Ralph's Fortieth Birthday Thread - Where did the time go?

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Dr Naomi Hunter said:
Have a Xannie bar for me, Ralph. You’ve earned it as I never thought you would make it to 40.
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I had to bum a xannie from a friend who has a rarely used script to get to sleep last night after witnessing some traumatic shit at work. It was a terrifying revelation with regards to Ralph about how effective they are with regards to making able to disconnect from your current stressor. Ralph being addicted to them suggests that his life is worse than watching a random kitten getting it's skull incompletely crushed in by a van full of drywall mexicans driving away while you're arguing with the power company trying to figure out if you hit a buried power line or if the loss of electricity had just happened (it literally just did that. A fuse was blown at the power pole. I don't think the mexicans helped with that either).

How fucked up is your life that you need Five Bar Days in comparison
 
joebobmurphy said:
Happy Birthday! I’m amazed at how much of a dog’s breakfast you made of your life. You are such a lolcow that the emails you leaked admitting that you had a gay lover and(true to form) drove him to suicide doesn’t even make the top ten.

Personal favorites include:

-Getting kicked off a plane for being a drunk, raging hog.

-Getting your face caved in by a Portuguese pimp.

-Coming back for seconds, on tape this time.

-Fapping to Soph on stream.

-Arguing with a YouTube lecture for 45 mins.

-The piss bottle tape

-Telling your ailing mother to suck your dick and walk to her dialysis appointment.

The list goes on and on. Thank you for not only fucking everything up, but making sure it’s recorded most times too. We love you Ralph. We’re the only ones that do.
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It’s not truuuuuuu.
 
Happy birthday, champ.
googly eyes.webp
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literally me.webp
 
Happy Birthday you Fat Bish.

Never forget that all you had to do was not be a Drug Abusing, Wife Beating Alcoholic and you could have lived a comfortable life talking about Internet Blood Sports.
 
Since he's in Mexico how would ethan ralph cover the Sinaloa cartel
 
All I hope is that he's livesteaming when he breaks and falls off his chair for the last time. Ralph is still the only person I've seen with the dreaded triple titty
 
SaltyFanta said:
I concur, I always passively assumed Ralph was in his late 40s, early 50s.

At this rate I doubt he'll make it to his late 40s though.
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Just out of pure spite and the power granted to him by xanberries, he'll make it to 50. But if I was a betting man, I'd put a hefty sum on the option that he will be worm food by his 60th birthday. Benzos will take you only so far, better find a good local coca dealer if he wants to see his bastards grow up to hate him as much as he hates his daddy Jim.
 
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BISH!

That liver must be running on a mixture of willpower, spite and plot armor.
 
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