Tabletop Roleplaying Games (D&D, Pathfinder, CoC, ETC.)

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But...but...”he died with a serene smile on his face”
:story:
In response: “nope, I will literally beat you until your bones are small fragments and the rest of your body is liquified.”

He died via his head being crushed, he had no face to smile with.
 
So for you guys wondering what @Rumpled Foreskin and @Dunsparce are talking about, we had a new player in our Wednesday games. He was a table top buddy of one of our regulars, since the pair of them had another game that went bust. Our DM said it was okay, since he has a policy that the more, the better. Little did we know that this new guy was an embarrassment who managed to in the first hour of the session get under most of our skins.

He showed up and immediately spent his goodwill by doing this awkward and cringey Gollum impersonation and kept it up for minutes on end the first time he showed up. He also never bothered to find a good place for his pet quail for sessions, so he'd fairly regularly have his bird scream into the microphone without giving a single fuck. His character sheet and design were also something that clawed its way out of a shonen manga in a medieval setting; he tried to claim it was a Victorian setting appropriate one, but it is the anti-steampunk so no. I'm pretty sure you can fucking tell what his character was in my art given this simple description.

He also was cripplingly lazy and cheaty with his character sheet. He never could be assed to make his character sheet for himself; he demanded his former DM and our DM to make his sheets for him. His sheet he used was a three way process between himself, the DM of his old Victorian game, and our good player restatting it for the setting. It was supposed to just be a quick temporary one, but he never bothered to make a sheet of his own, which makes me think he did that on purpose due to loving his character he mad. He managed to weasel in things like being an inch shorter than 8 ft so he could still be a Medium sized character but still use large weapons until our DM said no. He also took feats without their prerequisites and told no one. Best example was when he took cleave without Power Attack, since he wanted to be a living Cuisinart I think.

In game he played like shit too. In the two sessions we had with him he managed to do nothing but be useless. In the first session, he decided to use his weapon on a monster that was known to have a metal eating ability (not a Rust Monster, a Black Pudding). He fucked himself out of his main weapon, but then cheerily said he had another one... without it being on his sheet. DM gave him it since otherwise he'd be reduced to throwing javelins. He then got a pity weapon that he abused by sniffing it like a dog.

In his second and last session, he got destroyed by our Half-orc Barbarian, who crushed him with his bare fucking hands after crit failing a grapple check. He got destroyed because he tried to prevent him from carving a name onto this big fucking boar (a section boss) we just fought for no logical reason. Better yet, he did this after being told by the DM on three separate occasions that it was an awful idea; he even rolled max on a WIS check that told him not to mess with the Half-Orc. So he ignored the DM even as he said "are you sure?" multiple times, the tell that what you are about to do is going to be fatal. Our barb then proceeded to paint his guts into a sun on the ground and did a Viking ritual with his organs, which for the character counted as a labor to cure his madness.

Also fun fact: he did nothing but look at trees and smelled flowers before getting attacked by said boar. Hell, he agro'd it too by just traipsing along like a dipshit. That he dodged every hit was the only awesome thing he ever fucking did.

Another fun fact, we just erased his character from existence when he came back as a skeleton along with another character that didn't match the party. Our cleric just erased him with turn undead, one of our casters burned the clothes and I kicked his ashes away. We now have another cursed item, the Cursed Mask of the Weeb.
 
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He should've known better than to defy the Barb when his rolls were on FIRE.

Seriously, I've not seen someone roll so well in awhile, even two of the rolls made to smash up the guy's corpse were nat 20's.
When all was said and done, I think the barbarian rolled 7 criticals that session.
So for you guys wondering what @Rumpled Foreskin and @Dunsparce are talking about, we had a new player in our Wednesday games. He was a table top buddy of one of our regulars, since the pair of them had another game that went bust. Our DM said it was okay, since he has a policy that the more, the better. Little did we know that this new guy was an embarrassment who managed to in the first hour of the session get under most of our skins.

He showed up and immediately spent his goodwill by doing this awkward and cringey Gollum impersonation and kept it up for minutes on end the first time he showed up. He also never bothered to find a good place for his pet quail for sessions, so he'd fairly regularly have his bird scream into the microphone without giving a single fuck. His character sheet and design were also something that clawed its way out of a shonen manga in a medieval setting; he tried to claim it was a Victorian setting appropriate one, but it is the anti-steampunk so no. I'm pretty sure you can fucking tell what his character was in my art given this simple description.

He also was cripplingly lazy and cheaty with his character sheet. He never could be assed to make his character sheet for himself; he demanded his former DM and our DM to make his sheets for him. His sheet he used was a three way process between himself, the DM of his old Victorian game, and our good player restatting it for the setting. It was supposed to just be a quick temporary one, but he never bothered to make a sheet of his own, which makes me think he did that on purpose due to loving his character he mad. He managed to weasel in things like being an inch shorter than 8 ft so he could still be a Medium sized character but still use large weapons until our DM said no. He also took feats without their prerequisites and told no one. Best example was when he took cleave without Power Attack, since he wanted to be a living Cuisinart I think.

In game he played like shit too. In the two sessions we had with him he managed to do nothing but be useless. In the first session, he decided to use his weapon on a monster that was known to have a metal eating ability (not a Rust Monster, a Black Pudding). He fucked himself out of his main weapon, but then cheerily said he had another one... without it being on his sheet. DM gave him it since otherwise he'd be reduced to throwing javelins. He then got a pity weapon that he abused by sniffing it like a dog.

In his second and last session, he got destroyed by our Half-orc Barbarian, who crushed him with his bare fucking hands after crit failing a grapple check. He got destroyed because he tried to prevent him from carving a name onto this big fucking boar (a section boss) we just fought for no logical reason. Better yet, he did this after being told by the DM on three separate occasions that it was an awful idea; he even rolled max on a WIS check that told him not to mess with the Half-Orc. So he ignored the DM even as he said "are you sure?" multiple times, the tell that what you are about to do is going to be fatal. Our barb then proceeded to paint his guts into a sun on the ground and did a Viking ritual with his organs, which for the character counted as a labor to cure his madness.

Also fun fact: he did nothing but look at trees and smelled flowers before getting attacked by said boar. Hell, he agro'd it too by just traipsing along like a dipshit. That he dodged every hit was the only awesome thing he ever fucking did.

Another fun fact, we just erased his character from existence when he came back as a skeleton along with another character that didn't match the party. Our cleric just erased him with turn undead, one of our casters burned the clothes and I kicked his ashes away. We now have another cursed item, the Cursed Mask of the Weeb.
I think the following was definitely the first nail in Edgy McEdgelord’s coffin:
>DM explains that the party enters a large cavern with grass and trees and flowers, inside of a highly lethal dungeon
>Edgy McEdgelord proceeds to run out into the middle of the area to pick flowers
>Giant, 30’ tall boar is alerted to the party by Edgy, and charges the party
>DM says for everyone to roll initiative
>While everyone is rolling initiative, Edgy asks to climb a tree and pick some fruit
 
Has anyone tried Starfinder? What's it like? How different is it from Pathfinder?
Character creation is a bit different, you don't have normal HP rolls as you get an x amount per level (race+class+con modifier), spells and magic in general is less powerful as they tried to focus more on technology and you have to AC's to worry about. One for energy attacks and one for physical attacks so you'll want to balance that out, unless you want to be a burnt smear on the wall.
 
So for you guys wondering what @Rumpled Foreskin and @Dunsparce are talking about, we had a new player in our Wednesday games. He was a table top buddy of one of our regulars, since the pair of them had another game that went bust. Our DM said it was okay, since he has a policy that the more, the better. Little did we know that this new guy was an embarrassment who managed to in the first hour of the session get under most of our skins.

He showed up and immediately spent his goodwill by doing this awkward and cringey Gollum impersonation and kept it up for minutes on end the first time he showed up. He also never bothered to find a good place for his pet quail for sessions, so he'd fairly regularly have his bird scream into the microphone without giving a single fuck. His character sheet and design were also something that clawed its way out of a shonen manga in a medieval setting; he tried to claim it was a Victorian setting appropriate one, but it is the anti-steampunk so no. I'm pretty sure you can fucking tell what his character was in my art given this simple description.

He also was cripplingly lazy and cheaty with his character sheet. He never could be assed to make his character sheet for himself; he demanded his former DM and our DM to make his sheets for him. His sheet he used was a three way process between himself, the DM of his old Victorian game, and our good player restatting it for the setting. It was supposed to just be a quick temporary one, but he never bothered to make a sheet of his own, which makes me think he did that on purpose due to loving his character he mad. He managed to weasel in things like being an inch shorter than 8 ft so he could still be a Medium sized character but still use large weapons until our DM said no. He also took feats without their prerequisites and told no one. Best example was when he took cleave without Power Attack, since he wanted to be a living Cuisinart I think.

In game he played like shit too. In the two sessions we had with him he managed to do nothing but be useless. In the first session, he decided to use his weapon on a monster that was known to have a metal eating ability (not a Rust Monster, a Black Pudding). He fucked himself out of his main weapon, but then cheerily said he had another one... without it being on his sheet. DM gave him it since otherwise he'd be reduced to throwing javelins. He then got a pity weapon that he abused by sniffing it like a dog.

In his second and last session, he got destroyed by our Half-orc Barbarian, who crushed him with his bare fucking hands after crit failing a grapple check. He got destroyed because he tried to prevent him from carving a name onto this big fucking boar (a section boss) we just fought for no logical reason. Better yet, he did this after being told by the DM on three separate occasions that it was an awful idea; he even rolled max on a WIS check that told him not to mess with the Half-Orc. So he ignored the DM even as he said "are you sure?" multiple times, the tell that what you are about to do is going to be fatal. Our barb then proceeded to paint his guts into a sun on the ground and did a Viking ritual with his organs, which for the character counted as a labor to cure his madness.

Also fun fact: he did nothing but look at trees and smelled flowers before getting attacked by said boar. Hell, he agro'd it too by just traipsing along like a dipshit. That he dodged every hit was the only awesome thing he ever fucking did.

Another fun fact, we just erased his character from existence when he came back as a skeleton along with another character that didn't match the party. Our cleric just erased him with turn undead, one of our casters burned the clothes and I kicked his ashes away. We now have another cursed item, the Cursed Mask of the Weeb.

So, he was a cheat that still got wrecked. Wow. How'd he take it? Also, did he cause the other group to break apart or did they kick him out?
 
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Been playing for about four years now, currently DMing a campaign.


Here it is in a nutshell.

8Jk7HzG.png


Welcoming all questions.
I got a question: what the hell is that?
 
He responded with a wall of text complaining that the alignment of the party should be changed to EVIL for letting the orc kill him and that he's ACTUALLY looking for a more RP-heavy game after joining a game based on a module that is one massive dungeon crawl (and also ignoring the fact that the Barbarian player communicates entirely in grunts which is as RP as fuck)
 
That whole session could pretty much be summed up as:
That Guy vs Gregor Clegane.
It was probably one of the funniest moments of a character just going apeshit on a That Guy I've seen.
 
So, he was a cheat that still got wrecked. Wow. How'd he take it? Also, did he cause the other group to break apart or did they kick him out?
Pretty badly, I'll post the maniwaahsto down at the bottom of this post for all to look at and enjoy. As for the other group, it was actually the clingy and bitchy DM's girlfriend that sunk that boat. This dicktard was actually the 'sanest' player out of the lot besides our regular, hence why he got the invite.
He responded with a wall of text complaining that the alignment of the party should be changed to EVIL for letting the orc kill him and that he's ACTUALLY looking for a more RP-heavy game after joining a game based on a module that is one massive dungeon crawl (and also ignoring the fact that the Barbarian player communicates entirely in grunts which is as RP as fuck)
Here's the cryfest in full for those curious:
That Guy said:
@everyone No hard feelings to anyone(You're all chill people) but this group isnt my type, a bunch of good people letting a Orc murder a man who put his hand up to show displeasure in animal mutilation someone who's allignment should be evil at this point (Eating someones heart, Dark Orc ritual, Dessecrating a corpse, Murder, Animal Mutilation and probably more I dont know about)

Im looking for a equal amount of roleplay(Which very little people incharacter roleplay as much as I would like) and combat basically, We're basically just playing a Dungeon crawler. Nothing wrong with that its not what im looking for.

@DM (Constructive criticism) My only problem with you as a DM is not making someone evil who should be and you dont have to follow the Monster Manuel but Boars never give up they have a feat so they will fight until -10. And you didnt give me a character sheet after me asking 3 times REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. Other wise you did awesome man good job

And Gregs character makes it impossible to play any kind of character with sympathy I cant deal with that.

I would like to spectate if possible because it is funny and interesting but if I am to be kicked from the discord I am sorry for any hurt feelings and I understand.(edited)
 
Pretty badly, I'll post the maniwaahsto down at the bottom of this post for all to look at and enjoy. As for the other group, it was actually the clingy and bitchy DM's girlfriend that sunk that boat. This dicktard was actually the 'sanest' player out of the lot besides our regular, hence why he got the invite.

Here's the cryfest in full for those curious:
A small addendum is that Edgy waited two days and until 4 in the fucking morning to post this.
:story:
 
He responded with a wall of text complaining that the alignment of the party should be changed to EVIL for letting the orc kill him and that he's ACTUALLY looking for a more RP-heavy game after joining a game based on a module that is one massive dungeon crawl (and also ignoring the fact that the Barbarian player communicates entirely in grunts which is as RP as fuck)
My games are more RP heavy and I wouldn't wan that spaz in my games. He'd be the first one monsters attack since he's obviously too stupid in both character and life to actually play the game.

Pretty badly, I'll post the maniwaahsto down at the bottom of this post for all to look at and enjoy. As for the other group, it was actually the clingy and bitchy DM's girlfriend that sunk that boat. This dicktard was actually the 'sanest' player out of the lot besides our regular, hence why he got the invite.

Here's the cryfest in full for those curious:
Did this guy only RP on DA and Myspace before?
 
I got a question: what the hell is that?
Well, okay.

Here, I have a better version of the main cast, that's easier to decipher.

tI7Gx4J.png


Just starting from right to left, here.

The camel is Argus, who used to be a Dragonborn druid, played by my 9 year old nephew. He had to stop playing, so the justification is that the Paladin found a cursed dagger, accidentally tossed it, and it stuck into Argus, who became trapped in Wild Shape as a camel. The Paladin still has the dagger, and has named it the Camel Stabber Dagger, which turns whatever it stabs into a camel.

The skeleton is Sir Dandybones, or Sir Dan, played by my fiancee. He's a puckish rogue who enjoys being theatrical, playing his bagpipes, and macking on fleshy babes. He doesn't exactly recall who he was as a living human, since that was aeons ago, and so he just kinda roams the world looking to entertain and maybe bone someone. He has a fairy dragon that lives in his skull named Maxilla, who gorges herself on gold coins. He also has a bag of holding in his ribcage.

The gnoll is Fir. Long story short, he was the youngest member of a gnoll pack that tried ambushing the group, and Fir is the only survivor of the massacre that ensued. After seeing his father die, he was kinda wary of, you know, doing anything to help the group, but after coming to terms with the fact that his family was in the wrong, he came around. However, he doesn't like Vareen or Sir Dan, who decided to skin his father and use it as a costume for Dan. He's now a rogue for the group.

The big blue guy is Vareen, aka Popesquatch. He's a firbolg cleric and also the guardian of a forest village which acts as the focal point for a nature cult that worships a wolf god that devours anyone who knows and defies their law. He isn't too happy to be on the quest away from home, and acts as the main attacker of the group.

The purple dragon is Ife, who isn't really a dragon, but a "dwagon", a bastardization of "dvargon" used by the populace to describe a group of amphibious pack-hunting reptilians that inhabit a cave system in the northern regions of the country. She is basically a reptilian tiger that acts like a big ole' kitty cat, and has a paralytic in her saliva that doubles as a healing salve. She was sent to travel with the group to see the world for her coming-of-age.

The jellyfish and the knight are Cnidar and The Paladin, respectively. The Paladin is a knight that obeys the goddess of vanity, and seeks to destroy whatever he sees as ugly. Cnidar is a flumph, a kind of creature that feeds on positive emotions, that the group rescued from a displacer beast. The last of it's family, Cnidar stuck with the group, and frequently perches on top of the Paladin's head, feeding on his inherent narcissism and drive.

The clown is Dogg, a midget from the Clown Dimension, played by @Oglooger . He is often used as a projectile by Vareen, and is only in it for the hookers. That's the thick and thin of it.

The skull is Cosmo, aka The Eternal Universal Cosmodium. He's a demilich that got locked in a box for a few hundred years before being found by the group. He's kind of insane, and likes to eat hearts.

Green Fabio there is Chuck. He is the result of the Paladin entering a cooking contest, and rolling so badly that his stew was considered a trash can that everyone else dumped their dishes into. Since a lot of the contestants were using magic in their dishes, the stew became a literal primordial soup that gave birth to Chuck, who sees the Paladin as his father and god. This, incidentally, allowed Cnidar and the Paladin to gain sparks of divinity. Chuck is a barbarian, and fights to protect them.

Alright, so, basically a sorceress named Retha summoned Vareen, Dogg, and the Paladin to a dying country with the instructions to take a bunch of heroes souls to a mountain to stop the spread of corruption. Dan was already from the region, and Argus was mis-teleported and had to find the others. A whole bunch of shenanigans occurred, resulting in the acquiring of Fir, Cosmo, Ife, and Chuck, along with an imp butler and a blind chef, who operate the mansion inside Dan's bag of holding. Currently, they're about 60% through the campaign, by my estimates.
 
Well, okay.

Here, I have a better version of the main cast, that's easier to decipher.

tI7Gx4J.png


Just starting from right to left, here.

The camel is Argus, who used to be a Dragonborn druid, played by my 9 year old nephew. He had to stop playing, so the justification is that the Paladin found a cursed dagger, accidentally tossed it, and it stuck into Argus, who became trapped in Wild Shape as a camel. The Paladin still has the dagger, and has named it the Camel Stabber Dagger, which turns whatever it stabs into a camel.

The skeleton is Sir Dandybones, or Sir Dan, played by my fiancee. He's a puckish rogue who enjoys being theatrical, playing his bagpipes, and macking on fleshy babes. He doesn't exactly recall who he was as a living human, since that was aeons ago, and so he just kinda roams the world looking to entertain and maybe bone someone. He has a fairy dragon that lives in his skull named Maxilla, who gorges herself on gold coins. He also has a bag of holding in his ribcage.

The gnoll is Fir. Long story short, he was the youngest member of a gnoll pack that tried ambushing the group, and Fir is the only survivor of the massacre that ensued. After seeing his father die, he was kinda wary of, you know, doing anything to help the group, but after coming to terms with the fact that his family was in the wrong, he came around. However, he doesn't like Vareen or Sir Dan, who decided to skin his father and use it as a costume for Dan. He's now a rogue for the group.

The big blue guy is Vareen, aka Popesquatch. He's a firbolg cleric and also the guardian of a forest village which acts as the focal point for a nature cult that worships a wolf god that devours anyone who knows and defies their law. He isn't too happy to be on the quest away from home, and acts as the main attacker of the group.

The purple dragon is Ife, who isn't really a dragon, but a "dwagon", a bastardization of "dvargon" used by the populace to describe a group of amphibious pack-hunting reptilians that inhabit a cave system in the northern regions of the country. She is basically a reptilian tiger that acts like a big ole' kitty cat, and has a paralytic in her saliva that doubles as a healing salve. She was sent to travel with the group to see the world for her coming-of-age.

The jellyfish and the knight are Cnidar and The Paladin, respectively. The Paladin is a knight that obeys the goddess of vanity, and seeks to destroy whatever he sees as ugly. Cnidar is a flumph, a kind of creature that feeds on positive emotions, that the group rescued from a displacer beast. The last of it's family, Cnidar stuck with the group, and frequently perches on top of the Paladin's head, feeding on his inherent narcissism and drive.

The clown is Dogg, a midget from the Clown Dimension, played by @Oglooger . He is often used as a projectile by Vareen, and is only in it for the hookers. That's the thick and thin of it.

The skull is Cosmo, aka The Eternal Universal Cosmodium. He's a demilich that got locked in a box for a few hundred years before being found by the group. He's kind of insane, and likes to eat hearts.

Green Fabio there is Chuck. He is the result of the Paladin entering a cooking contest, and rolling so badly that his stew was considered a trash can that everyone else dumped their dishes into. Since a lot of the contestants were using magic in their dishes, the stew became a literal primordial soup that gave birth to Chuck, who sees the Paladin as his father and god. This, incidentally, allowed Cnidar and the Paladin to gain sparks of divinity. Chuck is a barbarian, and fights to protect them.

Alright, so, basically a sorceress named Retha summoned Vareen, Dogg, and the Paladin to a dying country with the instructions to take a bunch of heroes souls to a mountain to stop the spread of corruption. Dan was already from the region, and Argus was mis-teleported and had to find the others. A whole bunch of shenanigans occurred, resulting in the acquiring of Fir, Cosmo, Ife, and Chuck, along with an imp butler and a blind chef, who operate the mansion inside Dan's bag of holding. Currently, they're about 60% through the campaign, by my estimates.
It took me a while to realize Sir Dan is a reference to MedEVIL
 
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