💼 Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Slavic Patronym]

let's not forget he only is an obligate southpaw

I'm hesitant to say it because I have no idea how to find the video(s) -- but I'm pretty sure Jack has, more than once, claimed he is naturally left-handed after he had his strokes.

I have a distinct memory of watching one of his videos with a friend and us turning to each other, like, "Omg, no he's not!" To this day if we watch an old Jack video, one of us might say, "Look, he's using his right hand."

Just insane levels of cope, not to mention the Dark Triader's compulsion to claim things that can be easily disproven (on video no less).

Spoiler: Ambidextrous?

I've actually been wondering if Jack was ambidextrous. I'm right-handed and even years ago Jack would at times do things in the kitchen the opposite of how I would.

Like in this video, he touches each ingredient with his left hand as he calls it out. But then he pours the ranch dressing creamer into his coffee with his right hand, and even switches the spoon from his left hand to his right so he can stir the coffee. And then he holds the mug in his left hand to drink.

Also: "Recent studies have documented that gay men and lesbians are more likely to be left-handed (or ambidextrous) than heterosexuals are."

This was Zapruder levels of sperg on my part and I am aware of that, yes.

 

[Super Hans v2]

SOCIAL MEDIA CHILI VS AI CHILI - AI BATTLES
Archive (480p)
SOCIAL MEDIA CHILI VS AI CHILI - AI BATTLES [7uXjnNZzHaQ].mp4

PreserveTube link: https://preservetube.com/watch?v=7uXjnNZzHaQ

This is a classic Jack chili: no rhyme or reason behind the ingredient choices, no control over seasoning, and way too much liquid. Ends up way too spicy, but he doesn't tell Tammy before she samples it. Common Jack W.

'We made this together. This isn't my recipe, it's your recipe.'

DON'T YOU FUCKING PUT THAT EVIL ON ME, JACK. My chili is almost thick enough to put make into a sandwich, not whatever diarrhea-looking tub of shit that is.

 

[Uber driver reviewer]

Come on. Jack is a failure at basically everything in his adult life but we don't have to pretend he couldn't even handle the most basic and common activities of being a Gen X child.

View attachment 8723847

Le 56% goblino Americano

 

[densedance]

??

 

[Lou's Sentient Backfat]

??

View attachment 8738680

No, Jack that's because you are a stroked out deathfat. We've literally seen you using your gunt to keep yourself standing in your videos.

 

[AnOminous]

In all honesty, I think his ultimate meat chili was the worst thing he's ever made in the stew department. Well, besides garbage stew.

It's amazing when someone can't even do garbage stew. It's literally "look in the fridge and find some questionable ingredients" and then boil it for a while. Maybe throw in a bay leaf or two with some thyme or whatever. Ta da, you got yourself a stew going.

??

View attachment 8738680

Because you're dying you stroked-out moron.

 

[the khat quaffer]

??

View attachment 8738680

Uhoh, Jack's decentralized nervous system of independent ganglia are cross-talking.

Tammy bitch get the phone! Dial 9, 1 and then when Jack slumps over, dial 1 again.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

??

View attachment 8738680

It's because his stroked out brain prioritizes food. So he eats something good and all the energy goes towards his mouth meaning he falls on his ass and starts convulsing.

This is not normal behavior.

 

[Adamska]

??

View attachment 8738680

Don't worry, that's just your autonomic nervous system desperately giving you one last warning before your blood vessels burst again and you go down to hell. Jack.

This is totally a normal thing and not something only a person who suffered from multiple ischemic episodes experiences.

 

[the khat quaffer]

The more I read that tweet the funnier it is. It's like "I ate me a hot dog and it was so good I just fell down" like what?!
Happens to the best of us I guess...

what did he eat

 

[Tiresome]

what did he eat

Whatever it is, it wasn't made by him, Mrs. Lardo, or probably anyone at the cheap-ass places he prefers. Maybe the neighbors took pity and wanted to dump leftovers.

 

[She Brings The Rain]

SOCIAL MEDIA CHILI VS AI CHILI - AI BATTLES
Archive (480p)
SOCIAL MEDIA CHILI VS AI CHILI - AI BATTLES [7uXjnNZzHaQ].mp4

PreserveTube link: https://preservetube.com/watch?v=7uXjnNZzHaQ

This is a classic Jack chili: no rhyme or reason behind the ingredient choices, no control over seasoning, and way too much liquid. Ends up way too spicy, but he doesn't tell Tammy before she samples it. Common Jack W.

"I put chili powder and one chipotle, that's it."
And an entire can of adobo sauce and one can of diced jalapeno but who's counting.

 

[Dollar Duck]

??

View attachment 8738680

• Have diabetes + multiple other conditions
• Refuse to take medicine for it any of these conditions, cause you know better than those scamming doctors
• They try to make you eat less so why listen to them at all
• Consume a rib eye steak drenched in lots of SHUGARy sauce
• Blood sugar levels reaching new records
• Blood pressure drops
• Feeble legs give out

Jack's ignorance to any message his body gives is quite funny but yet he still lives.

 

[the khat quaffer]

• Have diabetes + multiple other conditions
• Refuse to take medicine for it any of these conditions, cause you know better than those scamming doctors
• They try to make you eat less so why listen to them at all
• Consume a rib eye steak drenched in lots of SHUGARy sauce
• Blood sugar levels reaching new records
• Blood pressure drops
• Feeble legs give out

Jack's ignorance to any message his body gives is quite funny but yet he still lives.

+ Those scamming insurance companies that tried to ... checks notes bill you for $100. [fucking nigger i hate you so much jack]

Is Jacko's right leg paralyzed too? It tracks since as far back as 17 years ago his entire right half was paralyzed. I haven't seen him walk in like a year. I've been watching his videos consistently and we never see him walk. He can, at best, stand (ostensibly) behind a counter. His fart on the town videos, it's either POV, closeup, or his queen holding his phone for him so he can film himself shoving a fork of goyslop down his gullet and ponder the cosmos.

He's got like 10 yt channels and countless other godless venues to projectile shart his bloviations; I'm not checking all that shit even if you paid me.

edit, a word

 

[Slavic Patronym]

I watched the first 10 minutes of Jack's livestream from this past Saturday and took some notes:

In the first 5 minutes...

• Jack metaphorically pours one out for Sister Wang Zha, whom I've never of before but who apparently died ~2 weeks ago shortly after a livestream. Jack seems to feel camaraderie with her. He also incorrectly states several times that she died during her livestream.
  
  
• He briefly mourns Chuck Norris, who "stood for good things." (Chuck Norris warned us that Obama would plunge America into "one thousand years of darkness.")
  
  
• Jack reiterates a point he made in his last video or two: he's starting "an AI battle" between recipes 'we' make with him and those given to him by an unspecified GenAI tool. He doesn't seem to realize he undercuts his own content by being a dumb lazy baboon and not structuring the battle with:
  • Rules
  • Stakes
  • A grading scale
  • Any details on the grades he gives
  • Any care or concern whatsoever, as evidenced by the fact he admits he fucked up the recipe given to him by 'us' but is obviously not going to offset that somehow, try again, etc.
    
    
• Jack explains he adds beer to chili because "it gives it an added kick." Even if that's an accurate description of what beer does in chili, which I personally don't think it is, it's still incredibly lazy.
  
  Jack adds beer to chili just like he adds butter and olive oil at the same time in the frying pan. He does it because recipes tell him to. He hasn't the faintest clue about (or interest in) what's happening chemically -- the why or the how -- which is why cooking will always be a job to him, not a joy.
  
  
• He reveals the AI battles will also feature dessert at some point.
  
  
• An unnamed company (so what's the point?) sent Jack some rub, and he'll be saving it to use on ribs he makes this Fourth of July. I'd say it's bold of him to assume he has that much longer to live, but frankly to this point he's made fools of us all.

Between 5 and 10 minutes in...

• For basically no reason, Jack says, "If you've been watching the show long enough, you know I'm not one about dishonesty."
  
  This from a man who openly wept from ego death on a reality show when his lies about being able to cook were exposed. And then lied afterward by blaming his tears on the 'recent' death of his mother (who'd died four years prior -- and shortly after Jack filmed himself antagonizing her in public.*)
  
  *Long aside, but the world-infamous Maggiano's video was uploaded 15 years ago. That's 2011. Connie Scalfani died on August 24, 2011. The weather in the Maggiano's video is sunny and pleasant. So it is extremely possible that the very last time Jack was with his elderly, unwell mother, all he did was troll her, fuck with her, and genuinely be such an obnoxious dickhead that his own son called him retarded.
  
  
• At one point Jack reflects somewhat fondly on the garbage stew -- a little funny given it's one of the main gateways to the Scalfaniverse.
  
  
• As he said a month or two ago, Jack promises another bacon explosion is coming. (Since Jack claims the carnivore diet cured his eczema, sleep apnea, depression, etc., shouldn't Rite-Aid be selling bacon explosions?)
  
  
• Jack jovially says hello to IHeartLebanon, who not too long ago was on the hot seat after some fun-ruiners told Jack he had false friends. Guess Lebanon is OK.
  
  
• Around 7:30 into the video, Jack promises today is the day he's going to film himself unsealing the limed egg jar!!! And eating what's inside! (Unless it "smells or looks bad," of course.) He claims to have no idea why people have found the saga of his egg jar so fascinating.
  
  
• Jack says his goal this year (nice of him to announce it a few days from the start of April) is to "cater more" to us, his viewers.

edit: dumb typo

 

[the khat quaffer]

'We made this together. This isn't my recipe, it's your recipe.'

DON'T YOU FUCKING PUT THAT EVIL ON ME, JACK. My chili is almost thick enough to put make into a sandwich, not whatever diarrhea-looking tub of shit that is.

recipes 'we' make with him

"we. "
Sir you are no kin to me; thus I shall have your silence.

other tidbits...
-regardless of when she died, wang yefei showed symptoms similar to those that lead up to a stroke or hemorrhage while streaming.
https://people.com/influencer-dies-at-39-after-distressing-final-livestream-11925586
it's possible mr. southpaw sees himself in her and feels better about his shitty life choices. "She's thin and attractive and probably eats healthy like all Asians, so you see, anyone can have strokes! It's not me, it's Godjesus! (praise him)
Methinks Jack might have caught a bit of that yellow fever. It's photoshop, Jack. (tangential)

-did he tell the AI to simulate the recipe as if the human only had one hand? imagine that as a prompt: "Make me a recipe for some good ol' fashioned chili. Assume I only have one hand and am a crippled retard. My wife loves spice in her chili."

-how about you use some of that "best bbq sauce you'll ever taste" buttcrack sealant you went on about for a decade you grifting fuck. or did you bury all the unsold bottles in a landfill in new mexico?
Jack will make it to the 4th. As long as he doesn't (attempt to) do a jumping jack or two.

~

-TELL US HOW MANY STROKES YOU'VE HAD, FATTY. GIVE US A WEIGH IN. TELL US ABOUT THE CARNEYVORE DIET.

-bacon explosion. i take it back maybe he won't make it to america's birthday.

-

you better cater more to us, Jacques. You wouldn't want to be dishonest now, would you?

 

[AnOminous]

"Best Hot Sauce You Will Ever Taste." Is actually a bizarre jelly-like substance resembling no food that previously ever existed.

Pure Jack.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

Is Jacko's right leg paralyzed too? It tracks since as far back as 17 years ago his entire right half was paralyzed. I haven't seen him walk in like a year. I've been watching his videos consistently and we never see him walk. He can, at best, stand (ostensibly) behind a counter. His fart on the town videos, it's either POV, closeup, or his queen holding his phone for him so he can film himself shoving a fork of goyslop down his gullet and ponder the cosmos.

He sits down when "cooking" now and only stands when he's directly addressing the camera. And he usually manages to cut out the parts when the camera is on him and he has to take more than two steps but sometimes still keeps it in because he's a retard.

And yes, his right leg doesn't work. The last time we saw him stiff-legging it was at that cookout where he ate all the frog legs.

 

[AnOminous]

And yes, his right leg doesn't work. The last time we saw him stiff-legging it was at that cookout where he ate all the frog legs.

Eating all the frog legs was one of his signature dick moves. They take effort to collect. They're small. They have very little meat on them. And this fat son of a bitch ate them all.

 

[semitooth]

Spoiler: archive