It's been a minute, so I hope everyone is ready for a hearty trough of Ls to tide us over for the upcoming weekend! (Apologies in advance for any reposts; I haven't been particularly active. Please besiege me with clocks as necessary.)
A double L-spresso, coming right up: a FTM's girlfriend of nearly half a decade has been evasive about showing off her li'l dood to other people, and things have now come to a head when OP's lassie posts her up on her Instagram stories... with
everyone she knows blocked off from seeing it so that nobody knows it's the pooner in question. While I find it cowardly to hide who you're dating from others for such a long time, the idea that social media is somehow a metric in which to judge the strength, dedication and love in a relationship makes me feel so old, my bones threaten to crumble into dust.
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We’ve been together since we were 17, and we’re coming up on 4 years.
I’m transgender (stealth except with close friends), and she’s cis. I was her first relationship. From day one, I knew things wouldn’t be easy — and I’ve been patient, probably more than I should’ve been. But I feel like I'm at a breaking point.
For the first year of our relationship, almost no one knew about us — not even her family. I kept hoping that once she told her mom, things would change. It took a year and a half for her to tell her, and even after that, she still didn’t post about me or acknowledge me publicly. I’d bring it up gently. Nothing. Then more directly. Still nothing.
Finally — three years in — she posted a picture of me... from behind. No tag. No “boyfriend.” Just a body with no context.
I know social media isn’t everything. But when you’re never posted, never brought around family, and can’t even post your own girlfriend on her birthday without it being a problem... it starts to feel like more than just social media.
It’s not just online. She doesn’t come to my family events (
says my family is “weird”), and she avoids inviting me to hers. The worst part was her college graduation — I was supposed to go. She gave me no details the morning of, ghosted me until the afternoon, and finally admitted
she didn’t want me there because she was scared of how her family might react. That was the most humiliating and hurtful moment I’ve experienced in this relationship.
Every time I bring this up, it’s the same cycle:
she cries, says she’ll change, gives a vague promise or a deadline... and then nothing happens. Time passes, I bring it up again, and the whole thing resets.
Most recently I gave her a clear boundary — I said if nothing changed by Memorial Day, I was done. Then we both got sick, so I gave her grace. Now I’m just exhausted.
She says her anxiety and procrastination make it hard for her to follow through. I don’t think she’s a bad person.
In private, she’s loving and supportive. She uses the right name, pronouns, everything. But that’s the thing — I don’t want to be a secret anymore. After four years, I want to be her boyfriend in the real world, not just behind closed doors.
I don’t need rainbow flags or a speech about dating a trans man.
I just want to be treated like someone she’s proud to love. A normal partner. A normal boyfriend. And right now, I don’t feel like that.
I guess I’m looking for advice — or even just a reality check. Maybe I need some sense smacked into me, or maybe I'm being too harsh on her. I don't know anymore. I'm just kind of done. But also I truly do love her.
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Hi all. A few weeks ago, I posted about being in a long-term relationship (4 years) where I feel like a secret. I’m a stealth trans man, and my girlfriend is cis. From the start, she kept our relationship private — didn’t tell her family for over a year, never posted me, and didn’t bring me to family events. I was patient. Too patient.
Eventually, after a lot of talks and heartbreak (including her ghosting me the morning of her graduation because she was “scared” of her family seeing me),
she finally posted a story of me — but it was from behind, no tag, no mention of me as her boyfriend. Still, I tried to appreciate the effort.
Recently,
I found out that she had blocked her entire family and my sister from seeing that story. I checked her settings directly — it wasn’t a glitch. It was deliberate. She made it look like she was “finally showing me off,” while making sure no one who actually knows her could see it.
That crushed me.
I haven’t brought it up yet. I don’t even know how.
Part of me wants to confront her directly. Another part wants to just break it off without a full fight. I’m emotionally exhausted and don’t know what would give me closure anymore.
She’s not a bad person. She uses the right name/pronouns. She’s kind in private. But after four years of being hidden, I’ve hit my limit.
I don’t want to be a secret. I want to be a partner someone is proud of.
How do I confront her about this without falling back into the same cycle of her crying, apologizing, and promising to change — only for nothing to happen again?
Should I even give her a chance to explain, or should I just leave?
How do I break up with someone I still love, but who clearly isn’t capable of showing up for me?
Any advice is welcome — I feel like I’ve lost myself in this relationship and need help figuring out how to move forward.
Thanks in advance.
A TiF has attempted not once but twice to pump her body full of testosterone in the hopes of beating back dissociation, but her wily little
seizure disorder keeps rearing its ugly head and putting a wrench in her plans. Things are made worse knowing that even though she was trying to be careful and started at a "much lower dose" (which is still typically in line with the sort of doses bodybuilders receive - i.e., way too fucking much), she still had a seizure so bad that she nearly suffocated and missed out on important workplace training. Training for what, you may ask?
She wants to work as a first responder!
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I have a seizure disorder and testosterone makes it worse. The first time I had to pause, the seizure problem was so bad, I was scared to try again for years.
Im on a much lower dose this time. Started in June. It wasnt too bad at first. I was really excited about that. But the seizures have slowly been ramping up again.
I ended up having a seizure while at a disaster first responder training camp a few days ago. During convulsions, my face turned down, into my sleeping bag. I couldnt breath for a short period of time. It was scary. I missed the staff meeting that morning and the last of the trainings that afternoon.
This weekend I have wilderness first aid recertification. I can't miss any of it.
I dont give a shit about passing. I dont want to be invisable to other queers and trans people. I just want to not dissociate from my body. When Im on T, that stops.
Im feeling so alone with this. I just needed to talk about my situation with people who would understand and be available to listen.
A troon tries to lay the moves on a 'genderfluid' individual (who seems to be just some guy, based on post history) and is rejected unceremoniously via meme; the rational step after this, obviously, is to cut himself all over his arms and tell the subject of his desires precisely whose fault it is. I just feel like someone being rude doesn't merit fisting corn threshers about it, but then again,
OP seems to suffer from BPD and we all know having BPD is the closest you can get to genuine demonic possession.
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Im 18 mtf. I texted someone asking them out after we went to the blues festival together.
It took them a week to respond and they sent back a picture of pikachu saying oh hell nah. I dont know why they were so rude but I feel awful. They know I self harmed. I might have over reacted and told them that I relapsed this morning and cut my arms, what they said was rude and they could have just said no. I feel awful and like there's something wrong with me. I don't have anyone i can really talk to about this.
No matter how many surgeries she gets, no matter how long she's been on HRT and no matter what she does to craft herself into the image of a manly man, this li'l dood is torn to pieces knowing that she will never experience traditional heterosexual sex; she writes miserably that she will always be seen as a "strange, lost woman" when she reveals that she's trans. Don't worry, silly girl, you won't be simply
seen as one - you already
are one!
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I will never be able to experience real straight sex—even if by some miracle I can afford SRS it will still be a pale imitation of the real thing.
I will never be a biological father. I will never be able to bring a girl home and have my family be proud of their son for finding himself a woman. In the eyes of the government and my family I’ll always be the wife.
A genuinely heterosexual woman who could ever love a man with a vagina (or once had a vagina but is permanently deformed from female puberty, in the best case scenario) sounds like a complete pipe dream. I don’t doubt that they exist, but they are vanishingly rare.
No matter how rigidly I self-identify and medicate myself to become a straight male, no matter how consistently I pass as one, the only women who are ever interested in me are lesbian or bisexual. Even the most well-meaning allies and even other trans people immediately start to see me as a strange, lost woman when I reveal that I am trans.
It hurts that I will never get to experience true heterosexuality as a man.
There will always be a black cloud of queerness hanging over whatever warm, fleeting glimpses of straight romance I delude myself into thinking I’ve found.
Belgian bonehead: a tranny assumes that because of the rising tension in the USA, it was time for him to take off for Europe in the hopes of finding more accepting waters; tragically, truth hits him like a wrecking ball when he discovers that the people of Belgium hold no punches when it comes to seeing him as a walking catastrophe. Quite revealingly, he closes out his post with the real reason for his angst: "They may like you as a person,
but they'll never treat you how you want."
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Obviously, you can ignore this post if you are stealth. The problems here apply only if people can tell you're trans. Furthermore, for the purposes of this post, I am referring to continental Europe, and only the parts any trans person would want to move to anyway.
I moved to Europe this week (Belgium), and I can already tell it is the worst mistake I have ever made. I come from red-state America, where my *rights and existence* were at threat, so I didn't have a choice given the fact I had the money to move. Should've gone to Canada, I guess. Unfortunately, I'm stuck here for a year for a masters' program, but do not let yourself be fooled into thinking it is any better for transgender people here.
The upside of Europe that draws everyone in is the apparently better rights.
Yes, it is true that you are less likely to face job discrimination, housing discrimination or the like here, as institutions are heavily safeguarded to ensure your safety as well as that of most all other minority groups.
HOWEVER,
the people are immensely disrespectful and will make clear that they view your existence as disgusting. Even in full girlmode with a purse etc everyone calls me he/him and sir, and I don't even look that bad relatively speaking (though I am well aware I'm clocky). I dress in a normal, professional, not hyperfeminine way, but it is very clear that simply existing as a trans person goes against their "fitting in" mindset. It seems that they believe trans people are somehow imposing on them by wanting to be treated as their gender, and that they have no social obligation to. I suppose they don't, it's their culture and I can't expect them to adjust it for me.
It has thrown me into the darkest period of my life, being quickly disabused of the notions that I was at least close to passing that I had in America. And worst of all I have the feeling that I am doing wrong unto a culture I otherwise like and wanted to be part of, I have been interested in moving to Belgium since I was 13, even before realizing I was trans. Europe has always fascinated me and I wanted nothing more than to be like them. But because of a physical trait I am incapable of doing so.
Now, I can't speak for every country, but
my general impression is that all of Europe maintains the firm "calling it as they see it" line, without even a shred of compassion for how it will make others feel. And I can't even feel too much spite as I complain, because I feel guilty for bringing part of "my culture" to them and expecting them to understand. But
I am physically incapable of assimilating how they want, I wish I could. It's just massively depressing and I hate those who told me for years, "just move to europe".
American or British transphobia is rooted in
hate, resentment and fear. Euro transphobia is rooted in
disgust.
They may like you as a person but they'll never treat you how you want.
Like shooting (clown)fish in a barrel: a tranny seeks comfort in the hugbox of Reddit only to receive on onslaught of downvotes from wicked evil TERF bitches lurking, thus proving that even Reddit updoots and downdoots are enough to put a dinger on the fragile transgender ego.
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The vast majority of people I've asked have said I pass as a cis woman.
This particular sub has a problem with terfs and I guess something clocked me since I was brigaded pretty quickly. Stuff like this makes me so depressed since I already feel so isolated as is, and
on top of that I supposedly still look like a man? How tf am I supposed to cope lmfao
An argument in favor of sex ed: years ago when he began his journey of autoerotic self-destruction, a man did not understand the purpose of spontaneous erections and considered his penile atrophy to be a boon - but now that he's found a lady to share his bed with, he's lamenting the shrinkage of his shrimp and wishes he'd been aware of such a side effect sooner.
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I started HRT a long time ago.
It wasn't until a couple years later did I learn that my genitalia had actually shrunk and it wasn't just my mind playing tricks on me. Was never told that would happen, but when I learned, I thought I didn't really care.
Fast forward to today, I have a girlfriend, and I'm starting to wish I knew all of this earlier... It used to be 6-7 inches, and is now only 4 and a half. It feels so small now TT. For all those years,
I just thought the ceasing of random erections was a plus. It would have been nice if I had been told the purpose of them in the first place... 
A T4T straight-with-extra-steps couple's bedroom experimentation has lead the pooner paramour to a precarious precipice: her tranny partner wants to get fucked in the ass by a hunk of silicone strapped to her pelvis, and it's so unsettling to her that she mentions being
afraid to partake in such an act
three separate times in this post, and even goes as far as to say that the mere
idea of it is actually stomach-churning and anxiety-inducing. What's wrong, isn't it normal for men to want to fuck their girlfriends? How peculiar!
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okay hi. i’ve never made a Reddit post before.
so my girlfriend and i have been dating for about 8 months, we didn’t start fucking until about 4 months in,
this is my first irl relationship because my mother didn’t let me have a social life and i had to run away at 18 blah blah.
anyway,
as i mentioned earlier me and her didn’t start fucking until four months in and it wasn’t traditional sex despite both of us having the “equipment”. she just fingered me. and that’s what we’ve been doing up until recently, literally just the other day we have full on traditional sex and i feel really weird about it. to be honest i enjoyed every second of it. it was intimate, passionate, she seemed into it but she’s really awkward about her penis.
which i understand, i hate my tits and i get it. it really does suck to have something that you don’t want that’s such an important part of your life.
after we’d done it the first time we were in the shower and she was talking about how she wants to be fucked.
i made a joke like “want me to buy a strap?” and she was like “fuck yes” and
i feel awkward because i don’t want to do that.
it’s coming in the mail thursday and
my stomach is churning at the idea of doing that with her, stature wise im shorter than her, fat and i feel like it will just feel wrong. i’m probably gonna try it just because she wants to but
im really scared. but then i have to think, she was probably really scared when she fucked me for the first time.
i just really hope she doesn’t prefer it. we’ve tried vibrators before and she didn’t like them because they “made her bored” and it didn’t feel immersive enough for her but
im also scared that she’s not gonna like sex anymore because whenever i try to initiate something im aiming for penetrating, trad sex. which is what i prefer, genuinely.
but also we had sex last night, trad, and this morning, trad as well so i don’t think it’s as haunting for her as im making it out to be in my mind but
im also really scared idk this is just a rant.
A TiF is positively despondent that her Christian father isn't acting in enough of a Christ-like fashion for her liking as his attitude around transition is merely that mental conditions shouldn't merit celebration. Spuriously, she claims that
he is the demonic one because "God is love and the opposite of love is hate," which is so profoundly simplistic I wouldn't be surprised if OP isn't old enough to vote.
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He's currently talking about the silly little goober that shall not be named and how all trans people are mentally ill and are all gonna shoot people apparently. He dont know im LITERALLY TRANS.
"Tell me this ain't demonic... he lived with a trans person and when Charlie was talking about trans people he got shot... why are we celebrating a mental illness? If i broke me knee people shouldn't start telling me im "so brave"... no they need to call the doctor"
Bro actually knows NOTHING about trans people. And im actually so mad that the shooter had even a little yo do about trans people... I DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS WHY AM I ASSOCIATED WITH IT!!!! And
it makes me so upset that my own father, who i love dearly, thinks such awful things... like yes gender dysphoria is a mental illness and the only way to treat it is to TRANSITION!!! AND BE TRANS!!! and saying all trans people would kill like that or shoot up a school is so shallow and lame honestly... it makes me pissed.
And he KNOWS I have gender dysphoria. And I've probably told him the most about how it feels (other than my sister) and he STILL thinks this way. Its awful.
Like I've been in tears telling him that I cant leave my bed because I cant handle hearing someone call me my "name" or remind me im a women or how I cant leave the house sometimes bc i have boobs and he still says stuff like this. He's supposed to be a Christian. This is literally hateful and thats like in my opinion very demonic bc God is love and the opposite of love is hate. Like make it make sense... but I couldn't say anything or hell know I actually plan on transitioning and stuff...
Im just praying that God will soften his heart and the he teaches him to love the lowly like Jesus did
Paulette Bunyan: a TiM with aspirations to go hiking endures the indignity of a supposed misgendering when a sales associate takes him to the men's shoe section instead of offering some hot bimbo trail-heels for him to feel like a proper lumberjane in. The ironic part of this is that women with larger-than-average feet (or simply don't have feet shaped like tiny, featureless little flippers) will often buy men's shoes instead of women's purposefully due to roomier toe boxes and - most bafflingly - superior construction. But yeah, sure, take offense to it, whatever.
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Hiya, I wish my first post was more fun than this. I'm travelling for work at the moment, and have some free time. The area I'm in has some gorgeous hiking trails nearby, but I didn't bring my gear. I went into a sporting goods store looking for some cheapish one-off stuff so I could go and reconnect with nature, as it's been a while.
The associate at the front register asked if I was looking for anything specific, and pointed me to the hiking shoes/boots and the other accessories. I thanked her and went to look at the shoes, figuring if they didn't have anything big enough in women's, I'd bite the bullet and get men's. I was looking at the women's selection when she came over to ask if I was looking for a particular size/style, and
I told her I was worried they may not have anything large enough, and gave my size. She said they might, then started walking/pointing, and my heart sank. She lead me into the men's section and pointed out the styles they had that came in the size I mentioned.
I had given her my size in women's, but didn't specify, I just said the number.
The worst part is that she was super nice. Clearly just trying to help, smiling, all that.
I wasn't exactly dressed or made up, since it's a work trip and my job is pretty blue collar. I've been on hormones for over a year, and have a decent-sized chest, long hair, and I've always had a slender build. I pass well enough most of the time, and hadn't been misgendered once on the trip up to that point.
I guess I'm just sad.
Transphobes are one thing, but to have someone who's being genuinely kind and helpful see me as a man hits different. In spite of my prior resolve to buy men's if I had to,
I ended up just leaving the store, going back to my hotel and crying. I'll probably still go outside, at least for a bit, but it's not going to be the hike I wanted.
Cuckqueens: an oft-overlooked but still hilarious genre of L is when TiFs feels maligned by their female partners having sexual encounters with the hot-blooded, carpet-chested sweat waterfalls known as men because it makes them feel like inadequate little munchkins in comparison. So please enjoy a double feature!
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Just wasted the last two years of my life and moved across country to the Midwest for a ciswoman that lied to me the whole duration and just got engaged in Europe to her “ex boyfriend”. I don’t want to fucking do this anymore.
11 years in and I’m still not man enough for any woman to truly love me, let alone my own mother.
I’m sorry for the sob story. I just want to be assured before I plan my exit that indeed
some of you out here have been loved by women and that maybe it’s wasn’t my lack of certain genitals. Maybe it’s just me.
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Hi everyone,
I (22ftm) have been dating my gf (22cisf) for a year now.
I have historically dated girls who have never dated anybody before. We are not each other’s first anything.
My girlfriend has hooked up with a few cis guys before we started dating.
Now, this is not a problem for me in the ‘traditional’ sense. I couldn’t give a fuck whether she’s dated anybody or what she’s done.
Purity culture is bullshit and I’m nowhere near pure so who am I to judge.
The problem is that I can’t stop thinking about the fact that she’s been with cis guys and it makes me honestly nauseous every time it gets brought up. I just imagine her doing things with a guy with a dick and I don’t know how to get over the jealousy or feeling like I’m so different from them.
We’ve talked about it plenty of times and she doesn’t do anything to make me feel bad or different from any of her previous experiences, honestly she’s amazing. This is just all in my head and, man, I’m so in my head.
Anybody have any advice?
Let's finish this post off with a serious banger: a smut writing, hentai-drawing pooner is absolutely gobsmacked when her porn-addicted husband picks her up from the airport in women's accouterements - especially because he personally reacted to her own transition with disgust and rejection. Now she's terrified that she'll have to take their
two young children and strike out on her own, as she refuses to shack up with a sissified tranny because
she herself identifies as a gay man! You really never hate troons 'n' poons enough.
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I really don't know where to turn, but I am just a mess right now. I was away on a vacation for a week with my sibling and my spouse picked me up from the airport on Saturday afternoon.
I could hardly recognize the person who greeted me. This was not my husband, it was a trans woman. To the point that I texted a friend and told him this. He was wearing women's jeans and a tight long sleeve womens shirt with his hair styled. I just kept staring at him in confusion.
Now for background,
I am a trans guy, post top, very low dose of hormones. We have been together for 20 years and I came out two years ago.
He did not take it well, to the point of telling me that my post top body was weird looking and my scars freaked him out. I practically begged him to leave me if he couldn't get used to it but he claims to still love me and didn't want anyone else and in time would get used to it.
Well, we had a talk after getting home and h
e admitted that he wants to start dressing more feminine and "isn't looking to put a label on it." He says he is not trans, doesn't want to be referred to as a woman, and has no regrets or bad feelings about living as a man up to this point, but then later admits that maybe someday in the distant future he would take estrogen because he "appreciates the female body and wants boobs and hips."
I immediately freaked out on him. And I feel awful, like a hypocrite.
But wait.
For almost the entirety of our marriage, this man has struggled with porn addiction. Specifically femdom and sissification. I had begged for years for him to get professional help and he wont speak to anyone. And now we are here. I believe his obsessive viewing of this type of porn has warped his mind. When I was presenting female, I was hyper feminine and he never showed interest in my clothes or even complimented me. I felt like I failed at womanhood.
And now I have someone whose only experience with womanhood is through the pornography he consumes, (he has no female friends and only interacts with women at his job) telling me that he wants to wear tight clothes and grow tits. I honestly feel insulted, like he is wishing to embody a stereotype. He wants to become the sexy women he wishes to fuck in these videos. He doesn't want live as a woman. He doesn't want a vagina. And
as someone with horrible dysphoria, it hurts a lot to have my own partner feel like I should be understanding since I AM transgender. He says he isnt trans and I believe him. He is allowing his fetish to take over his life. I honestly believe he would be a stereotypical incel if he didn't have me.
This all wouldn't be so bad if we didn't have two young children.
I already feel like I can't fully transition or be myself because of them and my ultra conservative family. Now this?? I can't let my kids be ostracized by having two weird parents. My immediate thought was to bow to my husband and let him do what he wants while I detransition and I feel insane for even considering it. Why am I letting the man with the fetish override my actual dysphoria??? But then I second guess everything and think, well, what if it isnt a fetish and he is just in denial?
But the way he talks about the whole thing just reeks of fetishizing the female body. I cant believe he actually thought he could juat show up looking the way he did and I wouldn't notice anything off.
He has also spent zero time in trans spaces and knows absolutely nothing. I gave him a huge reality check of what his life is going to be like if he pursues this and he was shocked at the thought that he could be stared at or accused of being a pedo.
I just... don't know what to do.
I'm a gay man and I told him that if he takes hornones, it is over between us. My kids and their safety and happiness are my priority and I can't keep accomodating the man who for twenty years refused to get help for his addiction and now expects me to just blindly affirm and accept him because I am a trans person. If he does go through therapy and it turns out this is real and he is trans, of course I will support him, but right now
I just feel incredibly insulted and depressed.
Edit: Also, for additional context,
I am not anti porn. In fact, I am a smut writer and hentai artist. All I ever wanted was to have sex with my spouse, but he constantly chose porn over me throughout our relationship. To the point where I'll be in bed and text him to come have sex with me and he won't even reply.
