💼 Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Tiresome]

I don't know if he is even going to survive the next stroke. He has had four thus far, and the last two have done significantly worse damage to him. With his already weakened state, him surviving might mean him becoming a vegetable at best.

All the next event will do is make him stupider, louder and hungrier.

 

[Slavic Patronym]

Such a product [like the egg cracker] would be for people with physical disabilities

That's all Jack has ever had to do. Lean into the handicapped chef angle. Which is a real angle; not one of his half-dozen larps and gimmicks, which are probably tiring to keep up with at his health level (terrible) and skill level (nonexistent).

Just release one video every two weeks, be non-malignant on camera, and say, "Hi, I'm Jack Scalfani. I'm handicapped but I love to cook and I'm gonna keep on cooking -- thanks to good recipes, good products and sometimes help from my friends." Simple.

But that's the irony of his life. He's always been ugly on the inside (and outside, but that's beyond the scope of this post). That made him unpopular. That made him insecure, so he drowned his tears in food. That ultimately crippled him. But the one "useful" thing that might've come from that -- an easy slice of a niche market -- he won't pursue, because the crippling turned him even uglier. It immobilized him to the point he lives online and in his feelings, which prevents him from admitting the handicap.

It'd be a Greek tragedy, with Kiwi as the chorus, if not for the fact no one pities his downfall and Fate actually gave him infinite chances.

 

[the khat quaffer]

I just squeeze the fuckers. It’s faster and more satisfying.

I don’t even eat eggs unless they are incorporated to be unrecognizable . Even egg batter is gross to me. But I can’t split those butches

I smash them against my forehead and let the yolk drip down. It's easier and more manly.

 

[p1138]

That's all Jack has ever had to do. Lean into the handicapped chef angle. Which is a real angle; not one of his half-dozen larps and gimmicks, which are probably tiring to keep up with at his health level (terrible) and skill level (nonexistent).

He's actually done gadgets for people with physical issues a few times. The problem is that he fucks things up basically every time because he refuses to follow instructions, refuses to use any sort of patience(not like it would make the video any longer), etc. because he's retarded. Of course even if he followed instructions properly he couldn't give a proper review other than "I used it, I ate meat, meat gud" or "I used it, no get meat, product bad"

 

[The Stranger]

For some reason Jack invited me to the private Cooking With Jack facebook group. Apparently, to get in to the group that HE INVITES YOU TO, you have to first stroke his ego by telling him what your favorite CWJ video is.


First post I see in it is mushbrain's attempt at some sort of political statement

but at least we get angy Jack in the comments


This private group is a gold mine

 

[AnOminous]

It's for raw eggs and basically just an egg cracker. Still a useless product but of course that fat ass wouldn't even research how to use the product he's reviewing on video or what items it is used for

There's even a raw egg in the thumbnail this strokebrained dipshit put on the video.

For some reason Jack invited me to the private Cooking With Jack facebook group. Apparently, to get in to the group that HE INVITES YOU TO, you have to first stroke his ego by telling him what your favorite CWJ video is.

Obviously the McCormick bag chicken that was still clucking and bleeding everywhere.

but at least we get angy Jack in the comments

I love when this flaming closet queer is going on about gay shit in vidya.

 

[the khat quaffer]

This private group is a gold mine
View attachment 7375766

He has a full time [OBJ].

 

[Doctor of Autism]

"One Pride flag is one too many"

"You don't see any christian flags in the game"

"A game that kills cops and beats hookers in the back of taxi caps. Nice thing to defend. [OBJ] [OBJ]"

What a fucking baby

 

[Hollywood Hulk Hogan]

Fatty tells yet another lie. He hasn't had a job in 20+ years

 

[EatBeforeYouEat]

Typical Jack to even get so worked up about a game he will be physically incapable of playing on account of being a gimp. His video game playing days are over but he just wants to cling on because he just has to comment on every contemporary hot topic.

Also GTA IV, if I remember correctly, had a gay character in the main story line that you had to help to progress and that game came out in 2008. I don't expect Jack to know this because all the bullshit he spouted in his early channel days about cooking like a slob in order to have more time to play video games was all larping. He just couldn't acknowledge that he is a lazy slob. I don't think there is a single video game he has played from start to finish for several decades now; he just doesn't have the mental stamina for it.

 

[The Stranger]

Also GTA IV, if I remember correctly, had a gay character in the main story line that you had to help to progress and that game came out in 2008.

I didn't play the game so idk if the main story had a gay character but I do know they went even beyond that: there was a whole expansion of the game called The Ballad of Gay Tony.

 

[Slavic Patronym]

Jack to Ken on Facebook: A game that kills cops and beats hookers in the back of taxi caps. Nice thing to defend.

I'm confused. Does Jack like it or not like it when women get beat up?

• Doesn't like it: GTA6 is evil because it lets you beat up hookers
• Does like it: He cosigns Charles's edgelord belief that "equal rights" means "equal lefts"
• Doesn't like it: He STILL rants on occasion about the fact he thinks a man infiltrated women's boxing in the last Olympics, and the gold medal winner was secretly "a dude" beating up "girls"
• Does like it: "Why didn't you just punch her in the breast? That would've been more effective"

 

[AnOminous]

I didn't play the game so idk if the main story had a gay character but I do know they went even beyond that: there was a whole expansion of the game called The Ballad of Gay Tony.

I just don't know why this fat stroke-addled faggot would be expecting a vidya literally about degenerate criminals committing degenerate crimes to be wholesome somehow. The franchise with fucking Trevor in it is going to feature normies?

 

[Spasticus Autisticus]

For some reason Jack invited me to the private Cooking With Jack facebook group. Apparently, to get in to the group that HE INVITES YOU TO, you have to first stroke his ego by telling him what your favorite CWJ video is.
View attachment 7375709

First post I see in it is mushbrain's attempt at some sort of political statement
View attachment 7375717
but at least we get angy Jack in the comments
View attachment 7375723

This private group is a gold mine
View attachment 7375766

He used to have a public group until he gave admin access to Bangladeshi scammers, who turned it into "Cooking With Girl" and posted porn on it. He then blamed Facebook for having a "security hole" and the group has been private ever since.

 

[souschef]

Typical Jack to even get so worked up about a game he will be physically incapable of playing on account of being a gimp. His video game playing days are over but he just wants to cling on because he just has to comment on every contemporary hot topic.

Also GTA IV, if I remember correctly, had a gay character in the main story line that you had to help to progress and that game came out in 2008. I don't expect Jack to know this because all the bullshit he spouted in his early channel days about cooking like a slob in order to have more time to play video games was all larping. He just couldn't acknowledge that he is a lazy slob. I don't think there is a single video game he has played from start to finish for several decades now; he just doesn't have the mental stamina for it.

Yeah, GTA IV had Ballad of Gay Tony where LGBT scene was the center of the plot. On the IV main one Bernie Crane was a important character who was very gay too

He'd probably screech that Luis Lopez is a "woke" character because he didn't mind be around gay people. But who am i to question Jack's moral compass. Mass killing people and running drugs is alright but god forbid being buddies with a gay character

 

[ILikeYou]

This private group is a gold mine
View attachment 7375766

I'm picturing Jack laboriously slogging through reviewing every TP and laxative purchase he makes, w/ text to speech. Just bc Amazon gives you the option to give feedback on everything doesn't mean you have to. It's a huge company that benefits from customers' reviews, and people actually often enjoy feeling like they have the ability to voice their likes and dislikes on purchases, hence all the reviews written, usually, for no real tangible benefit to them. He's such a boomer in a gen X body--well, at least chronologically, a gen X body.

 

[p1138]

I'm picturing Jack laboriously slogging through reviewing every TP and laxative purchase he makes, w/ text to speech. Just bc Amazon gives you the option to give feedback on everything doesn't mean you have to. It's a huge company that benefits from customers' reviews, and people actually often enjoy feeling like they have the ability to voice their likes and dislikes on purchases, hence all the reviews written, usually, for no real tangible benefit to them. He's such a boomer in a gen X body--well, at least chronologically, a gen X body.

It's not surprising Fatty thinks he has to review everything he gets an email or other notification for, because he falls for shitty engagement bait constantly. However there's an extra bit of stupid here that Fatty likely doesn't comprehend. Amazon has their "Vine" program where if you buy enough shit and review it, and the reviews get tagged as helpful, and amazon probably realizes you're an active social media influencer, they start sending you free shit just for the sake of reviewing but it's invite only. The problem here is that Fatty has no audience, can't write worth a shit, and probably can't get his reviews tagged by others as being helpful. Considering how dense he is, he's probably not aware or forgotten about it.

 

[Whaler]

I'm confused. Does Jack like it or not like it when women get beat up?

• Doesn't like it: GTA6 is evil because it lets you beat up hookers
• Does like it: He cosigns Charles's edgelord belief that "equal rights" means "equal lefts"
• Doesn't like it: He STILL rants on occasion about the fact he thinks a man infiltrated women's boxing in the last Olympics, and the gold medal winner was secretly "a dude" beating up "girls"
• Does like it: "Why didn't you just punch her in the breast? That would've been more effective"

Simple explanation. The Wendigo spirit respects women and doesn't think men should just be hitting women while Jack openly cheers and celebrates it. Sure the Wendigo possesses people and eats people, but there are some lines even he won't cross.

 

[Uber driver reviewer]

For some reason Jack invited me to the private Cooking With Jack facebook group. Apparently, to get in to the group that HE INVITES YOU TO, you have to first stroke his ego by telling him what your favorite CWJ video is.
View attachment 7375709

First post I see in it is mushbrain's attempt at some sort of political statement
View attachment 7375717
but at least we get angy Jack in the comments
View attachment 7375723

This private group is a gold mine
View attachment 7375766

Does he not understand that the pride parade in GTA6 is a good thing…?


It’s basically a digital punching bag for people sick of tranny bullshit. You’ll be able to dropkick tranny babies in the face, crowbar trannies in the zipper tits, machine gun trannies in the gooch, drive a stolen bus over a pack of trannies, jet pack over trannies while dropping grenades, fly a plane into trannies, etc.


It’s going to be the most played feature of the game.

 

[p1138]

Does he not understand that the pride parade in GTA6 is a good thing…


It’s basically a digital punching bag for people sick of tranny bullshit. You’ll be able to dropkick tranny babies in the face, crowbar trannies in the zipper tits, machine gun trannies in to gooch, drove a stolen bus over trannies, jet pack over trannies while dropping grenades, fly a plane into trannies, etc.


It’s going to be the most played feature of the game.

He doesn't understand anything about any GTA game. He's probably the same kind of moron that thinks games like Diablo and Doom are somehow anti christian because there's pentagrams and shit on the walls, when the entire point is murdering demons.