I guess it's double standards with those sort of relationships because the women are older or that they're women. If a younger man proceeds an older woman, it's likely because the man is looking for a maternal figure or the woman is looking to recapture their youth. I'm just guessing
Oh god.
I was with a woman that was 16 years older than me....she had been divorced twice, all she knew was how men in asia behave.
I was very very very naive about alot of shit, I was living in a forgien country, I didnt really understand the finer points of south east asian culture.
I m gonna list the issue with that relationship.
Isolation, in asian culture theres more community, your parents and uncles and sibblings will know your partners family members and if people start to behave badly they will lose face. Basically everyone has a fucking knife to everyone elses back and conforming is demanded.
I was an outsider and I existed in the relationship with out those connections so she was free to be herself. I often got....I dont know the term. I would want to go do something and she would get all negative about it but not say "I dont want you to do it" so if I later brought it up I was being crazy.
Tons of baggaged about her divorces.
Also I feel very stupid about it now, but she claimed her turkish ex husband came and broker her car window. I was in australia at the time, and basically she made up the story because I left my phone on the charger. Now that I m older I see how it was just dramatic stories.
She would freak out if she came home and I wasnt there because I went to the corner shop for a coke. Like hysterical thinking the turkish ex husband came and stole me. And how dare I not have my phone with me. (again charging). She even asked "have I ever been doing that to you?" and I reminded her that yeah she s left the place with out her phone. so the reply was "SO YOU DO THIS TO MAKE REVENGE ON ME!!!"
while I m venting this was an eye opening experience for me.
I come out the bath room see the japanese phone (she gets the bill she see the call history there) is moved and she is slowly getting more and more weird as the night goes on. I open the phone and show her nothings there. She then gooes to the call history and shows me I dailed a number at 12:07 two weeks ago.
Fuck if I know what that was, she gets more and more crazy I call the number no answer. hours of insanity of her screaming mostly about the turkish dude. Then I get calander see what happened on the day I made the call and guess whose number it was? It was her friends because we were meeting up that day.
A few days later she is all "so miwa called me asking why you called, I told her it was a wrong number"
Me: "why didnt you tell her the truth?"
Her: "SO SHE CAN THINK IM A CRAZY BITCH??!!"
That is when I lost some of my naivety, she knew what she was doing.
For half my time with her I was a student, she was a licensed teacher. Now you would think she would help and teach me right? Nope, I tried to have her sit down with me once, asked to turn the tv off so we could focus on the material, she literally turned sideways at the table and started sorting her gas station receipts. She could not even look at me or my notes and would just nod her head.
again if I was plugged into her community/family she would not dare to behave like that.
And while I think of leftist shit is gay, there was emotional abuse, isolation, gas lighting all that shit.
Oh and another thing, one time she tried pounding her fist on me saying "I hate you" "you didnt put your bag away". I grabed her armed and squeezed it let go and she ran off to crazy like water fall. She never hit me again. I often wondered if that was her testing boundaries trying to see how far she could push before shit happened.
I also barrowed money to pay for her cancer surgery, (no it was real I saw the scares and photo of the tumors they took out her) there was no real gratitude, even when she shat on me I never brought it up or used it against her.
okay thats too much over sharing.
My point is that I lack the experince to know how things worked, and she was just too traumatized.
