The Cole Smithey Thread

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crayolasword said:
And hopefully video the ensuing meltdown.
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If someone made him aware of the ongoing in-depth documentary series... part of me wonders if he’d actually watch it. It’s complete wishful thinking, but imagine how surreal it would be to have this lunatic half-brother and two parents you hate, and then there’s suddenly over three hours of material on YouTube documenting how they lived after you left.
 
"And this, of course, is the world-famous Carnegie Hall. Built in 1891 by Andrew Ca-"
"Did, uh, Christian And Da Hedgehog Boys ever play dere?"
"Please leave all questions until the end of the tou-"
"Dis tour sucks. You ain't sa- sh-shown us a single one of da ten soup hotels."
 
Xanax said:
"And this, of course, is the world-famous Carnegie Hall. Built in 1891 by Andrew Ca-"
"Did, uh, Christian And Da Hedgehog Boys ever play dere?"
"Please leave all questions until the end of the tou-"
"Dis tour sucks. You ain't sa- sh-shown us a single one of da ten soup hotels."
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I wouldn't be surprised if a ween went on a tour and asked him about Chris or Barb. Cole would probably just tell them it's none of their business. He wouldn't kick them out unless they were just yelling JULAYY over and over again.
 
Slowinthemind said:
That is as low as you can get as an entertainer, you pretty much rely on tips.
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It's a job. I know a few people who do/have done it. If you are a bit of a showman and like history, culture, etc. it's a reasonably pleasant gig. My friends are reasonably happy and proud to be doing it, although not overwhelmingly so.
 
Cole's latest antics are further proof that all the shitty genes are on Barb's side of the family. Bob may not have been the perfect parent, but both of his children that he didn't have with Barb are educated people that have well-paying careers.
 
LordofCringe7206 said:
Cole's latest antics are further proof that all the shitty genes are on Barb's side of the family. Bob may not have been the perfect parent, but both of his children that he didn't have with Barb are educated people that have well-paying careers.
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Agreed 100%.
Bob lived quite an incredible life and achieved some pretty amazing things. And yes, how many people manage to produce two doctors??


His only mistake was getting involved with Barb. Poor old fella. I believe in God, and heaven, but for Bob's sake...well, I hope he doesn't have to watch over and see what Chris has become. The letters he left for Chris were almost a tad emotional to hear, especially with Chris reading them himself. I truly believe Chris could have achieved and possibly thrived if certain things had been done differently.

Again. Y'all gotta look at Barb's kids, then look at Bob's. Who produced two duds?
 
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LordofCringe7206 said:
Cole's latest antics are further proof that all the shitty genes are on Barb's side of the family. Bob may not have been the perfect parent, but both of his children that he didn't have with Barb are educated people that have well-paying careers.
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Cole is what? In his 50's, living in New York, living a decent lifestyle with his well to do wife doing things he loves. I'd say that isn't too bad at all and he doesn't draw a lot of attention to himself. Especially considering who his family is, he could be a lot worse. As in being an actual lolcow. But he's just a failed movie critic whose two claims to fame are giving Toy Story 2 a bad review and being Chris's half brother.
 
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TrunksFromDragonballGT said:
Cole is what? In his 50's, living in New York, living a decent lifestyle with his well to do wife doing things he loves. I'd say that isn't too bad at all and he doesn't draw a lot of attention to himself. Especially considering who his family is, he could be a lot worse. As in being an actual lolcow. But he's just a failed movie critic whose two claims to fame are goving Toy Story 2 a bad review and being Chris's half brother.
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Want proof that Cole is a lolcow? It'll cost you $250 and a bunch of craft beer.
 
ChurchOfGodBear said:
Want proof that Cole is a lolcow? It'll cost you $250 and a bunch of craft beer.
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THIS.

Cole didn't escape unscathed and it's pretty obvious by the way he acts and speaks to people. I don't think he's a particularly good looking fellow, but he doesn't look like Chris and that's a bonus. Turn on a little bit of charm, and hey presto, he has a wife. If Cole looked like Chris, he probably wouldn't have bagged a wife, aka his own private tugboat. Chris uses his tugboat to do what he loves, i.e slack off, be extremely retarded and buy toys while shitting out a few Sonichu pages every year, Cole uses his to write shitty movie reviews. They're very similar people if you look at it closely. One got lucky.
 
lameandgay said:
Agreed 100%.
Bob lived quite an incredible life and achieved some pretty amazing things. And yes, how many people manage to produce two doctors??


His only mistake was getting involved with Barb. Poor old fella. I believe in God, and heaven, but for Bob's sake...well, I hope he doesn't have to watch over and see what Chris has become. The letters he left for Chris were almost a tad emotional to hear, especially with Chris reading them himself. I truly believe Chris could have achieved and possibly thrived if certain things had been done differently.

Again. Y'all gotta look at Barb's kids, then look at Bob's. Who produced two duds?
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I like Bob too, at least from any documented interactions. Plus I don't buy all that racist old southerner shit, he at least seemed to really like Koreans. Enough to join a Korean church.

But, it's pretty curious that neither of his more successful kids wanted anything to do with him. You gotta wonder what that's all about.
 
Mason Verger said:
But, it's pretty curious that neither of his more successful kids wanted anything to do with him. You gotta wonder what that's all about.
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Now that's pretty interesting. I mean from what we know, it might be Barb related. I don't think many a smart kid would be happy about their father chasing a much younger office worker. Or should I say, being chased by a much younger office worker. And enough of a poor old fool to fall for her bullshit. Sweet young Barbara Anne carried many red flags in my opinion.
 
lameandgay said:
Now that's pretty interesting. I mean from what we know, it might be Barb related. I don't think many a smart kid would be happy about their father chasing a much younger office worker. Or should I say, being chased by a much younger office worker. And enough of a poor old fool to fall for her bullshit. Sweet young Barbara Anne carried many red flags in my opinion.
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Barb's dating habits seemed to create a pattern of conflict with nearly all the family and friends that we know about. The idea that Barb created, or widened, the wedge between Bob and his children is a very plausible one.

Consider this: Chris is the only person known to us who DOESN'T hate Barb's guts.
 
I think Bob was more a product of his time than an actual hardcore racist.

As for his kids, the son did go to the funeral so there was something still there. I wonder if the divorce from his first wife was messy and then to see him with Barb and a few years later to have your 55 year old father knock her up with Chris was just too much. I bet Barb put Cole in a deep second place behind Bob at first and maybe he did the same with his own kids. They were all teenagers at the time and that had to hurt.
 
lameandgay said:
It's a shame she didn't croak before Bob. Then maybe Bob would have been able to reconcile with his kids and grandchildren.
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Even as estranged as they were, I have to think Bob's kids would have been more willing to help than Cole is now.
 
Holiday Special said:
I think Bob was more a product of his time than an actual hardcore racist.

As for his kids, the son did go to the funeral so there was something still there. I wonder if the divorce from his first wife was messy and then to see him with Barb and a few years later to have your 55 year old father knock her up with Chris was just too much.
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This, I think, everything in these last 3 posts likely answers everything. She seems textbook succubus. Doing all she can to create rifts & moats. Causing conflict, creating co-dependency, encouraging bad blood.. that kind of fuckery doesn't even take brains, just takes an ugly heart & an eye for exploitable areas.

That shit is a dangerous gamble, tho. Pick the wrong family to try that witchcraft on & you'll go out w a perforated forehead. She just chose wisely, it would appear.
 
Nurse Ratchet said:
This, I think, everything in these last 3 posts likely answers everything. She seems textbook succubus.
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Cluster B to the core. I posted in the random thoughts thread pondering how a Dr Phil episode on Chris and Barb would go and I bet any psychologist would have a fucking field day with her.
 
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