🗑️ Trashfire PPP: Pig's Passage to Portugal - Update 1/26 - Ralph got his ass kicked and murse stolen. Turns out, the citizens of Portugal are NOT big fans of the Killstream

[MuuMuu Bunnylips]

Dude. I literally called it.

 

[Watamelon]

You need to gain experience, Ethan!

Your next move should be visiting Barcelona and staying at the Raval. Plenty of hookers, drugs and chances to meet Killstream fans!

 

[AnIntrepidCrow]

lmfao; this fat faggot got his ass beat while I wasn't looking? And yeah, I highly doubt he was outnumbered. Ralph got his ass handed to him by Mint, a single dude is going to lay him out 99% of the time.

 

[The Cock Carousel]

He looks like Nickacado with his face beaten up like that

 

[Mr. Manchester]

Ralph maybe you should have read this first you big gunted goof

Crime and Safety

Portugal’s open borders with its Western European neighbors allow possible terrorist groups to enter and exit the country with anonymity. Credible

pt.usembassy.gov

 

[Tommy's Mom]

For them to do what they did to the Gunt, it must've gone very bad.

The gangs who make a business of mugging people in Europe usually try not to fuck people up too badly, because that's how they're going to get caught. It kind of forces the police into putting more effort into finding out who did it. But if you're not severely injured, it's basically just like in New York. "Oh, you got mugged? Gee, that's a shame. Go down to the precinct and file a report, and then fuck off."

Ralph 100% made himself a target. The american pimp costume, complete with fedora and cigar. A huge Gucci (or whatever) manpurse. The obnoxious tourist attitude. I would bet real money that Ralph told someone to fuck off, and then that person went and got his buddies, then came back and robbed him. That seems like the likely scenario to me.

 

[AnIntrepidCrow]

Do we have to hold a memorial for the man purse now that it hangs like a trophy in some gypsy's trailer?

Its a real end of an era in the gunt lore.

 

[JAKL II]

Felted so hard he can't even look at the felt on account of his eyes being swollen the fuck shut.

 

[WutangLee]

The gangs who make a business of mugging people in Europe usually try not to fuck people up too badly, because that's how they're going to get caught. It kind of forces the police into putting more effort into finding out who did it. But if you're not severely injured, it's basically just like in New York. "Oh, you got mugged? Gee, that's a shame. Go down to the precinct and file a report, and then fuck off."

Ralph 100% made himself a target. The american pimp costume, complete with fedora and cigar. A huge Gucci (or whatever) manpurse. The obnoxious tourist attitude. I would bet real money that Ralph told someone to fuck off, and then that person went and got his buddies, then came back and robbed him. That seems like the likely scenario to me.

EXACTLY. The fucking police know they're there. Same shit with the prostitutes. It's quid pro quo. Don't cause trouble and we'll leave you alone UNLESS you escalate shit.

You need to gain experience, Ethan!

Your next move should be visiting Barcelona and staying at the Raval. Plenty of hookers, drugs and chances to meet Killstream fans!

Don't think I haven't forgot about you doubting me calling this one motherfucker

Yup, same shit with Spain. They're more or less tourist hell holes. They sell random trinkets, and flowers during the day, but will offer you drugs at night in the same tourist holes. Overall, Europe is a shit place to be a tourist (except I hear good things about Eastern Europe and the UK). Also if you go, bring a girl with you, it'll discourage the prostitutes.

I'm praying the Gunt gets into one of those dog shit Taxi's that scam foreigners into "bars" that are actually brothels filled with trafficked whores that secretly bleed you dry, and will break your legs if you try and run away.

 

[Wooper]

View attachment 2924518

So wait is he back home already? What did getting your teeth knocked out cut your vacation short?

Pussy ass bitch- Ethan Ralph probably to anyone else

Also I swear Null made the joke on a MATI that if Ralph acted the way he does in a country like Mexico or Brazil he'd get his ass beat. Now look what happened, I'm willing to put money down the he fucked up his teeth.

 

[Magic Sun Daddy]

Ralph didn't even want to go to Portugal after Daddy Dick broke his ankle, we bullied him into it. Now he has a broken nose and I'm curious to see the gash above is right eye, that will probably be a permanent scar. At this rate, Ralph will look like a legit circus freak before he turns 40.

Ralph's incredibly thin skin is simultaneously the funniest thing about him and also the most tragic. Every recent significant event in his life has been done with the expressed purpose of showing up complete strangers on the internet. He's admitted and takes real pride in his inability to let minor jabs slide and insists that his volatile temper and lack of self control was the key to his past successes. I honestly think that with enough prodding and teasing, you could potentially push Ralph into getting himself killed as he tries to get a W on his haters.

In an alternate timeline, this would be a wakeup call needed to shake the cobwebs off his brain. He would take one look at his swollen, bruised up face in the mirror and realize that his beating came as a result of him trying to one up a simpleton in Canada. That would lead to the epiphany that every mistake he's made has been due to his extreme insecurity hindering his better judgement and he'd forgo arguing with people on Twitter to message May, his fiancé and the mother of his child, to tell her what happened.

Thankfully for us, we live in the timeline where water is wet and Ralph is Ralph, so he'll continue to be lead by the nose by his alawgs until he receives some form of damage that he can't recover from. I'm personally not hoping for that, but I'll be waiting in the ever increasing line of people ready to say "I told you so."

 

[Epic Fail Man]

Ralph maybe you should have read this first you big gunted goof

Crime and Safety

Portugal’s open borders with its Western European neighbors allow possible terrorist groups to enter and exit the country with anonymity. Credible

pt.usembassy.gov

Lisbon has an Arab street where they only speak Arabic, I'm absolutely sure that's where he got beaten up. The place is also kind of like a Portuguese skid row with all the tents and homeless people. most crime happens there but most muggers are Arabs there.

 

[FFinfo]

What the fuck happened, I leave this thread to laugh at Redditors and Ralph looks like he got mugged

Well I guess Null's stream this Friday is going to be a big'un.

 

[Watamelon]

Don't think I haven't forgot about you doubting me calling this one motherfucker

Am I supposed to give a fuck?

Act like a wigger, get treated like one. I've been to herrikotabernas and partied in Southern Italy. Nothing has ever happened.

Then again, I don't carry a man purse nor am I fat enough to look like a caricature.

 

[Meat Target]

Will Ralph be that fucking guy and try speaking Spanish in Portugal?

He should. Portuguese is just an inbred, fetal alcohol syndrome illegitimate child language of Spanish. Spanish is the language of respectable shithole countries.

This trip is so spur of the moment, I wonder how much Ralph didn't account for when traveling to a different country. Like packing enough clothes, having a global plan on your phone, having a proper electronic converters that won't fry your shit, etc. Wouldn't be surprised if he ends up dumping a lot of money on shit he'll only use once or completely forget when he leaves. And I'm hard doubting he holds a passport, taking odds of him being refused at customs.

Has Ralph already gotten Covid?

To get back into a plane to the US, he has to pass a covid test taken within 72 hours of trying to re-enter the US, or else it's mandatory isolation.

It's possible for someone to not have an active case of covid, but they can't pass the test due to antibodies being present.

It would be hilarious if this trip turns into a month.

He get stuck in Eurotrashistan forever, and the Retort gets aborted.

 

[Manticucc]

It'a a real shame he didn't go to the Philipines or some other SEA country for drugs and underage prostitiutes.

We might have gotten a beheading video instead.

 

[Disheveled Human]

this was the funny I was hoping to see in this thread and was surprised didn't happen earlier.

It's really easy to get jumped in some parts in Lisbon and if you don't behave with a certain discretion you are going to be surrounded by a group of at least 4 Moroccan hooligans, and discretion isn't part of his vocabulary.

You were the guy that was gunt guarding and harping on us earlier for ragging and nitpicking on Ralph. Now because we were proved right you turn heel? Get fucked faggot.

 

[AnIntrepidCrow]

Ralph's incredibly thin skin is simultaneously the funniest thing about him and also the most tragic. Every recent significant event in his life has been done with the expressed purpose of showing up complete strangers on the internet. He's admitted and takes real pride in his inability to let minor jabs slide and insists that his volatile temper and lack of self control was the key to his past successes. I honestly think that with enough prodding and teasing, you could potentially push Ralph into getting himself killed as he tries to get a W on his haters.

In an alternate timeline, this would be a wakeup call needed to shake the cobwebs off his brain. He would take one look at his swollen, bruised up face in the mirror and realize that his beating came as a result of him trying to one up a simpleton in Canada. That would lead to the epiphany that every mistake he's made has been due to his extreme insecurity hindering his better judgement and he'd forgo arguing with people on Twitter to message May, his fiancé and the mother of his child, to tell her what happened.

Thankfully for us, we live in the timeline where water is wet and Ralph is Ralph, so he'll continue to be lead by the nose by his alawgs until he receives some form of damage that he can't recover from. I'm personally not hoping for that, but I'll be waiting in the ever increasing line of people ready to say "I told you so."

The thing is, Ralph has self awareness that he is a frothing, white-trash dipshit, but actively eschews any notion of changing this as being 'not who I am'. Self-improvement is anathema to him, and he only seems to be getting more and more deluded and aggressive with age instead of mellowing out like most people do. Not even the estrogen produced in cascades from his fat cells can soften anything about him besides his physical shell. He was always doomed to this because he sees nothing wrong with, what is quite objectively, a pathetic, sad, and existentially hollow existence.

But he is a kang, and I'm not, so what do I know?

 

[bajagoogoo]

Heavenly Father

Bless the Portuguese thief who thumped the gunt. We are not worthy of such a bounty but we will use it in your name.

Amen.

 

[Epic Fail Man]

You were the guy that was gunt guarding and harping on us earlier for ragging and nitpicking on Ralph. Now because we were proved right you turn heel? Get fucked faggot.

I was never gunt guarding you retard, i was just stating earlier that people like you were nitpicking at the tiniest things just to entertain yourself. Now obviously there is something to laugh at.