💼 Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Jacks Dead Arm]

Even his sandwich video is wrong. You put the vegetables on top or you get a nasty soggy sandwich.
His "barrier" technique is horseshit.
He also uses too much fucking dressing. All you need is a little oil and vinegar.

Guarantee Tammy made Jr's food, Jack eats any food in front of him.

Sandwich goes from bottom, bread, meat, cheese, veggies, condiments, seasoning, bread.

His samwish technique was awful. He has good ingredients right in front of him and he messes up the most basic thing. Also, his 9-10 year old son is not eating that samwish. There's no way DJ Cali ate balsamic vinegar.

 

[._.]

Even Plankton's attempts to replicate the krabby patty formula were better than Jack's.

I hate whatever the fuck is going on with that tomato and onion slice. Did he do that thing where he hangs it from the ceiling on a string and swing at it with a Cutco™ knife? Like theres more tomato by weight than patty it looks like.
My dad is terrible at cutting shit especially tomatoes and cuts shit into wedges, because his knives have been 'knife sharpened' enough they dont hold an edge and just smush the tomato so I kinda get it but the onion is in wedges too.

Also I love that he has a 10 minute video on how to make a sandwich with like lunchmeat and deli cheese and just generic store bread. Ive seen a different video on this come up but it had a hook and was like 'How to make restaurant quality sandwiches, Why Jimmy Johns is better' or something.

 

[AnOminous]

I hate whatever the fuck is going on with that tomato and onion slice. Did he do that thing where he hangs it from the ceiling on a string and swing at it with a Cutco™ knife? Like theres more tomato by weight than patty it looks like.

I have to admit to doing that with tomatoes straight from the garden that are still warm from the sun. I will literally put most of a tomato onto a burger, one giant slice on top and one on the bottom.

This is not one of Jack's crimes.

You should obviously remove the tomato slime, though.

There is literally nothing wrong with tomatoes.

 

[ZipDisk]

It was "why are deli sandwiches better" and there are a multitude of reasons, but part of it is that it's wrapped, and the sauce can soak into the sandwich before you eat it.
Other reasons are a fast-food restaurant has access to better ingredients than the grocery store, they can keep their ingredients colder, and they're not going to hold back the way a home cook would.

Same reason burritos and burgers taste better "out". You're not the one doing the cooking.

I managed to replicate a Quiznos sandwich at home, and it took half the tub of shitty Hillshire farms roast beef.
I used to clone recipes just for shits and giggles, and that hobby gets expensive.

As to the crabby patty? He went for presentation. He wanted a fat tomato slice for the thumbnail. That sandwich would be a bitch to eat, but jack's just going to spin it sideways and shove it down his fucking gullet like a seagull.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

I have to admit to doing that with tomatoes straight from the garden that are still warm from the sun. I will literally put most of a tomato onto a burger, one giant slice on top and one on the bottom.

Yeah but those are the best tomatoes. They're ripe and sweet and bursting with flavor. What Jagoff used was one of those hothouse tomatoes that taste like styrofoam.

 

[Tiresome]

Yeah but those are the best tomatoes. They're ripe and sweet and bursting with flavor. What Jagoff used was one of those hothouse tomatoes that taste like styrofoam.

As someone who's always hated raw tomatoes, finding a really good tomato can be really fucking tasty.

 

[Great Scott]

Jack's dying and all you people can think of is tomatoes!

 

[Simon]

Jack's dying and all you people can think of is tomatoes!

That or he himself is a tomato...as in a vegetable, he's a vegetable.

 

[Aunt Carol]

That or he himself is a tomato...as in a vegetable, he's a vegetable.

Culinarily, a vegetable. Biologically, a fruit.

So yeah, either way...

 

[Simon]

Culinarily, a vegetable. Biologically, a fruit.

So yeah, either way...

I was about to change it just before you posted. Dumb bitch hour over here.

 

[walkingstickman]

Even his sandwich video is wrong. You put the vegetables on top or you get a nasty soggy sandwich.
His "barrier" technique is horseshit.
He also uses too much fucking dressing. All you need is a little oil and vinegar.

Guarantee Tammy made Jr's food, Jack eats any food in front of him.

Sandwich goes from bottom, bread, meat, cheese, veggies, condiments, seasoning, bread.

The only thing's that's bothering me is he doesn't have the brain cells to consider adding the mayo as a coating on the bread.

 

[Blobby's Murder Knife]

What about eating 12,000+ mg of sodium laden turkey wings?

EDIT:

WE HAVE NEWS. View attachment 4544942

I just noticed that there is nothing in here about him working hard to recover fast and get back to filming. Rather he just mentioned he is in the best facility. I am guessing he figures they will just fix him without any effort on his part and if they don't, it is their fault and an angy Google review.

 

[biggacracka]

I just noticed that there is nothing in here about him working hard to recover fast and get back to filming. Rather he just mentioned he is in the best facility. I am guessing he figures they will just fix him without any effort on his part and if they don't, it is their fault and an angy Google review.

I remember that after the stroke that took his arm, he had great chances of recovering if he did physiotherapy. Instead, Jack said no and prayed Jesus to fix it magically because heavens forbid jack has to actually put efforts into something

 

[stets]

Whoever started this trend of making burgers as tall as your hand should be shot for crimes against food. You shouldn't have to dislocate your jaw (or eat it in a retarded way, like a taco) to get a proper bite.

Forgive the off topic historical burger sperging, but if you want to find the person responsible, then Daniel Boulud is probably the chef you want to murder. Around 2000, he had the idea to stuff braised short ribs and foie gras into a burger patty the size of a baseball. This kicked off both the tall burger and expensive, luxury hamburger trends. The thing is massive:

Here’s a video with more info. In it, the chef eats the burger like, you guessed it, a fucking taco.

You may be happy to know that the only US restaurant that serves it has been closed since covid.

 

[Pig Cups]

I looked back in the thread, and it doesn’t look like anyone found and posted this- a valentines greeting from Jack:


3 things:

>Good fucking God, there really exist no other photographs of this woman that can be used, huh? I would think that if you’re going to lovebomb, you’d want to use a photo that makes her look good. Then again, these are the people who decided that^ photo was professional enough to be put on the half-assed marketing collateral for GiveMe Books. And the funniest part of all is that the skyline is a photoshop- the original pic was taken at that July 4th barbecue where Jack was filmed doing that infamous waddle.

>”I did not know that when she said “I do” that it meant this…” I wonder what the “this” is referring to? We can assume that it refers to the stresses of the current predicament, sure, but I’m assuming that it goes deeper this time. Deeper as in toileting being involved. Deeper as in Hammy assisting a crew of burly workers to roll Jack onto his side to change the bedpan. I picture her attempting to calm him like Jane Goodall trying to de-stress a chimp, as he stroke-vocalizes like an expiring warthog.

>Since this was posted prior to the status admitting that he suffered a heart attack and stroke…well,…is there a chance that Tammy wrote and posted this as well? Hear me out, because the consensus is that she DEFINITELY wrote the stroke disclosure. So why not this? Then it’s a question of whether or not Jack specifically requested that she post this on his behalf, or if she posted it herself. If it’s the latter, then could she be fishing for asspats to bring some light to what is surely a shitty and stressful situation? Some sort of self-affirmation routine? Either way, it would demonstrate that she’s as fucked up as Jack, albeit in a different way. I think she posted it- it’s too well-written to be Jack. Ugh, so many questions there…

#EverybodyNeedsATammy

 

[Doctor of Autism]

https://youtube.com/watch?v=M_-HD-dCXgEAh yes that's a good one, in the beginning: "It's one of my favorite cartoons. It always has been. There's so many good cartoons out there..." Jack basically admitting he does nothing but sit around and watch cartoons all day.

I've seen other videos attempting to make the Krabby Patty and Jack gets it wrong. Like many other people who try to cook it try to play around with the idea of the "Secret Formula" while Jack just puts in the order of one episode.

The fucking giant Tomato slice is absolutely disguting. There are thick tomato slices out there, but Jack might as well be making a tomato sandwich with how large it is.

As a side note, he randomly talks about Spongebob failing and how he didn't think it would work as though he were important. Jack really tried to act like some cartoon industry guy or someone close to Stephen Hillenburg there which was cringeworthy because if I were a viewer who would watch Jack's videos unironically. Why would I care about him being wrong about the success of Spongebob?

I looked back in the thread, and it doesn’t look like anyone found and posted this- a valentines greeting from Jack:
View attachment 4562412

3 things:

>Good fucking God, there really exist no other photographs of this woman that can be used, huh? I would think that if you’re going to lovebomb, you’d want to use a photo that makes her look good. Then again, these are the people who decided that^ photo was professional enough to be put on the half-assed marketing collateral for GiveMe Books. And the funniest part of all is that the skyline is a photoshop- the original pic was taken at that July 4th barbecue where Jack was filmed doing that infamous waddle.

>”I did not know that when she said “I do” that it meant this…” I wonder what the “this” is referring to? We can assume that it refers to the stresses of the current predicament, sure, but I’m assuming that it goes deeper this time. Deeper as in toileting being involved. Deeper as in Hammy assisting a crew of burly workers to roll Jack onto his side to change the bedpan. I picture her attempting to calm him like Jane Goodall trying to de-stress a chimp, as he stroke-vocalizes like an expiring warthog.

>Since this was posted prior to the status admitting that he suffered a heart attack and stroke…well,…is there a chance that Tammy wrote and posted this as well? Hear me out, because the consensus is that she DEFINITELY wrote the stroke disclosure. So why not this? Then it’s a question of whether or not Jack specifically requested that she post this on his behalf, or if she posted it herself. If it’s the latter, then could she be fishing for asspats to bring some light to what is surely a shitty and stressful situation? Some sort of self-affirmation routine? Either way, it would demonstrate that she’s as fucked up as Jack, albeit in a different way. I think she posted it- it’s too well-written to be Jack. Ugh, so many questions there…

#EverybodyNeedsATammy

Really I think Jack wrote this. If Tammy wrote it, she'd actually put more compliments to herself whereas Jack just writes out how she helped him and treats her as his mommy wife.

 

[Charley Gondorff]

Slightly late and off topic, but if you want some serious sandwich porn, Jack is just not your guy...

Spoiler: LGR has entered the delicatessen

 

[ZipDisk]

You'd think an LGR sandwich would be a desiccated shrink-wrapped husk from 1996.

Weird he built it almost the same as Jack did. But he added fire.
Don't buy sprouts, the field workers shit in the sprouts. Pretty much every sprouts recall is because of fecal matter.
They can't even teach the field workers not to shit in the sprouts, it's like a cultural thing to piss and shit outdoors like an animal.

 

[Jacks Dead Arm]

I looked back in the thread, and it doesn’t look like anyone found and posted this- a valentines greeting from Jack:
View attachment 4562412

3 things:

>Good fucking God, there really exist no other photographs of this woman that can be used, huh? I would think that if you’re going to lovebomb, you’d want to use a photo that makes her look good. Then again, these are the people who decided that^ photo was professional enough to be put on the half-assed marketing collateral for GiveMe Books. And the funniest part of all is that the skyline is a photoshop- the original pic was taken at that July 4th barbecue where Jack was filmed doing that infamous waddle.

>”I did not know that when she said “I do” that it meant this…” I wonder what the “this” is referring to? We can assume that it refers to the stresses of the current predicament, sure, but I’m assuming that it goes deeper this time. Deeper as in toileting being involved. Deeper as in Hammy assisting a crew of burly workers to roll Jack onto his side to change the bedpan. I picture her attempting to calm him like Jane Goodall trying to de-stress a chimp, as he stroke-vocalizes like an expiring warthog.

>Since this was posted prior to the status admitting that he suffered a heart attack and stroke…well,…is there a chance that Tammy wrote and posted this as well? Hear me out, because the consensus is that she DEFINITELY wrote the stroke disclosure. So why not this? Then it’s a question of whether or not Jack specifically requested that she post this on his behalf, or if she posted it herself. If it’s the latter, then could she be fishing for asspats to bring some light to what is surely a shitty and stressful situation? Some sort of self-affirmation routine? Either way, it would demonstrate that she’s as fucked up as Jack, albeit in a different way. I think she posted it- it’s too well-written to be Jack. Ugh, so many questions there…

#EverybodyNeedsATammy

I believe Jack wrote that message about Hammy. I also believe a Go Fund Me will be coming out to help rehab our favorite YouTuber.

I am currently watching Jack cook BBQ Ribs in a pressure cooker. He haphazardly tries to open the pressure relief valve while hot steam blows in the direction of his fat face. THEN he takes the lid off and it is not all the way depressurized. I thought these electronic pressure cookers had safety points built in so that couldn't happen? My Farberware model does.

Annnnd a new episode just started and he's talking about awards called Food Jack's? What the fuck was this shit? I didn't watch him for a few years prior to his arm becoming me so I missed a lot. This shit is fascinating, especially watching it now with some of the mannerisms and shit I've learned from you guys. He's baffled by scratches on the Rachel Ray cookware and CLAIMS no metal ever touched the pans. I also see dishwasher spots on them so they've definitely been in the dishwasher, which you should never do. He's now reviewing the plastic utensils and is complaining about warped plastic, which also means he probably put them in the dishwasher.

"We did tons of knives!" He loves the Miracle Blade World Series (?). I cannot stop watching his tight, bulbous gut that's being held in by a Bitmoji emblazoned apron. He's upset that a meme knife set wasn't too quality professional series knives. He's now praising Kitory Warrior Series Chef Knife. "Guuurmen STEEL, oh wow that's so light." Lightweight knives are not too quality. It's actually shocking to see him slightly motivated.

His best product review is the 5 minute red copper that exploded on him due to misuse. Note, best product means "most views."

Sorry for the play by play.

 

[EatBeforeYouEat]

I bet the doctors who treated fatass in the hospital had a laugh at his "healthy lifestyle" and keto larping. With his 3 prior strokes Keto is the last type of diet that would have been recommended for him. That is like a heroin junkie telling you he is gonna kick his drug habit by switching over to percocets.