💼 Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

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When will Jack drop dead?

  • February-March 2024

    Votes: 6 0.4%

  • April-May 2024

    Votes: 6 0.4%

  • June-July 2024

    Votes: 17 1.1%

  • August-September 2024

    Votes: 34 2.2%

  • October-November 2024

    Votes: 37 2.4%

  • December 2024

    Votes: 44 2.8%

  • Sometime in 2025

    Votes: 258 16.6%

  • Sometime in 2026

    Votes: 252 16.2%

  • Jack lives forever. The Wendigo Must Consoom

    Votes: 902 58.0%
  • Total voters
    1,556
I dunno, it depends whether it's lazier to spend a lot of time doing barely anything or a little time putting effort in then using the spare time to be lazy.

I just know I no longer want an omelette today.
 
Nothing like the taste of melted plastic with my eggs. The seal has melted, which is why he has to cut them open. Bleh.
 
Someone said this guy is basically the "DarkSydePhil of cooking", I think it's a good analogy.

Basically he never reads instructions or uses any common sense, then when he screws up just blames the product or the ingredients, and continues to ignore his fans' advice to actually read the directions before cooking or doing one of his awful product reviews. His excuse is always just "I'm a guy, so I hate reading instructions", which is just plain dumb if you're trying to give advice to others.
 
You say that, but let me show you his four worst videos ever, as nominated by a friend and I after they nearly killed us through laughter due to the sheer ineptitude:
In this shitshow, he manages to fuck up every element of making a good burger, ranging from something as simple as meat-to-fat to as insane as turning peppers into burned grasshoppers.
In this abortion, he fucks up a dish from @AN/ALR56 's native country by doing what he always does. Overspicing and not measuring his portions while serving raw food, in this case fish and shrimp. Keystone is forgetting the pillar of stews; broth.
In this drug fueled nightmare, Jack actually serves a raw chicken and pretends it is cooked without even putting it in the oven after superheating Polenta so bad that a whole stick of butter sublimated hitting it.
Last, but definitely not least, he completely cocks up a traditional British meal by not only dedicating most of the video to shilling for this idiot's store, but finds a way to fuck up the mash.
 
Adamska said:
You say that, but let me show you his four worst videos ever, as nominated by a friend and I after they nearly killed us through laughter due to the sheer ineptitude:
https://youtube.com/watch?v=GKskhlp5CjEIn this shitshow, he manages to fuck up every element of making a good burger, ranging from something as simple as meat-to-fat to as insane as turning peppers into burned grasshoppers.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=Fm7F9I3qzoAIn this abortion, he fucks up a dish from @AN/ALR56 's native country by doing what he always does. Overspicing and not measuring his portions while serving raw food, in this case fish and shrimp. Keystone is forgetting the pillar of stews; broth.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=6KwxNZilzZUIn this drug fueled nightmare, Jack actually serves a raw chicken and pretends it is cooked without even putting it in the oven after superheating Polenta so bad that a whole stick of butter sublimated hitting it.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=5lM0_7FSAB0Last, but definitely not least, he completely cocks up a traditional British meal by not only dedicating most of the video to shilling for this idiot's store, but finds a way to fuck up the mash.
Click to expand...

Don't see how those can be worse than this infamous one, where he serves up and takes a bite out of a raw chicken with blood still in it. Worst part is he doesn't admit the mistake, and claims the recipe was a "success" and that the blood dripping just means it "turned out juicy".

 
StraightShooter said:
Don't see how those can be worse than this infamous one, where he serves up and takes a bite out of a raw chicken with blood still in it. Worst part is he doesn't admit the mistake, and claims the recipe was a "success" and that the blood dripping just means it "turned out juicy".

https://youtube.com/watch?v=eO6e5k6Vvnc
Click to expand...

yeah that one is definitely his masterpiece

it doesn't get any better than jack calling the raw, bloody chicken "juicy"
 
Adamska said:
Speaking of Jack and bad concepts, here was this thing I saw during the downtime we had:
https://youtube.com/watch?v=0Ws6ZK_N430
As well as the video where he generates said horror:
https://youtube.com/watch?v=ak3uJGf6Bj0
Click to expand...

LOL. I've actually done this before, a couple of times. It IS stupid, though maybe not AS stupid as he makes it look.

The first time I was camping. I don't remember why we thought it was a better idea, but the eggs were tasty.

As for the second time - a friend of mine recently got a sous vide immersion circulator, and one of the suggested recipes was doing an omelette like this. We tried it, and it was all right. I don't think it was any better or worse than a regular omelette. It took a little longer, but it also required a lot less monitoring. (My friend has a baby, so he liked that he didn't have to watch the eggs AND the baby.) The eggs were nice and fluffy. The immersion circulator kept the water at a safe temperature so the fucking bag didn't melt. For my money, it's just as easy to make a real omelette, but I guess if you were cooking for a large crowd it would make sense.

I kind of wonder if Jack saw something about doing an omelette with sous vide and said, "I can do that without a $100 gadget!"
 
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A prob thermometer costs 7 bucks at the cheapest on amazon and it's prime eligible, come on Jack.
 
First video: "Got my hands all clean, but I'm not gonna take off my ring, because fuck you!"

Second Video: PLUM TOMATOES ARE ROMA TOMATOES YOU JACK AS!

Third Video: I don't think putting the polenta in the over was needed.

Fourth video: George is such a great friend that he doesn't carry Jack's sauce.
 
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StraightShooter said:
Don't see how those can be worse than this infamous one, where he serves up and takes a bite out of a raw chicken with blood still in it. Worst part is he doesn't admit the mistake, and claims the recipe was a "success" and that the blood dripping just means it "turned out juicy".

https://youtube.com/watch?v=eO6e5k6Vvnc
Click to expand...
Gonna disagree with you on it being his worst chicken meal, since that chicken at least looked partially cooked on the outside, raw as it is. In the Polenta video, he legit didn't even put the birds in the oven and then zoomed out on purpose to hide this fact when he went to eat it. That to me is worse.
 
Adamska said:
https://youtube.com/watch?v=GKskhlp5CjEIn this shitshow, he manages to fuck up every element of making a good burger, ranging from something as simple as meat-to-fat to as insane as turning peppers into burned grasshoppers.
Click to expand...
Actually I don't think the peppers looked that bad. Roasting chilies until they char and then peeling the skin off is a pretty common way of preparing them and it's fucking delicious. Roasted red peppers are a good example.

He shouldn't have put the whole peppers on the burger though. It would be so easy to give them a rough chop and make some kind of relish with them instead. It would look nicer and make the burger less bulky, imo.
 
Adamska said:
You say that, but let me show you his four worst videos ever, as nominated by a friend and I after they nearly killed us through laughter due to the sheer ineptitude:
Click to expand...

Those are fucking disgusting. They make the shit Tommy Tooter posts of literal garbage he stole from dumpsters look like haute cuisine.
 
Yeah this man could really benefit from a meat thermometer so that his cooking literally doesn't kill him
Or we could just ban him from ever touching poultry again
 
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