[2024] Kiwi Farms Physical Newspaper - Possibly the dumbest idea I've ever had, 2023 edition

  • 🏰 The Fediverse is up. If you know, you know.
  • Want to keep track of this thread?
    Accounts can bookmark posts, watch threads for updates, and jump back to where you stopped reading.
    Create account

Would you subscribe?

  • No, the press is dead.

    Votes: 104 11.6%

  • Monthly paper.

    Votes: 428 47.9%

  • Every other month.

    Votes: 124 13.9%

  • Quarterly.

    Votes: 237 26.5%
  • Total voters
    893
Status
Not open for further replies.
There is no need to get fancy there are probably ten thousand printers who can do 500-1000 issue runs without much issue.
Call up some random ones around the country, get quotes, hire a few for 250 or so each for redundancy and faster production, title it something without too much baggage and they probably won't even care enough to read the whole thing.
 
Some input from the peanut gallery:

Not having section 230 protection might and not being in a venue with a retarded anti-SLAPP might open you up to worse lawfare than you are currently facing.

Also, I agree with the allusion to something like Mad Magazine. Going with the flavor of parody and/or humor offers stronger first amendment protection for hyperbolic speech. I believe the only thing that is more protected is political speech, even if they're trying hard to gut that one.

You're going to need some assistance, writers, an editor, and typesetter. I did type setting for the high school newspaper on an old Mac, and having helped a friend with his TTRPG book, I don't think it's become too much easier in all those years.
A good editor can help with those legal issues, as they can make sure you're using the journo-scum shibboleths to get out of libel claims (e.g., alleged rapist, sources familiar with say, etc.).

Also, quarterly is probably about right, maybe bi-monthly. Frequent enough to stay relevant, infrequent enough to be able to coordinate all the work without driving yourself nuts. 2600 is quarterly, and while I have not read 2600 in years, it always felt like they were scrapping the barrel for writers to meet that publishing schedule.
 
Pitbull Victim said:
Answer Me! was already mentioned as a possible source of inspiration (and funny enough Ethan Ralph was actually feuding with Jim Goad at one point), so I would also suggest Apocalypse Culture, which feels like KF's caveman ancestor.
Click to expand...

4DF88787-D53C-4CEA-8221-48788714BE54.jpeg
Pah, skitzo nonsense. Although…
 
Good luck to whatever you have planned, I doubt you will do shipping outside of specific states of us. Still It would be nice to have a readable pdf version too. I think the paper idea sounds very classy and suits the never changing old aesthetic of the farms very well, If I did live in the USA I would totally order copies of each release.
 
Here is my problem with all paper media: What would you print that I wouldn't already have known about if I cared given the interwebz is a thing? I do like the nostalgia of a newsletter or little paper, but oof, this is a gossip site that runs entirely on the most immediate hot takes. You would have to have good volunteer journos doing deep dive articles, interviewing people, etc. I think I would expect it to be a basic bitch gossip rag like you would find on any grocery store rack.

I am not entirely opposed to the idea but it would have to be funny and informative and more than I could get from this site alone. If the site finally is kill and autists are still ready and willing to report without the ability to resort to other gossip sites, then paper would be the next best thing. I'd probably pay for funsies if at least a few of my fav cows were regularly featured.
 
I Digivolved Into A Loli? said:
A few people have mentioned they are worried about their addresses being identified. As said before, you don't need a name, just an address, but I think you can possibly take it even further.
WARNING: THIS MIGHT BE A STUPID IDEA
Set up a separate, "private" entity that handles the mailing. This way there doesn't need to be any accounts/accounting. It could literally just be a guy. All of the orders/addresses go to them and not the Trusted Truants Digest to further obfuscate the information in case of meddling.

Also if any one person is afraid of getting their address leaked, you can order a PO box. I think you'd need a court order to get info on those. Mine cost me around $15/mo
Click to expand...
It really doesn't matter if there's not a name. If it's a house and not an apartment, it's trivial to look up who owns it.
You also don't need a name to SWAT someone, just an address.

Safest bet would be to use a PO box. Even if he uses a 3rd party to keep the address list and do the mailings, I'd be worried about their shit getting hacked.
I'm willing to sign up for this, but I'd definitely get a PO box for it.
 
Until you make it big, printing it on your own inkjet is lower cost at such low volumes.

Upfront costs + units * unit cost => take the easy way. Like she said ...
 
HindWisdom said:
Good luck to whatever you have planned, I doubt you will do shipping outside of specific states of us. Still It would be nice to have a readable pdf version too. I think the paper idea sounds very classy and suits the never changing old aesthetic of the farms very well, If I did live in the USA I would totally order copies of each release.
Click to expand...
Release a .pdf via the website, and torrents, on both clearweb and darkweb torrent trackers.

The torrent contains both the .pdf and a .txt file with a pgp signed release announcement containing the md5 hash of the .pdf, to make the whole thing tamper-evident if someone tries to modify it and reupload. This also allows honest users to reupload the original file and signed release announcement message elsewhere, as everything will still match as long as the uploader does not tamper/change the .pdf
 
If you really want to protect yourself and the users, then set up the operation like this. A user purchases a volume of "Gantry Cranes of the World" from a small publisher in North Dakota. It is a onetime purchase. Some times later, he receives a short eight page magazine with pictures of portal cranes and harbour installations. But somewhere in Serbia, someone sends another magazine, to the same address. A crazy magazine about cattle breeds, specifically the Common Western Lolcow. The user never ordered the second magazine. He only wanted to know about cranes and container handling. Three months later, the same user orders a magazine called "Fire Extinguisher Classification and the Mating Behavior of the Eurasian Beaver". And yet again, he receives an odd magazine about mentally ill crosdressers posted to him from somewhere in the Balkans. How can it be?
 
Otis Mallebrok said:
If you really want to protect yourself and the users, then set up the operation like this. A user purchases a volume of "Gantry Cranes of the World" from a small publisher in North Dakota. It is a onetime purchase. Some times later, he receives a short eight page magazine with pictures of portal cranes and harbour installations. But somewhere in Serbia, someone sends another magazine, to the same address. A crazy magazine about cattle breeds, specifically the Common Western Lolcow. The user never ordered the second magazine. He only wanted to know about cranes and container handling. Three months later, the same user orders a magazine called "Fire Extinguisher Classification and the Mating Behavior of the Eurasian Beaver". And yet again, he receives an odd magazine about mentally ill crosdressers posted to him from somewhere in the Balkans. How can it be?
Click to expand...
I love gantry cranes though!

This idea has a lot going for it. Not least that there are enough kiwis with specialist knowledge to make the dummy publications interesting in their own right. Who among us would not want to read a short but well informed booklet about the care and feeding of domesticated Alpaca? Or a summary of what is known about the T-14 tank? Or of internet hygiene practices in 2023.
 
Otis Mallebrok said:
If you really want to protect yourself and the users, then set up the operation like this. A user purchases a volume of "Gantry Cranes of the World" from a small publisher in North Dakota. It is a onetime purchase. Some times later, he receives a short eight page magazine with pictures of portal cranes and harbour installations. But somewhere in Serbia, someone sends another magazine, to the same address. A crazy magazine about cattle breeds, specifically the Common Western Lolcow. The user never ordered the second magazine. He only wanted to know about cranes and container handling. Three months later, the same user orders a magazine called "Fire Extinguisher Classification and the Mating Behavior of the Eurasian Beaver". And yet again, he receives an odd magazine about mentally ill crosdressers posted to him from somewhere in the Balkans. How can it be?
Click to expand...
Someone would have to write Gantry Cranes of the World each issue. If that can be done, though, then I love the idea. It would double production costs, though, so maybe not a good idea.
 
That this idea is leaning toward being made real is the best news I've gotten in a while and I can confidently vouch for two lifetime subscriptions from mine and @putinschwarzenegger's household.

Monthly is a nice idea, but quarterly is more realistic and would give ample time to let cows be cows and build content as well as source any goodies you might want to include from the community. Someone mentioned a crossword earlier in the thread and I love that idea. It kind of holds with the long running love the community has for bingo cards with the added bonus that only people who are enthusiastic about Internet Bullshit will have a chance in hell of figuring out the clues.

"Ask the Beauty Parlor" could be a fun way to get some good snark and maybe a little actual advice in there, could just leave a thread open with a cutoff date for questions and responses to be included in the upcoming issue.
 
Null said:
I sit and think of ways to break everything and now I want to test the postal system.
Click to expand...

As someone with experience in the newspaper / fanzine / newsletter production and distribution field - I'd suggest you start with quarterly. Quarterly is doable even when life gets in the way. Monthly can be a stretch. Quarterly is less likely to end up in the bin of the recipient.

Besides, KIWI FARMS QUARTERLY sounds good.

As always, my offer to help in any way stands - good luck with it Null.
 
Otis Mallebrok said:
If you really want to protect yourself and the users, then set up the operation like this. A user purchases a volume of "Gantry Cranes of the World" from a small publisher in North Dakota. It is a onetime purchase. Some times later, he receives a short eight page magazine with pictures of portal cranes and harbour installations.
Click to expand...
Skip the lolcow zine altogether and go straight for the quarterly pictorial of gantry cranes. I'd subscribe to that.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top Bottom