💼 Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[the khat quaffer]

Jack wishes. Merrill petting his salad, imitating random celebrities, and interrupting his banana chopping to say "Jesus Christ I hate this shit" is far more entertaining and charismatic than Jack could ever manage to be, even with the aid of a full production team insisting on multiple takes from that human bean bag chair of pettiness. Jack acts like a giant, belligerent scrotum resulting from a gypsy curse; and nothing can compensate for that. The only quality he'll ever have in common with Uncle Merrill is being dead.

The chad Merrill:

Spoiler

• carefully handles poultry to ensure food safety
• effortlessly makes a salad that isn't nuclear waste
• has helpful PSAs Re: drugs in his videos instead of pimping some retarded sauces/rubs
• can handle objects like cucumbers and bananas without literally creaming himself
• doesn't gurgle and groan like a busted darth vader with down syndrome
• end result looks delicious even in 180p res
• operates in POWERTIME ILLINOIS instead of cuckerville tennessee
• (different video can't find atm) has female guests on and charms them

The virgin jack

Spoiler

• pick any page in this thread

 

[Falcon Sebben]

https://youtube.com/watch?v=_ftggzLoZUM
He goes straight from the introduction to telling us he's confused.

Between the Darth Vader downsampling voice and formatting squishing the video so that the indispensable little cartoon midget Jack zooming in a car, 90s comic book font, and unnecessary QR code can be accommodated, Jack is a living Tim and Eric commercial. There's got to be a Sunny D jug of brown piss with a lily pad of sugar under that desk, and a bunch of sticky spatters all over the floor in a silhouette of elephant feet.

Fatty is confused? And in other news the sky is blue and water is wet.

"This recipe looks horrible and gross... Better make two gallons worth"

View attachment 7369644

Portion contol has never been one of his strong suits.

Here's something closer to Jack

https://youtube.com/watch?v=VpLQlUa2G0s

Merill Howard was a retard but he was harmless and almost charming in how earnest he was. It's like Kay. She can't cook for shit but she knows it and she doesn't try to pretend like she's some great sage.

Fatty Scalfatty is just a retard without a shred of charm or human warmth.

 

[Tiresome]

I can say with some confidence that if Jack Russell Scalfani had instead died at 45 and Merrill H. Kalin was alive today, the world would be arguably a fractionally better place.

 

[a terminal posture]

Zero effort 1:35 video to tell us that a $6.49 chinesium item doesn't work (and you need to pressure cook your hardboiled eggs):

egg splitter

 

[Hollywood Hulk Hogan]

Who would even buy such a stupid item? It doesn't take long to peel a hardboiled egg

 

[the khat quaffer]

https://youtube.com/watch?v=7herGoUyDtA
Zero effort 1:35 video to tell us that a $6.49 chinesium item doesn't work (and you need to pressure cook your hardboiled eggs):

egg splitter

Whatever chink company made this egg splitter should sue him like that copper pot company did for demonstrably being a complete retard at using their product and telling everyone not to buy it.
At least this time he didn't claim that the egg splitter explodes.

 

[The Grimace]

Here's something closer to Jack

https://youtube.com/watch?v=VpLQlUa2G0s

Don't forget to turn on the subtitles for the best viewing experience!

 

[Super Hans v2]

Who would even buy such a stupid item?

Probably the same kind of dumbass to buy meat claws, plastic cups to boil eggs in, and dozens of microwave bacon cookers.

 

[soulless guarantee]

Looking at this sort of thing on Amazon, it looks like you're supposed to use it to crack open raw eggs without needing to hit them on the edge of a pan/a surface etc. All the product images show it alongside raw eggs.

Hopefully we get a redo video with one of the cursed Mormon eggs.

 

[Shartavius]

It’s “Amish” eggs - but cursed Mormon eggs much better describes Jack’s abomination jar with all the cum in it that looks like something you’d find in the same room as a mummy.

 

[Hollywood Hulk Hogan]

Looking at this sort of thing on Amazon, it looks like you're supposed to use it to crack open raw eggs without needing to hit them on the edge of a pan/a surface etc. All the product images show it alongside raw eggs.

Hopefully we get a redo video with one of the cursed Mormon eggs.

You are correct: https://www.lightinthebox.com/en/p/...s-quickly-cutting-off-cooked-e_p14528378.html

It's for raw eggs and basically just an egg cracker. Still a useless product but of course that fat ass wouldn't even research how to use the product he's reviewing on video or what items it is used for

 

[souschef]

Egg cracker? You mean a countertop? Who the fuck needs an eggcracker?

 

[Daddy Strokum]

You are correct: https://www.lightinthebox.com/en/p/...s-quickly-cutting-off-cooked-e_p14528378.html

It's for raw eggs and basically just an egg cracker. Still a useless product but of course that fat ass wouldn't even research how to use the product he's reviewing on video or what items it is used for

Wouldn't any non-retarded person be capable of thinking spatially and mechanically enough to predict that shoving spikes into a semi-solid object and tearing them apart would do much more damage than simply removing the shell?? Two possibilities. 1. He IS that retarded, 2. He knew what would happen and gets off on 'failing' products.

 

[p1138]

Egg cracker? You mean a countertop? Who the fuck needs an eggcracker?

People with dexterity issues, although not only is this particular version a piece of shit they used it wrong in the video. Such a product(if it worked) would be for people with physical disabilities, not mental disabilities like Fatty.

 

[Guntanator]

His obsession with hard boiled eggs makes me think the farts are unreal in that house.

 

[the khat quaffer]

Wouldn't any non-retarded person be capable of thinking spatially and mechanically enough to predict that shoving spikes into a semi-solid object and tearing them apart would do much more damage than simply removing the shell?? Two possibilities. 1. He IS that retarded, 2. He knew what would happen and gets off on 'failing' products.

1, yes. 2, ehh not so much.

Jacko is nigh retarded and his only function in life is to shit out content. He has explicitly said that as a content creator your duty is to never stop putting out videos. I think this aligns well with his desire to feel heard, seeing as how he's basically a wheelchair-bound invalid whose own family can't stand. As far as his product 'reviews' go, he no longer has standards for the quality of gadgets he'll review, nor can his reviews themselves be held to any standards. Unless he's reviewing the latest fried cheese monstrosity at wendy's.

If it were anyone else, I'd swear this egg cracker review was a troll video. I sincerely used to think he was trolling many years ago.

 

[LordofCringe7206 Vol. 2]

Who would even buy such a stupid item? It doesn't take long to peel a hardboiled egg

There has been such a giant boom in the last decade of useless kitchen tools that are supposed to be used for as supplementation for routine and basic culinary acts. Egg crackers, egg peelers, ten billion specialized items for making a grilled cheese.

They are all more time consuming than by just doing the acts the way they should be done.

Wouldn't any non-retarded person be capable of thinking spatially and mechanically enough to predict that shoving spikes into a semi-solid object and tearing them apart would do much more damage than simply removing the shell?? Two possibilities. 1. He IS that retarded, 2. He knew what would happen and gets off on 'failing' products.

He definitely has reviewed products in the past just so he can shit on them and show off the "expertise" he pretends to have. At the same Jack is fucking dense and doesn't know how to work any of the things he buys.

I am still amazed years later at that one pulled pork video where his smoker or whatever it was had an option to plug in your phone to check the temperature. Jack was so stupid that he bitched about how he had to leave his phone plugged in during the cooking process because it never occurred to him that he can unplug his phone and come back to check on it later.

 

[Shartavius]

I'm hoping the next stroke makes Jack so disabled that he can only eat by falling face-first onto the food like a fiending crackwhore, and he insists that Tammy hold the phone to film him doing this. Flag me optimistic - but know that his track record means he's liable to do something even dumber.

 

[Uber driver reviewer]

Egg cracker? You mean a countertop? Who the fuck needs an eggcracker?

I just squeeze the fuckers. It’s faster and more satisfying.

I don’t even eat eggs unless they are incorporated to be unrecognizable . Even egg batter is gross to me. But I can’t split those butches

 

[LordofCringe7206 Vol. 2]

I'm hoping the next stroke makes Jack so disabled that he can only eat by falling face-first onto the food like a fiending crackwhore, and he insists that Tammy hold the phone to film him doing this. Flag me optimistic - but know that his track record means he's liable to do something even dumber.

I don't know if he is even going to survive the next stroke. He has had four thus far, and the last two have done significantly worse damage to him. With his already weakened state, him surviving might mean him becoming a vegetable at best.