Earlier today, I contacted my mom, and in so doing, she inadvertently reminded me of something. There's a story that runs through my family, and deserves to be told, since it dates back to when my dad was young. Once, about a day after his grandfather passed away, his mom couldn't find him, and started looking all over the house for him. He was maybe about 11 or 12. At some point, checking the living room, she heard a soft noise and eventually checked where it was coming from, finding my father, in there, crying and playing his guitar. When she asked why he was hiding here, he said that he didn't want to grow up because he didn't want to die.
That story put things into perspective for me, and it made me come to a conclusion about Jake and Gender.
Jake talks a good game, maybe even believes part of it himself, but he will
never actually transition. He won't even pretend to start. It's not a matter of him desiring the ability to and thinking hormones are a magical trans potion that he simply can't get: I posit that Jakey simply has no interest in ever doing so, rather like Vade and every other Tumblrette that claims they're really trans until the second they decide to stop doing so. Think about it: Jake pushes narrative, he props up the ideology, but despite pulling down a surprisingly strong patreon (by Rat King standards), he's never made the attempt. There's plenty of places he could get help doing so. Half his fucking retweets are people who will help you get cheap blackmarket hormones. I contend that Jake not only has never taken any, but that he has no intention of ever taking any. At most, he's talked a good game, listed himself F at cons, and set up his Violet Hargrave persona.
Vade has done more than this to actually transition. Just by dismissing his bullshit, every single Kiwi who has ever debunked Jake's has put more effort into transitioning than Jake actually has.
My current prevailing theory is that Jake's assumed gender identity is part of who he is, and by that, I mean he did it because it gave him a path of least resistance: A choice he made because he literally fails at everything meaningful he tries to do. All evidence is that Jake has never put in actual effort, and a brief discussion of his tabletop gaming habits reveals that he quits games or even hobbies the nanosecond he faces actual challenge or difficulty. He can't compete, and he knows it, which is why he hates competition and hated it when people could see what he actually played online and how.
Relatedly: Jake has never
learned from his mistakes. He never has considered, nor cared, about how his life and behavior effects anyone other than himself. One might argue this is a sign of deeper psychiatric problems, Autism, or simple immaturity, but he never even gives consideration to the possibility he has done anything wrong, preferring instead to make up illogical and confusing explanations to justify it. Seriously: name once, in the history of our covering him that he has ever, at any point in time, accepted responsibility for his actions and admitted wrongdoing. Look as long as you want - you
will not find one. Even when he flat-out pulled the very shit he condemned when Ian Miles Cheong did it (turning on the clique), Jake denied he
ever did anything wrong.
Jake has never demonstrated any capacity to learn or grow from his own mistakes. He blocks anyone who points out when he's wrong, allthewhile making the same mistakes, over and over, denying he did anything wrong in the first place, even when
what he did wrong was laid out before him, in excrutiating detail. Instead he prefers to make up bizarre conspiracy theories about why he was inexplicably shitlisted by his so-called friends, blaming whisper campaigns and secret Kiwi Farms influence networks. Not once has he ever thought to look in the fucking mirror, and consider that the gnome glaring back at him may have had something to do with it.
Jake has no capacity to recognize adult relationships, and pretends that there are no consequences for his actions, even as he actively slanders people, conducts harassment campaigns, and wishes that people he doesn't like lose the ability to support themselves. He's almost pushing 40, yet the dude constantly approaches life in the same way a young child might, and has never been prepared to act like a mature adult. Meanwhile, everyone around him has grown up. His young cousins are adults, his friends have moved on, are dealing with their own lives and problems - and meanwhile Jakey is still living in his mom's basement, being a leech and doing everything possible to avoid leaving it.
While Jake is an unreliable narrator about details of his own life, one thing we do know is that he's been a systemic disappointment to his family - and especially his father - since day one. Every time his dad tried to teach him responsibility or discipline - things that even casual observers will note Jake
sorely fucking needed - Jake fucking hated it and ran away crying. Jake pretending to be a girl online? That makes perfect sense when you understand that Jake assumed that identity because it meant he no longer had to compete with other males, nor operate in their spaces: A desperate, grasping attempt to excuse himself from having to accept responsibility and adulthood. To Jake, things like building a life for himself is a big, scary task, and he fears it. He fears it enough that he's going to actively avoid ever doing so if he can help it. Jake claims all he wants is the perfect opportunity to assume his new trans identity, move out of his mom's basement, and move on with his new life, but the more money he's gotten, the more irresponsible he's gotten with it, and correspondingly, the more barriers he will erect to protect himself from
ever having to do so.
It gets worse, too: Jake has no contingency plans in place, other than perhaps more e-begging, for what he's going to do if his Mom ever throws his ass out, becomes incapacitated and requires constant attention, or passes away. He has never, not once, showed even the most tangential care for what the repercussions will be in his life if, at some point or another, his family just gets tired of his shit or, due to outside troubles, they cannot afford to keep him any longer. He hasn't even considered what he will do if, heaven forbid, his health begins to fail, either because of his morbid obesity and sedentary lifestyle, or his recent obsession with promoting dangerous hormones and drugs.
The beautiful irony, of course, is that while Jake keeps running from responsibility, he's doomed to tire
long before reality does.