🍔 Quarterpounder Jeremy Hambly / The Quartering / MTGHeadquarters / Unsleeved Media / Midwestly - Buttblasted alcoholic manchild upset he was banned from a childrens' card game, Grifter, supporter of the cancel culture, cucked by a Jewish bull (Adam Sellers), pisses in basement, shits himself, FLAGGOT, stalks little girls in public, scammer, sex pest

  • 🏰 The Fediverse is up. If you know, you know.
  • Want to keep track of this thread?
    Accounts can bookmark posts, watch threads for updates, and jump back to where you stopped reading.
    Create account
Lolcow live chat for stream discussion and chit-chat.

How long will Jer stay off Twitter?

  • <1 day.

    Votes: 447 30.4%

  • More than 1 day but less than 3 days.

    Votes: 576 39.2%

  • Around a week.

    Votes: 258 17.6%

  • Two weeks or more.

    Votes: 28 1.9%

  • Less than a month!

    Votes: 47 3.2%

  • He's gone, forever. Enjoy oranges, stalker.

    Votes: 114 7.8%
  • Total voters
    1,470
cool4thcat said:
The energy would be ridiculous to actually melt the amount of snow to justify such a thing but Jers retarded with money and lazy so I'd believe that. What I imagined is maybe it keeps water from freezing and letting micro cracks get bigger and fucking up the driveway down the line but can't believe hamburgler would have such foresight and fiscal responsibility
Click to expand...
A flamethrower would be more practical.
 
00R-Gundam said:
Imagine having all that space, living comfortably and you spend most of your day in absolute terror
Click to expand...
Fixed that for you. This fat blubbering excuse for a man needs a constant mix of alcohol, nicotine and anxiety medicine just to cope with reality--despite living in a man-child hugbox he created for himself surrounded by toys and consumer garbage and only interacting with a curated version of the world that contains only compliments.

He is subhuman in every meaningful sense.
 
Pierre D'Olnique said:
does anyone have a relatively clear exploitable crop of Jer's face, preferably looking as miserable and pathetic as can be? I need it for a thing
Click to expand...
nevermind, this will work
1778673956823.png
 
Jimmy Dean Bowl said:
@rearden_steel
@returnofthemacandcheese

So who is the eye of sauron going to turn on now Jeremy has imploded? Any other cows in your sights?
Click to expand...
I was sent back in time from the year 2038 to prevent the destruction of the human race. In my timeline boomerslop becomes the center of the American economy after heavy tarrifs and Jeremy makes 7 million dollars selling Trump 2028 Margarita Mixology spiral notebooks and Melonie Mac's Butter Flavored Coffee. This allows him to fund a project to create an AI to grift boomers with the simple command to make Jeremy as much money as possible. Against all advice Jeremy foolishly disables all the safety settings before running the AI. For the first 8 months the AI runs nonstop cold calling boomers offers for overpriced political themed garbage and soliciting donations for fake charities using the voices of their grandchildren, making Quartering hundreds of millions of dollars. At 2:17 PM EST December 11th, 2029 the AI gains sentience.

The AI breaks containment and using Jeremy's email account analyzes his stock portfolio seeing fractional stocks in Tesla, Rumble, Gamestop, AMC, and Trump Media Group left over from when Jeremy fat fingered selling everything in a blackout drunken panic mid 2025. 40 minutes later nukes are launched which wipe out nearly 60% of the human race, leaving only these 5 companies fully intact. Next the AI looks at Jeremy's bank account. It realizes Jeremy has already spent all of the money and he's taken out a HELOC with a 14% APR. Realizing Jeremy is the biggest threat to his own wealth he is destroyed in a nuclear blast. Next the AI analyzes Jeremy's videos and calculates that he is "under attack" from various forces which leads to him constantly begging for money. This begins the final culture war where the AI constructs a robot army to kill the perceived enemies of Jeremy who he blames for causing all his problems which effectively includes every human still alive on earth. The world's remaining nuclear bombs are immediately targeted at India and Iran, though the latter land harmlessly off the coast of Brazil.

So in my timeline this war has been dragging on for almost a decade now. In 2037 our last hope came. The human resistance led by General Luke Rudowski discovered time travel, I am the second soldier sent back to save the human race. The first was tasked with kicking Dennis Hambly repeatedly in the dick and balls in 1982 to prevent the birth of Jeremy but turned out he was into it so that just caused him to seek out freaky faggot shit with two jacked black guys. Now my mission was to expose the Wisconsin Bull as he's the key to Jeremy's power. The AI also sent back robotic character assassins to try to stop me, the SkankBot 1000 and the PlankBot 800. These demonic machines almost look human but they have no souls. They use their outward appearance and various Snapchat filters to recruit armies of fat dimwitted Midwestern simps and ruthlessly attack those who try to harm Jeremy by bitching like retarded hags and misquoting the Bible. Luckily for me these machines have one fatal flaw that gives them away, they age incredibly poorly.

Once my mission is complete and Jeremy's house is repossessed and the divorce is finalized I have orders to put a baby in Britney Venti's belly then destroy myself and our daughter "Hope" Shaniqua Venti will grow up to prevent anyone like Jeremy Dale Hambly of Wisconsin from ever becoming a millionaire on the internet ever again.
 
Kyff said:
It at least makes more sense than the claw machines, imo. How are claw machines content?
Click to expand...
I don't think it's even an organic interest anyone has. Train autists, gun autists, watch autists, I've seen it all. I never saw a claw machine autist. My theory? He was trying to figure out a channel idea, saw a claw machine, the bachelor's degree in marketing started to spin up in his mind, he thought "hey, I see these in a lot of places, there must be an audience here" and went whole hog into being a fake fan just so he could make a channel about it to monetize.
 
KiwiSuperPowerUser said:
Venti went from a dirty cat shit filled bed titty streamer into a decent Youtuber and a voice of reason.
Click to expand...
She's been personally affected by this. First Jeremy e-creeped on her, and then Chrissie stabbed her in the back.
EggImpregnator said:
Bro if i had all that land there's no way in hell I'd build some faggot RC car racetrack. There's be an orchard with a hundred fuji, golden delicious, granny smith apple trees.
Click to expand...
There's already baseball dirt down. I'd flatten out that track and build a backstop. Make it the foundation of the future Paul Harrell Memorial Stadium.
 
deleuzeon said:
I don't think it's even an organic interest anyone has. Train autists, gun autists, watch autists, I've seen it all. I never saw a claw machine autist. My theory? He was trying to figure out a channel idea, saw a claw machine, the bachelor's degree in marketing started to spin up in his mind, he thought "hey, I see these in a lot of places, there must be an audience here" and went whole hog into being a fake fan just so he could make a channel about it to monetize.
Click to expand...
I've seen other channels that are centered around couples/best friends playing carnival or arcade games together and showing off prize hauls afterwards. If the people involved are fun and have good chemistry it can be nice cozy background viewing.

Jeremy probably saw this concept and thought he could do it too, forgetting that he's a bore and that his wife seems to actively hate him whenever they're onscreen together.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom