/horror/ general megathread - Let's talk about movies and shit.

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Hearing things about The Last Voyage of the Demeter and none of it good.

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"I'm just sayin' if I'd been on board the Demeter, it wouldn't have gone down like that. Dracula makin' it to London? No way."
 
Commander X said:
Hearing things about The Last Voyage of the Demeter and none of it good.

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"I'm just sayin' if I'd been on board the Demeter, it wouldn't have gone down like that. Dracula makin' it to London? No way."
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Then Wahlberg would chuck a stone at Dracula's eye, thus permanently blinding him just like that one old Asian guy.
 
Calandrino said:
I couldn't get over their cutesy little British bikes. Might as well tie pink streamers to the handlebars. That gang would get destroyed by the Werewolves on Wheels dudes.
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The helmet paint looks more like a bunny mask than a skull.

Only just found out William Friedkin passed away recently. Whilst the shock value has faded over time, The Exorcist is still a great film. Although my favourite part was always the opening, it really sets up an unnerving atmosphere without anything explicitly supernatural.
 
I watched Unwelcome from the guy that did Grabbers (2012) and it was a complete pile of shit. I mean it's seriously hard to believe that the same guy wrote those same movies, and it's an extremely depressing illustration of what has happened to films, especially horror, but really any genre in the past 10 years. Grabbers was fun, with a very likeable cast, some tropey but well done 'scares' and a super satisfying ending. Unwelcome was exactly the opposite of that.

It's set up as Straw Dogs meets Gremlins, which, I guess, technically it is. The couple is extremely unlikeable from the off, the chick I guess isn't really supposed to be, but she just is (it's the annoying charisma vortex from Ant-man 2), and the guy is a craven little faggot who can't even get up and brain a guy who is about to literally murder his pregnant wife. Ok, fair enough, he's English, so fine, but the whole fucking entire point of Straw Dogs is that the guy eventually gets mad enough to fight back. But this guy just keeps on getting more and more cowardly, until WELL past the time you give any kind of shit about him at all, I mean he seems like a joke or a pastiche more than a character by about the mid-point of the movie. And when he finally does find his manhood or whatever it's played off in a little joke (which, all right, granted, I did chuckle, because by that point his redemption was utterly impossible).

The gremlins part is they have redcaps around the house the guy inherits, and I guess they can either be protectors or nightmares depending on how you treat them. But instead of making the chick like lovingly or mystically taking care of them and growing close to them, she is browbeaten into feeding them ONCE by the friend of the old lady that used to live there. She doesn't earn their protection at all. It's just really shitty typical modern writing.

I guess the one good thing is there's never a really girlboss moment where she saves the day or whatever. She'd have to have agency for that, so no, shit just happens. She stops some fights by calming people down, I guess, is the most she ever does.

Hodor is in it. The fat, but not the fat one, chick from Derry Girls is in it. And it's ANOTHER in the long line of movies that (to me) laughably tries to make Colm Meaney into a convincing tough guy. Sorry, British film industry, I'M STILL NOT FUCKING BUYING IT. Although in this one it's almost believable because the people he's picking on are so fucking pathetic, and he wants to be called "Daddy."

They do forced perspective with the redcaps, so they actually look pretty good for the 5 minutes they're in it. There's a tiny bit of gore, but nothing interesting, funny, or original.

Just a really disappointing piece of shit from the guy that did Grabbers. I haven't seen Robot Overlords or Tormented, but based on this, unless someone tells me otherwise, I'm just going to assume Grabbers was a one-off; a film that turned out good in spite of the people making it.

Sperging: If anyone sees this, is there ANY plausible reason why the baby the redcaps stole wound up looking like 100? I guess magic or some shit? But if she was stolen as a baby something like 30-40 years before the movie starts, shouldn't she be, you know, 30-40 years old? Anyway, pinnacle of modern story telling, how the main chick is totes fine killing an innocent woman who was kidnapped by elves as a baby and kept isolated, but can't bring herself to even injure murderous thugs who break into her house and try and kill her. Who is the villain again?
 
OwlShaman said:
Did anyone watch Cerdita/Piggy? I thought it was going to be "Carrie, For Fat Girls", but I actually really enjoyed it.
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I saw the short and thought it was okay. Never saw the feature version.
 
Among Severin Films' announced upcoming attractions, they're releasing The Spider Labyrinth on Blu-Ray. It'll be great to see this nightmare-logic Lovecraftian Italian horror film in HD instead of via some VHS rip.

 
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Commander X said:
Among Severin Films' announced upcoming attractions, they're releasing The Spider Labyrinth (1988) on Blu-Ray. It'll be great to see this nightmare-logic Lovecraftian Italian horror film in HD instead of via some VHS rip.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=O0Coq2XrwmE
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They're also releasing Cemetery Man. But Spider Labyrinth is a great little gem of a horror film and easily among the last couple of genuinely (and objectively) good Eyetalian horror films.
 
Saw Sea Fever (2019) last night. Irish sea monster/body horror movie. I just don't get it, it had all the elements of what should've been a GOOD horror movie, but it ultimately was just sucky and boring.

Good acting across the board, really. I thought the main chick was going to be the new fucking annoying horror chick trope, but they calmed her down after a couple scenes, and she wound up being tolerable (just a couple of retarded scenes sprinkled out later on, almost like it was fixed in editing or something). Dougray Scott and Queen Hippolyte from Wonder Woman are pretty great, and the couple of supporting guys are fine. The effects are really good, creature design is pretty interesting. Good atmosphere, good pacing. But it still adds up to just sucking.

I think they just don't allow the horror to build. The creature is revealed (and revealed as real) right off the fucking bat, so there's no chance for the is it sea fever, are they just crazy, ambiguity to seep in. Just nope, there's immediately parasites, and they kill you. This also kills the body horror element, since pretty much if you get infected or whatever, you go blind, go into a coma, and then die over the course of a couple hours. The little homage scene to The Thing doesn't work at all; I mean I guess I appreciate that they put it in there, but it's like you didn't understand why Carpenter did it, so you're just going through the motions.

It's like someone bought all the best, expensive ingredients for a really nice dinner and then just dumped it in a bowl, boiled everything and served it up.

Anyway, there's one or two good scenes, some good practical effects, and a possible Lovecraft nod at the end (or not, I don't know if Neasa Hardiman, the writer/director is even interested in any kind of horror after watching this). But otherwise, it's just an overlong bore-fest with no edge, no characters you really care about, and nothing you haven't seen done better dozens of times. Watch The Bay from 2012 for a MUCH better movie in every way, even ankled by its found footage structure.

2/5 stars. No titties, watchable but boring, still better than most horror movies of the past 5 years.
 
BrunoMattei said:
There's good British horror out there. But it's kind of few and far between. Off the top of my head: most of the Hammer and Amicus catalogue including Tales From the Crypt (best or 2nd best anthology horror film of all time), 28 Days Later (even though I prefer the sequel), Raw Meat from 1980, and of course Shaun of the Dead. It's when Hammer and Amicus died off that the genre film production massively slowed down.
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In addition: there is a shot on video British movie called I, Zombie where a guy slowly rots away and becomes a zombie (while bloodlessly killing people to feed) while there's a scene when the guy is jerking off thinking about his girlfriend and his dick falls off.

It's not a very good movie though.
 
I saw several horror movies recently. First was a double feature of Ring (1998) and The Ring (2002). Between the Japanese and American remake, the Japanese film was better. However, the American film was on par with it on most parts but some of the acting was not that good especially from the child actor. The only thing the American film has over the Japanese film is that the ending is much better in the American version since the Japanese ending feels like there was something missing at the end.

I also saw As Above, So Below (2014) which was just alright, but it was pretty generic outside of some rather admittedly interesting visuals that are used, but aside from that it is really by the numbers.
 
Doctor of Autism said:
I saw several horror movies recently. First was a double feature of Ring (1998)and The Ring (2002). Between the Japanese and American remake, the Japanese film was better. However, the American film was on par with it on most parts but some of the acting was not that good especially from the child actor. The only thing the American film has over the Japanese film is that the ending is much better in the American version since the Japanese ending feels like there was something missing at the end.

I also saw As Above, So Below (2014) which was just alright, but it was pretty generic outside of some rather admittedly interesting visuals that are used, but aside from that it is really by the numbers.
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you should check out the made-for-cable trashy Ring with gratuitous sex and nudity
 
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