💼 Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Axe Steel]

Decided to log into the farms for the first time in forever (just generally got bored of it and got too caught up with college) and seeing Jack still do the same shit after all this time is kind of heartwarming

 

[Super Hans v2]

Jack continues his streak of loving actual garbage movies

twitsave.com_G4o4Nkf9HF7vAgnh.mp4

"I sat there thinking, 'How could they, like, cram weirdness into an animal movie.' "

Said by a man who lives in such constant fear of 'accidentally' jacking off male dogs that he refuses to get Jack Russell terriers.

 

[Adamska]

You could hypothetically make a decentish steak out of chuck, but you'd need an acidic marinade base or something with digestive enzymes that demolish proteins.

Like I could for example see using something like Dr. pepper mixed with worcester sauce and beef broth as a base for the marinade, with basic seasoning like salt, pepper and garlic in the mix. Let that sit in its acids for about an hour and it'd likely do well as a mediocre steak once you sear that bad boy. It works a hell of a lot better with Pork though, since it'd be a sweet flavor to add alongside the herbs.

Either that or you pulp a papaya or pineapple and let their enzymes go to work on the chuck for about a half hour; that'd also do decent work after you wash it clean.

But you'd do better just making a pot roast out of it, or cutting it up for a texas style chili. Not that it'd be much good given fatboy can't enjoy the great things you serve with its broth gravy, like carrots, onions, and potatoes. And he's fucking terrified and refuses to make the latter for some reason.

As for the sauce, it's just further proof he likes chunky, sour milk like shit. If you had to put a gun to my head to make a carnie sauce, I'd probably just take the beef drippings and mix with butter as a glace. Whoever suggested cream has a good idea, though you'd need herbs to make it work at its best, which misses the point.

And using a pizza oven for this? pretty stupid and really just comes off as Jack trying to justify why he has it out as he burns DiGiorno off camera and horks it down endlessly.

 

[Shartavius]

And using a pizza oven for this? pretty stupid and really just comes off as Jack trying to justify why he has it out as he burns DiGiorno off camera and horks it down endlessly.

I want to point out that the "pizza" oven Mr. Carnivore asked Santa for has been sitting on his kitchen island for at least seven days, and now has a bunch of steak splatters and charcoal rub in the interior to smoke out the household every day that Jack gurgles "TAMMY!...PIZZA!" from his dog blanket on the sofa.

Will Tammy having herniated her scrotum setting it up there the first time be why we continue to see a convection toaster oven taller than Jack take up most of the frame in future videos - Or will it follow so many other gimmick appliances to the graveyard on the rear patio, never again to be seen or mentioned outside of Google Earth?

 

[AnOminous]

Cooking chuck as a steak.

You can have it cut as a steak and cook it as such. A 24 hour sous vide at 135 or so will do the trick. It's still not going to be filet mignon or anything but it's credible as a steak. This is where you'd want USDA prime, though, for the slight extra marbling. One thing I don't recommend is coating it in burned charcoal ash. Wtf?

Let that sit in its acids for about an hour and it'd likely do well as a mediocre steak once you sear that bad boy.

That's pretty much it. It's not going to be phenomenal, but it's a reasonable steak and if chuck's on special, just fine. My usual use for that is pot roast though, or any kind of slow braising dish with loads of veggies that will last a week.

Jack would rather be a stroked-out paralyzed retard than ever touch a veggie though.

Believe it or not, ground coconut shell charcoal has its place; and is actually useful when using a common oven to replicate the bark you otherwise only get from a smoker recipe (e.g., let's say you're making a cookout brisket or chicken in a vacation house's kitchen, and didn't tow a smoker with you on the back of your scooty puff).

Seems like people use this specific stuff as a finisher for brisket.

 

[LaughJoke2.0]

You can have it cut as a steak and cook it as such. A 24 hour sous vide at 135 or so will do the trick. It's still not going to be filet mignon or anything but it's credible as a steak. This is where you'd want USDA prime, though, for the slight extra marbling. One thing I don't recommend is coating it in burned charcoal ash. Wtf?

That's pretty much it. It's not going to be phenomenal, but it's a reasonable steak and if chuck's on special, just fine. My usual use for that is pot roast though, or any kind of slow braising dish with loads of veggies that will last a week.

Jack has upped his game he's now making the food taste burnt with the ash even before cooking.

 

[AnOminous]

Jack has upped his game he's now making the food taste burnt with the ash even before cooking.

While similarly upping the meat being completely raw on the inside. It probably isn't even warm. That's a horrible thing to do to chuck. Chuck needs some lengthy TLC.

 

[Jimjam the zimzam]

CARNIVORE STEAK SAUCE
(12/20/24)

Original:
https://youtube.com/watch?v=GepcgENBF8kPreserve Tube: https://preservetube.com/watch?v=GepcgENBF8k

Spoiler: Local Archive (720p):

CARNIVORE STEAK SAUCE.mp4

Oh boy, I was hoping my favorite youtube cooking disaster channel would have a thread here. where to even begin with this latest travesty. firstly, how about that rub he used (protip: don't use store-bought rubs, they're mostly just salt as filler cause it's cheap, so you end up over-salting your food if you use them). let's look up the ingredients, shall we?

https://kosmosq.com/products/the-best-prime-steak-rub

• Salt (#1 ingredient, like I said)
• Monosodium Glutamate (gee, I wonder why Jackie-poo likes this rub so much)
• "Grill flavor" (mix of complex sugars synthesized from seed oils and vegetable starches, used to mimic the flavor of seared meat, hence the name)
• some actual seasonings beyond salt & sugar, like dehydrated garlic & oninon, powdered chicken broth, "spices" (probably just black pepper and maybe paprika)
• Caramel color (so more sugar)
• "Natural flavors" (I love having mystery ingredients in my food, don't you?)
• Activated Charcoal Powder (why)
• Corn syrup solids (because there wasn't enough sugar already)
• Refined Soybean oil (if this wasn't certified goyslop yet, it is now)
• Tricalcium phosphate (ground up rocks and/or animal bones added to stop all the salt & sugar in this mess from absorbing moisture and caking up)

Salt, MSG, sugar, corn syrup, soybean oil, activated charcoal powder for some ungodly reason (if they're trying to replicate the flavor of cooking on a charcoal/wood grill, why not just add liquid smoke instead of fucking activated charcoal), and a tiny amount of actual seasonings, yummy. Fun note about that "grill flavor". those complex sugars sit way up on the glycemic index, higher than normal table sugar or even concentrated glucose. So probably not good for Jack to be eating that, the last thing he needs besides a 5th stroke is diabetes.

Next the fucking "sauce". Burnt butter (if you look, it's a DARK brown when he pours it in, that's way beyond how much I'd heat my butter even for a brown roux, there's most definitely burnt butter pieces floating in it), cream cheese (why), truffle salt (waste of those poor truffles, sad violin), and bone broth (honestly not a bad idea for a steak sauce, but we know he didn't come up with it himself). And then he attributes the sweetness that obviously came from the entire fucking block of cream cheese to the truffle salt. Does he even know what truffles are?

Now comes "cooking" the steaks. in a pizza oven. at 550 F°. for an indertiminate amount of time (first he says they cooked for about 4-4.5 mins, then just a few moments later he says 10 mins). "they're beautiful, they're gorgeous" he says, staring at the horribly burnt crust on the top of the steaks. Oh and no attempt at all the incorporate the meat drippings (if the pizza oven didn't just evaporate/burn them) into the "sauce", you know, like an actual fucking chef would.

Next comes The Cut™, and we can see the horrible black burnt crust, the tiny sliver of actual cooked meat, and then bleeding raw in the middle, probably still room temperature. If this was an actual good cut of dry-aged steak, seared black and blue and served with a delicate sauce to accentuate the flavors of the meat, that'd be A-OK. but these are shitty chuck steaks from walmart, ruined with a horrible goyslop steak rub, burned to a crisp in a god-damned countertop pizza oven, and drenched in a goopy mess of cream cheese & burnt butter.

I was going to make steaks for dinner tonight. I think I'll pass.

 

[ILikeYou]

On Jack's Livestream right now on YouTube, he gives some stupid advice. Around the 33-34 minute mark, he talks about that he thinks people should 'die broke' by spending all their money during their lifetime. Leave it to Jack to not see any point in leaving his children any money from his estate, so they could put it to good use. Just use it all up, instead! Why not, right? What a damn selfish fool.

Edited to add:

So probably not good for Jack to be eating that, the last thing he needs besides a 5th stroke is diabetes.

He actually already has diabetes. He's said this himself in very old videos of his, I think, like 14 yrs ago.

And also, I think this philosophy of his financially has to do w/ his earnings through his 'career' having been so low, that he re-frames it mentally as his counter-culture goal to bankrupt himself--'on purpose, gais!'

 

[Agamemnon Busmalis]

On Jack's Livestream right now on YouTube, he gives some stupid advice. Around the 33-34 minute mark, he talks about that he thinks people should 'die broke' by spending all their money during their lifetime. Leave it to Jack to not see any point in leaving his children any money from his estate, so they could put it to good use. Just use it all up, instead! Why not, right? What a damn selfish fool.

It's especially hilarious because he'd have nothing without Tammy's wealthy relatives and her inheritance.

Any time Jack does something loathsome or irritating I just look at his fucked up strokeface, beach ball gut and dead arm and forget it. He's already punishing himself for his actions more than anyone.

 

[AltisticRight]

That streak looks disgusting, who dumps an entire jar of fucking rub on it? That's not even food. Last week I had a brain short-circuit moment and used MSG as salt, I became dizzy after eating the food. Can you imagine all that rub? I don't even want to check what's inside. How he's still strokeless is beyond me.

Death by choking, dementia, heart attack or massive stroke which takes him out.

Which one will it be?

Yes.

 

[biggacracka]

Does he even know what truffles are?

You just made me realize, he probably thinks it's chocolate truffles

 

[AltisticRight]

You just made me realize, he probably thinks it's chocolate truffles

Does he even know what truffles are?

No.
I remember watching one of his spaghetti videos where he said "some buffalo mozzarella cheeses are like this ball shaped thing and it looks weird, mine is a cube".

This fat retarded nimrod thinks there's cubical fresh buffalo mozzarella cheese, not that he bought fake garbage. He's beyond help.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

I slice the steak into strips, toss it in some of the sauce, and enjoy it as a poutine served over herb and parmesan-seasoned kennebec fries I've cooked in duck fat. Jack would probably describe it as "gud."

That actually sounds really good. But then steak frites is never a bad thing.

Jack continues his streak of loving actual garbage movies

Yeah. People show up to his site to see him say a movie is "gud" and has no political agendas or give any kind of actual critique to it. Does this faggot think he's actually insightful and people are interested in what he thinks?

You can have it cut as a steak and cook it as such. A 24 hour sous vide at 135 or so will do the trick. It's still not going to be filet mignon or anything but it's credible as a steak. This is where you'd want USDA prime, though, for the slight extra marbling.

Low and slow is fine. What Fatty did is the gastronomical equivalent of a hate crime.

The chuck benefits from a long and slow braise. The collagen breaks down into gelatin. The fat slowly melts and does it's thing. Cooking it fast just means that meat seizes up and gets tough. Look at how Hammy was sawing into it. That's a tough, nasty steak.

truffle salt (waste of those poor truffles, sad violin)

There's no actual truffle in there. If there was it would cost something like $50 for a small McCormick shaker of it. Most things you see that have "truffle" as a flavor use artificial flavorings for it specifically synthetic 2,4-dithiapentane. It's the main flavor component but it comes off as flat and one dimensional.

On Jack's Livestream right now on YouTube, he gives some stupid advice. Around the 33-34 minute mark, he talks about that he thinks people should 'die broke' by spending all their money during their lifetime. Leave it to Jack to not see any point in leaving his children any money from his estate, so they could put it to good use. Just use it all up, instead! Why not, right? What a damn selfish fool.

Reminds me of those guys that thought the world was going to end when Harold Camping said he did the math and the rapture was going to happen in May of 2011. Then for realisies it would happen six months later. Some of his followers decided to do this. They racked up a huge amount of credit card debt for their last night on Earth and woke up the next day with the cold realization that they're now on the hook for it.

And yes. These people consider themselves to be Christian so they thought it was okay to screw the credit card companies over.

 

[Ihatejackscalfani]

A few newcomers to this thread and to the farms I've noticed.

Welcome to the farms and let's keep on continuing to make fun and laugh about Jack until he dies.

 

[Agamemnon Busmalis]

Welcome to the farms and let's keep on continuing to make fun and laugh about Jack until he dies.

Watching Jack kill himself through fud addiction is like watching Leaving Las Vegas but you absolutely hate Ben and Sera is a repulsive fat hick instead of Elisabeth Shue.

 

[Woggie's child bride]

But you'd do better just making a pot roast out of it, or cutting it up for a texas style chili. Not that it'd be much good given fatboy can't enjoy the great things you serve with its broth gravy, like carrots, onions, and potatoes. And he's fucking terrified and refuses to make the latter for some reason.

And using a pizza oven for this? pretty stupid and really just comes off as Jack trying to justify why he has it out as he burns DiGiorno off camera and horks it down endlessly.

It's not "for some reason" he's looking after his health as you would expect from someone who's had four strokes, you can't expect him to eat something as unhealthy as a carrot now can you? Much better to drink a sauce made of cream cheese and burnt butter.

 

[Aunt Carol]

Or will it follow so many other gimmick appliances to the graveyard on the rear patio, never again to be seen or mentioned outside of Google Earth?

It does come down to Jack vs. the Tranch for "lolcow behavior visible from space."

 

[Adamska]

It's not "for some reason" he's looking after his health as you would expect from someone who's had four strokes, you can't expect him to eat something as unhealthy as a carrot now can you? Much better to drink a sauce made of cream cheese and burnt butter.

No, I meant I don't know why Jack refuses to ever fail to make Texas style chili, which is essentially pure meat. It's legitimately just stewed beef and a heavily seasoned pepper based sauce base. It's not due to the pepper sauce mind you, given the fat homo's obsession with buhhreeea and his obsession with making shitslop soup.

It's just really fucking weird he's never tried to make it.

 

[lindsayfan]

No, I meant I don't know why Jack refuses to ever fail to make Texas style chili, which is essentially pure meat.

please don't encourage more "chilis" from jack. his so-called meat chili was genuinely horrific, so his "texas style chili" would probably be just chuck roast that tammy sawed up and a hefty styrofoam tray of birdflu-special chicken gizzards. toss it in the pressure cooker with a gallon of broth, a gelatin pack, one chocolate bar and a whole container of goya adobo, cook 10 minutes until steaming noisomely