the fucking smoker to cram ham and ribs or whatever), and then letting it get stale as hell in the fridge? It's just going to be a dry pile of crap with too much spices.

 

[Ira the Weatherman]

We are days away from the Thanksgiving turkey shitshow. Can't wait. Fat Jack just posted this on Twitter yesterday:

View attachment 1015420
View attachment 1015421

>tfw when your Christmassy pastries come out looking like Ordovician wildlife

Edit: Found out he's smoking the damned turkey, so no deep fryer tipovers to look forward to.

That bird is going to be drier than the Gobi fucking Desert.

Also, he prepared the bird 14 days before. I'm not sure about turkey customs but is it normal to marinate/season a turkey almost 2 weeks in advance?

I don't think so. A few days tends to be the max. I remember Heston Blumenthal doing some experiments showing that, at a certain point, all the meat is saturated and there's no point in going further.

Honestly, depending on when he bought the butter and turkey, there's a good chance they might start going rancid in that time. And I don't think his dry rub will work as well as a preservative as a normal marinade would've.