- Joined
- Jun 2, 2024
The "T" stands for taxonomy: a straight-with-extra-steps T4T couple has issues when the pooner girlfriend defines her sexuality based on biology and not genderfeels; OP, the tranny half of the equation, claims that he doesn't want to pressure her to redefine herself but then basically writes about how he wants her to redefine herself nonetheless.
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A "manly, muscular, hairy jock" FTM is mad that when she posts to r/FTMporn, the sleazy, sticky scrotum swarm that seeds the sub inevitably descends, writing revolting dirty talk in her inbox that leaves her deeply unhappy. Won't any men who happen to conveniently resemble Rick Moranis in Little Shop of Horrors please come forward to spread their quivering, softened assholes for her powerful strap?
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A married man, now feeling himself as a saucy, sensual little siren after beginning his journey as a crossdresser, struggles to get his wife on board to appreciate the lusty lesbian lover he has rebirthed himself into. I love the part where she doesn't react sufficiently to his sexy selfies thus triggering his 'rejection sensitivity' - why not try uploading your pictures to the various trans subs? And I'm totally not just saying that so I can post them here to point and laugh at, I pinky promise!The way my partner(21ftm) defines their sexuality troubles me(20mtf)
i want to start off by saying their sexuality is theirs, and that i don’t want to ‘change their mind’ or police them, and that how he labels himself is valid.
we are both on hormones and i identify as a transfem nonbinary woman (she/her/they) and they identify as a transmasc nonbinary guy (they/he), so i thought our relationship would be more nuanced in terms of how he views it.
he’s told me that i am a woman 100% and that they are panromantic, but their genital preference is for penises, and that would make them straight. And in turn, our sex life straight, as it is dick-pussy sex.
i have been on estrogen for a year now, and my penis has changed very much! and yet in my partners eyes there is no difference when it boils down to their sexuality.
i asked them, “if i got bottom surgery would it make our relationship’s sex suddenly gay?” and the answer was yes. they don’t see gender as a part of sexuality, only genitals.
i am glad that i’m seen as a woman to him but it feels so icky that there is no difference to them whether it’s a trans woman or a cis guy with the penis it’s just, genitals. and i hate being grouped in with men in that sense.
to me, my sexuality (bisexual) is so nuanced and based on gender identity and expression and even just vibes. i don’t have a genitalia preference but my attraction to said genitals changes wildly, depending on the identity of that person. i see sexuality and genital preference as two separate things.
i do want to add that genitals are a big part of sexuality for most people, but i do not think it is the sole and leading factor in sexual attraction.
i feel like they’ve stuck with the definition we’ve been handed to us from a young age by cishet society and it feels very uncomfortable having it within a t4t relationship. it also feels kind of bio-essentialist in a way, not him specifically but the definition itself.
they’ve offered to agree to disagree but i don’t know if i truly can, if i’m being honest.
is it okay for me to have these grievances? and what are your thoughts? i’m not sure how else to approach this situation..
(also excuse the formatting i am on mobile </3)
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Bedroom blunder: a troon tries to get busy with a guy he picked up at a party only for his paramour to figure out the Barbie he picked up is actually a Ken, promptly tossing him back in the toy box as a result. Credit where it's due for OP that he at least feels guilty for not disclosing, but I can't help but notice that even in the ideal scenario - where a man simply leaves without any fanfare and then tells the tranny not to feel bad about their evening together - he still needs others to tell him how to "feel better" about it. Dude, just be glad he didn't trans panic your ass, maybe?Feeling lost in my relationship since my transition
I (32F) have been with my wife (32F) for 12 years. I think we've probably had some trouble with sexual intimacy for the last 10. For a long time I thought the source was a combination of her past trauma, combine with general anxiety that would sometimes lead her to panic around the topic. I have always thought this was something that would eventually get worked out, and tried to be as patient as possible. Tried to reinforce the idea that she never needed to do anything she didn't want to, there would never be any negativity towards her saying no or changing her mind. So sex has always been extremely rare. We recently had a conversation where she explained that the desire to have sex or even a lot of touch isn't there. She was unsure when I brought up the term asexual, so I don't want to label her with that necessarily, but what she described sounds a lot like being sex repulsed and even if asexual turns out not to be entirely accurate, I think the reality of what it means for us is going to be very similar. Even certain non sexual physical touch can really stress her out, which is tough because that's my primary love language.
The thing is, while intimacy was always something important to me, I think it was held back by my being trans. I associated wanting more sex or asking her for it with a type of masculinity that I really didn't want to see in myself. The sex itself, while I felt like I wanted it, also never quite seemed to actually give me what I wanted. So I had enough negative feelings around the topic that my desire to approach it also wasn't super high. About 2 years ago I started transitioning, and she's been fantastic and supportive. But recently, as I've started being more comfortable with my body, my identity, a lot of those negative feelings have fallen away and my desire to explore that side of myself for what kind if feels like the first time has gone way up.
Communication around it is so difficult, because the topic itself is so stressful to her. One little mistake in a conversation about it can set off panic. I can't get anywhere close to really getting into my feelings in the topic, because I know if I express too many negative feelings around it she'll feel guilty and have a panic attack. We've done a lot of work in counselling on our communication and can have good productive conversations about most things, but this one topic is untouchable. Intimacy counselling is off the table, and I may actually struggle to get her back to regular couples counselling because I brought this up in a session once.
Now I'm not sure I'll ever get the chance. I may never get to enjoy sex with the body and identity that feels right, in the ways that feel right. I'm reaching out for validation about the changes in my body, hoping she'll find the new things about me as exciting as I do, and there's just no interest. I've given up trying to send her photos the rare time I think I manage to look hot, because her responses just don't feel good. It sets off my ADHD rejection sensitivity like crazy. I've been trying and failing to find a local individual therapist who specializes in this kind of thing, had a couple of consults but noone seems to be the right fit.
I just don't know what to do. I fucking love this woman, so much. I want to be with her forever, and if anything since being on HRT that desire has just intensified. Plus the idea or not being able to be there for her like she was for me during my transition is just completely awful. But everything I find online either suggests separation or poly, and I'm just not interested in poly (well, not the kinds of poly that would apply here). Plus that would require an ability to have serious conversations about sex that we just aren't capable of right now. It feels like there MUST be another solution out there, but I can't find it. And I can feel the strain building, I can tell things aren't sustainable how they are, without even being able to talk about it. How do I move forward? Is acceptance my only other option?
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Defended against the dark arts: a wee witch's enthusiasm towards polyjuice is blistered by terror at the notion that she may wind up looking more like Argus Filch than Cedric Diggory all thanks to JKR's advocacy. Naturally, the cavalry arrives to assure her that she's better off being an "ugly guy" than a "pretty girl," which is pretty funny. How many handmaidens are secretly Stacies that love watching any potential competition kneecap themselves willfully, I wonder?I forgot to disclose my genitalia before bringing someone back to my room and now i feel terrible.
I brought a guy back from a party and we started making out, I thought it was obvious I was trans because of my pride right above my bed and my tall, stocky frame, and in the heat of the moment i thought he knew, or we wouldn’t go that far. Everything was going well until he stuck his hand down my pants and immediately got up. I started profusely apologizing and he said it was okay but i’m not sure. He sent me a text a few minutes later saying i shouldn’t feel bad about it but I still feel awful for forgetting to disclose. I want to know how to make things right or how I can feel better about it.
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MTF, or Manipulator-to-Female: a tranny keeps trying to push his transition into the faces of his mother and sister and his sister has reached her breaking point; this culminates in an argument where she says OP merely wants to transition as an attack on their mom, which leads OP to threaten suicide if she continued further. This did not stop the sister, and curiously enough, it seems OP lived to tell the tale. Another great example of why you should always call the bluff of suicide baiters! Well played, sister.scared of being ugly bc of hrt
yeah, the jk rowling terf "ur gonna ruin ur body" rhetoric got me when I was first questioning my gender lol. I feel bad admitting it, but I'm scared that hrt will make my hair recede and gain weight. I already feel insecure about dumb things about the way I look, some related to gender like my slim shoulders and wide hips, and other random things like my teeth/smile.
Maybe I need to remove being an attractive guy from my transition goal list lmao. Not sure how I should deal with this bc it kinda bums me out but it also feels silly when I explain it
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Space invade-"her": a TiF feels guilt and shame at the notion that her presence in gay male spaces is unwelcome, deviating from typical gender dipshit form by actually seeming to express some empathy towards the journey homosexuals go through to accept themselves as exclusively same-sex attracted. The comments take on a very 'men ain't shit' vibe that they usually do in spaces dominated by heterosexual women, so I've collected some down below because they made me laugh and sharing is caring!My sister stopped pretending to accept me.
2yrs back i came out to my sister as a Trans women she। accepted me that time, but whenever i tried to talk to her as sister she became uncomfortable,
Few months, later i came out to my mom, and and following events pushed me and mother to not to ever talk about it again
Sometimes when i did bring it up as i will go through transition and how hard it can be etc she... just dismissed me. I had that feeling that my sister only pretend to accept me to appear righteous, she does that alot, like faking to be emotional or angry, and she sometimes have thrown hurt jokes at me for which i did asked her to stop many times.
Today when we were talking and i just casually brought up transition she just accused me of wanting to transition just for the sake of hurting my mother, we argued and i couldn't bear it , i threatened that i would commit suicide if she continued this conversation any further but she didn't stopped...
I can't just stop crying her words just keep echoing in my head.
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Gay dating as a trans man
Can gay men even find me attractive at all? Whenever I see those "would you date trans men" questions, everyone always says no. Even when I talk about dating in trans spaces, I’m always told I should look for bisexual guys and that frustrates me. I have nothing against bisexuals (I might even be one myself), but it just triggers a lot of dysphoria when people suggest I should try dating people who are also into women. As if I'm just not man enough for gay men. I don’t want to be something in-between..
But I’m slowly starting to think that maybe that’s just my reality and I have to accept it. Gay men are gay for a reason. They go through their own difficult journey of accepting that they’re not into women and then I feel bad and guilty for basically "expecting" them to find a body like mine attractive. But it also hurts a lot to hear and to know that so many men in my own community find my genitals disgusting. I feel so ashamed of my body.
And it always feels very isolating like I’m intruding spaces I don’t belong to.
[–] StartOverall2995
I also thought this, but I somehow found myself in a relationship with a fully gay guy. He’s never been with a woman, he’s never had an interest in women. He does not find women attracted. But he loves me and sees me as a man, fully. Even I’ve said to him I can’t understand how he does as i genuinely could not believe a cis gay man would see me that way, but he does. And even though I’m pre-surgery (3.5 years on t), he respects me as a man and has never done anything to suggest otherwise. I’m still in shock about it, but there are some men out there who will positively surprise you.
[–] PenEnvironmental1339
I think the same way as you but I want you to know its based in transphobia. I feel all of your emotions, really I do, and this is how I confront this topic! I hope hope hope this resonates or helps
Firstly, cisgender gay men should be doing the work for us. We go through tremendous amounts of pain pre, during, and post transition (whatever that may look like). Cis gay guys should do the work to unlearn their biases and extend empathy towards us. Ofc many dont, but they have a position of privilege they should utilize in uplifting us. The fact many cis gay guys dont do this is not an indication of an issue with you, but them. Rather than constantly make space for their experiences, they should be making space for ours
Secondly, yeah I get it. Its true many cis gay guys go on a journey of their sexuality that inadvertently renders them against vaginas or "women's bodies". There's a small portion that this is just the case, they can't control their attraction, but the vast majority is transphobia. While all journeys are valid, its not our fault some cis gay men when exploring their identity did not consider the full scope of men and then cemented that ignorance into their identity.
Its transphobic too because while trans men dont have cisgender men's bodies, our bodies are very masculine. Some cis ppl think trans men are Jessica rabbit with a boy haircut, but fail to understand hair changes, body composition changes, breast and vulva changes, etc that make trans men read as men. By ignoring the key parts or masculinization and transition, they erase our stories, histories, and experiences.
Cisgender ppl in general too centre sex around genitals too much. Just as straight people center piv and heteronormativity in their sex, cisgender people centre bodies/genitals and cisnormativity in sex. Just like how gay people can't convince straight people their sex is valid, same happens to trans people. Its not our fault, they're the ones who need to unlearn systematic trans(and gnc)oppression.
Lastly, trans men are men, but before all of that, we are humans. We deserve respect and care. Regardless of gay guys ideas or views, they should always be respectful.
Fwiw, im bi, but I love trans men and view them completely as guys. They are more preferable to cis guys (fr like what do cis guys have on us?) to me and are completely masculine, beautiful, loveable individuals. I understand the drive to be recognized by cis gay men (a real man who likes only men would love me? Means I'm valid- that's how I think sometimes) but there's much love in the trans community.
I write this all to say I hear your pain. I feel it everyday. I was crying abt it not even 15 minutes ago! This is how I logically and emotionally regulate, while holding space for all of our experiences.
(Also, have hope for the future. Maybe cis gay guys now suck, but give it 5 years and it'll be okay? We can hope)
[–] AnotherPerishedSoul
This is a difficult topic because this subreddit has basically just become accusatory to any gay trans men who have issues. Either we're incels or "need to do work" because people here haven't had issues.
In my experience, if you're white, a twink and a bottom (natal genitalia would make it easier. Anal only gets a little tougher), you will have the easiest time. Change any of those and it gets harder. I'd argue being a top will make it most hard, followed by not being white.
I have never had anyone find me attractive. No matches on apps where I don't mention my trans status. Even on hookup apps, I don't get messages except for straight men looking for trans men because they can't get women. No, I'm not feminine. I've been transitioning longer than most here and have been stealth for a long, long time.
[–] MercuryChaos
[–] dmitrichondria
I'm
this close to giving up on cis gay men. Tinder is just... Boring AF at this point.Grindr is fucking terrible.
The amount of disrespect and even threats of violence I've received for being a gay trans man are astonishing. I like men, and I am one. Why the fuck am I being treated as lesser than them? I'm not forcing anyone to have sex with me. Or forcing anyone to be attracted to me, and if they don't, I'm not going to deem them transphobic.
Like seriously. If you don't like me, fucking move on.
I also thought this, but I somehow found myself in a relationship with a fully gay guy. He’s never been with a woman, he’s never had an interest in women. He does not find women attracted. But he loves me and sees me as a man, fully. Even I’ve said to him I can’t understand how he does as i genuinely could not believe a cis gay man would see me that way, but he does. And even though I’m pre-surgery (3.5 years on t), he respects me as a man and has never done anything to suggest otherwise. I’m still in shock about it, but there are some men out there who will positively surprise you.
[–] PenEnvironmental1339
I think the same way as you but I want you to know its based in transphobia. I feel all of your emotions, really I do, and this is how I confront this topic! I hope hope hope this resonates or helps
Firstly, cisgender gay men should be doing the work for us. We go through tremendous amounts of pain pre, during, and post transition (whatever that may look like). Cis gay guys should do the work to unlearn their biases and extend empathy towards us. Ofc many dont, but they have a position of privilege they should utilize in uplifting us. The fact many cis gay guys dont do this is not an indication of an issue with you, but them. Rather than constantly make space for their experiences, they should be making space for ours
Secondly, yeah I get it. Its true many cis gay guys go on a journey of their sexuality that inadvertently renders them against vaginas or "women's bodies". There's a small portion that this is just the case, they can't control their attraction, but the vast majority is transphobia. While all journeys are valid, its not our fault some cis gay men when exploring their identity did not consider the full scope of men and then cemented that ignorance into their identity.
Its transphobic too because while trans men dont have cisgender men's bodies, our bodies are very masculine. Some cis ppl think trans men are Jessica rabbit with a boy haircut, but fail to understand hair changes, body composition changes, breast and vulva changes, etc that make trans men read as men. By ignoring the key parts or masculinization and transition, they erase our stories, histories, and experiences.
Cisgender ppl in general too centre sex around genitals too much. Just as straight people center piv and heteronormativity in their sex, cisgender people centre bodies/genitals and cisnormativity in sex. Just like how gay people can't convince straight people their sex is valid, same happens to trans people. Its not our fault, they're the ones who need to unlearn systematic trans(and gnc)oppression.
Lastly, trans men are men, but before all of that, we are humans. We deserve respect and care. Regardless of gay guys ideas or views, they should always be respectful.
Fwiw, im bi, but I love trans men and view them completely as guys. They are more preferable to cis guys (fr like what do cis guys have on us?) to me and are completely masculine, beautiful, loveable individuals. I understand the drive to be recognized by cis gay men (a real man who likes only men would love me? Means I'm valid- that's how I think sometimes) but there's much love in the trans community.
I write this all to say I hear your pain. I feel it everyday. I was crying abt it not even 15 minutes ago! This is how I logically and emotionally regulate, while holding space for all of our experiences.
(Also, have hope for the future. Maybe cis gay guys now suck, but give it 5 years and it'll be okay? We can hope)
[–] AnotherPerishedSoul
This is a difficult topic because this subreddit has basically just become accusatory to any gay trans men who have issues. Either we're incels or "need to do work" because people here haven't had issues.
In my experience, if you're white, a twink and a bottom (natal genitalia would make it easier. Anal only gets a little tougher), you will have the easiest time. Change any of those and it gets harder. I'd argue being a top will make it most hard, followed by not being white.
I have never had anyone find me attractive. No matches on apps where I don't mention my trans status. Even on hookup apps, I don't get messages except for straight men looking for trans men because they can't get women. No, I'm not feminine. I've been transitioning longer than most here and have been stealth for a long, long time.
[–] MercuryChaos
They're gay because they're attracted to men. Just like with anyone, some people's sexual orientation is very genital-focused, and some people don't care as much.Gay men are gay for a reason.
Well, you shouldn't assume that every single person in a particular group will find you attractive. But you also shouldn't assume that none of them will. That's not related to being trans, it's just recognizing that there's a lot of diversity within groups.I feel bad and guilty for basically "expecting" them to find a body like mine attractive.
Yeah and men usually have male bodies. Bodies.are what people are sexually attracted to.
No but what I mean is a gay guy for example is generally attracted to men so a woman wouldn’t even be in the category of people he might date. Same with me. Sorry i suck at explaining
I recommend the Contrapoints video "Are Traps Gay?", in which she answers the question of whether it's gay for men to be attracted to trans women (spoiler: no.) It's about trans women, but it's not hard to apply what she's saying to trans men. If you've been on testosterone for a while, you're gonna have masculine secondary sex characteristics, and those tend to be the ones that people use to decide whether you're the gender they're attracted to.
[–] dmitrichondria
I'm
The amount of disrespect and even threats of violence I've received for being a gay trans man are astonishing. I like men, and I am one. Why the fuck am I being treated as lesser than them? I'm not forcing anyone to have sex with me. Or forcing anyone to be attracted to me, and if they don't, I'm not going to deem them transphobic.
Like seriously. If you don't like me, fucking move on.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I don't know why some gay cis men think that every trans man on earth wants them and will immediately call them tramsphobic if they decline. They have such a weird superiority complex towards us just because they were born with dicks.
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Vent about r/ftmporn
It's nothing but breeding and natal parts and natal chests and very very fem bodies getting dozens of comments. Those kinks are fine, being fem is fine, I'm happy you don't have dysphoria to the severity I do, but the proliferation of this all makes people think that is the DEFAULT stuff trans men are into. There are whole separate subreddits for misgendering, why the hell am I made to see it on the default ftm porn subreddit?
For reference, I'm an extremely cis-passing guy. On T for 4 years, have always behaved manly, muscular, hairy, haven't had top surgery yet but it's lined up for 2 years from now. Much love to the ladies, but I am gay with a strong preference for the skinny nerdy types. Again, much love for all body types, but I'd feel dysphoric as fuck being in a relationship with a guy who is significantly bigger than me. Also I just like em like that AYooo
I've done a SHIT ton of mental work over the last 2ish years coping with my body as is, for the sake of getting myself to enjoy sex. It's sorta like body acceptance, but let's be real, there's no amount of️
love yourself
that gets rid of dysphoria. I'm not HAPPY I don't have a dick and I will NEVER like what I have, but I can at least get into a mental space of "it's analogous to dick, an asshole is still an asshole, and I can ignore the slit. I can function just like a cis gay guy. I can take it in the ass, I can get jacked off, I can get blowjobs, I can fuck someone in the ass". I can make some amount of peace for the time being, right?
I made a post yesterday to the tune of "pov ur jock boyfriend is gonna ride the shit outta you" with a picture of my body, my hairy ass muscular body mind you. I was so caught up in the bliss of having forgotten other people don't see my body the way I want to be seen.
One dm from some guy talking about "breeding my holes", I say no, twice.
Different dm from some guy talking about "eating out my pussy".
Different dm where the dude was actually going along with the fantasy... but when I'm doing all this dom shit like saying "I'm slapping you around telling you you're just a pole" and SPECIFYING that this is anal, he keeps combating the fantasy in that way where it's clear he expects me to "relent" at some point and turn into a screechy little sub. Which I don't obviously. Says smth about leaving my "holes gaping" fuck outta here.
I am a MAN with a cock and an ass, that's it. No other hole. When you fuck me, you are fucking a man, one who could simply get up and walk away at any time.
I'm just tired of this shit. I hate that we're assumed to be subby bottoms by default. I hate knowing r/ftmporn is overrun with the chasery types who are only there for the breeding and natal parts types. I know it's not fair to blame the ones who ARE into those kinks, it is the ones assuming we're all into it who are to blame, but all around this whole thing stinks.
Where's the slender switch guys who wanna take my strap and then swap places with me? Just see me and treat me like a cis man ffs




