Weird and Cringe things you've seen while working in IT - Since everyone is too lazy to make such a thread where IT bros can vent

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That's probably just one of the phrases taught by their English teacher that they have memorised
For me the biggest giveaway I cannot help but notice is that they put the adverb at the end of the sentence for some reason.
 
Is it just me, or do people have a fetish for putting as little detail in their help desk tickets as possible?
Fetish is one way to put it. If I've learned anything about helping with computers it's people are incredibly averse to knowing how it works or how it gets fixed.

Even working directly with clients that have a stake in the target system working well and correctly (i.e. the client has users that you're indirectly supporting) I've stopped bothering with an explanation. People just shut off when you do. If the email is longer than:

Hello [retard],

A fix has been deployed and this is working as intended.

Sincerely,
[overworked IT guy]

...then it's 100% ignored. People just don't want to know.
 
Is it just me, or do people have a fetish for putting as little detail in their help desk tickets as possible?

Ticket: "I'm having issues with my Teams."

.....what types of issues? Is it not opening, is your audio not working on there?

Here's another example:
Ticket: "Can you please give access to this inbox to these two other email addresses?"

.....do you want me to add them to that mailbox, do you want forwarding applied to them?

Teams message: "No, I just want to them be able to send to that inbox. We tried it yesterday and it got bounced back because it said it was restricted."

That info sure would've been nice to have in the ticket itself, you dumb bitch.
One of my biggest problems was one of the Food and Beverage Managers wouldn't give specifics, and I would get told I was being malicious and costing the company money by saying "I did what you told me you needed." Working at the casino, I'm the weekend coverage, which means I'm the main guy who does setup for special events and such. Been trying to work with this short, fat, goblina with alcoholic's nose on helping me help her. My week starts on Thursday, and as long as the rooms aren't being used for anything, I setup the registers and shit in the ballrooms, configure everything, and tape any loose cables down so there's no trip hazards, register is communicating with the pour devices, etc. I get everything ready before I go home Thursday night around midnight. It never fucking fails, almost every fucking Friday/Saturday, about 10 minutes till showtime, I get a call, "Please come to Event Room ###."

What's wrong?

The menu is wrong/we're not at elevated pricing/etc and "How are you going to fix this?"

Well, I need to go back to my office, change it in the server, force the change, then reset the terminal so it boots and loads the updated profile; should take about 15-20 minutes.

Doors open in 5 minutes, we won't be able to sell drinks when the doors open.

Must be tough.

You need to fix this!

Why?

Because we need to be at x-pricing/y-menu/etc.

Your bartender can change the menu, they'll just have to change it every transaction / You can override the price set with your manager card.

I can't be here for x-hours, you need to fix this.

Okay. *go back to office, log into AgiliSys server, make changes, force apply, walk back and reset the terminal, stand and watch customers be disappointed they can't buy alcohol immediately*

Then, one night, the Director of Food and Beverage walks in, asks why we're not selling drinks; "Kheapathic screwed up the registers and we needed to reset them." Dude calls my boss, Director of IT and starts saying how I'm a piece of shit, boss asks to talk to me. "I set this shit up exactly how she said to, if there's anything wrong, it's because she thinks I'm a fucking mind reader and is too fucking stupid to not check this shit until it's 10 minutes till doors open. I had this shit up on Thursday, it's not my fault she's too fucking stupid to do her managerial job until it's the last fucking minute." Get in trouble for dropping f-bombs in front of customers. I start printing out ticket submissions, so everytime she said "you screwed up" I can point to her exact words and started calling her an idiot, in front of others. Shit escalates, get sent to HR, "What can we do to help you?" - "LET ME TELL HER NO! SHE GETS AWAY WITH THIS SHIT BECAUSE I'M FORCED TO FUCKING COMPLY! IF THE COMPANY LOST MONEY AND COULD BLAME HER FOR IT, THIS SHIT WOULD STOP! YOU WON'T! BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT TO LOSE MONEY! BUT I NEED TO BE ABLE TO TELL HER NO WITHOUT FEAR OF REPRISAL!"

Don't get me wrong, I learned a lot of different shit at the Casino was pretty fun; but as I've said elsewhere on this site, the Food and Beverage Management was a pack of retarded fucking (not-black) niggers. IT wouldn't have the problems it does, if you weren't bitch support and could legitimately tell people "No," "Stop being a fucking retard," "Hold your head underwater for being so fucking useless," etc.
 
it just me, or do people have a fetish for putting as little detail in their help desk tickets as possible?
I used to give lots of detail up front, but after it getting ignored and being asked for them again anyway so many times, I don't waste my time anymore.
 
...then it's 100% ignored. People just don't want to know.
You can use that to your advantage. Give people some technobabble and suddenly they know enough to understand that they're not interested in the details but they will feel secure in their belief that problem/disruption is being worked on. It satiates their curiosity and alleviates their anxiety.

The Indian Menace and voice calls sounds like they just don't want to type in english because they find it hard.
 
Ah I remember another one. One of my clients was resources company so they had a team of geologists or something using some proprietary software half the computers could connect fine, and the other half could not. Despite not being an IT guy, some of the staff knew I could do computer stuff from past experiences with me so they asked me to check it out. They were all on laptops so coming in and out of various corporate sites maybe their network or domain settings change so I gottem to to flush dns and reset their network settings to auto. The issue persisted, half could connect, half couldn't. So I thought alright, how about we minimize the all possible faults by getting em to connect via direct IP connection settings. 100% everyone could connect, so I thought alright probably something up with DNS, I'm not the IT guy so I can't investigate further. A week later i found I was told that the IT guys who took over from the previous contractor deployed a DNS server when they already had one, so some clients would connect to the server with the relevant DNS entry, and half connected to the new one which did not have the relevant DNS entry. Holy fuck, did they not do any documentation or network discovery after taking over from the other company. It took me, a fucking rando external consultant, NOT IT guy to figure it out.
 
Is it just me, or do people have a fetish for putting as little detail in their help desk tickets as possible?

Ticket: "I'm having issues with my Teams."

.....what types of issues? Is it not opening, is your audio not working on there?

Here's another example:
Ticket: "Can you please give access to this inbox to these two other email addresses?"

.....do you want me to add them to that mailbox, do you want forwarding applied to them?

Teams message: "No, I just want to them be able to send to that inbox. We tried it yesterday and it got bounced back because it said it was restricted."

That info sure would've been nice to have in the ticket itself, you dumb bitch.
Name:
Employee ID:
Device ID:
Callback number:
Email:

Describe the issue you have:

Describe what you expect to happen:

Describe what actually happens:

Describe what troubleshooting steps you've taken:

Additional comments/info: help email not work urgent
 
You can see the exact same thing on this very site in the "Technical Grievances" thread. "Please Null attachment not work."
unfortunately unlike null i can't call them a niggerfaggot and ignore them. i can only just ignore them.
 
You can use that to your advantage. Give people some technobabble and suddenly they know enough to understand that they're not interested in the details but they will feel secure in their belief that problem/disruption is being worked on. It satiates their curiosity and alleviates their anxiety.

The Indian Menace and voice calls sounds like they just don't want to type in english because they find it hard.
You gotta be careful when clients start to think they're savvy. Give a client useful-sounding info and he'll climb Mount Incompetence and use it to throw rocks down at you. It always spirals into explaining why every problem can't be fixed with some garbage ripped off the Internet.

"You say it's impossible but I punched in [my problem] [tiny fragment of information] into Google and got 8000 results so now you have to do it!"

"I asked ChatGPT why you're wrong and it says that you're wrong!"

"I found a plugin that will do this for free and Mancrosoft is a reptuable vendor so we'll be canceling this project thanks"

Nowadays unless I've seen the person in question physically hunched over a command line I assume the whole teaching a man to fish thing is a lose-lose.
 
People hired for data entry not knowing keyboard shortcuts for copy, cut and paste, come on.
I wish I could get a data entry job. I bet that would be chill.

Is it just me, or are sales people for tech companies just, in general, stupid as fuck?
Yes, sales people are stupid as fuck. They also come standard with lacking a moral compass.

But they are really good at having their glasses filled and complaining when the linens are not turned down.

Tax: One place I worked the other technician would put all the little tools we made, like bent paper clips for different things, on the shelf that held the monitors, so that you couldn't find anything and the whole place looked like disheveled mess.
 
I wish I could get a data entry job. I bet that would be chill.
Good Luck. I've done Data Entry for most of my 20's before switching to IT and it's not as chill as one might think.

For starters, getting a PURE Data Entry job (i.e. paper pusher only and nothing else) is kinda difficult because a lot of companies like to combine that shit with other stuff (such as being a 2nd receptionist answering phone calls and transferring them to the right department) because either the company is too small/frugal to hire anyone else to do that job specifically or they believe they don't have that much work to give out so they have multiple people doing multiple other things for the same pay.

If you do get lucky though and find a PURE Data Entry job, keep in mind that your work relies on how and what other people in the office are doing, meaning you are at the literal "tail end" of the conga line. So if one department is "clogged" (i.e. backed up or not doing what they are supposed to be doing), you're fucked and have to stay overtime more than you have/want to in order to get the stuff out. Doesn't matter what it is... sending letters to get mailed out, scanning documents into the system... all documents have a set date on when they need to be completed and its almost always the same day when you get them.

Even if you can get past that, there's no room for growth or improvement. Your reward for doing a good job is just more paperwork, or they might have you do custodial shit like re-organize the supply closet or storage room that has a bajillion files in boxes that need to be shredded because the time-limit to store them has passed and for whatever reason they didn't think to electronically archive them.
 
Good Luck. I've done Data Entry for most of my 20's before switching to IT and it's not as chill as one might think.

For starters, getting a PURE Data Entry job (i.e. paper pusher only and nothing else) is kinda difficult because a lot of companies like to combine that shit with other stuff (such as being a 2nd receptionist answering phone calls and transferring them to the right department) because either the company is too small/frugal to hire anyone else to do that job specifically or they believe they don't have that much work to give out so they have multiple people doing multiple other things for the same pay.

If you do get lucky though and find a PURE Data Entry job, keep in mind that your work relies on how and what other people in the office are doing, meaning you are at the literal "tail end" of the conga line. So if one department is "clogged" (i.e. backed up or not doing what they are supposed to be doing), you're fucked and have to stay overtime more than you have/want to in order to get the stuff out. Doesn't matter what it is... sending letters to get mailed out, scanning documents into the system... all documents have a set date on when they need to be completed and its almost always the same day when you get them.

Even if you can get past that, there's no room for growth or improvement. Your reward for doing a good job is just more paperwork, or they might have you do custodial shit like re-organize the supply closet or storage room that has a bajillion files in boxes that need to be shredded because the time-limit to store them has passed and for whatever reason they didn't think to electronically archive them.
I'm sorry, it still sounds like a really cushy job. So, I never have to do a CLE or update my A++ certification or go to a conference because I need the hours for my licence or read a new computer programming book full on nonsense. I'm currently learning about OpenCL and had to find a book on it because I didn't find any example online. Do you know what this paragraph means?
Platform API
The term platform has a very specific meaning in OpenCL. It refers to a particular combination of the host, the OpenCL devices, and the OpenCL framework. Multiple OpenCL platforms can exist on a single heterogeneous computer at one time. For example, the CPU vendor and the GPU vendor may define their own OpenCL frameworks on a single system. Programmers need a way to query the system about the available OpenCL frameworks. They need to find out which OpenCL devices are available and what their characteristics are. And they need to control which subset of these frameworks and devices will constitute the platform used in any given OpenCL application.
It means nothing. OpenCL is a domain specific language for doing Matrix and Vector math taking advantage for multiple CPU or GPU cores. It's supposed to be cross platform, meaning you can run it on AMD Radeon or Nvidia Tesla or even your CPU without changing the OpenCL code. The OpenCL Platform is actually the ICD file that you install either with the AMD or Nvidia SDK which lets the OpenCL host libraries for C or C++ know that there is hardware available to be used. It's like firmware or middle wear that lets the OpenCL host library know what processors are available on the computer. The book I found does not say this. I had to figure this out from reading different forums to try to piece together what driver I needed to install to make it work. I should also say that if you have to know what driver is installed on the computer ahead of time and install only the SDK for that driver and platform, then it sort-of defeats the point of a cross platform domain specific language because it's not actually cross platform if you need to know what hardware and drivers you're using before you can get the think to work. None of this is covered in the book. The book doesn't even point you to the websites to download the SDK and IDC file you need for your hardware. There are open source drivers which let you not know what hardware you have, so that's what I ended up going with. This was not covered in the book.

Most programming books I've read are like this. There only value is the code examples, if they even have those that still work; old version. The actual text has to be skipped because it's nonsense that teaches you nothing. If this book was your only tool to get up and running with OpenCL you would fail. Anyone trying to use this book for that would fail. It's just poorly written nonsense. It's not the first book I've had this problem with.

Getting a salary just for being a human photo copier seems really nice. I can't imagine why you would want to get into IT with all the Poojeets and having to deal with the public. You can do support which means people are always upset with you because they are ashamed that they can't get it to work and over react over nothing because they have no problem solving skill or be the one non Poojeet the other Poojeets want to fire so they can hire another H1B. Sales people are the ones with authority at companies. The have to sell the company to investors before it's funded and they have to sell products to the public. For some reason, they really like Poojeets. In retrospect, sales people are very psychologically similar to Poojeets. They will say anything, even blatantly lie, in the moment to make the sale and then pretend they have no idea what you're talking about when you fallow up with what you bought not meeting their assurances. Maybe that's why they hire Poojets, they relate to their immorality better than other people.
 
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You'd be surprised with how many people fall for gift card scams. Wouldn't it be suspicious for somebody to call you, asking for gift cards and you going to a store to buy hundreds of dollars of digital cards?
 
Especially if they claimed to be Jennifer Aniston or George Clooney.
They don't even have to do THAT. Just say they're a bank or a charity or a cop. One time I had a scammer call me about invalid gift cards. How I knew it was a scammer besides the obvious accent? You start asking them basic questions about the cards or their name, then they'll hang up.
 
They don't even have to do THAT
No shit lol. I just think it’s hilarious (yet sad) when people genuinely believe a famous multimillionaire needs money from them.

Years ago, I had a Nigerian driver in NY who I hired for airport runs a couple times a month. He was a perfect, punctual driver with a pristine vehicle, and he never forced me to make small talk with him. I recommended him to many others. Then after a year of this, one night he called me at 3AM and said he was home in Nigeria and needed to borrow money. I just hung up. It’s hard to relate to being that fucking bold.
 
I hate working with Indians. I ask them for details, they lie and say they don't know, and tell me to ask another indian, who does the same shit. Bitch, one of you broke this and you all know who did it, just tell me who, when, and when you started fixing it. I'm going to start bullying these fucking contract jeets until we get a new set of contract jeets. REEEEEEEEE.
Anyway I hate working with niggers too, some of them are even too stupid to open up computers and printers. I once had to open one for a nig, had him watch me do it, and then 10 minutes later I saw him trying to put it back together backwards.
 
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