💼 Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

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When will Jack drop dead?

  • February-March 2024

    Votes: 6 0.4%

  • April-May 2024

    Votes: 6 0.4%

  • June-July 2024

    Votes: 17 1.1%

  • August-September 2024

    Votes: 34 2.2%

  • October-November 2024

    Votes: 37 2.4%

  • December 2024

    Votes: 44 2.8%

  • Sometime in 2025

    Votes: 258 16.6%

  • Sometime in 2026

    Votes: 252 16.2%

  • Jack lives forever. The Wendigo Must Consoom

    Votes: 902 58.0%
  • Total voters
    1,556
Revelator said:
Maybe Jack should make a McRib he'll eat. It'll probably be grosser than McGoyslop's.
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I'm nauseated just thinking about it. At the least, it would contain an internally raw (but still tough) pork chop that Lumpy burnt black on the outside, with an inappropriate bun such as a hard kaiser roll twice the size of the chop soggy and dripping with so much Extra Ultra SHUGUR BBQ sauce that the too-large onion slices would spill out during Jack's only bite with his tongue extended into the sandwich's anus, and the pickle slices forgotten altogether.

Jack would obviously declare the samwich to be KORNAVUR in the video title, and review it hyperbolically, while leaning all of his body weight into the kitchen island at a forty five degree angle for the sake of pretending he can still stand under his own power: "I'm TELL-ig u guuize, if you *aspiration pneumonia gurgle* make one of theez, uuul might NEVER want McDunnells again." *smiles with half a working lip covered in barbecue sauce* "-That stuffz no good for u anywayz. Plus -" *long pause as Jack struggles to remember what he was just going to say*...*laughs nervously while visibly alarmed* "...Uh, you know, you can also make one of these year-round...insteaaad of, uh, only be-ig abul to get a sanwish once a year."

*video ends with only one bite having been taken out of sandwich, and most of it down the front of jagoff's shirt*
 
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Jack updated his letterbox

1732694130123.png


"I wouldn't want my little child to hear or see and some of the characters was a little bit scary"

Jack sounded like a toddler here
 
Doctor of Autism said:
Jack updated his letterbox

View attachment 6692160


"I wouldn't want my little child to hear or see and some of the characters was a little bit scary"

Jack sounded like a toddler here
Click to expand...
I can just imagine he wheeled up to the handicap section of the theater expecting that this PG-13 action movie starring Dwayne Johnson, Chris Evans and Lucy Liu would be a children's movie. His mind was in Blue's Clues mode when suddenly they start dropping such horrible profanity as "shit" and "asshole". It was probably very jarring for Jack. Too bad he didn't have another stroke.
 
Spasticus Autisticus said:
I can just imagine he wheeled up to the handicap section of the theater expecting that this PG-13 action movie starring Dwayne Johnson, Chris Evans and Lucy Liu would be a children's movie. His mind was in Blue's Clues mode when suddenly they start dropping such horrible profanity as "shit" and "asshole". It was probably very jarring for Jack. Too bad he didn't have another stroke.
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That's the funniest things about Jack's movie reviews, he tries to act like a concerned parent looking out to warn other parents, yet embodies some failures of parents and media as he doesn't even look into ratngs in advance nor do any minimal research about the movie he's watching. Its not like he gives a shit when trailers spoil a film given he dismisses random films based on them.
 
Ihatejackscalfani said:
View attachment 6690585

Jack always mentions his distaste of the Mcrib every year during this time of the season.
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Of course he doesn't like the McRib, the meat is too cooked and consumer safe for the Wendigo.

On another note, since he's already out watching Christmas movies, I was curious what kind of atrocities we can expect from faux carnivore Jack this year. My personal pick for his most horrid festive dish would be this candy quagmire.
While less relevant on the culinary end, last year we also got the S'mores Cupcakes video, where we could hear Jack Jr. using the gamer word on video.


Sadly, I do not believe we'll get anything on that scale this year, but hey, there's no bar too low not to clear for the Scalfani clan.

(Edited cuz I didn't add the latter video yet, my mobile using self just accidentally pressed on post too early.)
 
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Marc said:
I'm nauseated just thinking about it. At the least, it would contain an internally raw (but still tough) pork chop that Lumpy burnt black on the outside, with an inappropriate bun such as a hard kaiser roll twice the size of the chop soggy and dripping with so much Extra Ultra SHUGUR BBQ sauce that the too-large onion slices would spill out during Jack's only bite with his tongue extended into the sandwich's anus, and the pickle slices forgotten altogether.

Jack would obviously declare the samwich to be KORNAVUR in the video title, and review it hyperbolically, while leaning all of his body weight into the kitchen island at a forty five degree angle for the sake of pretending he can still stand under his own power: "I'm TELL-ig u guuize, if you *aspiration pneumonia gurgle* make one of theez, uuul might NEVER want McDunnells again." *smiles with half a working lip covered in barbecue sauce* "-That stuffz no good for u anywayz. Plus -" *long pause as Jack struggles to remember what he was just going to say*...*laughs nervously while visibly alarmed* "...Uh, you know, you can also make one of these year-round...insteaaad of, uh, only be-ig abul to get a sanwish once a year."

*video ends with only one bite having been taken out of sandwich, and most of it down the front of jagoff's shirt*
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Absolute cinema
 
Chili month has been absolute kino so far. Took me about half a year to catch back up with the thread and I'm just in time for some of the worst cooking so far. The CARNIVOAR-SAFE seafood chili could be one of his most disgusting chilis he's made, along with the brisket-less brisket chili, the rotten church chili and the green puke chili (pictured below) 1732715870183.png
What I've also noticed is that he's slowly starting to give up. He used to constantly spam low effort merch with grammar mistakes a 10 year old would make, that no one would buy, new video ideas no one cares about (IM APART OF THE JACKPACK), the dilly dolphin AI-generated gift shop, the dead tech and letter channels. He had such complete confidence for things that were utterly worthless, and that is what made Jack special for me. Confident incompetence, the Dunning-Krueger effect personified. He is no longer trying. His Xitter is depressing to read, especially that picture about him having many friends, yet no one giving him likes. He doesn't deserve anyone's empathy but this is making me feel some type of way. :lossmanjack:

I've been rewatching some of his older non-cooking videos. He always tries to give advice that he doesn't follow himself in a very condescending way. He thinks his lack of qualifications and study makes him paradoxically a better teacher, as if he were a "normal Joe" who unlocked the world's mysteries by """""thinking for himself"""". Example of this: He says you can look at what unhealthy people buy in the supermarket and then avoid buying those products. He is himself a very unhealthy individual who always tells people what foods they should eat.
1732715685071.png His face says he completely believes what he is saying is enlightening.
Also note his hat. What does Jesus > World mean? Does he believe that by disregarding his existence on this world, it will make DADDY-JESUS-GOD give him a free pass to ascend to heaven when he dies? Or does he mean that the only thing that truly matters is Jesus, and not our surrounding world? But we know of Jesus because he was part of our surrounding world. Or maybe the simplest solution is true, and he simply wants to seem pious before his audience and his god and did not even attempt to think further. YEAH, GOD GOOD, THEREFORE I WEAR THE GOD GOOD HAT!!

It has been entertaining catching up to present day Jack, and the a-logging in this thread gave me many laughs. Some of you faggots are very funny.
 
Spasticus Autisticus said:
I can just imagine he wheeled up to the handicap section of the theater expecting that this PG-13 action movie starring Dwayne Johnson, Chris Evans and Lucy Liu would be a children's movie. His mind was in Blue's Clues mode when suddenly they start dropping such horrible profanity as "shit" and "asshole". It was probably very jarring for Jack. Too bad he didn't have another stroke.
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In his mind "Santa Claus" means it's a kids movie. Meanwhile there's tons of movies out there with Santa that aren't necessarily kid friendly.

Hot CILF in your area said:
On another note, since he's already out watching Christmas movies, I was curious what kind of atrocities we can expect from faux carnivore Jack this year. My personal pick for his most horrid festive dish would be this candy quagmire.
Click to expand...
That was an abomination. It should have been confined to the deepest pits of hell. Even the overall look of it was offputting.
 
Oh, so that's why his coloring his so fucked - he's using a camera model pushing 15 years. If he's using the same stand it came with it explains why he can't not have the oh so appropriate Dutch Angle too.
 
Super Hans v2 said:
Oh, so that's why his coloring his so fucked - he's using a camera model pushing 15 years. If he's using the same stand it came with it explains why he can't not have the oh so appropriate Dutch Angle too.
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A 15 year old camera like that should be able to do white balance and color just fine. The likely bigger issue is that he's too fucking stupid to go through the settings and actually set any of it. He's probably got a couple auto settings turned on, never updated the firmware, and has no idea how to adjust anything to actually look better, not that he's capable of seeing that himself anyway.
 
I find myself doubting that the guy who regularly films himself struggling to read restaurant menus directly in front of his face, then records the table or the floor while he asks his wife for help remembering the word "STEAK" within thirty seconds of having read it out-loud while he put his finger on the word like Helen Keller, is going to trifle with the color balance settings in his old camcorder, or even knows where he is.
 
Ihatejackscalfani said:
View attachment 6690585

Jack always mentions his distaste of the Mcrib every year during this time of the season.

I remember in a couple of videos I watched in the past from him, he always states something along the lines of " when pork is at their lowest sales, McDonald's buys it all up and creates the Mcrib"

EDIT: https://youtu.be/itMyswZXFd8?si=5jNV8UdfaDTIFS-D found a past video explaining Jack's logic.
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Yeah, McRib is obviously not real ribs and it's just cheap pork, but god damnit it's delicious. I'll eat it if I am at McDonald's and they have it. Obviously it's not healthy but in moderation it's fine. At least it's cooked properly
 
Hollywood Hulk Hogan said:
Yeah, McRib is obviously not real ribs and it's just cheap pork, but god damnit it's delicious. I'll eat it if I am at McDonald's and they have it. Obviously it's not healthy but in moderation it's fine. At least it's cooked properly
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I just don't get the appeal. I know why people like it. It's a limited time thing. I guarantee you that if it was available year round it wouldn't have the fanbase it does.
 
Hot CILF in your area said:
While less relevant on the culinary end, last year we also got the S'mores Cupcakes video, where we could hear Jack Jr. using the gamer word on video.
Click to expand...
Guntanator said:
Ok but why does jr sound like Mickey mouse crawled up his ass and bit him in the balls?
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It sounds more like he's saying "That dick is terribly cold" which might explain why he's screaming at such a high pitch.
 
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