📚 Megathread The Pooner Zoo - A thread for collecting wild Pooners and posting OC Pooners, and anything Pooner related

[Det. Frank Washington Esq]

Another W for Chad Christ.

E: Didn't know where to truly place this one, but I find it funny it was a Troon that uncracked her egg. Going from a meme lesbian to a Trad wife (kinda, lol).

Don't like the manipulative music and occasional platitudes, but good on them for finding their way.

 

[Kujo Jotaro]

Pooners are weird

 

[Aunt Carol]

Pooners are weird
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[Potato Burrito]

Pooners are weird
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LOL "When I want to feel manly I pretend I'm a transwoman" is a hilarious accidental burn.

 

[Hepativore]

Pooners are weird
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This almost sounds like a bad sequel to the movie, Inception where all of the characters are troons/pooners.

 

[Mellow Malevolent]

The great part is, you can't even tell if that's a joke or not.

 

[JED]

Another W for Chad Christ.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=GSNIy1GETYQ
E: Didn't know where to truly place this one, but I find it funny it was a Troon that uncracked her egg. Going from a meme lesbian to a Trad wife (kinda, lol).

https://youtube.com/watch?v=cJc0McjBo3o
Don't like the manipulative music and occasional platitudes, but good on them for finding their way.

I find it funny that that second one is like FORMER LESBIAN FINDS JESUS meanwhile you watch it and it's a woman raised catholic who dated men until she had a regretful LUG phase.

 

[KifflomKween]

Another W for Chad Christ.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=GSNIy1GETYQ

She looks exactly like my catholic aunts, same butch look and haircut, just slightly slimmer but still fat.
And by god, what an insufferable pickme twat just like them. "Im NoT lIkE oThEr GiRlS bC I aM jUsT lIkE oNE oF tHe bOyS" lady shut the fuck up

Pooners are weird
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It does make sense, considering most women' clothing is ill fitting, uncomfortable and designed by men for men, unless a woman is built like a male twink she's probably going to feel like a crossdresser in women's clothes.

 

[Kujo Jotaro]

It does make sense, considering most women' clothing is ill fitting, uncomfortable and designed by men for men, unless a woman is built like a male twink she's probably going to feel like a crossdresser in women's clothes

maybe try losing weight hun.

 

[Ed Special]

Pooners are weird
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Epic troll or epic retard. Call it.

most women' clothing is ill fitting, uncomfortable and designed by men for men

Most men's clothing is also ill-fitting and uncomfortable, because human bodies are weird and highly variable and practically nobody is the average that you have to design around when mass-producing clothes. Fortunately, there's this thing that most clothing stores and even thrift stores have called a "fitting room", where you can try the clothes you're interested in ahead of time. Also, you could just say "Fuck the fashion rat-race", take the Utilikilt Pill and commit to wearing ugly cargo skirts with bloomers or yoga pants underneath.

 

[Kujo Jotaro]

Epic troll or epic retard. Call it.

Most men's clothing is also ill-fitting and uncomfortable, because human bodies are weird and highly variable and practically nobody is the average that you have to design around when mass-producing clothes. Fortunately, there's this thing that most clothing stores and even thrift stores have called a "fitting room", where you can try the clothes you're interested in ahead of time. Also, you could just say "Fuck the fashion rat-race", take the Utilikilt Pill and commit to wearing ugly cargo skirts with bloomers or yoga pants underneath.

There are any number of solutions to such a conundrum, but stinky femcels don't want solutions, they want a reason to pin all of their problems on.

"Der Ebil Men are ruining my life/society" is just the functional equivalent to the paranoid chuds contention "Der Ebil Rothschild's are the reason I can't do or get (x)".

It's all just a cope for inaction, failure, or in many cases just a venting of frustrations at a nebulous and amorphous entity that can never actually be located or made to answer.

 

[Ed Special]

Yeah, seriously, "Hurrr the ebil mens making clothes that aren't for me" crowd don't understand logistics and economies of scale. If you're stuck with a weirdly proportioned body, you're just not going to have much luck finding clothes that fit you well without either getting them adjusted by a tailor (which costs money) or looking for clothes with looser tolerances for the wearer (which isn't fashionable). It doesn't make economic sense for American Eagle to make jeans for every possible variation of the female body, and the sooner you discard the persecutory delusions, the sooner you can actually do something about that problem.

Protip: We men are very easy to make happy. Ditch the High School mean girl bullshit and instead be nice and respectful to us, like how you want us to treat you, and we'll literally kill ourselves (albeit very slowly) for your happiness.

 

[Apustajan apustaja]

Yeah, seriously, "Hurrr the ebil mens making clothes that aren't for me" crowd don't understand logistics and economies of scale. If you're stuck with a weirdly proportioned body, you're just not going to have much luck finding clothes that fit you well without either getting them adjusted by a tailor (which costs money) or looking for clothes with looser tolerances for the wearer (which isn't fashionable). It doesn't make economic sense for American Eagle to make jeans for every possible variation of the female body, and the sooner you discard the persecutory delusions, the sooner you can actually do something about that problem.

Protip: We men are very easy to make happy. Ditch the High School mean girl bullshit and instead be nice and respectful to us, like how you want us to treat you, and we'll literally kill ourselves (albeit very slowly) for your happiness.

Heterosexual men: one of my shirts, or just jeans and a T-shirt is sexy as fuck.

Homosexual men: really wierd and complicated artsy shit is the only way for these mysterious creatures to be estethique.

Women: why is womens fashion dictated by the cisheteropatriarchal male gaze? Now please give me 5k$ for a handbag that looks basic.

 

[DYLAN ‘DIELAWN’ VOLK]

maybe try losing weight hun.

See, this is why we need a "fat" rating.

 

[Caramelo]

If you don't like the clothes being sold, do your own then.
I'm tired of clothes made with cheap shit fabrics and too narrow shoulders, and when it fits my shoulders, it's too wide on the waist, so I'm learning how to do my own stuff and enjoying the process.

I also agree on the fat thing. Thin people look good in almost anything, fat people thou...

Lose weight, hon.

 

[scathefire]

This almost sounds like a bad sequel to the movie, Inception where all of the characters are troons/pooners.

That’d be perfect for Ellen Page to make a reappearance, but now as her sickly pooner self. Lord knows nobody else will hire her in her current sad state.

 

[Magic Pickle]

S"TIM" toy: a theyfab's gross theymab boyfriend likes to idly play with his junk while lounging around like some kind of bonobo, which invokes in OP the very reasonable response of going into hysterics over the loss of what was never hers to have. Fellas, is the pussy worth it if she starts bawling over you simply touching your own genitals?
Link | Archive

How do I tackle dick envy while dating someone with a dick​

TL;DR my partner mindlessly gives themself non-sexual boners while lying in bed next to me and it sometimes triggers my gender dysphoria. How can I find a way to deal?
I'm (31 transmasc NB) dating the most wonderful person I've ever met (31 transfem NB) and I love them a lot. They're perfect and I wouldn't change a thing about them. Just had to say that first.
That being said, they have a habit of mindlessly playing with their junk while we're lying in bed, which results in them getting random non-sexual boners (i.e. they're not trying to initiate sex). Sometimes I roll over to cuddle them and feel that they're hard and I get...jealous?? I know this is normal behavior for people who have dicks, it brings comfort or can be a mindless stim. I just wish I had the same stim toy attached to my body. My partner jokes that I can "always use theirs," but it makes me so fucking sad/angry to think about how I can't have that same experience myself without a super invasive surgery, spending thousands of dollars, and enduring a lengthy recovery time with potential complications. I just wish I could snap my fingers and have a fully functional dick.
Now whenever I see my partner playing with themself under the blanket, I feel upset. Not at them, but at the fact that I can't experience the same thing. I couldn't figure out why I was getting so upset about it until literally 2 seconds ago, but it finally clicked, and now I'm sobbing. It feels like I'm mourning the dick I never had. It's such a weird subset of grief, I don't even know how to describe how upsetting it feels for me. My partner sympathizes but also doesn't 100% get it because they don't experience gender dysphoria like I do.
I don't want to ask them to change (again, they're perfect the way they are), but I also don't want to constantly get bummed out over something that brings them comfort and, at the end of the day, is just a mindless stim. I feel like there's no easy answer, so I wanted to try my luck here to see if anyone had insight or experience with this sort of thing. How do I cope with this?

Upon entering a queer Discord server, a FTM seems to consider it a victory that a gay man over the internet cannot immediately clock her as female and is tickled pink further when the man himself finds trannies repugnant. I notice that troons 'n' poons seem to find it most validating when those who would actively despise them if they knew the truth are attracted to their charade, which really doesn't help with the whole "pronoun people innately want to force themselves into places/onto people where and when they're not wanted" thing they have going on.
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Transphobic gay guy was flirting with me​

I recently got more active on a LGBTQ+ discord server and met some nice people there. Although it was a queer server, I didn't want the people to know I was trans (at least definitively not everyone), because it was the first space where NOBODY knew I'm not cis and I wanted to enjoy that.
There was a guy who found interest in me and started texting me privately. I wasn't sure at first but he was flirting. We would have a normal talk about cooking and he'll ask about us meeting (considering the his past messages, it was clear he meant a date). I specifically ignored it and continued our talk, but he wouldn't let go.
A few days later I told another guy (A) about the interaction (we got pretty close friendship wise, funny enough he had also a crush on me). I first didn't say who it was exactly, but he knew instantly. Actually other people knew too that the guy was interested in me, because when I was offline, he was not subtle about it lmao. What I also found out is, that he was actually transphobic.
TW transphobia, slurs"Trannys are fucking disgusting, when I talk to a guy, I want him to have a dick goddamn it"
That I was so funny to me, I told to A in secret, that I was actually trans. A few days later I came out to another guy while being drunk, whom I trust too though, so that's not a biggie.Both of them had the same reaction: "...wait are you serious?". The idea of me not being cis was wild to them. They thought I was just an at times very flamboyant twink
Nobody else assumes me being trans too. I got comments like how my face looks really feminine in some perspectives via cam, but that's it.As I said, it was the first space, where nobody knew me before I started HRT and legally changed my name. It was somewhat an experiment to me, how people percieve me.
It doesn't mean I pass 100% sadly, because at work the customers often (50/50, maybe 60/40 in favor for me) think I'm a woman. On Thursday someone was so sure about me being a woman, that she assumed the pc I was logged in was wrong, bc it said "Mr. Last Name"
"This can't be right, it says Mister!"
But I think my voice is mostly at fault for that, because I tend to pitch up my voice when I talk to customers (adding to that my more feminine/twinky face = BAM woman).
So in other settings (where I talk normally haha) I pass! I don't look completely masculine, no facial hair (it just started growing now), not that deep of a voice and sometimes I have "feminine mannerisms", but I still pass most of the time!
People just think I'm very gay lmao.

A tale in two parts: a supposedly unclockable and completely passing poon is racked with terror when the girls on her university's basketball team start mocking her for being an obvious female, going as far as to make jeering comments towards her and even taking her pictures. She seemingly gets the last laugh when she tattles on them, but I can't get over how hilarious it is that she thinks nobody can tell she's a TiF; for your enjoyment, I've include both a picture - and a video! - so you can get an idea of just how macho a man this mini-Randy Savage is.
Link | Archive

had super weird experience with girls from uni basketball team & don't know how to handle it. taking pictures of me and whispering.​

I am stealth and worked my fucking ass off to be unclockable. It shocks people when I tell them and they normally think I mean MTF. This is relevant to the story because I'm so damn confused. I'm in my 2nd year in university. Only a handful of queer friends on campus know I'm trans. I was sitting in class in front of 2 girls from the basketball team. 1 of them lives next to me in the dorm, and she dorms with 2 others girls from the team. In class, on Monday, I all of a sudden started to hear lots of whispering and giggling behind me. I tried to tune it out and focus, then I heard "ohh he's trans" and I glanced behind me and the girl who lives next to me was smiling directly at me and didn't break eye contact while giggling. Later in the day, I saw the 2nd girl from class and she was just smiling and staring at me. I was able to quickly ask another queer guy who is nb in class to quickly help me leave class and walk behind me in case it was the thing that only happens once a month since I've been off T for a little while right now, but it wasn't. On Tuesday, I was leaving the dorm building and 1 of the roommates VERYYYY obviously took a picture of me while passing one another on the sidewalk and I gave her a look like "wtf was that for?" and she didn't care. Later in the day, I saw OTHER girls from the team and 2 of them took their phones out and aimed it in my direction from kinda afar. On Wednesday, I just hid and tried to avoid as many as I could. Today, on Thursday, I came out of the dorm and it seemed like the entire team was there and they all FELLLL silent when I started to walk by while glancing at me and shifting their body weight.
However, before this situation, 2 weeks ago: the 3 roommates (1 girl from class and the 2 others) came to my door to talk to me and ask my name and everything. I told them I wasn't super interested in socializing right then and there and they understood and I closed my door.
I'm so so confused.
I don't know how they know. I'm worried that it was something stupid like my jock strap peaking out because the brand name gives it away, or it was something else. I don't know how to handle this, emotionally and physically. I think the ONLYYY thing that gives me solace is that it is the women's basketball team, so chances are some of them are queer themselves and me being trans isn't a big deal. I don't know HOW they view me. I'm so afraid I've become either a fetish among them or a straight up funny joke. I'm afraid it's going to spread on campus that I am trans, if it already hasn't. We've had anti-trans hate speech graffitied on campus and I'm terrified now. It's also a small religious interfaith university. Liberal, but still.
Has anyone else experienced something similar? What would YOU do in this situation? How would you support your friend if they came to you with this?? Do I tell my professor? or resident life person? advisor? I have no clue.

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update about women's uni basketball team: escalated to slurs and they're in TROUBLEEEEEEE​

I posted here just yesterday about a situation I was really confused and hurt by with some of the women from my uni's basketball team.
update: I finally took my safety seriously and realized just because I'm unclockable and transitioned YEARS ago that I still have this body and reality no matter how hard I try to be stealth. Because of the support I received here, I made reports and sanctions will be given because it's a title IX and university policy violation. they'll have 3 days to respond starting Monday. I won't know the exact sanctions because of privacy laws. the "no retaliation" policy here is VERY serious because we are affiliated with an official church/denomination and private and so are the sanctions. it COULD lead to a semester suspension if they don't leave me alone afterwards. as I was walking out of class to my dean of students meeting after the slurs were said today and mocking my "I am safe" affirmation on my hand (BCCC OF THEMMMM), I made the decision not to be vague and to "cause issues". if my existence is an issue to them, I want to be the biggest issue they have then on campus cause they aren't mine and won't be, but I will be theirs. don't fuck with trans people when we're just EXISITING IN A SPACE. especially don't fuck with BIPOC trans people. it really be your own sometimes.

Spoiler: I admit, the hairline is quite masculine.

A brave li'l dood confidently slaps some glitter-spackle onto her eyes before a family event only for the night to end in emergency facial grooming after her pitiful little mustache isn't enough to keep her fiance's relatives from recognizing her as female. This is another one made funnier when you know what OP looks like, so again, click below to see what we're working with here.
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My fiancé’s supportive family started misgendering me more often after I wore eyeshadow​

My fiancés family have been supportive of me the 4 years my partner and I have been together. His dad is old and a little kookie-dooks and misgenders me occasionally, but he also mixes up his kids names occasionally so idc as much. Anyways. They hadn’t misgendered me for about 2 years. So I felt comfortable enough to wear some eyeshadow to a family gathering.
At the gathering, my fiancé, his sister, and I were talking about something random. My fiancé said something, I mentioned how I thought it was strange because I’ve never done that thing and his sister says “must be a guy thing then”. Later that night his fam was playing Cards against humanities (I was just watching) and his sister was showing cards to me, her niece, and cousin. She mentioned how she’s showing her cards to “the girls”. Then her niece called me “she”
Mind you I had a mustache as well.
I was so dysphoric. Went home that night, and for the first time in 2 years I shaved my mustache off. Clearly my sad little mustache wasn’t doing me any favors. So I ended him. RIP.
All because of some fucking glittery eyeshadow? I was comfortable in myself and thought I was free to be a little feminine. I have been disgustingly depressed ever since, this was a month ago………… on the plus side, I’m getting top surgery in 2.5 weeks

Spoiler: Where to begin on this one?

A TiF sees Joan of Arc as one of her kind and offers impassioned, educated arguments such as "[he] was recognized as a saint, so [he] did things for a reason." Commenters try to give better reasons, but theirs, too, fall short, with suggestions such as "Choosing to be burned alive instead of stopping to wear men’s clothing" being one that supposedly indicates a transmasculine identity. They're not really sending their best and brightest, are they?
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I think Joan of Arc was a trans man​

and a lot of people have been misgendering him.
It’s obvious that he is one, if you know him. Besides, people who considered him female never proved so, so it’s unfair to only ask those who consider him male.
There have been opinions like mine, given with supportive materials that you can do research on.
If I’m to give a short reasoning, I’d say, because:1. He was recognized as a saint, so he did things for a reason2. The Bible says things like “A woman shall not wear a man's garment, nor shall a man put on a woman's cloak, for whoever does these things is an abomination to the Lord your God.” (Deuteronomy 22:5)3. He wore men’s clothes
We can conclude that he was a man.

Lastly, the dysphoria treadmill continues rolling out new anxieties: this time, it's over the differences between pelvic openings - you know, because women give fucking birth and need to be able to pass a tiny monkey's gourd through their genitals without being instantly rendered a cripple? I cannot imagine there are not more pressing matters to concern one's self over...
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new area of body dysphoria unlocked​

TW: genital talk, references to childbirth
never had much dysphoria over the existence of my… front entrance… until i came across a video showing the difference between a male vs female pelvis by showing the two genders’ pelvic bones and a metal ball being shoved through each one (and getting blocked by the male pelvic bone being too small)
like oh my god that’s going to haunt me fr fuuuuck… it looked like it was exhibited in a museum or science centre of sorts. why would this be an exhibit
even coming across scenes of cis women giving birth on television didn’t bother me like this

 

[Law]

I find it funny it was a Troon that uncracked her egg. Going from a meme lesbian to a Trad wife (kinda, lol).

She says that her father was verbally abusive towards her mother, and would call her mother "stupid", and "worthless" and "crazy". Her shithead father also beat her mom, and she was repeatedly sexually abused by a man. The anger she describes having towards men was totally justified because of how these men chose to behave. The anger and turmoil she felt was their fault.
The doctor also said "eh, don't worry about it" instead of "quick, chop her tits off and shoot her fulla roids" when her parents revealed that she liked to play with army men and hockey sticks. This woman was never a "troon".
She also struggled with drug addiction and alcoholism, which is really common in survivors of sexual abuse and in people who witnessed domestic violence as children because of how traumatic those things are.
She and her girlfriend also continued to live together, even though they separated romantically. She "moved into a different part of the house", she didn't move out. She and her and girlfriend are now "sisters in Christ" so we can assume that they still have a very close relationship. She also never explicitly says that she's not gay any more. Plenty of straight couples also stop fuckin', it doesn't mean they stop being straight.

The second lady had a trans woman friend named Jill who used to be a Presbyterian minister and left his wife and kids to cosplay as his idea of a woman full-time. This woman used feminist analysis to say, hey wait a minute, what about his wife? The fact that this woman was a feminist allowed her to see through the troon's obfuscation.
Also I don't know how you got "Trad wife" from that video. The video doesn't end with her marrying a man. The video doesn't even end with her claiming to be straight.

until i came across a video showing the difference between a male vs female pelvis by showing the two genders’ pelvic bones and a metal ball being shoved through each one (and getting blocked by the male pelvic bone being too small)
like oh my god that’s going to haunt me fr fuuuuck… it looked like it was exhibited in a museum or science centre of sorts. why would this be an exhibit

This exact video was a meme on Ovarit (RIP) for like a month. Glad its still working it's magic.

 

[Apustajan apustaja]

slaps some glitter-spackle onto her eyes

I never realised my privilege. I could wear as much glittery eye-shadow I want, but no-one would ever mistake me for a woman. Same with the mustache. If I would shave it off I might be mistaken for Amish or Wahabist but never a woman. It seems really hard being a pooner.

 

[Fish and Chips]

I'm worried that it was something stupid like my jock strap peaking out because the brand name gives it away, or it was something else.

Looks like it's not only your jock strap that's "peaked".