How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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Lingering butter taste said:
I’m second guessing therapy.
I know literally everyone here told me to get it, but I was sitting and thinking. I remember someone earlier in this thread suggested they think I might have something called “POCD”, they explained it as “When someone is overly worried they might be a pedo”. It sounded accurate to me (My obsessive worries that something I did is considered pedo when it turns out it actually isn’t), but I searched it up in the handy dandy Kiwifarms search function and I saw that it’s actually a fake diagnosis and pedo dog whistle similar to MAP.
So, ya, the last thing I want is to ever be diagnosed with that. Even if it is real, I just don’t want the word “pedophile” on my record, no matter the context. I’m thinking maybe I can go to therapy but just not tell her about my anxieties surrounding that.
Either way, I think it’s getting worse. I remember I was at McDonalds the other day and this kid climbed up on her seat to stare at me. I chuckled and smiled cause I remembered I’d do the same exact thing when I was a kid, but I immediately felt bad. It’s not ok to smile at other people’s kids without their permission, it’s creepy, right? I dunno, I’m still kinda thinking back to it and I still feel bad. I’m a stranger, I shouldn’t be interacting with them in anyway, I should just be ignoring them.
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AFAIK they don't put down the specific subtype of OCD since it can be very nuanced. Multiple types can be active at once or switch abruptly, it could be a moral fear rather than a fear of physically acting on something, etc. Categories are broad and compulsions even more so. They will note your fears and compulsions, if any, but from the sounds of it you don't have any yet, just the emotional turmoil of dealing with the fear. I'd highly recommend therapy before it gets worse because it will if left unaddressed. Zoloft was a lifesaver for me and despite common claims, you will not need to be reliant on medication once you have the therapy tools to deal with it yourself. I'd also highly recommend the Brainlock method since it held me over until I could get an appointment and still helps when I encounter a trigger.
 
Overwritten Tapes said:
Part tariffs part new kike CEO. they bought a whole entire company in the tens of billions and somehow are crying about not having money. We have another plant not far from here theyre still holding onto even though its not operating.
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They likely need to cut costs to avoid a credit rating downgrade after the acquisition (if you're working for a company big enough). The other plant is an asset while you're a liability to a ratings analyst. Sorry bro.
 
Going to the fourth funeral in my life on Wednesday.

This time, even though he was a knowledgeable, helpful, and kind man, he was not someone in my immediate family.

That'll make no difference though. I'll definitely end up shedding a few tears in his honour.
 
I bought Assassin's Creed Shadows for less than 20 bucks new. I wonder how laughably bad it is. It's has been out for less than a year to get it for less than 20.
 
Lingering butter taste said:
It’s less so I’m worried I might be a pedophile, I mean, I know I’m not. Right now. I’m worried I’ll do something in the future accidentally or unknowingly that’ll make me one.
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Friend, this is LITERALLY POCD.
Go log off your devices, turn off the wifi and touch grass. Go for a long walk, an hour minimum, you don't need to get your pulse up or sprint around like a moron, just go outside. Trust me.
Go sit on the ground with your back against a tree trunk and breathe deeply. Notice the nature around you. Ground yourself.

And then go to fucking THERAPY.
 
Lingering butter taste said:
From what I’ve read on the farms
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The farms is great for laughing at cows and documenting strange people on the internet, not so much for getting legitimate mental health or medical advice. You should definitely cut back on the internet and talk to a professional about your concerns.
 
obsdj said:
THE FARMS ARE TELLING YOU TO GO THE FUCK TO THERAPY.
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I just genuinely cant envision a life without the farms. It’s how I know right from wrong, I’ve changed a lot since I’ve started using it. Became at odds with a lot of friends, the ones that stuck see me as sorta neurotic and paranoid. I know it’s wrong to do, but I can’t imagine deciding how to live my life myself. I can’t trust myself to not pick the wrong thing (the wrong thing being something the farms wouldn’t like). It’s wrong but it makes me feel safe, one of my biggest fears is logging off this site, going to therapy, living life the way I want to, then logging back in years later and seeing I did everything all wrong and then coping by turning into one of those “Fuck Kiwifarms” type people.
 
Friend of Dorothy Parker said:
I want to beg internet strangers to tell me whether I'm selfish for setting a boundary (and paying for an alternative), but my being at work, rested and ready, is important for the future - and even that aside, a last-minute midnight pickup of an early-mid 20s child is a lot, no?
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When I was but a 14 year old girl, my mother put me on a 4,000 mile Greyhound bus trip alone after visiting family, because she didn’t want to pay for a plane ticket. Then she bitched at me every time I found a payphone to ring her to let her know I was still alive, because she was “worried” and said I wasn’t calling enough. She proceeded to do this three more times, so she wasn’t that worried.

She also dropped me off at an amusement park when I was 15, then that evening decided she didn’t feel like picking me up, and told me to get a taxi. The jeet taxi driver that showed up was very angry that I didn’t have step by step directions the 40 minute drive back to my house. The trip cost nearly 100$, which my mother made me pay for with my Christmas money.

I think you’re doing just fine. If they want to cut NarcDad all the slack in the world, they can afford to cut you some as well. If they’re not, then they’re probably a bit spoiled and ought to check themselves on how good they actually have it.
 
I was feeling a bit down on my luck (my life isn't where I want to be/degenerating in some facets such as financial/career and in relevance to this story, romance.) I was telling a friend how since I've found someone before (who I thought was actually quite beautiful but I guess theres bias lol) and I was asking him if he had any pointers on making me more appealing/if I should try looksmaxxing (NOT THE RETARDED SMASHING YOUR JAW WITH A HAMMER SHIT, but I was wondering if there was any wisdom in there like face/skin care basics) and he went on this entire tangent about how if you're not like 6'4, recessed cheeks/look like timothy chalomet you'll struggle to find love and even if you go to the gym and workout the face+height (immutable characteristics) is the most important thing, how women are evil and how the only time he had sex was with his "chubby" ex gf and he fucking HATED it and he hated her, etc etc.

Anyway that shit fsr brought me into the emotional pits of hell like hands were coming out of the ground to pull me there with this guy, it almost brought me to the point of despair and terror with how bad it was.

I mean, you see it all the time on the internet and also in 8 different threads on this website but I've never had a completely normal individual (but is in the BAP/groyper sphere on X so I guess not? I don't know too much about them except theyre kinda gay) just switch into pure vile at me. It wasn't even framed as a joke like claiming the female orgasm is optional or something, it was just pure hate. Idk maybe I'm just a pussy but calm down bro.
 
My husband took the kids on a trip to see family, so I got a few days to myself! I made myself ossobuco for dinner, and currently am lounging about in a robe, zero responsibilities.

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My middle brother let me know he took time off. He's going to come down on Friday and stay with me through Thanksgiving week, so I'm pretty excited. He also was concerned if I still had the energy this year to make sure I was the one doing the turkey. I brine the turkey for 8 hours and then deep fry it which comes out way better than the dry ass turkeys we grew up with for Thanksgiving, so I had to assure him I'd still be doing that this year lol.
 
Rick The Stick said:
My best friend passed in July, and I can't fuckin move on. I'm reliving his funeral mentally every single day. And I feel guilty for being so torn up over it because like, who the fuck can I talk to about it that won't also be dealing with his loss too? I don't wanna dump my shit on someone else. That's just selfish. Idk. Maybe that's just a massive fucking cope.
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Not gay
Straight
 
Lingering butter taste said:
From what I’ve read on the farms
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This is place is as good as any other source of information on the internet i.e. not very good. This very website hounded an innocent man with bullshit pedo allegations for months over an incite by cockloving trannychaser schizo closeted homo @Bryan Dunn and all of this only because he was DSP's moderator at the time. But most importantly if you have those fears, I am pretty sure this place is not going to help you much beyond telling you to contact a professional. Please, contact a professional, you don't sound like a bad person, just a very confused one.

Dizzyuntildeath said:
I beg your pardon?
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Sigh, it is hard to explain. Have you ever heard of The Imp of the Perverse? Just read it, it's really short.
 
I keep having panic attacks before I go to sleep and it’s keeping me up. I keep thinking my heart is going to stop in my sleep for some reason. I’ve already gotten my heart checked out and it’s fine, but just every ache and pain (from normal everyday shit) sends my head into overdrive.
I need to sleep dammit.
 
Second time this week i had a nightmare so bad i couldn't go back to sleep again. Hollered and shouted in my sleep Big Pussy style until girlfriend finally was able to shake me awake. Had an adrenaline rush as bad as if i were in a physical confrontation, shit sucks and i don't know what brought the nightmares back, i used to have these kind of nightmares frequently in the far away past.
At least i was able to make it to the bakery early enough to get bread that's still warm, one of life's little pleasures. Even bought a vanilla milk, living a life of pure excess and luxury here :smug:
SOLDIER OF WALES said:
look like timothy chalomet
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I watched enough movies with him in it that i both respect him as an actor and also know i would make him my bitch in a shared prison cell scenario, motherfucker is pretty.
Lingering butter taste said:
I just genuinely cant envision a life without the farms. It’s how I know right from wrong, I’ve changed a lot since I’ve started using it. Became at odds with a lot of friends, the ones that stuck see me as sorta neurotic and paranoid. I know it’s wrong to do, but I can’t imagine deciding how to live my life myself. I can’t trust myself to not pick the wrong thing (the wrong thing being something the farms wouldn’t like). It’s wrong but it makes me feel safe, one of my biggest fears is logging off this site, going to therapy, living life the way I want to, then logging back in years later and seeing I did everything all wrong and then coping by turning into one of those “Fuck Kiwifarms” type people.
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Unironically touch grass, this sounds like an unhealthy obsession and it won't lead to nothing good.
 
Lingering butter taste said:
I just genuinely cant envision a life without the farms. It’s how I know right from wrong, I’ve changed a lot since I’ve started using it. Became at odds with a lot of friends, the ones that stuck see me as sorta neurotic and paranoid. I know it’s wrong to do, but I can’t imagine deciding how to live my life myself. I can’t trust myself to not pick the wrong thing (the wrong thing being something the farms wouldn’t like). It’s wrong but it makes me feel safe, one of my biggest fears is logging off this site, going to therapy, living life the way I want to, then logging back in years later and seeing I did everything all wrong and then coping by turning into one of those “Fuck Kiwifarms” type people.
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Genuinely. Touch grass. Log the fuck off. If you don't have anything outside of the farms, try to find a community in real life. Join a TTRPG club, a book club, gardening club or whatever else you've always wanted to start doing as a hobby. Start working on yourself and your circles of influence (a therapist would tell you the same).
You are not your intrusive thoughts. You are not a paedophile, even if some A&N nutjob claims POCD is something only paedos suffer from. Unless you literally can't cum without whacking it to CSAM, you are not a paedo.

Trust yourself to not pick the wrong thing? So you're an NPC but you want the farms to guide you through life? Sounds like you need to take a step away from the Internet and touch base with the people in your life who loves you.
Once you've gotten yourself under control you can start considering returning to the Internet, but only then.

No discord. No twitter. No facebook. No reddit. No KF. Nothing. You need help.
 
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