write a short story about this image

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Pissmaster

Pissmaster

True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Sep 26, 2019
sadfas.jpg
 
Solution
Just A Fat Round Bird
"ME HARDIES THERE'S A NIGGER ON THE PORT BOUGH!! MAN THE CANNONS, BLAST THE NIGGER!!! YARRR THEY'RE GETTING ABOARD THE SHIP! YARRR CHOP THEIR HEAD OFF WITH THEIR CUTLASSES! FEED 'ER TO THE FUCKIN SHAAAARRRKSS!!!!! WE'RE THE PETER MUSKRAT ARMY AND WE FUCKIN' OBLITERATE NIGGERS!!! WE'RE THE PETER MUSKRAT LEGION AND WE CHEW THROUGH A NIGGERS BRAIN LIKE ITS A LOG OF WOOD! WE USE NIGGERS LIMBS TO MAKEA DAM! FUCK NIGGERS!!!!!!! FUCK NIGGERS!!!!!! FUCK NIGGERS!!!!! YEAAARGH!!!!!" Yelled the captain as the drunk retard fell off of the side of the ship. The end.
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I sat in my computer chair looking at Pissmaster's image.

"What the fuck am I even doing" I said to myself "I'm a grown ass man sitting here looking at some stupid fucking edited picture of a guy I don't recognize dressed up as a pirate. Should I recognize that guy? Is this a normal thing for people to do with their time? I don't know, people use like Reddit and social media and shit, that's stupider than this is I think"

In order to compensate for my lack of recognition of the photo I fairly quickly decided to write a sort of irreverent meta story. I figured that would also help to communicate the fact that I think this whole thing is kind of retarded too.
For a second I also considered whether or not @Pissmaster's pfp is supposed to be Dick Masterson, a thought that's gone through my head a few times in the past.

After typing for not more than 2 minutes I considered whether the joke I was typing was worth posting, and I decided sure whatever, finished typing, and clicked the post reply button (after proofreading and editing "hit reply button" to "clicked reply button" for better accuracy).
 
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Beware of Gary the pirate!
Not only is he searching for treasure, he's also on the lookout for bootie.

If you aren't careful he'll turn your anus into his next dick warmer.

He'll steal your money, then he'll steal your anal virginity.
 
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He's a very butt rapey pirate in the traditional old school pirate sense. First he plunders your booty, then your bootyhole. A real tried and true ass pirate. He loves the butt... a lot. He is the butt pirate. Everything he does is for butt rape. He rapes every butt in sight then takes the plundered booty and spends it to achieve even more butt rape. He has not met a single butt that he did not rape. He will even find the butt on a butt and rape that as well. I am not kidding...this guy really enjoys butt rape. How much you ask? A lot. He enjoys butt rape a lot.
 
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Up, up, up your premium
Up, up, up your premium (Scribble away!)
Up, up, up your premium (And balance the books)
Up, up, up your premium (Scribble away!)
Up, up, up your premium (But balance the books)
Up, up, up
It's fun to charter an accountant
And sail the wide accountancy,
To find, explore the funds offshore
And skirt the shoals of bankruptcy!
It can be manly in insurance
We'll up your premium semi-annually
It's all tax deductible
We're fairly incorruptible
We're sailing on the wide accountancy!
Oh, this is fun, Mr Cohen, fetch me another exotic cheroot
Up, up, up your premium
Up, up, up your premium (Scribble away!)
Up, up, up your premium (And balance the books)
Up, up, up your premium (Scribble away!)
Up, up, up your premium (But balance the books)
To port! Bring her port to sherry!
And the medium guys sherry to port!
Balance the books
Bring me another small cheroot, Mr Cohen​
Click to expand...
 
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This is a screenshot from Sea of Thieves taken just as a group of passing players screamed the N WORD over voice chat at this gentleman, who is whipping his head in disbelief. The N WORD is powerful weapon, much like the shouting shit in Skyrim, whatever that was called, "the coom" or something. If you use your in game weapons on a player, their character may die, but their real life self will be mostly unaffected. However shouting the N WORD over voice chat does just the opposite. The player's character is completely unscathed, but the player themselves is left reeling in shock, doomed forever to relive this day over and over again as a manifestation of the PTSD that was caused by your hate speech.
 
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"The FRENCH could be here" he thought "Oi've neverr been in these waterrs before. Thare could be FRENCH everywhere." The cool sea wind felt good against his bare chest. "OI HATE THE FRENCH". Yo-Ho And A Bottle Of Rum reverberated his entire ship, making it pulsate even as the cheap grog circulated through his powerful thick veins and washed away his (merited) fear of frogs after dark. "With a ship, you can go anywhere you want" he said to himself, out loud.
 
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Uberpenguin said:
For a second I also considered whether or not @Pissmaster's pfp is supposed to be Dick Masterson, a thought that's gone through my head a few times in the past.
Click to expand...
Originally yeah but at this point not really lol. I started up the avatar edits before Dick decided to go full fledged nonce but I figure it doesn't matter because farmers hopefully associate this mascot moreso with me than with Dick Masterson by now
 
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"Arrg there be niggers in these here waters" said the pirate, to tired and stoned to come up with a better joke. The crew laughed anyway cause he said the funny nigger word and they where rife with dehydration, malnutrition, exhaustion and lack of social contact....hehe... nigger
 
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"ME HARDIES THERE'S A NIGGER ON THE PORT BOUGH!! MAN THE CANNONS, BLAST THE NIGGER!!! YARRR THEY'RE GETTING ABOARD THE SHIP! YARRR CHOP THEIR HEAD OFF WITH THEIR CUTLASSES! FEED 'ER TO THE FUCKIN SHAAAARRRKSS!!!!! WE'RE THE PETER MUSKRAT ARMY AND WE FUCKIN' OBLITERATE NIGGERS!!! WE'RE THE PETER MUSKRAT LEGION AND WE CHEW THROUGH A NIGGERS BRAIN LIKE ITS A LOG OF WOOD! WE USE NIGGERS LIMBS TO MAKEA DAM! FUCK NIGGERS!!!!!!! FUCK NIGGERS!!!!!! FUCK NIGGERS!!!!! YEAAARGH!!!!!" Yelled the captain as the drunk retard fell off of the side of the ship. The end.
 
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Solution
We're a band of vicious pirates!
A sailin´ out to sea.
When you hear our gentle singing...
You'll be sure to turn and flee!

A pirate I was meant to be!
Trim the sails and roam the sea!
 
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Uberpenguin said:
I sat in my computer chair looking at Pissmaster's image.

"What the fuck am I even doing" I said to myself "I'm a grown ass man sitting here looking at some stupid fucking edited picture of a guy I don't recognize dressed up as a pirate. Should I recognize that guy? Is this a normal thing for people to do with their time? I don't know, people use like Reddit and social media and shit, that's stupider than this is I think"

In order to compensate for my lack of recognition of the photo I fairly quickly decided to write a sort of irreverent meta story. I figured that would also help to communicate the fact that I think this whole thing is kind of retarded too.
For a second I also considered whether or not @Pissmaster's pfp is supposed to be Dick Masterson, a thought that's gone through my head a few times in the past.

After typing for not more than 2 minutes I considered whether the joke I was typing was worth posting, and I decided sure whatever, finished typing, and clicked the post reply button (after proofreading and editing "hit reply button" to "clicked reply button" for better accuracy).
Click to expand...
Your story fucking sucks
 
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