The Cole Smithey Thread

[LegoChris]

To my knowledge, Cole never elaborated on his hatred for Bob, either. He’s a “Republican cur” apparently, which means exactly jack shit coming from a snobby coastal douchebag like Cole.

 

[Nurse Ratchet]

Cluster B to the core. I posted in the random thoughts thread pondering how a Dr Phil episode on Chris and Barb would go and I bet any psychologist would have a fucking field day with her.

That's a great point... how has that not happened yet? You'd think that whole skullfuckery of a situation has more than enough public prominence to hit the radar of his issue-spotters?

..almost enough to make me think it actually has & the good doctor was like "holy shit, yeah, nope."

 

[Holiday Special]

To my knowledge, Cole never elaborated on his hatred for Bob, either. He’s a “Republican cur” apparently, which means exactly jack shit coming from a snobby coastal douchebag like Cole.

I wonder what kind of parent Barb was to Cole as a single mother. Bob might have done something as simple as just setting up rules for Cole he didn't like or he resented moving in with him. Who knows.


Also Aunt Corrina tolerated Barb. Once she died everyone stopped being fake nice to her.

 

[ChurchOfGodBear]

To my knowledge, Cole never elaborated on his hatred for Bob, either. He’s a “Republican cur” apparently, which means exactly jack shit coming from a snobby coastal douchebag like Cole.

Actually, to me, it says a lot. If Cole had a good reason to hate Bob, he likely wouldn't have to resort to picking on his political leanings. Calling him a "republican curr" just screams "I'm 16 and I'm mad that some new guy is banging my mom."

 

[lameandgay]

That's a great point... how has that not happened yet? You'd think that whole skullfuckery of a situation has more than enough public prominence to hit the radar of his issue-spotters?

If Emily LeRae Smith, the psycho borderline butcher can get an episode, and Sexy Vegan got one too, surely someone has got to have reached out to Chris. I don't know if the show pays it's 'stars', but unless he was explicitly offered money, I'm certain he would turn it down. I don't think he would realise Dr Phil level publicity these days usually equates to a short lived windfall of cash headed toward the cow in question.

 

[Mason Verger]

Actually, to me, it says a lot. If Cole had a good reason to hate Bob, he likely wouldn't have to resort to picking on his political leanings. Calling him a "republican curt" just screams "I'm 16 and I'm mad that some new guy is banging my mom."

Yeah, if Cole wanted to drop a hate bomb, that's not much to go on. It's just strange to have three seperate kids be so estranged from their parents, without some really dark shit.
I think you guys are right with Barb being a common factor. Obviously the CWCki and this place paint a set narrative of barb being the worst, but there's got to be something there. She certainly comes off as the type of person you wouldn't want in your life.
It also sounds like she was pretty loose, in a place and era where that wasn't accepted.

 

[ChurchOfGodBear]

Yeah, if Cole wanted to drop a hate bomb, that's not much to go on. It's just strange to have three seperate kids be so estranged from their parents, without some really dark shit.
I think you guys are right with Barb being a common factor. Obviously the CWCki and this place paint a set narrative of barb being the worst, but there's got to be something there. She certainly comes off as the type of person you wouldn't want in your life.
It also sounds like she was pretty loose, in a place and era where that wasn't accepted.

I need to stress that, prior to the "Dr. Perron" call, Barb was an unknown player in the life of Chris, and many of us saw her in a sympathetic light. The negative reputation we give her now is the product of facts that came to light in the later stages of Christory, when context was a bit easier to see.

 

[Mason Verger]

I need to stress that, prior to the "Dr. Perron" call, Barb was an unknown player in the life of Chris, and many of us saw her in a sympathetic light. The negative reputation we give her now is the product of facts that came to light in the later stages of Christory, when context was a bit easier to see.

My favorite barb thing is when she called that British troll "common". Barb putting on her fake aristocratic, Ann Bolyne airs simply because she was dealing with an English chick, all while living in what would easily be considered an indoor garbage dump.

See that sums barb up to me, the kind of person that would call someone else "common" while shuffling through animal shit.

 

[drmccoy]

My favorite barb thing is when she called that British troll "common". Barb putting on her fake aristocratic, Ann Bolyne airs simply because she was dealing with an English chick, all while living in what would easily be considered an indoor garbage dump.

See that sums barb up to me, the kind of person that would call someone else "common" while shuffling through animal shit.

Good points. I wonder about Bob sometimes. I like him, I can't help it. But I wonder what the hell happened. I wonder if it was Barb that drove his kids off and his willingness to play to her. Barb reminds me of John Wanye Gacy (yes, him but not the killing part). I'm reading a book about him and one thing that stands out among his neighbors and friends who didn't take to him is the word "no class". I imagine Barb to be like that. Putting on airs but having zero, and I mean zero, class when it came to those airs. Bob had some class. But I suspect he lost it the longer he was with Barb.

And yes, Cole does sound like a pissed off teen with that language. Bob must have done something that we'll never know about.

 

[AnOminous]

View attachment 442643 View attachment 442640 Cole is becoming more and more like Chris. He is now giving house tours of Carnegie Hall for money.
View attachment 442646

I'll give him this, I believe that is an actual fedora and he manages to wear it without looking like a neckbeard autist.

My favorite barb thing is when she called that British troll "common". Barb putting on her fake aristocratic, Ann Bolyne airs simply because she was dealing with an English chick, all while living in what would easily be considered an indoor garbage dump.

She reminded me of Hyacinth Bucket ("pronounced Bouquet if you please") when she did that.

 

[Dread First]

So here's something that's been bugging me for a LONG time: how the FUCK is Cole even able to live in Manhattan as a floundering film critic? :powerlevel: incoming here: I happen to live in the general NYC-Long Island-Westchester metropolitan region of the world, and spoiler alert: it's pretty fucking expensive to live here, even if you're like me and live in the outskirts of the city and still have to work two jobs to make ends meet.

Assuming I'm not fucking up here, Cole lives in Carnegie Hill and the rent out there is something ridiculous: like 2-3,000$ for a standard one bedroom one bathroom unit and more than double that for two people (ref: StreetEasy screencap). That's prime real estate overlooking Central Park and that shit REALLY doesn't come cheap. Unless you're a well-established surgeon, middle management for some big company, a bureaucrat in the upper echelons of city government, or have some other sort of well-paying profession under your belt, logic would dictate that it would be damn near impossible for Cole to survive in this type of environment both financially and socially.

So the real question is: what the fuck do Cole's finances even look like?

 

[Ravenor]

So here's something that's been bugging me for a LONG time: how the FUCK is Cole even able to live in Manhattan as a floundering film critic? :powerlevel: incoming here: I happen to live in the general NYC-Long Island-Westchester metropolitan region of the world, and spoiler alert: it's pretty fucking expensive to live here, even if you're like me and live in the outskirts of the city and still have to work two jobs to make ends meet.

Assuming I'm not fucking up here, Cole lives in Carnegie Hill and the rent out there is something ridiculous: like 2-3,000$ for a standard one bedroom one bathroom unit and more than double that for two people (ref: StreetEasy screencap). That's prime real estate overlooking Central Park and that shit REALLY doesn't come cheap. Unless you're a well-established surgeon, middle management for some big company, a bureaucrat in the upper echelons of city government, or have some other sort of well-paying profession under your belt, logic would dictate that it would be damn near impossible for Cole to survive in this type of environment both financially and socially.

So the real question is: what the fuck do Cole's finances even look like?

His wifes prety loaded suposedly, I think it's possibly family money.

I am not sure if Cole is a full time critic or if he has one of those do nothing side gig's because his life from what we see is mostly empty.

 

[Mason Verger]

So here's something that's been bugging me for a LONG time: how the FUCK is Cole even able to live in Manhattan as a floundering film critic? :powerlevel: incoming here: I happen to live in the general NYC-Long Island-Westchester metropolitan region of the world, and spoiler alert: it's pretty fucking expensive to live here, even if you're like me and live in the outskirts of the city and still have to work two jobs to make ends meet.

Assuming I'm not fucking up here, Cole lives in Carnegie Hill and the rent out there is something ridiculous: like 2-3,000$ for a standard one bedroom one bathroom unit and more than double that for two people (ref: StreetEasy screencap). That's prime real estate overlooking Central Park and that shit REALLY doesn't come cheap. Unless you're a well-established surgeon, middle management for some big company, a bureaucrat in the upper echelons of city government, or have some other sort of well-paying profession under your belt, logic would dictate that it would be damn near impossible for Cole to survive in this type of environment both financially and socially.

So the real question is: what the fuck do Cole's finances even look like?

Cole married well. His wife owns a high end bar in midtown. That does beg the question as to whether he gets some sort of allowance to keep himself in douchey hats, or does he have side work, because at an average of 15 views a video, he ain't making YouTube money.
I mean if his wife owns and operates a bar, one would think he could get a few shifts a week slinging overpriced beer.

 

[Wrathcaster]

So basically, Cole has Chris' dream life: wealthy wife provides while he sits at home and does whatever he wants.

 

[Marvin]

So basically, Cole has Chris' dream life: wealthy wife provides while he sits at home and does whatever he wants.

And ironically, Chris kinda has the life that he wants. Fame and notoriety. I don't think Cole would want exactly Chris' form of it, but I think he's probably at least a little bit salty that his retarded younger brother stumbled into fame. Heh, every video Chris puts out swamps any video Cole's put out in views.

Cole's patreon is $93.

That's gotta burn Cole up at least a little bit.

 

[PuckishRogue]

And ironically, Chris kinda has the life that he wants. Fame and notoriety. I don't think Cole would want exactly Chris' form of it, but I think he's probably at least a little bit salty that his exceptional younger brother stumbled into fame. Heh, every video Chris puts out swamps any video Cole's put out in views.

Cole's patreon is $93.

That's gotta burn Cole up at least a little bit.

I actually adore that Cole gets so little internet money. He puts the bare minimum thought into his film work. It's the shit you expect to see in a freshman year film class, not by someone who claims to be a pro.

 

[Wrathcaster]

And ironically, Chris kinda has the life that he wants. Fame and notoriety. I don't think Cole would want exactly Chris' form of it, but I think he's probably at least a little bit salty that his exceptional younger brother stumbled into fame. Heh, every video Chris puts out swamps any video Cole's put out in views.

Cole's patreon is $93.

That's gotta burn Cole up at least a little bit.

True, but I'm sure the extortion and recurring financial struggles and looming debt crisis isn't meeting the ideal for Chris. Guess you're right about the fame thing, tho

EDIT: also, Cole's sweetheart is a true and honest female he can bang outside of CWCville.

 

[Marvin]

True, but I'm sure the extortion and recurring financial struggles and looming debt crisis isn't meeting the ideal for Chris. Guess you're right about the fame thing, tho

Chris doesn't have financial struggles outside of what Wise and Boyd caused. Chris ordinarily begs because it works, not because he's in any substantial trouble.

EDIT: also, Cole's sweetheart is a true and honest female he can bang outside of CWCville.

Chris doesn't seem to care about that much anymore. Getting laid substantially reduced his pursuit of sex. The hormones also suppress his already weak sex drive.

 

[Mariposa Electrique]

Chris doesn't seem to care about that much anymore. Getting laid substantially reduced his pursuit of sex. The hormones also suppress his already weak sex drive.

Not to mention his polyamorous relationship with Magi-chan and whats her face.

 

[Wrathcaster]

Chris doesn't have financial struggles outside of what Wise and Boyd caused. Chris ordinarily begs because it works, not because he's in any substantial trouble.

Chris doesn't seem to care about that much anymore. Getting laid substantially reduced his pursuit of sex. The hormones also suppress his already weak sex drive.

So really is done with the love quest now? His imaginary sweethearts ticked off that box for good?