🐱 You Can’t Spell Equality without M&M

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CatParty
metrosource.com

You Can’t Spell Equality without M&M

Are you fed up with heteronormative candy? It invades your dentistry and sticks around like it owns the place. Before you know it, your teeth are wearing socks and sandals while listening to Limp Bizkit. Enough! Luckily, the good people at Mars, Incorporated are queering up their image, starting...
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Are you fed up with heteronormative candy? It invades your dentistry and sticks around like it owns the place. Before you know it, your teeth are wearing socks and sandals while listening to Limp Bizkit.

Enough!

Luckily, the good people at Mars, Incorporated are queering up their image, starting with the Green M&M. She just got a makeover in an attempt to give the popular confection brand a rainbow-gay appeal. See, Greenie ditched her hump-me boots for a more sensible pair of sneakers.

Because sneakers = lesbian.

Also, Ms. M’s bio reads like an application essay to Sarah Lawrence. When asked what her best quality is, she replies, “Being a hypewoman for my friends. I think we all win when we see more women in leading roles, so I’m happy to take on the part of supportive friend when they succeed.”

Because supportive friend = double-lesbian.

If you think we’re being overly snarky, congrats! You’re paying attention.

But we do applaud Mars for their grandiose idealism. In a statement to The Hill, the company’s Chief Growth Officer Cathryn Sleight explains, “As one of the world’s most iconic candy brands, who better to commit to a world with more moments of fun by increasing a sense of belonging around the globe than M&M’s?”

What a rousing rhetorical rallying cry. All together now…

What do we want?

A SENSE OF BELONGING!

When do we want it?

“By 2025!”

That’s right: Mars is committed to galvanizing a “sense of belonging for 10 million people around the world” in the next three years. They plan to accomplish their sweet-ass goals by crafting “an updated tone of voice that is more inclusive, welcoming, and unifying, while remaining rooted in our signature jester, wit and humor.”

Hmm, we’re not convinced that placing casual shoes on a cartoon morsel will achieve world peace, but we do applaud M&Ms for their ability to make Tucker Carlson wet his eternally twisted panties.

We also crave more queer content wherever it may arise, so keep the delicious diversity coming, Mars. You’re out of this world! We’re actually not being sarcastic this time. Kisses and nomnomnoms.
 
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This shit is getting even weirder. Why does anyone care what the mascot of M&Ms looks like, the only reason the characters exists is to get dumb kids to buy that junk food over its rivals.

Thinking about it all these junk food mascots should be banned, all they do is promote unhealthy eating to children.

Also, good people at Mars, Incorporated lol https://www.theguardian.com/global-...-to-face-landmark-child-slavery-lawsuit-in-us
 
Oh okay this is why they're exiting NASCAR sponsorship after this year.
 
I've been hearing people talk about the Green M&M for a week now and had no idea why. At first I thought it had something to do with Linkara, but then heard that Tucker Carlson bitched about it so I knew it couldn't be that.

Now I'm finding out it's because she wears *sneakers* now?

Both sides have gone full retard at this point.
 
thyme's up said:
No more M&M car?
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Correct. There's a possibility that they're going to shop for a sponsor that won't care about 'Kyle being Kyle' and thus expect lolcow behavior.

All joking aside, them exiting the sport would fit if they expect backlash over 'faggy M&Ms'.
 
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This article screams: "I come a broken household, therefore, I find emotional refuge in the cold world of branding and advertisements."
 
This is burgers???.jpg all over again. Let's be honest I don't really care what people do in their bedrooms but I don't understand what the objective is here.
 
For years I didn't think it was 'right' to eat M&M's by themselves, I always assumed they were a cooking ingredient, like cooking chocolate, because I only ever saw them mixed in with food. Trail mix, 'fun' cookies that I would bake with my mother for school, my sister used to love them on ice cream - still does, she's not dead or anything, just doesn't eat much sweet food - and even added to brownies once.

Anyway, moral of the story is that the M&M's are now gay, so I have to find a new thing to add to cookies when baking them with my siblings. Thanks for that Faggots.
 
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