Because he isn't Predestined* for Heaven, so he as to cope by being a Trad-Cath LARPer instead of being a truly saved like the LCMS or WELS Trad-Lutherans.
*Note for the wannabe pedantic killjoys out there, I know Lutheran Predestination is a different creature entirely from Calvinist Double Predestination. It's more a joke about him being a subhuman than anything else.