💼 Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

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When will Jack drop dead?

  • February-March 2024

    Votes: 6 0.4%

  • April-May 2024

    Votes: 6 0.4%

  • June-July 2024

    Votes: 17 1.1%

  • August-September 2024

    Votes: 34 2.2%

  • October-November 2024

    Votes: 37 2.4%

  • December 2024

    Votes: 44 2.8%

  • Sometime in 2025

    Votes: 258 16.6%

  • Sometime in 2026

    Votes: 252 16.2%

  • Jack lives forever. The Wendigo Must Consoom

    Votes: 902 58.0%
  • Total voters
    1,556
Marc said:
In this respect, I'm glad Jack's living to see all the obvious consequences of his Dunning-Kruger corner-cutting catch up to more than his health. I'm also waiting for an incident in which he wraps up another hour-long session of massaging his heart with his working hand while he shits like a turtle laying eggs on the beach (including the instinct to feebly sweep sand over it with his flippers), then screams for Tammy to come in and help him retrieve his penis after it fell off into the bowl; looking like a freezer-burnt skinless chicken thigh sitting on a pile of black pearls and nutella, floating in blood and a lipid layer of fat chunks the size of styrofoam packing peanuts.
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.........did you mean to type all that out or are you just really high?

Falcon Sebben said:
That's actually part of the problem.

Fast food had two things going for it when it started. It was fast and it was cheap. It's no longer those things. You head into McDonald's today and not only does it take time but it's bloody expensive for what you're actually getting. Fast food hasn't been a value for a long time now. And the only times you should visit them is when you're on the road, there's no other choice and you need something reasonably quickly.

But Fatty is addicted to food and eating until his stomach hurts. In the end it's the the only happiness he knows.
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Reminds me of McDonald's failure to launch in SEA countries like Vietnam. The average meal while out on the road consisted of food stands where the food was nigh instantaneous, generous, and piss cheap. Comparatively, Mcdonald's took an eternity and it wasn't cheap. Keep in mind, the average American salary in a week was like 3 months' salary in these places. (Source: my ass). People's mileage might vary but ask me, there's nothing luxurious or justifiable about the typical fast food experience.
 
Marc said:
It's fundamentally unfair to compare most human beings to Jack; who is a shit factory existing to fumble and squander, then insist upon using his EYEFONE to film himself gurgling his way through acting like no one's done a better job than him. In any less forgiving time in history, he'd only be good for poisoning an enemy well with his corpse.
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Okay, look, I overlooked the sperging about how he was apparently always a colon polyp who was too stupid even to ride a bike as a kid back when everyone rode bikes, but let's tone it down before we get into actual Foaming-Mouth A-log territory. Jack is a fat piece of shit, but if you get too mad about it, people start to wonder why.
 
saralovesjuicyfruit said:
Once you're an adult with fully developed motor skills, you can literally just get on a bike and have it figured out in fewer than 10 minutes. The only reason little kids need hours or days of instruction and practice is because their motor skills are spaghetti. Riding a bike is treated like some kind of milestone where you either learn it as a kid or never, but it's really not any different than if you're 25 and you and some friends are going to go rent kayaks to row around the park lake in your town, and you've never kayaked before. You'll figure it out quick, because you're not 5 years old.
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Not only that but falling down and scraping your knee or something is all part of the process of learning when you first learn to ride. You fall down. Get a scrape and then get back on because you're determined to ride this thing.

When you're five it's a milestone. You just accomplished something. When you're in your 20's it's embarrassing that you never learned. And Jr is too afraid to look stupid in the eyes of others.
 
Slavic Patronym said:
If Jack didn't want to teach his son how to ride a bike, that's fine
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Tiresome said:
Come on. Jack is a failure at basically everything in his adult life but we don't have to pretend he couldn't even handle the most basic and common activities of being a Gen X child.

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If by some science fiction-level feat of mechanical engineering Jack was able to get his canyonesque bottom on a bike, he wouldn't get far if at all. He'd fail at riding a tricycle, even. This guy could fuck up a cup of coffee.

If I wanted to be sympathetic, I suspect he does know how to ride a bike or least did. But his stroke brain makes him a danger on any set of moving wheels, and let's not forget he only is an obligate southpaw. People that have mental episodes are usually banned from operating heavy machinery for a period of at least half a year.

He should be thankful he has Tammy to cart him around. If he plops his fat ass in the driver's seat he'd be a danger to himself but more importantly , others. Frankly he should be in a toddler seat in the back. Wearing a helmet.
 
Tiresome said:
Okay, look, I overlooked the sperging about how he was apparently always a colon polyp who was too stupid even to ride a bike as a kid back when everyone rode bikes, but let's tone it down before we get into actual Foaming-Mouth A-log territory. Jack is a fat piece of shit, but if you get too mad about it, people start to wonder why.
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I taught myself to ride a bike at like 8 years old. Even 8 year old me knew that if you kept the wheels moving, it'd stay upright. 8 year old me is smarter than fatty
 
I'm not saying he'd even be able to to get up on a bike NOW, or even when Jack Jr was 8, but yeah, I have no problem believing he tooled around on it when he was only a little junior lardass, he probably fucked around too and ran into people because he was too stupid to remember to brake in time. To me, the fact Jack has fallen to this chasm of worthlessness from even the most basic level of Gen X competence is a lot more interesting than to simply imagine he has been barely sentient since he was born.
 
Tiresome said:
I'm not saying he'd even be able to to get up on a bike NOW, or even when Jack Jr was 8, but yeah, I have no problem believing he tooled around on it when he was only a little junior lardass, he probably fucked around too and ran into people because he was too stupid to remember to brake in time. To me, the fact Jack has fallen to this chasm of worthlessness from even the most basic level of Gen X competence is a lot more interesting than to simply imagine he has been barely sentient since he was born.
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To be fair, those trees do have a habit of popping out of the ground and standing there...mancingly.

I prefer to think he was a stillborn that somehow pulled through. I'm imagining a water birth in a kiddy pool filled with gravy.
 
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Spasticus Autisticus said:
Archive (480p)
SOCIAL MEDIA CHILI VS AI CHILI - AI BATTLES [7uXjnNZzHaQ].mp4

PreserveTube link: https://preservetube.com/watch?v=7uXjnNZzHaQ

This is a classic Jack chili: no rhyme or reason behind the ingredient choices, no control over seasoning, and way too much liquid. Ends up way too spicy, but he doesn't tell Tammy before she samples it. Common Jack W.
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Granted I didn't watch it yet but did he really made only one chili? Why is it "Audience vs AI" then?
You'd think he compares 2 chili recipes, one from the comments one from AI and see which is better, no?
 
I like the part where he blames the audience for the stupid fucking meat booger he does. He legitimately claims that the audience is the one that came up with this.

As for the recipe? A mixture of Texas style chili but with beans. In the hands of someone resembling competence, it would probably be pretty good. But like always, the stupid mother fucker had to choose to use the goddamn pressure cooker.

Because God forbid that you cook off all of the alcohol that's in this fucking dish and actually, for once in your misbegotten life, create a stew rather than shitslop soup.

Oh yeah, also like the part where he denies that he'll use AI footage for his videos. I take that for him doing it next week or something.
 
biggacracka said:
Granted I didn't watch it yet but did he really made only one chili? Why is it "Audience vs AI" then?
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Because he's a stroke-out retard who can't even remember what happened last minute. And for some reason, he's been obsessed with chili for years, despite completely sucking at it. I believe he's done chili videos over a dozen times, and ruined it every time.

The most famous is obviously the church contest chili where he took obviously freezer-burned brisket over a year old and made it into a vile concoction and then acted amazed that he didn't win the contest.
 
AnOminous said:
I believe he's done chili videos over a dozen times, and ruined it every time.
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Nope, this stupid fat cocksucker has actually done this nearly 50 times now. He did about 40 or so prior to chili month where several of his worst concoctions came about. I still remember the fucking hard-boiled egg that he put in the pressure cooker for 20 minutes.

In all honesty, I think his ultimate meat chili was the worst thing he's ever made in the stew department. Well, besides garbage stew.
 
Spasticus Autisticus said:
Archive (480p)
SOCIAL MEDIA CHILI VS AI CHILI - AI BATTLES [7uXjnNZzHaQ].mp4

PreserveTube link: https://preservetube.com/watch?v=7uXjnNZzHaQ

This is a classic Jack chili: no rhyme or reason behind the ingredient choices, no control over seasoning, and way too much liquid. Ends up way too spicy, but he doesn't tell Tammy before she samples it. Common Jack W.
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>poisons tammy with spice
.....Jack you piece of shit lmao okay that's funny. but only because I've got a warped sense of humor. have a like you asshead

I mean it's terrible, don't do this...don't poison people's food with stuff they've told you many times they don't like.
but it's jack & tammy so I giggle
watch out tammy, that chili con carne is breaking double digits on the scoville scale, you're playing with some real power
"excuse me waiter, do you have anything with a little less heat? this coleslaw is a bit much"
 
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