💼 Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Super Hans v2]

and wanted to name her Acacia

Makes sense. A nigger name for a family of white niggers.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

Makes sense. A nigger name for a family of white niggers.

No it's worse than that. It's the type of leaves that giraffes eat. And giraffes have prehensile tongues like Fatty and Hammy do.

They're already trying to turn Jr & Jr's child into a clone of themselves.

 

[Steak Tartare]

"Halla-pen-yo" is correct, not sure what you're suggesting it should be (t. beaner). He did say "hollow-pen-yo," though, so yeah he's still a silly goose.

I was picking on the 'pen' part- my understanding is it's more of a 'peen-jyo' than a 'pin-yo'
I am a honky tho so I trust you on that

 

[She Brings The Rain]

Is it just me, or has Tammy Jr slimmed up a little? She was a full on porker for a while. I know some people use pregnancy as a chance to eat better instead of going full slob mode.

 

[Daddy Strokum]

I was picking on the 'pen' part- my understanding is it's more of a 'peen-jyo' than a 'pin-yo'
I am a honky tho so I trust you on that

Yeah Spanish is pretty cool because for the most part each letter only makes one sound (e.g. "e" always sounds like it does in "end"). You actually got the more beaner aspect right, though! "Y" sometimes gets pronounced as an English "J" (as in "jar"). Does Tammy always blink that much or is it especially bad here? She looks like she just got 5 orgasms fucked out of her in that post-burger review.

Is it just me, or has Tammy Jr slimmed up a little? She was a full on porker for a while. I know some people use pregnancy as a chance to eat better instead of going full slob mode.

I think you're right. When she first joined the cast she was pretty fit. Then she ballooned, probably from spending more time at the Scalfani house. Maybe her OB told her to watch her weight gain during pregnancy. She'd be the first Scalfani to heed a doctor's advice.

 

[Mechanical Pencil]

Jack holds up a dangly bit of meat to his face to get himself excited. I hold up dangly bits of scrap cuts to excite my dog.

Jack is as easy to stimulate as a dog.

I'm not sure if that's really funny or horrifying.

 

[Uber driver reviewer]

Yeah Spanish is pretty cool because for the most part each letter only makes one sound (e.g. "e" always sounds like it does in "end"). You actually got the more beaner aspect right, though! "Y" sometimes gets pronounced as an English "J" (as in "jar"). Does Tammy always blink that much or is it especially bad here? She looks like she just got 5 orgasms fucked out of her in that post-burger review.

I think you're right. When she first joined the cast she was pretty fit. Then she ballooned, probably from spending more time at the Scalfani house. Maybe her OB told her to watch her weight gain during pregnancy. She'd be the first Scalfani to heed a doctor's advice.

She’s undergoing Tammification.

She’s getting a baby to practice on before Junior reverts into a giant man baby like his dad.

 

[Daddy Strokum]

She’s undergoing Tammification.

She’s getting a baby to practice on before Junior reverts into a giant man baby like his dad.

I keep hearing that Junior is more easily assblasted than his dad, any good examples? I'd love to see that little shit sperging out.

 

[Uber driver reviewer]

I keep hearing that Junior is more easily assblasted than his dad, any good examples? I'd love to see that little shit sperging out.

He’s more violent (punches holes in walls when he sucks at vidya). He ragequits often. And he’s more openly homosexual. Little Accacia Traynor-Scalfani Flanders should be well advised to keep the devils lettuce outside of the homestead.

He’s also a little quicker on the uptake that he’s being sassed compared to Jack who usually has no clue that he’s being patronized by someone.

But he then just runs away and hides behind Hammy’s skirt, while Jack will just run his mouth. Again, Junior gives a halfassed ragequit .


Also, Jack should make carnivore granola bars. The whole internet is talking about it.

 

[Pig Cups]

Edit: we rilly need to pressure Jack to do a show or series on Jewish delis or cuisine. Get him to make matzoh ball soup at the bare minimum. I want to see how badly he fucks up pastrami. Maybe some dishwasher kugel. Make a garnivore raghel (then smother it in jeez). Turn the entire show into an unintentional Larry David skit.

Nah, I wanna see the resulting eldritch abominations that’d result from him trying to make gefilte fish or cholent.

If he had two working arms, it’d be interesting to see how badly he’d fuck up a braided challah (at this point, he’d obviously make Tammy do the braiding).

They have a speshul guest! Tammy Jr with Jamal Traynor in utero

#PrayForMiscarriage

I’m just picturing her all bent over and exhausted in the 8th month, while any entreaties for Junior’s help go unanswered because he’s too busy playing vidya.

bonus, take a look at that neck roll.

That’s some Kim Il Sung shit right there.

Yeah like the movie that is "safe" for the family ends with an older sister putting her little sister in foster care so she can go to college in california for a marine biology degree

That was such an autistic plot point. You mean to tell me that there are no marine biology programs IN FUCKING HAWAII??

 

[Plantation Barbie]

Jack holds up a dangly bit of meat to his face to get himself excited. I hold up dangly bits of scrap cuts to excite my dog.

Jack is as easy to stimulate as a dog.

I'm not sure if that's really funny or horrifying.

That's why his name is Jack Russell. Just like the dog breed.

 

[King Dead]

That was such an autistic plot point. You mean to tell me that there are no marine biology programs IN FUCKING HAWAII??

According to research done by people in the Disney thread, not only are there indeed marine biology programs in Hawaii, they're some of the best in the entire world. So yeah, it's entirely due to Californian writers being unable to conceive of a world outside of their shitty state.

 

[Uber driver reviewer]

According to research done by people in the Disney thread, not only are there indeed marine biology programs in Hawaii, they're some of the best in the entire world. So yeah, it's entirely due to Californian writers being unable to conceive of a world outside of their shitty state.

Also, cartoon Nani is much more attractive than IRL Nani.

This looks like Didney did their casting at Telemundo instead of casting exotic appearing

 

[John Andrews Stan]

I wanna see the resulting eldritch abominations that’d result from him trying to make gefilte fish or cholent.

I need to see Jack showing off his bathtub full of carp.

As for cholent, it’s impossible to screw up. But Jack would find a way.

Yapchik, a potato kugel with beef short ribs or brisket, is another banger only a moron could bungle. But I have faith in Jack that he’d manage it.

Dammit now I want yapchik.

 

[Hollywood Hulk Hogan]

I need to see Jack showing off his bathtub full of carp.

As for cholent, it’s impossible to screw up. But Jack would find a way.

Yapchik, a potato kugel with beef short ribs or brisket, is another banger only a moron could bungle. But I have faith in Jack that he’d manage it.

Dammit now I want yapchik.

View attachment 7425871

Jack would undercook the short ribs and they'd be super tough

That was such an autistic plot point. You mean to tell me that there are no marine biology programs IN FUCKING HAWAII??

Maybe she didn't get accepted to Hawaii but did in California

 

[Brenda Holiday]

Are there any Jack on the Go worth watching? I've binge watched through the main channel already.

 

[a terminal posture]

Are there any Jack on the Go worth watching? I've binge watched through the main channel already.

Jack drags his family out to Vegas for a buffet on Thanksgiving:

Jack on the Go's entertainment proposition is mostly in Jack being Jack in public. As such, the older episodes tend to be better as he was just an idiot and not a mushbrained cripple.

 

[Raging Capybara]

Fatso pretending to be a gamer is the one think I'll never understand about this sac of lard. He has only one fucking hand, for Christ! I know him eating vegetables while pretending to be carnivore is supremely retard as well. But at least he is still eating meat. This motherfucker ain't playing shit. You need two hands to play a action game, motherfucker.

And Borderlands 3 has a close-up scene of two homosexual senior citizens KISSING EACH OTHER, HOW THE FUCK THIS LANDWHALE MISSED THAT?

 

[densedance]

Poor guy

 

[woduqu]

Jack drags his family out to Vegas for a buffet on Thanksgiving:

https://youtube.com/watch?v=NqFeZYIPbZ8
Jack on the Go's entertainment proposition is mostly in Jack being Jack in public. As such, the older episodes tend to be better as he was just an idiot and not a mushbrained cripple.

I haven't watched this one before, so I did a breakdown:

Jack begins with screaming in a crowded lobby "Do we get a bowl of crack while we wait or what!?". Maybe he meant crackers, but I'm pretty sure he just thinks it's hilarious to yell about crack rocks in front of strangers.

Jack acts shocked that there's a long wait, but also says he called (twice!) ahead of time to see if he could do a reservation since he knew there'd be a long wait.

It turns out they do have a VIP pass you can buy, so they lied to him. Except they didn't because he then says it's not applicable (not even for sale, in fact) during the Thanksgiving week.

Still confused by the fact that a VIP pass he wouldn't be able to use wasn't offered to him as an option, he demands to talk to the manager. The manager, naturally, doesn't return his call.

Cut to an extreme close up of a dejected Jack Jr in case you weren't sure that a child would be annoyed by a long wait that his dad didn't plan for.

On the verge of dying of starvation, Jack, who is totally doing P90X at this point and losing lots of weight, says he ate a "health bar" out of desperation.

Jack tells us he drove 300 miles and waited 3 hours for the hotel buffet because he thought it'd be the best Thanksgiving meal of all time. Wait, no, actually he'd never do this on his own. He did it just for you, the viewer.

Next, we're treated to him flailing the camera around wildly over various desserts and food options. It's still cropped weirdly close and his camera doesn't handle motion at all well.

At some point, a person asks not to be on camera and Jack acts confused as to why anyone wouldn't want to be filmed by an obnoxious stranger.

He eventually sits down and we're treated to like 10 seconds of random babbling with his family which is hard to make out because the audio quality is total crap.

It jumps abruptly mid-conversation to him filming an ice cream bar and saying he's never seen one at a buffet before. I've seen this at dirt cheap Chinese buffets in the middle of nowhere, so I'm sure he's lying for whatever reason.

We continue feeling motion sickness while he flails around over yet more food options. The items he's talking about aren't even centered in view most of the time.

We finally arrive at the review and Jack starts out saying he won't count the wait against them in spite of declaring in the beginning of the video that's exactly what he'd do.

We go around the table getting extreme closeups of his family and in-laws while hearing worthless commentary like "The cheese was good" "The food was good" and "The tastes were good". Everyone loved it.

Jack Jr explains that if you have to shit while going out to eat, it means the food was so good that you needed to make space for more. He's explaining this a second time, actually, since Jack didn't catch it on camera the first time and it was too hilarious to leave out.

Jack himself "rounds it out to 9.5" and tells us the price is about $50 per person. Someone chimes in say that tax is in addition to the price, in case today is your first day in the United States.

The end