Commander's Log, Entry 16, Part Two, THE FINAL FIGHT!
This is it gamers. The final fight. Meatstik, Tyce, Saney, Hunger Mythos, Jullayy, and Durand have the fate of the world in their hands. The Skyranger zooms towards the Alien Nerd Ship, and Hunger is all like #roleplay "The aliens started this war", and Saney's all like "And now we're going to finish it" and finishes his cigar like Captain Price in that cargo ship level of Modern Warfare. It's basically sickness.
The Skyranger sets down inside the Flying Fortress of Aspergers, and everyone charges out, ready to end this. We have the best, dankest, most tactical equipment we've ever made. Heavy plasma machine guns, kitted out plasma rifles, alloy shotguns, missile launchers that can fire globs of nuclear fucking fusion, genetic modding, and psyonic powers.
This was going to be a battle for the ages.
Saney, Hunger, and Meatstik charged ahead, through a force door directly in front of the landing site. Julaay and Durand went left, through a lower set of doors, to try and flank whatever was inside.
We first encountered a group of Grey Nerds, and one of the Big Brained Grey Nerds. The little ones went down in a few bursts of plasma. The big one was finished off by Saney, who did tactical parkour towards it, did a sick one handed pump with his shotgun, and blew it's head off.
As the smoke cleared, the troops began to move forward. #roleplay Saney's all like "WTF is that noise", and there's this weird "wiiirrr" sound, and Meatstik is all like "OH FUCK, WE GOT FLYING FEDORAS!" and two flying Fedorabots come out. Saney's all like "yo, that's fucked up", and shoots one. Tyce is all like "yo, i got dis" and noscopes the Fedorabot Saney hit, and he basically crits it and it blows up #owned #summaslam.
The other one gets Meatstik in it's sights and shoots her, and Mythos is all like "NOOOO!", and Meatstik goes "Bitch, you just scratched my armor", and shoots it up. Everyone basically gets tactically reinvigorated from this, and moves in and shoots it to death.
The team moves up onto a rail way, and spots the remaining Grey Nerds, which are cowering off to the side. Durand uses her sick ass mind powers and basically blows their brains up.
Oh yeah, while all this is going on, some annoying douche with a really high pitched voice is going on and on about "the failures of the wizards", and how humanity will be "their long awaited success, the ulimant evolution of Autism".
The troops continue along the balcony, and come across a bunch of flying Sanic Spergs. The Sanic Spergs are all like "RAAARRGGHH, GATTAGOFAST!" And Jullaays all like #roleplay "fast enough to dodge a bullet?" and then nails one. Meatstik kills another by mentally projecting images of a blue armed Sonic into it's brain. The remaining one, an Elite Sanic Sperg, Goes Fast and flies up, triggering a reaction shot by Durand and Hunger. It gets pretty fucked up, and gets owned by Saney when it lands.
No sooner had that finished when the hall fills with a horrifically familiar scuttling sound. Meatstiks all like "aw fuck, bug things", and everyone opens fires off the balcony, because there's a wave of Bug Things coming after us. They go down in flames, and we press on into a really dark passage. Hunger is all like "yo, darkness ain't tactical", and gets spooked. Julaays all like, "yo, don't worry, I got this." And then everyone freezes at the sound of "M'lady". Yes, it was filled with Spaghetti Men, who all start moving towards us. Durand blows one of their brains out, and the others get shot to death by Hunger and Jullaay.
The team moves up, and comes to a force door. They stack up, and reload. Saney's all like, "Yo, cover my back, I'm going in hot", and walks in. He runs back a second later, because he had just run into a nest of Bronies, led by a Diaperfur Berserker. It's all like "RARRRGH, STOP KINKSHAMING ME", and charges through the door. Luckily I had put everyone on overwatch, and it got shot up by nearly every member of the team. Hunger then snipes one of the Bronies, while Saney and Jullay take out the rest.
We move out into an open area. Tyce boots up his jetpack and flies around to get some tactical spy intel. Saney scouts ahead a bit.
There's Chicken Robots ahead.
Two of them.
Meatstik don't have time for that shit and opens fire with her fusion launcher. It makes a dent in them.
The rest of the team dive for cover and fling grenades.
The chickenbots open fire.
They manage to miss Saney. Julaay isn't so lucky. Her cover gets owned, and she gets the shit knocked out of her.
Tactical situation. Out of cover, looking down at two chicken bots, badly injured.
Julaays all like #roleplay "well, it's as good a time as any to die", and jumps down from the balcony, into the pit the chickenbots are in. She lands behind cover, and shoots up one of them. Tyce manages to snipe it to death.
Durand hits the other one with a fusion rocket. Hunger jumps down to heal Julaay.
The Chickenbot open fires. Saney gets hit and takes a bunch of damage. Durand also gets pretty fucked up.
Durand and Jullaay fire on the Chickenbot, while Tyce snipes it, Hunger patches up Durand, and Meatstick does a bunch of Psyonic shit on it. It gives off a final groan, falls to the ground, and explodes.
Nailed it.
As the team patches up and regroups, there's a roar from up ahead. More Bronies. And from the amount of stickers on their armor, they're Elite Bronies. They open fire from the ridges. Saney sweeps around and injures one. Meatstik mindcontrols the other. The injured one falls back behind cover and attempts to hit the friendly. He misses, and is killed by Brony Buddy.
Time to move up. The Finial Justice of the Final Grave is here. There's an ornate door up ahead, which leads to some sort of temple.
Durands all like "It's some sort of temple. When we finish off these bastards I'm going to have a holy smoke #420blazeit."
Brony Buddy goes in first. We took the extra step of mounting a GoPro to him, so we could see what we're getting into. It was this big ass temple, with stained glass windows and shit. Only, the stained glass windows has nothing but puzzle pieces and Tomas the Tank Engines on them. There were piss bottles and manga comics everywhere. Two wizards glared down from the side balconies, two hulking bronies stood on the cathedral floor, and in the center was a decrepit figure with a long, grey neck beard, four grey, weak arms, and clad in a set of brightly colored, red and blue striped robes. Around it's neck dangled a clay medallion of a yellow figure. A filthy anime bodypillow laid nearby. It was The Archmage, the leader of the Autism Invasion. In it's raspy voice, it spoke.
"NORMALFAAAAGGGGS! YOU DARE DEFY ME! FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS WE HAVE WAITED, SURVIVING ON LESSER BEINGS! OUR AUTISTIC CRUSADE TO CONVERT AND PURIFY THE GALAXY, WOULD ALL COME TO NOTHING IF WE DID NOT FIND A NEW BREED OF SOLDIER! THESE PATHETIC BEINGS YOU FIGHT, ALL FAILURE, ALL FAIL TO EMBRACE THE AUTISM AS WE WIZARDS HAVE! AND NOW YOU COME! YOU ARE WORTHY, YOU CAN BE UPLIFTED! AND YOU REFUSE OUR GIFT! YOU FUCKING NORMIES THINK YOU'RE TOO GOOD FOR THE NEET LIFESTYLE, BECAUSE GIRLS WILL GO OUT WITH YOU, YOU FUCKING CHAD THUNDERCOCKS! YOU WORTHLESS SCUM HAVE ATTACKED US SUPERIOR AUTISTIC BEINGS, YOU HAVE REJECTED YOUR DESTINY! YOU SHALL PAY FOR YOUR CRIMES AGAINST DECENT NICE GUYS SUCH AS-"
"Hey, you know what? You're a gay nerd who can't even get pussy!"
With that, Saney charges ahead. The rest of the team follows, screaming. The Archmage howls in fury.
Bronie Buddy regains his senses, and is put down by Saney.
One of the wizards launches a gay HAARP attack on Saney, injuring him.
One of the Brony Elite shoots Saney, which really fucks him up.
Durand fires her remaining fusion rocket, which totally noscopes the Bronies and messes up the Archmage.
Saney hurls his nades at the Archemage, while Tyce snipes at him. Hunger moves onto the right balcony, while Julaay and Meatstik move onto the left.
One of the Wizards is all like "fuck you feminist nazi", and mind controls Hunger.
The other one attempts the same on Julaay. Fortunately her gene mods cause her to crash into slumber when that happens.
The Archmage attacks Saney again. he gets really fucked up. He's bleeding, his armor's all busted up, he's at two health.
And mind controlled Hunger is flanking him and Durand, scoping them up with her plasma rifle.
Things are not looking good. We have two agents out of action, one who's tactically fucked up, one who's completely flanked, and one in the corner against two fully armed wizards.
There was only one last hope. His name?
Tyce cocks his plasma rifle, takes a puff of weed to stabilize his aim, and goes for a critical shot on the Archmage. The fate of Saney, Meatstik, Hunger, Durand, Julaay, and all of humanity is in his hands. He slowed his breath as he moved his sights in on the Archmage.
"derz 2 times in da wurld, time one iz when im high n tim 2 iz when i ownin nurdz like u. guss what, its both times bitch! eat pluzma u fuking feggit"
With these immortal words, Tyce pulls the trigger.
The bolt of plasma sails true, striking the Archmage directly on the medallion, which is a sick trickshot. Tyce totally fucking crit hit him, basically blowing his shit up.
The Archmage lets out a scream of rage.
"NOOOOOO, IT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THIS YOU FUCKING FUCK FUCK NIGGO FEMINIST CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADS!"
"well, it luk lik it wuz lik dis NERD! U just got
HOWS THAT FEEEEEEEL" Tyce screamed back.
With a ear bleeding squeal of rage, the Archmage' psychic energy goes wild, burning his body into ash. With one last cry, a bolt of energy strike the ship, and everything starts shaking and shit The other wizards, upon seeing their leader killed, piss themselves and curl up in a fetal position. Durand's all like "FUCK YEAH, WE KICKED YOUR ASSES!" and Hunger's all like "MUHRINS, WE DID IT!", and Saney's all like "uhh, guys, I'm bleeding to death over here, could you give me some help?"
Suddenly, the ship goes all fucking haywire and shit. Tyce is all like "yo, we gottu g=bug outta her n shir=t!". Hunger and Julaay grab Saney and start hauling him back.
Meanwhile, the readings on the ship are going insane. The nerds are all like "Oh shit, it's becoming a black hole! The earth is going to 9/11!" The aliens had rigged up the ship to be a suicide Space Muslim Ship, and it was going to destroy the Earth!
Meatstik is all like, "GUYS, RUN FOR IT!", and they're all like "YO, MEATSTIK, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? MURINES NEVER LEAVE A SOLDIER BEHIND ENEMY LINES!"
But Meatstik is all like "I'LL BE FINE, JUST GO!" and hurls them out the door.
The troops run for the Skyranger, while Meatstik lights up and heads for the controls to the ship.
Command's all like "COL. MEATSTIK, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?", and Meatstiks all like "I'M FINISHING THE FIGHT!"
The Skyranger manages to take off just in time as the ship starts ascending though the atmosphere. Meatstik is all like calm and shit because she's facing death with dignity yo. She takes a puff of weed and goes "HQ, we're clear of Earth, it's been a dank ride with you boys! Semper Fidelious!" And everyone in HQ sheds a tear as the ship pulls out of Earths atmosphere. Meatstik gives a final salute, as the ship blows up in orbit and doesn't 9/11 the Earth.
Everywhere on Earth, people look up and see the ship exploding into a billion pieces that rain down in sick ass shooting stars. Eagles give out screeches of appreciation, as "We Got To Stop The Mosque At Ground Zero" plays in the background.
We did it. We Finished the Fight.
We will finish the fight and be the dream. 
is a go. Finally I like these damn mission names.
Semper fidelious soldier. You did a great thing today. 
