💼 Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Slavic Patronym]

gangs? Did he hear "biker gangs" and think bicycle?

Not exactly. That's just a random excuse he gave on some random livestream years ago. He said it around the time he started habitually shitting on California (with a bizarre hatefulness that endures to this day, motivated literally only by the fact it leans left in politics).

This was his address in California. It's in Orange County and is now listed on Zillow for over a million dollars, which is about average for a home there. Somehow I doubt that roving gangs of godless commies are the reason this fat sack of shit didn't teach his son how to ride a bike.

Shur-Fine Valu Accounting Kollege

One of my favorite pieces of lore is how:

• If Jack is to be believed, Tammy's college burned down
• If Tammy('s LinkedIn) is to believed, she was somehow enrolled in it a year after it closed
• Either way, its name was found basically on a directory of degree mills

And the only times you should visit them is when you're on the road

Agreed, and ironically this is also the most dangerous time to visit them...



edit: dumb typo

 

[semitooth]

here we go again...

 

[Weltschmerz]

https://youtube.com/watch?v=93T67ERYAqIhere we go again... i'll archive soon

"I love when... you know... they definitely took their time on all these dishes"

 

[p1138]

I don't think it's quite that simple OR that noble. You see flinty old guys still mowing the lawn or old ladies volunteering at libraries for precisely this reason and bless 'em, but Jack has never wanted to actually work or do anything that in his terminally adolescent mind isn't "fun." Jack makes videos for the sole reason that A, it's an excuse to stuff his mouth with garbage, and B, it's an excuse to write all that trash food off on their taxes, and you know Shur-Fine Valu Accounting Kollege Tammy takes FULL advantage of that. To a lesser extent, it feeds Jack's ego to put himself up on screen, but I think as he ages and his health degrades he cares less and less about being the Mickey Rooney of Cooking YouTube or the Wise Content/Political/Tech Sage and more keeps on doing it just to keep the channels he cares about active and the meager checks sliding in, otherwise Tammy would bitch at him even more than she does now off-camera.

It also probably keeps him out of her hair for a portion of the day with the rest occupied by him watching reruns of Blues Clues.

Not exactly. That's just a random excuse he gave on some random livestream years ago. He said it around the time he started habitually shitting on California (with a bizarre hatefulness that endures to this day, motivated literally only by the fact it leans left in politics).

This was his address in California. It's in Orange County and is now listed on Zillow for over a million dollars, which is about average for a home there. Somehow I doubt that roving gangs of godless commies are the reason this fat sack of shit didn't teach his son how to ride a bike.

Oh I get it. It's just incredibly fucking stupid.

 

[Spasticus Autisticus]

I saw this, didn't remember seeing this before... unfortunately lolcowgo is no longer up but a search of the thread has people discussing this and some of his excuses. But gangs? Did he hear "biker gangs" and think bicycle? There's no gang issue involving bikes other than the Little Rascals maybe, and I guess getting a bike stolen. But they lived in southern California, the only thing that would make sense is safety from retarded drivers I guess but that's still not a real reason to never teach a kid how to ride a fucking bike as there's plenty of safe places to do so.

I found where talked about this (timestamp linked), but he doesn't mention gangs as a reason.

Transcript:

So it's interesting that my son doesn't know how to ride a bike. I don't think I ever taught him. I think he grew up and didn't want to. Let me tell you what happened. So I bought him a skateboard. For Christmas. And I didn't just buy him a skateboard. I got him a nice skateboard. One of the ones, you know, when skateboarding was hip, I wanted the nicer brands, okay? I got him the helmet. I got him the elbow pads. I got him the knee pads. I got him the everything, the cool skater shoes, everything. The only thing that wasn't covered was his butt. So what's he do? He goes out in the park and falls flat on his butt. He fell one time, got up, took off all his gear, handed it back to me and said, I never want to skateboard again. That was painful. And didn't practice, didn't want to do it anymore. So I didn't bother teaching him on the bike. I just didn't go there. Maybe that was my fault. But, you know, being in the city in Orange County, I didn't want him on a bike in Orange County. It was just dangerous. I mean, it's like riding a motorcycle. It's dangerous because of drivers. There's so many people in Orange County. What's the best present you got as a child? It's not the best present, but I remember two presents. I remember... My mom got me a mirror from my bedroom, and it says, homework causes pimples. I remember that. I have no idea why I remember that. And I remember she got me the guitar one. She got me an acoustic guitar, one of those kids' ones. And the guitar was the biggest surprise. I remember, let's see, breaking hips, that is, right? Yeah, it's hard to ride a bike when you're in the city. When you're in the suburbs of the country, it's probably more easier. But I didn't want my son on a bike anyway in traffic, crossing the street, any of that stuff. So probably why I didn't teach him because I didn't want him just taking off and going. When I got my driver's license, said bye to bikes.

 

[Tiresome]

This anecdote is so telling, both for retarded, uber-lazy Jack Jr and retarded, uber-lazy Jack. What's hilarious is Jack is exactly the time of idiot boomer to scream about kids not getting outdoors and doing stuff anymore, and here he is enabling his son to sit inside on his fat ass playing vidya all day, like father like son, but of course if YOUR kid does the same, you're the problem with society. Fats Scalfani can't give up the wendigo soon enough, in my opinion.

 

[saralovesjuicyfruit]

Once you're an adult with fully developed motor skills, you can literally just get on a bike and have it figured out in fewer than 10 minutes. The only reason little kids need hours or days of instruction and practice is because their motor skills are spaghetti. Riding a bike is treated like some kind of milestone where you either learn it as a kid or never, but it's really not any different than if you're 25 and you and some friends are going to go rent kayaks to row around the park lake in your town, and you've never kayaked before. You'll figure it out quick, because you're not 5 years old.

 

[Axe Steel]

https://youtube.com/watch?v=93T67ERYAqIhere we go again... i'll archive soon

It's always uncomfortable to come back to Jack after long periods of not keeping up with him and just see how he's barely conscious. This is a video of a man who should have died 3 years ago.

 

[AnOminous]

This anecdote is so telling, both for retarded, uber-lazy Jack Jr and retarded, uber-lazy Jack. What's hilarious is Jack is exactly the time of idiot boomer to scream about kids not getting outdoors and doing stuff anymore, and here he is enabling his son to sit inside on his fat ass playing vidya all day, like father like son, but of course if YOUR kid does the same, you're the problem with society. Fats Scalfani can't give up the wendigo soon enough, in my opinion.

It never ceases to amaze me how completely oblivious he is for a ridiculous fat fuck like him, who has never had a real job in his life, to bitch and complain about people who "work from home." He has done nothing of value in his entire life and thinks he's in a position to criticize anyone else at all.

 

[Slavic Patronym]

...

Thanks for the write-up.

Even here, though, Jack actually gives or implies three different reasons why he didn't teach his son how to ride a bike. Because he's lying, and the real reason is he just didn't care.

Reason #1

[Junior] goes out in the park and falls flat on his butt. He fell one time, got up, took off all his gear, handed it back to me and said, "I never want to skateboard again. That was painful." And didn't practice, didn't want to do it anymore. So I didn't bother teaching him on the bike.

First Jack says he didn't do it because he figured Junior wouldn't commit or take to it, just like he didn't commit or take to skateboarding. Blames it on Junior.

Reason #2

I didn't want my son on a bike anyway in traffic, crossing the street, any of that stuff.

Then Jack says it's too dangerous to ride a bike because of all the drivers around. Blames it on Orange County.

Reason #3

When I got my driver's license, said bye to bikes.

Then Jack implies it doesn't matter anyway, since once you learn how to drive, bike riding is irrelevant.

---

If Jack didn't want to teach his son how to ride a bike, that's fine. I look back on that time with my own dad very fondly, so I'm biased and think it's lame (if not against the natural order) for a dad not to do this, but fine. Fathers have done worse.

What makes Jack repulsive is how he piles lie on top of lie on top of lie, all obvious, all terrible, all in one sitting, solely in service of himself. He literally says the narcissist's prayer in real time:

It's not my fault my son never learned how to ride a bike -- he didn't want to learn.
And even if he did want to learn -- it was too dangerous where I lived.
And even if it wasn't too dangerous -- it doesn't matter because he can drive.

Spoiler: Gangs

And I appreciate the correction; I think "gangs" might've actually been the reason Jack gave as to why they had to switch schools for Junior. Who still ended up dressing in chains, Brons, and Lakers jerseys, lol. Will try to dig it up.

 

[AnOminous]

First Jack says he didn't do it because he figured Junior wouldn't commit or take to it, just like he didn't commit or take to skateboarding. Blames it on Junior.

They're both little punks. I had a moment like that in learning bike riding and my dad basically said get the fuck up you little bitch, you're going to learn this whether you like it or not (he didn't actually use profanity though). And riding a bike became one of my favorite things.

Being a dad means sometimes you gotta FORCE your son to learn some shit.

 

[Shartavius]

What makes any of you think Jack knows how to ride a bike? He would have taught Junior some wrong way of riding a bicycle where you stick your tongue out before sucking on some part of it that's covered in burnt seasoning and bleeding.

 

[Super Hans v2]

What makes any of you think Jack knows how to ride a bike? He would have taught Junior some wrong way of riding a bicycle where you stick your tongue out before sucking on some part of it that's covered in burnt seasoning and bleeding.

There's a photo of young Jack a while back in the thread at least holding a bicycle up. Could have been performative bullshit like his cooking and crucifix, though.

 

[Tiresome]

What makes any of you think Jack knows how to ride a bike? He would have taught Junior some wrong way of riding a bicycle where you stick your tongue out before sucking on some part of it that's covered in burnt seasoning and bleeding.

Come on. Jack is a failure at basically everything in his adult life but we don't have to pretend he couldn't even handle the most basic and common activities of being a Gen X child.

 

[Shartavius]

Unless I see Jack riding it, I'm going to continue to assume he was photographed leaning on the bicycle for the sake of pretending he can stand under his own power. It may well be a photo taken just before he ate it. I also know better than to believe Jack when he says he can remember a bicycle.

 

[AnOminous]

Unless I see Jack riding it, I'm going to continue to assume he was photographed leaning on the bicycle for the sake of pretending he can stand under his own power. It may well be a photo taken just before he ate it. I also know better than to believe Jack when he says he can remember a bicycle.

He looks black as all hell. Is he a Sicilian?

 

[Slavic Patronym]

View attachment 8723847

At that age and with that haircut, he sort of resembled Tattoo from Fantasy Island. Ended up being about his height, too.

De plane, boss! De plane!

 

[Tiresome]

He looks black as all hell. Is he a Sicilian?

No, he's fuckin Mexican, Mommy learned everything about sex from a Manuel.

 

[Weltschmerz]

At that age and with that haircut, he sort of resembled Tattoo from Fantasy Island. Ended up being about his height, too.

De plane, boss! De plane!

View attachment 8724006

View attachment 8724004

Hervé Villechaize was a super interesting, hard-working and talented guy despite his literal shortcomings, so the similarities end pretty quickly. Speaks volumes about Jack when you think about it.

 

[Shartavius]

It's fundamentally unfair to compare most human beings to Jack; who is a shit factory existing to fumble and squander, then insist upon using his EYEFONE to film himself gurgling his way through acting like no one's done a better job than him. In any less forgiving time in history, he'd only be good for poisoning an enemy well with his corpse.