💼 Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Tiresome]

I doubt Jack ever prays when it's not performative and designed to make himself look good. I very much doubt he has ever prayed, sincerely and quietly, by himself. It would be a waste of time to his toddler brain, and I guarantee you he gets enraged when a prayer by another person, however eloquent or heartfelt, keeps him what he feels is a millisecond too long from getting at his food.

 

[Polska krowa]

To me it's basically "I am too lazy to actually help so I will say I prayed". If god were real, he would already know that the person was sick or whatever and prayer would do no good because he'd already know what he's going to do.

And then there's retards like Jack who say that to feel sanctimonious which is even worse

Exactly. Just call me in a day or two and check in if you really care.

These are the same types of people who'll attribute everything good that happens around them to God, too, while not doing the same when something bad happens. Complex surgery went well? 'God is great!' - definitely nothing to do with the surgeons who spent decades training to be able to perform that kind of surgery. Someone dies during surgery? 'errr, well God works in mysterious ways'.

 

[Slavic Patronym]

Prayer works in a roundabout way. Knowing that somebody gives enough of a shit about you to take a minute out of their life makes you a little more hopeful / less stressed, which I think is an underemphasized medical concern.

Indeed, and studies have proven both sides of this coin. If someone sincerely believes in the power of prayer, they should pray if they're in trouble. If you're trapped in a cave, for example, being calmer will help you use less oxygen, increasing the odds you're rescued.

However, whenever prayer has been studied "in the lab," the results have never been better than chance: The prayed-for person gets better half the time and gets worse half the time. Interestingly, the only time we see a non-chance outcome is when the prayed-for person knows they're being prayed for. In that case, they get worse.

Jack growls into his phone to make a post on X lying about scooting up to people to brag that he’s going to pray for them

This reminds me of that one F As In Frank where Jim revealed that Jack randomly texts him things like, "I just prayed for you." Cringe because fake.

There is nothing cringe about sincerely praying for people to succeed in a mean, often cruel world. But when you make your whole personality, Look what a good Christian I am! while you seethe about all the American cities you "hope burn to the ground," not only do I not care if you get curbstomped, but also I hope your beating is filmed and set to Yakety Sax.

If god were real, he would already know that the person was sick or whatever and prayer would do no good because he'd already know what he's going to do.

I understand you're talking about the classic Abrahamic god (which Jack and probably the vast majority of us here believe in), but there is no rule stating that a god must be all of the "omni's." If a god who is omnipotent but not omniscient and who can be swayed by requests is out there, then your statement is 'defeated.'

But again, I understand the spirit (no pun intended) of the dilemma you're trying to point out. I'm not at all chuffed and am replying only as someone who enjoys rhetoric.

Edited to be less wordy. Still failed! Ha.

 

[AnOminous]

What a nice guy

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Don't worry, Jack, they can piss and cum in it back at the restaurant because they know you love your "special sauce."

Interestingly, the only time we see a non-chance outcome is when the prayed-for person knows they're being prayed for. In that case, they get worse.

Probably because knowing people are praying for you means they think you're so utterly fucking doomed that only God can save you.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

Prayer works in a roundabout way. Knowing that somebody gives enough of a shit about you to take a minute out of their life makes you a little more hopeful / less stressed, which I think is an underemphasized medical concern.

But yeah, it's not going to bring back any of fatass' three dead limbs.

Yeah except... it doesn't always work that way.

They've done tests where they've prayed for believers and unbelievers both in person and in private. In private it didn't matter, from a success POV for the patient. They all followed statistical norms and same for the unbelievers that they prayed over in person. But the surprising thing was the believers that were prayed over in person. They actually did worse. Why? They left it up to God to heal them just like Fatty did after the first stroke took his right side. He could have regained some mobility. He could be using his arm well enough even if it's never going to be 100% instead of the comical claw deal he's got going.

But no. He "left it up to God" and that's what these true believers wind up doing. They don't do the work, the rehab or anything and let God take the reins.

If god were real, he would already know that the person was sick or whatever and prayer would do no good because he'd already know what he's going to do.

Exactly. These are the same people that say, "it's God's will". So... God is going to change his mind because a bunch of randos prayed for him to do so?

There is nothing cringe about sincerely praying for people to succeed in a mean, often cruel world. But when you make your whole personality, Look what a good Christian I am! while you seethe about all the American cities you "hope burn to the ground," not only do I not care if you get curbstomped, but also I hope your beating is filmed and set to Yakety Sax.

This right here. If a person truly believes in the power of prayer and is doing it sincerely then... you say thank you. But when Fatty does it we know it's performative. He's doing so because he wants to be seen as being Mr. Super-Christian and that's his whole identity.

 

[Uber driver reviewer]

I was just watching Jack with his doofy cousin that he bullies around….

Jack admitted to freaking the fuck out when his older son, garret, was an infant and accidentally went weewee on Jack while taking his temperature with an old school glass rectal thermometer.

Jack the proceeded to panic and quickly close the diaper up, which accidentally shoved the entire thermometer up baby garret’s colon. It’s around the 53 minute mark

Jack then Laughed about it and made a very gay joke.


Jack was a real asshole tonight

 

[She Brings The Rain]

I guarantee you he gets enraged when a prayer by another person, however eloquent or heartfelt, keeps him what he feels is a millisecond too long from getting at his food.

Most Christian and Christian adjacent people I know pray before they eat, and that can be a few seconds to a few minutes. I imagine Jack just sits there, seething fatly and farting in rage, while everyone else is trying to genuinely be thankful for the meal they're about to eat and the fortune that allows them to have a meal to eat.

 

[Slavic Patronym]

He "left it up to God" and that's what these true believers wind up doing.

The weird thing is religion and science can coexist so easily. One could say that if God gave us these big ol' uniquely human brains, then of course He expects us to use them. Of course we should take advantage of modern medicine, the fruit of our mental labor. Just as we take advantage of the harvest that comes from our physical labor -- we don't just sit around waiting for food to appear on the table.

Anyway, I think Jack was just too lazy to put in the work and said "I left it up to God" as a post hoc excuse.

while taking his temperature with an old school glass rectal thermometer.

Jack the proceeded to accidentally shove the entire thermometer up baby garret’s colon.

Jack the. Laughed about it and made a very gay joke.

This would make me consider divorce.

 

[Uber driver reviewer]

The weird thing is religion and science can coexist so easily. One could say that if God gave us these big ol' uniquely human brains, then of course He expects us to use them. Of course we should take advantage of modern medicine, the fruit of our mental labor. Just as we take advantage of the harvest that comes from our physical labor -- we don't just sit around waiting for food to appear on the table.

Anyway, I think Jack was just too lazy to put in the work and said "I left it up to God" as a post hoc excuse.


This would make me consider divorce.

God is real. There is “proof” all around us. It’s just not the way that the good book says. It actually is closer to the ancient kabbalistic depictions. Everything is an illusion. And the funniest and most ironic moments are the inflection points in the reality waves.

Jack is proof. Jack is kept alive because he hasn’t been mortally punished enough yet. The people around him have not suffered enough. And it is all uniquely hilarious to watch his public examples. Many lessons to be learned by good people. Jack is one of God’s own Gallant and Goofus comics.

 

[Polska krowa]

The weird thing is religion and science can coexist so easily. One could say that if God gave us these big ol' uniquely human brains, then of course He expects us to use them. Of course we should take advantage of modern medicine, the fruit of our mental labor. Just as we take advantage of the harvest that comes from our physical labor -- we don't just sit around waiting for food to appear on the table.

The crisis for religious people is that the gap that god can exist/work in gets smaller and smaller each year - if you accept theories like evolution or the big bang, that is (Jack doesn't FWIW, as evidenced by his trip to Ken Ham's Ark Encounter).

In a weird way, I almost respect people like Jack for denying things like evolution or the big bang in favour of biblical literalism and young earth creationism. The amount of self-delusion required to take these stances in the face of overwhelming evidence is impressive.

 

[Agamemnon Busmalis]

The crisis for religious people is that the gap that god can exist/work in gets smaller and smaller each year - if you accept theories like evolution or the big bang, that is (Jack doesn't FWIW, as evidenced by his trip to Ken Ham's Ark Encounter).

That's only really a problem for creationists and strict literalist interpretations of the Bible. If anything the inconceivable timescales involved in the age the universe and the evolution of life on Earth are a lot more convincing evidence for God, at least in my opinion.

The Big Bang theory itself was first developed by a Catholic priest/physicist.

 

[Polska krowa]

That's only really a problem for creationists and strict literalist interpretations of the Bible. If anything the inconceivable timescales involved in the age the universe and the evolution of life on Earth are a lot more convincing evidence for God, at least in my opinion.

The Big Bang theory itself was first developed by a Catholic priest/physicist.

God becomes a very wishy-washy concept that doesn't align well with any religious text once he/it becomes an establisher of processes such as the big bang/evolution vs. an active creator. That's the biggest issue.

 

[Shartavius]

No matter your faith, Jack exists to test it.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

Jack admitted to freaking the fuck out when his older son, garret, was an infant and accidentally went weewee on Jack while taking his temperature with an old school glass rectal thermometer.

Jack the proceeded to panic and quickly close the diaper up, which accidentally shoved the entire thermometer up baby garret’s colon. It’s around the 53 minute mark

Jack then Laughed about it and made a very gay joke.

The more I learn about him the more I sincerely want him to die.

This is horrifying.

The weird thing is religion and science can coexist so easily. One could say that if God gave us these big ol' uniquely human brains, then of course He expects us to use them. Of course we should take advantage of modern medicine, the fruit of our mental labor. Just as we take advantage of the harvest that comes from our physical labor -- we don't just sit around waiting for food to appear on the table.

Anyway, I think Jack was just too lazy to put in the work and said "I left it up to God" as a post hoc excuse.

There's loads of scientists, doctors and others who rely on science that are religious. They just tend not to be the ones that take the bible literally.

But Fatty and his ilk that do take it literally are the ones that set it up as being an "us VS them" kind of deal like you can follow one and only one.

Then I'm also reminded of the debate between Bill Nye and Ken Ham. When asked what would convince them that the other side was right we get the real answer. Bill answers, "evidence". Meaning you show him the evidence of God and that he can't refute it and he'd change on the spot and believe God was real. He might not be a Christian or all that devout but he'd believe. Ken Ham on the other hand? He said, "nothing" because his mind is made up and therefore closed. He can't conceive of there not being a God that even if it was possible to prove his non-existence he still wouldn't believe.

And that's the problem with faith. It ignores everything to preserve what they chose to believe. This is where Fatty is.

God is real. There is “proof” all around us. It’s just not the way that the good book says. It actually is closer to the ancient kabbalistic depictions. Everything is an illusion. And the funniest and most ironic moments are the inflection points in the reality waves.

Jack is proof. Jack is kept alive because he hasn’t been mortally punished enough yet. The people around him have not suffered enough. And it is all uniquely hilarious to watch his public examples. Many lessons to be learned by good people. Jack is one of God’s own Gallant and Goofus comics.

I still say that the reason Fatty is still alive is because neither God nor Satan are willing to take him and keep trying to pass him onto the other one.

EDIT: To avoid double posting.

And like I called it, his "Morning Moment" where he records something stupid after he wakes up? Lasted a whole three videos because he can't commit to anything long term.

 

[Pig Cups]

Also, we’re repeating a ton of Jack lore that has been documented and repeated numerous times. Not complaining but wanted to point that out.

I don’t mind it. Sometimes you forget little details along the way, and it’s nice to have a reminder. It’s also very satisfying to re-examine Jackoff’s fuckups and failures from days of yore.

Anytime someone brings up redundancies in thread posts, I think of this beautiful exchange from earlier ITT:

The vast majority of the posts are boring rehashes of the same things and not even worth reading.

Your mom is a boring rehash of the last time I fucked her and barely even worth fucking again.

The more we see of Jack adhered to that couch like a mushroom, the more I suspect he may get a Humpty Dumpty-style ending of farting himself onto the floor and shattering into a tidal wave of goo.

I’d rather he die of neglect, Lacey Fletcher-style.

>Confined to the couch for years until he gets fused to it
>No medical care
>Covered in urine and feces, and being eaten at by insects and mice
>Starving, malnourished, and wasting away to <100 lbs
>Bone infections and muscular atrophy
>Maggots living inside him
>Couch stuffing and feces later found in his stomach contents after death by sepsis

If I was sitting on the jury of the resulting murder trial, I would staunchly refuse to support a guilty verdict for Tammy. Full dismissal with prejudice, with her being subsequently rewarded with a large cash sum and free vacation.

 

[the khat quaffer]

Prayer works in a roundabout way. Knowing that somebody gives enough of a shit about you to take a minute out of their life makes you a little more hopeful / less stressed, which I think is an underemphasized medical concern.

But yeah, it's not going to bring back any of fatass' three dead limbs.

I think prayer is like a pep talk the coach gives you before a game. Not so much the "GO OUT THERE AND RIP OFF THEIR HEADS AND SHIT DOWN THEIR NECKS!" or "ANY WUNNAYA COMES BACK WITHOUT SCORING ONE POINT I'LL RAPE YOUR FUCKING CORPSE!" or "A TIE IS LIKE KISSING YOUR SISTER" and the usual. Do the coach's words actually win you the game? Of course not. But his words motivate you into making a tangible difference. Imagine if he just said "alright let's get this over with". Would you really wanna go over the top of the foxhole?

This is where Jack failed his whole life. He didn't do the PT. He didn't change his eating habits. He's still angy 95% of the time he's stealing oxygen. If there is a sky daddy, he's sent Jack 3+ messages to change his ways. Jack gave him the middle finger each time.

If I was sitting on the jury of the resulting murder trial, I would staunchly refuse to support a guilty verdict for Tammy. Full dismissal with prejudice, with her being subsequently rewarded with a large cash sum and free vacation.

"Yes! Now I can marry my black boyfriend!"

Most Christian and Christian adjacent people I know pray before they eat, and that can be a few seconds to a few minutes. I imagine Jack just sits there, seething fatly and farting in rage, while everyone else is trying to genuinely be thankful for the meal they're about to eat and the fortune that allows them to have a meal to eat.

Jack, eyeing the food, as the person leading thanks the apostles: "...is he gonna do all twelve of the fuckers?!"

 

[Agamemnon Busmalis]

This is where Jack failed his whole life. He didn't do the PT. He didn't change his eating habits. He's still angy 95% of the time he's stealing oxygen. If there is a sky daddy, he's sent Jack 3+ messages to change his ways. Jack gave him the middle finger each time.

Reminds me of the "parable of the drowning man". The guy's stranded on the roof during a flood and refuses help from two boats and a helicopter because he expects a miracle, even though God had sent him the help he needed multiple times.

 

[Shartavius]

Reminds me of the "parable of the drowning man". The guy's stranded on the roof during a flood and refuses help from two boats and a helicopter because he expects a miracle, even though God had sent him the help he needed multiple times.

Even this manages to fall short of speaking to Jack's unique quality of insurmountable hubris. He's closer to the dumb blonde joke where the woman complains to God that He hasn't answered any of her prayers for a winning lottery ticket; and He finally yells "YOU HAVE TO BUY ONE, YOU STUPID CUNT!."

Jack epitomizes just how entitled to insulation from consequence the fattest, stupidest motherfuckers in Western society are at this point in human history: In any other period, a prideful, greedy, food-lusting, envious, gluttonous, wrathful, slothful cumberworld such as Jack would have been devoured by an alpha predator, eaten poison berries, waded into quicksand, been exiled from his community for inappropriate farting, abandoned to the elements, sacrificed to a volcano, cast into a coliseum, stoned as a false prophet, conscripted to the front lines, ordered euthanized to usher in Aktion T4, or been sold off for medical experimentation.

Instead, his giant-assed and -nostriled wife buys whatever will pacify his crying, spoiled ass for five minutes. Jack has neither sufficient capacity for shame, nor sufficient incentive to strive for independence, from which to draw motivation toward demonstrating any willingness to work, walk, or wipe. Jack does not procure his own food (despite being addicted to it), pay his own bills (despite having a high standard of living and enormous medical expenses), have good habits (despite presuming to tell everyone else how to live), or even do what's necessary to sustain his wellbeing (he does the opposite of whatever the medical team prolonging his imbecility tell him he must do or abstain from).

Jack merely yells for someone to put his seatbelt-extender on for him and chauffeur him up to red carpet laid out for him at the Emergency Room lobby, refuses to pay the bill once stabilized, then uses his telephone to both complain that he was billed for life-saving intervention and brag that he refused to pay for it. And (by the way) he's going to Heaven and you're not.

 

[AnOminous]

The crisis for religious people is that the gap that god can exist/work in gets smaller and smaller each year - if you accept theories like evolution or the big bang, that is (Jack doesn't FWIW, as evidenced by his trip to Ken Ham's Ark Encounter).

I don't really think it does, though. If you believe God is omnipotent, then every law of nature that could cause something like the Big Bang or evolution is within His control. Why wouldn't God build in the inevitability of sapient life into the very laws of His universe?

God becomes a very wishy-washy concept that doesn't align well with any religious text once he/it becomes an establisher of processes such as the big bang/evolution vs. an active creator. That's the biggest issue.

Why, though? Wouldn't God design the universe well enough that it wasn't broken to the point He had to intervene personally all the time? Of all the potential attributes of God, I don't think skill issues are among them.

Jack merely yells for someone to put his seatbelt-extender on for him and chauffeur him up to red carpet laid out for him at the Emergency Room lobby, refuses to pay the bill once stabilized, then uses his telephone to both complain that he was billed for life-saving intervention and brag that he refused to pay for it. And (by the way) he's going to Heaven and you're not.

Like most of the "best" cows (think Boogie or Becky Gerber or even Rekieta), Jack manages to be uniquely awful and retarded in ways no one else is. He's just bad enough that his borderline criminality is hilarious instead of truly upsetting (like an actual monster like Nick Bate). He's just bad enough you don't feel guilty about laughing when terrible things happen to him.

I’d rather he die of neglect, Lacey Fletcher-style.

That sounds really depressing, though, at least for Jack. I'd hope it would be something funnier. Let's save that kind of death for Boogie.

 

[Agamemnon Busmalis]

I don't really think it does, though. If you believe God is omnipotent, then every law of nature that could cause something like the Big Bang or evolution is within His control. Why wouldn't God build in the inevitability of sapient life into the very laws of His universe?

It's only the murderchurch-grade evangelical hicks who don't know anything about the world outside their own zip code that have problems with evolutionary theory and modern physics.