💬 Off-Topic Losing people to transgenderism support thread - Support group for trans widows and other people who lost loved ones to troonism

[autoerotic bus accident]

A man who believes in trans ideology and won't hear out your concerns is communicating to you that his niche luxury beliefs are more important than your experiences and safety as a woman.

As the others said, any basic conflicts in value systems can cause significant strife in a relationship, and this particular value is one of the most fundamental disagreements there can be. Espousing a belief in gender ideology is at its heart a denial and rejection of the deepest aspects of human biology and culture.

And from a practical standpoint, you've already disagreed about pediatric transition. So what happens if you have a kid and they get caught up in this? That's a fundamental incompatibility.

Spoiler: A friend of mine....

I know a woman who left her husband of 17 years because of this issue. He was a committed leftist (man had literally no other personality) and when tranny shit started getting really bad around 2019 and they started infiltrating women's health groups she was in, she (leftist herself, former tranny supporter and "live and let live" type) expressed some doubt and discomfort to her now-ex. And his reaction was to treat her like a fascist and to say, verbatim, "well, what experiences have you had that make you different from a transwoman?"

It was a huge blow and she suddenly understood that due to ideological blinders, he could not even conceptualize her as a full human being. It was a huge trauma. She's full TERF now and married to an awesome guy with his head on straight, but don't let yourself get into this situation if you can avoid it.

 

[Battery Low]

The trans kids thing is a big one. Husband and I disagree, or at least lean in different directions, politically. Most of the time we try to avoid causing friction with each other, and agree that both of us want the best for society, we just differ on the best approach. It's not always ideal but I wouldn't call it a set-in-stone deal breaker if everything else is perfect and you respect each other.

However we agree on trans stuff. I sort of had the opposite of the above anecdote happen to me. I'd kept fairly quiet on my TERFy beliefs until one day he brought up that a singer that we both idolised growing up was pooning out. I lost my shit and afterwards he said that he hadn't considered some of the women and gay rights stuff before because it hadn't directly affected him enough to realise.

If you want kids with your man then seriously consider talking ahead of time about how he'd handle them coming out as trans. It would keep me up at night if I thought my husband would support our daughter going on T or binding, let alone surgeries. We also discussed strategies for how we would approach the issue with her if she did one day say she was trans.

Disagreeing on Big vs Small government is almost esoteric, in terms of the real world influence we both have, compared to how to approach some psycho grooming her into chopping her breasts off. That's an immediate, tangible issue that we have more direct influence over. It is also a lot harder to gloss over, or change the subject from over the dinner table compared to opinions on team red/blue.

It sounds like you're already grieving the relationship to be honest, or you wouldn't be posting. Im sorry this bullshit has poisoned him. There may be hope but if you want to settle down, seriously think about unity in how you might raise any children, and investigate the chances of him trooning out on you.

 

[Now_onthe_Watchlist]

Forgive me if I somehow post incorrectly, it's been years since I've last used this forum and I'm kind of out of sorts right now. Ignore my profile being weird too, please, I can't change it as of right now and I'm a drastically different person than I was four years ago.

I'm personally struggling with losing several friends to transgender ideology and they've tried (and, in the past, briefly succeeded (that's why the profile looks like that)) to get me into it themselves. Without talking too much about myself, I'm one of those weird sped women who stick out like a sore thumb. After I got out of my teenage years, a lot of my previous friends- weird women like me- started "transitioning"; not only that, but my online friends decided they needed to transition too. I don't really know how to word it, but it really does feel like losing people close to you. All of those fond memories are kind of lost when they refuse to acknowledge the people they "used" to be. It's hard to suck it up and act like it doesn't bother me when they get on my case for not using their he/him pronouns when they just sound like women- among other things. It's a lot of language policing I used to tolerate but just can't understand anymore.

I can't even talk about it with the people who are closest to me. They all- including my boyfriend- are deeply left. While my boyfriend is mostly normal, my transgendered friends have taken to referring to him as an "egg" when in private with me. I don't know how to tell them it makes me viscerally uncomfortable. I lose sleep at night worrying if he's going to join them. I don't know how I'd react if he suddenly wanted me to refer to him as a woman or whatever, but it'd probably be negative. The idea freaks me the fuck out.

At this point, I don't even care if they somehow find this post. I just want my old friends back. I want to feel secure in thinking that my boyfriend won't randomly decide to be Stephanie or some dumb shit like that. I'm too much of a pussy to tell them this shit to their faces, but I scraped up my account to talk about it here. Hopefully I'm posting right.

 

[LinkinParkxNaruto[AMV]]

my transgendered friends have taken to referring to him as an "egg" when in private with me.

What an intensely inappropriate thing to say to someone under any context. Its tired at this point to bring up cults in this thread but only someone highly indoctrinated can say something so fucked so casually, thats a brain turned to mush that only filters the world through the cult lens.

Its not normal and you are right not wanting to normalize it, even if currently you are being outnumbered from being in that sort of environment for too long you should at least trust your instincts are correct and are warning you for a reason.

 

[Adolf Kitler]

There's a bench with a tranny flag painted at the entrance of the elementary school I grew up in as a kid.

 

[LinkinParkxNaruto[AMV]]

There's a bench with a tranny flag painted at the gates of the elementary school I grew up in as a kid.

This is a street i walked pretty much every day on my routes now i can't even go on doomer walks in peace. Its all ogre now.

 

[Battery Low]

my transgendered friends have taken to referring to him as an "egg" when in private with me

This is predatory.

I would get these people as far away from him as possible. If that fails, just run.

You can and will find new friends and anyone who does this to someone about their partner is a ghoul, even if they don't realise it.

 

[teriyakiburns]

I don't know how to tell them it makes me viscerally uncomfortable.

Just tell them they're being fucking creepy.

 

[Sinner's Sandwich]

This is a street i walked pretty much every day on my routes now i can't even go on doomer walks in peace. Its all ogre now.


View attachment 8353319
View attachment 8353320

Cult symbols

 

[autoerotic bus accident]

Just tell them they're being fucking creepy.

Normally I don't hold with appropriating the cult language, but this is one circumstance where I think it would be beneficial to protect @Now_onthe_Watchlist 's boyfriend. The friend group is obviously predatory and the ideal situation would be for him to be separated from them. If it's not possible to do that, they should be told in no uncertain terms that it is inappropriate and offensive to decide on someone else's gender identity and they need to lay off, stop making those remarks, and allow Watchlist's BF to discover his own identity in his own time. It's not for the "friend" group to decide on his identity for him or pressure him.

I spent a lot of time in these circles before coming to my senses and saw a lot of vulnerable people, particularly isolated people with preexisting depression, subjected to these tactics of being pressured to identify as trans. It's very common and very effective, as the predators will portray the target as already trans and just not knowing themselves yet (which is what is happening here), while also portraying a trans identity as being a simple fix to all of the problems and unhappiness in the target's life.

It IS possible to stop this process if the target is separated from the predators, and I've seen it happen: people who were being groomed got hobbies, got into functional healthy relationships, got off Twitter, and suddenly totally lost all interest in trans issues. Some of these people had been so far along in the process that they had developed a false "dysphoria" which also completely evaporated when they were separated from the groomers. The best case scenario would be to get this guy away from this group of "friends," but if that is not possible I recommend giving them a stern talking-to about the offensive nature of trying to police someone else's identity. Basically, use their own dumb shit against them. If you straight up tell them they're being creepy, they'll view you as an enemy of trans rights and continue attempts to control the BF. But if you tell them they're being offensive gender police, they may be admonished enough to back off.

 

[ScurvyRat]

Yeah, it's time to see hubbys Browser history.

Simply liking the same cartoons is no solid foundation for a relationship

Why don't you deserve the same or more as his girlfriend than a random man pretending to be a woman?

his reaction was to treat her like a fascist and to say, verbatim, "well, what experiences have you had that make you different from a transwoman?"

A few choice quotes from the discussion. If you are a woman dating/married to a leftist man, your future is to affirm their gender when they transition.
If you doubt this, just browse through the 300 pages of this happening over and over and over and

While my boyfriend is mostly normal, my transgendered friends have taken to referring to him as an "egg" when in private with me. I don't know how to tell them it makes me viscerally uncomfortable.

What the fuck are you doing hanging around people who joke about transitioning your boyfriend? Are you so spineless and weak that you can't tell them to shut the fuck up and fuck off? If my friends even JOKED about my (purely hypothetical) girlfriend becoming a man, its likely we would engage in fisticuffs right then and there. I might just be on the upper end of "aggressive male" but I've thrown hands with people for a hell of a lot less.
You are too tolerant. Stand up for yourself.


Watching these young women in this thread dating weak leftist men while I can't find a half decent woman who uses she/her pronouns in my area genuinely makes me sick.
Plenty of actual men out there who would never tolerate this faggotry for a SECOND.
Make better choices, women, seriously.

I rate this post as MAD AT THE INTERNET

 

[█████████]

I'm a dyke and I only date women who agree with my values, hate trannies, and allow me to say nigger. This is significantly harder as a dyke with a smaller dating pool than it is as a straight person. Straight people in this thread, don't settle for a libtarded man/woman. You will regret it.

 

[Retarded Rabbit]

I understand where all you guys are coming from. I probably should make it clear that it's not like this is all he talks about. We can go over a week, two weeks, even 3 without any of this being brought up. The majority of the time we spend together is positive. And there are some things we agree on politically too, outside of the social "culture war" issues. I probably didn't convey that well enough in the original post because I was just fed up with how this shit has infected everything and now it's affecting my relationship too.

I'm spoilering my wall of text responses just so this post doesn't end up a mile long. I don't have enough time to respond to every point but I thought I'd shed some more light on the situation

Spoiler

He's not like an activist or anything by any means. Not going around to protests, or posting shit about trans rights all the time, or has pronouns in his bio or anything like that. Hell we even went to the Harry Potter world at Universal and he loved it, he doesn't care about JK beyond disagreeing with her. It's just that when it DOES come up, our opinions start to clash. We're both kind of lolberts in the way that we don't care what someone does in their own time if they're not harming anyone. But we split off after that. For example I'm not going to call someone a they/them but he will scold me and say that even though we don't understand I should still be nice.

He obviously would defend me if a troon attacked me or whatever but the issue is that he fundamentally believes that they don't have bad intentions. He thinks I'm being unnecessarily harsh judging them. I legit believe he really does think they have the "mind" of the opposite sex and transitioning is the only way to help them. That they really do just want to pee when they go in the womens restroom, for example. He believes in the whole "trans genocide" thing. He doesn't realize that a lot of it is either a fetish or a way to seek attention. So while he isn't a die hard activist he has fallen for the propaganda. When I try to tell him this, he just says that I should just let them live and that I don't know what its like. The one thing I did manage to change his mind on is that minors shouldn't get surgery, but he still believes hormones are completely reversible, that trans people will off themselves without "gender affirming care" etc. I wonder if he just needs to be peaked more.

I think it really could be from seeing what troons say in the online places he's in and taking it at face value. It doesn't help that we have a friend who ended up trooning out as well, BF doesn't talk to him as much anymore but they still call each other occasionally and you can tell that the guy has been completely brainrotted from the internet compared to the person I knew in college, it's sad. The one thing that gives me solace is that Troon actually made a comment about BF being an "egg" for liking to play a female character in a certain game, which he vehemently denied, and later confided in me that it weirded him out and made him uncomfortable.

I think the reason I'm so hopeful is that there once was a time when I was younger when I actually was ok with troons too as long as they minded their own business, because I took what they said about just wanting to live their lives at face value too. But what peaked me was realizing how they wanted to control others' speech and actions, how they would rip people to shreds for the smallest slights, and that a lot of them just had a fetish and were trying to force it on unsuspecting people. Maybe i'm optimistic but part of me wonders if he'd be able to have his mind changed.

I suspect this ideological zealotry is coming from his hobbies, I would recommend looking into who he hangs out with for his hobbies subtly. Don't try to stop him doing his hobbies though as that would make you seem really controlling.

He mentions when you're on the 'Farms. How many Discords is he in, and for how much time?

Even if he just joined communities for rules clarification, downloads and painting tips, there's a horrible signal:noise ration and the "noise" is 24/7 Lilith and Alice thought policing, hornyposting and looking for donations or for eggs to crack.

Spoiler

Yeah I kind of figured too. Not going into too much detail to avoid powerleveling but we're both into anime/weebshit (bracing for impact of all the autism ratings I'll get for that), and he likes a genre of games that aren't inherently tranny related but does attract them. I don't mind or control anything he likes or does (unless it were to be something harmful to himself or me like doing hard drugs or whatever). We also both use discord, and were in some random channels for various hobbies but we both are only really active the ones for irl friends. The thing is I have plenty of spergy hobbies that attract troons as well, I fully believe that you can be into something and have the mental fortitude to not be influenced by the community. Like I said before, while I never was a leftist I used to be way more sympathetic towards troons and leftist beliefs in general because I thought they were well intentioned but misguided. Until I realized that they aren't actually for freedom and equal rights the way they act like they are. I think he just sees the views spouted in those online communities, and thinks they really do have good intentions. I don't mean this in a bad way but he definitely can be kind of gullible.

You should tell him that you voted for Trump and film the meltdown. You could probably even get a restraining order based on the video.

I give it less than 6 months before @Retarded Rabbit discovers his insane porn collection and the ERPs he has on discord.

But don't worry, friend, when it all comes to light, we'll be here for you. We've seen it happen enough.

Spoiler

He'd never physically harm me over it if that's what you're saying. Would I think he be hurt emotionally if he knew? Yes. But it's because he's fallen for the propaganda of this shitty progressive ideology. He's never actively been aggressive or insulted me during arguments.

He did have a porn addiction in the past years ago, and was open with me that he had a collection saved, hell I saw some of it. I didn't really mind at the time, but he said he'd quit when we got together anyway. Obviously though I'm not an idiot and I know there's a chance he will/already has relapsed a few times. Even though I'm more anti-porn now, if that were the case I'd rather him be honest so I can help him through it. As for ERPing, I've never seen any signs of anything like that. He'll even let me use his phone or laptop anytime (like I will ask to look something up when my phone dies and he doesn't rush to clear the history or anything). Not saying there's 0 chance, there's a risk of cheating in any relationship, but I trust him since he's been so open with me in the past about the porn issues.

What happens if you have a child who you need to regulate exposure to troon ideology? That's a distinct difference in what you'd both allow as parents for their safety. Parents need to be a united front and not have one say it's okay to be another gender while the other doesn't.

Spoiler

Yeah the parenting thing is my biggest concern tbh. We're both on the fence about kids. We've talked and we agree on most aspects of how we'd raise them. He said he doesn't want to push gender ideology on them or anything political in general. We wouldn't care if the kid grew up and naturally realized they were gay or something. But I would not allow my kid to troon out. And that's something I don't know if he'd follow through on or not. I know in his mind he'd be thinking he's doing what's best for the kid when obviously it isn't. It's the same way with me; even with the KF thing. The things he says are more of a misguided concern, he thinks the site is a bad influence and not good for my mental health. Since in his eyes it's a purely negative place to mock people, he's doing it for what he thinks is my own best interest. He's not insulting me or making snide comments. Probably should have made that more clear.

But yeah. Obviously the foundation of our relationship is deeper than politics, liking the same vidya and so on when I talk about how compatible we are, but no one wants to hear me endlessly wax poetic about that. I do think he has a similar mindset to me in that he would rather just make peace to stay together rather than let politics ruin things. Without going into detail from what he's been through in the past and how he's acted, I worry that he would compromise on his own values just to stay with me if it came down to it, which I don't want him to have to do either. I just don't know what's best for either of us.

 

[ScurvyRat]

He'd never physically harm me over it if that's what you're saying. Would I think he be hurt emotionally if he knew? Yes. But it's because he's fallen for the propaganda of this shitty progressive ideology. He's never actively been aggressive or insulted me during arguments.

Funny how I never mentioned violence or aggression. But you bring it up? Curious

The one thing I did manage to change his mind on is that minors shouldn't get surgery, but he still believes hormones are completely reversible, that trans people will off themselves without "gender affirming care" etc. I wonder if he just needs to be peaked more.

This may give you hope, but it sounds like:

I worry that he would compromise on his own values just to stay with me if it came down to it

He's just doing this. I'm curious to how resolute those views are when he's discussing them away from you.

TBH it sounds like he's on the exact path that I watched my cousin go down before he trooned out. Literally bar for bar how he behaved before he transitioned.

Red flags just look like flags when you're wearing rose tinted glasses.
You do seem devoted to this man, but I fear that your sentiment is largely misplaced.
Obviously the best bet is to have a real discussion with him instead of talking to retards on the internet. I'd encourage you to be 100% honest with him though. Its easy to have a discussion when you're hiding significant things like voting for Trump. How will he behave if he knew? How would he take it? I'd bet not well. I'd put all my cheeze on "has a full meltdown and tries to break up with you" just for voting for Trump. Do you really want to spend your life with someone like that? If you think I'm wrong, grow some (girl)balls and actually discuss it with him.

Prove me wrong.

I'll wait.

If you take away nothing else from this thread, remember this:

TALK TO YOUR FUCKING BOYFRIEND!!

If a simple conversation results in the end of your relationship, it probably wasn't foundationally strong to begin with. You're being honest with a bunch of retarded strangers on the internet, good for you, I guess, but nothing we say here is gonna matter if you don't have this discussion with HIM and be as honest with him as you are with us

 

[Batko Bandera]

If you take away nothing else from this thread, remember this:

TALK TO YOUR FUCKING BOYFRIEND!!

If a simple conversation results in the end of your relationship, it probably wasn't foundationally strong to begin with. You're being honest with a bunch of retarded strangers on the internet, good for you, I guess, but nothing we say here is gonna matter if you don't have this discussion with HIM and be as honest with him as you are with us

Fully agree with this, you need to talk to him and not walk on eggshells. If he breaks up with you over this then he is a massive loser.

 

[Retarded Rabbit]

The thing about the restraining order was what made me think you were implying violence or aggression. Sorry, I misunderstood; that's why I brought it up. He's never laid a hand on me or even really raised his voice to me. I understand the concern though.

But yeah I can see what you mean with the issue of compromising on his values. I guess the logic is that he hasn't done the same with some of the other things we've argued about, so why compromise just on that specifically? And that was after showing him countless examples of botched surgeries, kids not knowing the procedures can't be reversed, etc. He was under the impression it was much more difficult for them to get the procedure than it really is. That's why I think a lot of this is just being misinformed.

I do appreciate the brutal honesty, and it probably really is what I need. I really can't guarantee that he will take it well. In fact it's unlikely he will. Maybe I'm just coping but I don't think he would leave over that. But if he does, then it probably is for the best and he isn't the person I thought he was.

I know this all seems retarded to anyone not involved. I'd probably feel the same if I saw some random person posting this. Emotions are a bitch.

Regardless it's my issue that I need to get over and deal with. I guess in a culture where everyone is shoving this nonsense down my throat it's nice to talk to people who for once understand how stupid it all is. It legit makes me feel like I'm going crazy with how everyone just accepts gender ideology and I'm the only one questioning it. I appreciate all of you listening to my bullshit.

 

[ScurvyRat]

I do appreciate the brutal honesty, and it probably really is what I need.

I do feel a little bad about how I say things in this thread, but gosh darn it, this shit makes me MAD AT THE INTERNET. Sometimes people need to hear things bluntly and without fluff.

I really can't guarantee that he will take it well. In fact it's unlikely he will. Maybe I'm just coping but I don't think he would leave over that. But if he does, then it probably is for the best and he isn't the person I thought he was.

Send it. Ship it. Have the hard conversation. Report back with the results, PLEASE.

I guess the logic is that he hasn't done the same with some of the other things we've argued about, so why compromise just on that specifically?

Are you sure about that?
Men (especially those about to transition) are great at masking in front of their wives/girlfriends. Just browse some of the thread if you aren't sure what I mean.

I know this all seems retarded to anyone not involved. I'd probably feel the same if I saw some random person posting this. Emotions are a bitch.

It legit makes me feel like I'm going crazy with how everyone just accepts gender ideology and I'm the only one questioning it.

That's why we're here dude. Most people agree with you on this. They are simply too cowardly to say so openly.
Listen to your gut. Don't be afraid to fight back against this insanity.

Good luck out there, my dude. If you need support we'll still be here. I'm sure just about anyone in this thread would be happy to discuss things in more detail via DM, if thats what you need. If you see someone saying something you like, reach out to them. Many women in this thread have been through exactly what you're going through now, don't be afraid to discuss this with them directly.

 

[█████████]

If your partner's opinion on trans ideology is anything other than "it's a fake bullshit scam", then your partner has a non-zero chance of trooning out themselves or allowing your kids to be trooned out. Especially if they allow their friends to call them "an egg". I have a zero tolerance policy for friends "joking" about me/my partner calling us "eggs". I also have a zero tolerance policy for any polyamory people in my circle, because 99% of the time, if they're poly and they're telling you about it, then that means they're trying to sleep with you. Discernment is a skill that is dying out. If they cannot see past this bullshit, then they are vulnerable to this bullshit. Yeah it sucks to have to break up with people or cut people off, but it's better than being in a 20-year marriage only for your spouse to troon out and join a tranny polycule. I'm so strict on this that I don't even accept "Live and let live" or "Trannies/poly isn't for me but I support it" as opinions for potential partners. They HAVE to be smart enough to see that shit as retarded. I refuse to take a gamble on emotionally investing my time and energy into someone who might throw it all away for tranny or poly shit.

 

[Maxwell Carter]

He did have a porn addiction in the past years ago

I think if your boyfriend troons out, this is definitely one of the causes. Trooning out is almost always a fetish thing and induced through porn addiction.

 

[█████████]

@Retarded Rabbit If his leftist "trans-affirming sex-positive" friends tell him that there's "nothing wrong" with being a degenerate, then he could relapse into his porn addiction and not tell you about it. His friends might even convince him that you're the bad guy for being an evil sex-negative transphobe. Why raise a child with a man who could bail on you and your family to join a tranny polycule? If I remember correctly, you said you're mid-20s and worry about finding a new boyfriend, but that's still extremely young and you definitely could find a new boyfriend if you want to. If anything, the dating scene in your mid-20s will probably have less retards who believe in this shit, since I'm assuming by that age, they're already in their professional careers. Maybe even look into late-20s / early-30s men.