why are you still single - and general discussion of the dating game

[Lei Wulong's Left Leg]

I found and have been messaging a cute lurker foid from the /soc board of 4chan for several weeks now after I got very drunk and posted a very sexually charged ad there. This is going way, way too well for the premise.
Fakecel status soon? wagmi?

Hang on, is it by chance Cassie? Cassie's a narcissistic obese black shaniqua who got pregnant at 16 and has a fetish for white dudes. She also adds anyone she even thinks is white.

 

[Flaming_Barghast]

Thats how the best relationships work tbh

My husband and I have an incredibly good relationship, what it took was understanding each other and having open communication. The problem is, not everyone is good at it. It definitely took us a good 3 years living together before we got it down, and we knew each other for nearly 10 years before that as teens. (Funnily enough, we also met online. Not dating, just a random encounter on omegle before usernames were a thing. I don't remember the exact date so I'm rounding)
I think the hardest thing was figuring out when and where it was okay to bring up gripes and frustrations. Now, we do it before it becomes much of an issue, but before, we were waaaay too scared to bring it up. It's also a careful balancing act of knowing when to give in in an arguement, and let's be real, average person also isn't good at it, we sure as fuck weren't.
What I think helped the most was that we were best friends first and a relationship second. Even now, I will say he's both my soul mate and best friend. We're nearing 10 years married and known each other for 20 or so.
Relationships are a lot of work, both sides need to be willing to do a lot. Both of us want to be a better version of ourselves for the other and be willing to help each other.

 

[Gandhi's Left Hook]

My husband and I have an incredibly good relationship, what it took was understanding each other and having open communication. The problem is, not everyone is good at it. It definitely took us a good 3 years living together before we got it down, and we knew each other for nearly 10 years before that as teens. (Funnily enough, we also met online. Not dating, just a random encounter on omegle before usernames were a thing. I don't remember the exact date so I'm rounding)
I think the hardest thing was figuring out when and where it was okay to bring up gripes and frustrations. Now, we do it before it becomes much of an issue, but before, we were waaaay too scared to bring it up. It's also a careful balancing act of knowing when to give in in an arguement, and let's be real, average person also isn't good at it, we sure as fuck weren't.
What I think helped the most was that we were best friends first and a relationship second. Even now, I will say he's both my soul mate and best friend. We're nearing 10 years married and known each other for 20 or so.
Relationships are a lot of work, both sides need to be willing to do a lot. Both of us want to be a better version of ourselves for the other and be willing to help each other.

I'm happy for you guys!

I think most people don't understand that it really is a contract. One where both parties have to put in work. I've been out of the dating pool for a decade now because I've been working on myself, in therapy (not talk), and part of that work has been bringing up things that have been bothering me before they fester. I'm down to 2 weeks from 2.5 years as of today, which is huge for me. I'm hoping to meet someone on the same level in the future, and I'm glad you guys were able to come to that conclusion together! It's something I've seen all successful couples talk about, so it's pretty important.

 

[Flaming_Barghast]

I'm happg for you guys!

I think most people don't understand that it really is a contract. One where both parties have to put in work. Ive been out of the dating pool for a decade now because I've been working on myself, in therapy (not talk) and part of that work has been bringing up things that have been bothering me before I let them fester. I'm down to 2 weeks from 2.5 years as of today which is huge for me. I'm hoping to meet someone on the same level in the future and glad that you guys were able to come to that conclusion with each other! It's something I've seen all sucessful couples talk about, so it's pretty important.

Also knowing when to admit when you're wrong is another one, we do that a lot!

 

[Garm]

Well, first off you're a good son and I commend you for that. As for the women, do you think that maybe that might've come across as fishing for pity or trauma dumping? Oversharing at least?

The best approach when you first meet a woman either at a gathering or a first date is to keep conversation spritely, fun, humorous, and if the vibes are right, flirtatious but don't overdo the last one. Have a pleasant and a confident demeanor and avoid topics that could cause negative emotions, or otherwise puts her where she's feeling judged or probed as a potential girlfriend. Things like personal stuggles, politics, dating history, what she wants out of a relationship, etc. Don't make it feel a wife interview, interviews suck and are boring, keep it fun.

Man, when I was hanging around women I was so overwhelmed by work and everyone being political all the time I could barely function, let alone have the energy to give a damn.
I am starting to improve though.

 

[Lord of the Large Pants]

I have really come to believe that finding a relationship is 95% luck and some people are just unlucky. On one hand I'm really too old to still be looking, but on the flip side... I feel like simply being tall, not fat or bald, making well above average money at a full time job, and having no debt would put me in a relatively high percentile among single men my age. It does not, apparently. I get ghosted BEFORE the date, even by single fat cat ladies in their 30s.

Alternatively, some people just have some immutable, invisible property that makes them unlovable that those individuals can never overcome. Possibly autism. It's always autism.

Either way, I really think effort actually doesn't matter in any practical sense. It just either happens or it doesn't and there's nothing you can do. I try to be whitepilled about most things but I am absolutely dooming out of my mind about relationships.

Side note, people talk about not wanting somebody with relationship baggage, but they also don't want somebody without enough experience. What is the exact scientifically proven appropriate amount of relationships to have been in by a given age? Because I feel like it's damned if you do, damned if you don't.

 

[Vlad the Implier]

Man, when I was hanging around women I was so overwhelmed by work and everyone being political all the time I could barely function, let alone have the energy to give a damn.
I am starting to improve though.

That might be it man, sometimes its best to take some time to yourself, maybe kick back with some trusted friends and just unwind. If negativity/frustration is really taking root in your soul, its inevitably going to spill into your demeanor in ways you might not even notice.

I have really come to believe that finding a relationship is 95% luck and some people are just unlucky. On one hand I'm really too old to still be looking, but on the flip side... I feel like simply being tall, not fat or bald, making well above average money at a full time job, and having no debt would put me in a relatively high percentile among single men my age. It does not, apparently. I get ghosted BEFORE the date, even by single fat cat ladies in their 30s.

Luck is a part of everything but really the key is patience, truth is no matter how attractive and well off you are, a majority of women just won't be into you. Of all the women you hit up, some will give you a date. Of the ones that give you that first date, some of them you'll get a 2nd date. Of the ones you get a second date , some them will turn into something more, and of those some of them will actually become your girlfriend. Of the ones that become your girlfriend, only one will become your wife. The key is not losing heart and saddling up anyways.

Side note, people talk about not wanting somebody with relationship baggage, but they also don't want somebody without enough experience. What is the exact scientifically proven appropriate amount of relationships to have been in by a given age? Because I feel like it's damned if you do, damned if you don't.

There's a difference between baggage and experience. Experience implies you've been through things and have come from them as a better person; you've some made mistakes and learned from them and did you've done things to make a woman feel special enough to make her want to be in a relationship with you. Baggage is basically the negative inverse of this, it implies you've come out of a relationship with unresolved damage which means the bill is going to fall to your next girlfriend. No one wants to be therapist to a romantic partner, especially if the issue is their ex.

 

[Lord of the Large Pants]

Luck is a part of everything but really the key is patience, truth is no matter how attractive and well off you are, a majority of women just won't be into you. Of all the women you hit up, some will give you a date.

So people keep telling me, but I haven't had one actually show up for a date yet.

There's a difference between baggage and experience. Experience implies you've been through things and have come from them as a better person; you've some made mistakes and learned from them and did you've done things to make a woman feel special enough to make her want to be in a relationship with you. Baggage is basically the negative inverse of this, it implies you've come out of a relationship with unresolved damage which means the bill is going to fall to your next girlfriend. No one wants to be therapist to a romantic partner, especially if the issue is their ex.

Eh, fair enough.

 

[Vlad the Implier]

So people keep telling me, but I haven't had one actually show up for a date yet.

Is this via dating up or...? Feel free to DM me if you prefer. I'm just curious about your approach but no need to share if you aren't comfortable.

I found and have been messaging a cute lurker foid from the /soc board of 4chan for several weeks now after I got very drunk and posted a very sexually charged ad there. This is going way, way too well for the premise.
Fakecel status soon? wagmi?

Didn't see this at first. Proceed with extreme caution.

I've met several men from 4chan, (not /soc/ but various other hobby boards) half of them were fat, bitter losers and the others were decent, normie-passing bros and have become lifelong friends. I've met several women from /soc/ and every single one of them, without exception has been a burning trackwreck of a human being. Worse part is that it isn't always obvious at first. Best of luck.

 

[raritycat]

• My dating pool is filled with AIDS patients, BPD cases, crossdressers, and autists. I'd rather die alone than let one of them fuck up my life.
• I'm in the process of getting my shit together and accomplishing things that require my focus. I don't want to deal with someone demanding attention when he sees that I am busy. Half of the guys claiming that they "made time for [me]" are looking to meet up at midnight/1AM.
• I'm waiting until my parents croak because I don't want to introduce someone I actually like to my family. No one deserves to be subjected to my mother's manipulative behaviour.

 

[Lord of the Large Pants]

Is this via dating up or...? Feel free to DM me if you prefer. I'm just curious about your approach but no need to share if you aren't comfortable.

While trying to keep further power leveling to a minimum, it's mostly been girls that my friends and family have tried to set me up with. I also just now realized that I've had more than one older woman try to get me to date their daughter. I have no idea what this means.

 

[Vlad the Implier]

While trying to keep further power leveling to a minimum, it's mostly been girls that my friends and family have tried to set me up with. I also just now realized that I've had more than one older woman try to get me to date their daughter. I have no idea what this means.

I would take it as a compliment. If they thought you were bad they wouldn't have done that. I'd recommend venturing out on your own a bit, maybe the kind of women they think are right for you aren't necessarily. Plus, when a woman's being set up with by a guy through friends or family she might perceive this as you've unable to find women on your own for some reason, which can come across as undesirable if they see it that way.

 

[long waters]

Alternatively, some people just have some immutable, invisible property that makes them unlovable that those individuals can never overcome. Possibly autism. It's always autism.

Either way, I really think effort actually doesn't matter in any practical sense. It just either happens or it doesn't and there's nothing you can do. I try to be whitepilled about most things but I am absolutely dooming out of my mind about relationships.

Exactly where I'm at right now. It's an "it is what it is" kind of thing, but it is depressing to think this way. Would not recommend.

I'm waiting until my parents croak because I don't want to introduce someone I actually like to my family. No one deserves to be subjected to my mother's manipulative behaviour.

Jeez, that's really dark. I don't even know what to say. I'm sorry to hear you have such a bad relationship with your parents.

 

[raritycat]

Jeez, that's really dark. I don't even know what to say. I'm sorry to hear you have such a bad relationship with your parents.

It is what it is. Luckily I wasn't doing shit on social media at the worst points, otherwise I may have ended up with a thread on the farms for sperging out.

 

[Nefarious Elliot]

Hang on, is it by chance Cassie? Cassie's a narcissistic obese black shaniqua who got pregnant at 16 and has a fetish for white dudes. She also adds anyone she even thinks is white.

No but I did encounter her lmao does she have a thread?
This is a real lurker foid who is fairly attractive.

 

[Day of the Cope]

It's also a careful balancing act of knowing when to give in in an arguement

"Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall." Proverbs 16:18

So many people who get into an argument end up treating it like something that they need to "win". This isn't helped due to number of people who will react with indignation if you're unwilling to engage with the argument or will rub their "win" in your face. People need to stop seeing every single argument as "a battle that needs to be won" and start seeing it as "a breakdown of communication". After all, a child not embraced by its village will burn it down to fell its warmth.

 

[Lei Wulong's Left Leg]

No but I did encounter her lmao does she have a thread?
This is a real lurker foid who is fairly attractive.

If we documented every mentally ill BPD E-ho on 4chan we'd never stop. The /R9K/ E-girl deluge - Iris, Roz, Wren, Ciara, Pukara, Vore, Miyoko, etc. - empath-chan(who has her own thread already), ENTJ, Chickn, Ruby, the list literally goes on. In a vat of sewage, Cassie is just a particularly pronounced turd.

 

[K-Farmers Anonymous]

Eventually those people stopped talking to me so I found a new friend. His wife has the same distant tone.

Whyyyyyyyy are you surprised by this? You want to steal his wife or something?

 

[K-Farmers Anonymous]

I think I might be crucified if I say "sounds like a looksmaxxing skill issue do you know your objective /10"

It sounds more like an autism issue to me. No amount of handsomeness masks autism, and the dysfunction it creates around sex and romance.

 

[⋖ cørdion ⋗]

I found and have been messaging a cute lurker foid from the /soc board of 4chan for several weeks now after I got very drunk and posted a very sexually charged ad there. This is going way, way too well for the premise.
Fakecel status soon? wagmi?

Ask yourself what kind of person would willingly contact someone based on a drunken "I am le ripped and le horny" ad on 4chan of all places? I swear /soc/ is a board isolated from the rest of 4chan where normies go, or at least immediately act like normies as soon as someone posts nudes. You'll have the most xenophobic 4chan veterans immediately revert to "Oh hi " if there's a poorly lit titty pic accompanying the post. To then imagine how many DMs that bitch got, going around adding people for sexting off of 4chan. Shudders. No amount of money, fame or marriage would put a stop to her neediness.

You got me thinking, I always had this problem where I bitch and whine about woe is me foids don't take an interest in me and blah blah blah. But in hindsight every time a foid did do that I'd get suspicious and run away or ignore the situation. Be it consciously or subconsciously. Like what's going on here? Why would anyone want to talk to me? Surely this must be a trap! This is probably what was subconsciously going through my brain.

I personally just detest most situations these kinds of interactions come from. "Oh we met in a chatroom", how? Doxxing? Trauma dumping? Blogging? Chances are you didn't just start talking about gundam and she chimed in. I've seen happy streamer couples where basically the more popular of the two raided the other, halfway socially blackmailing them into at least reacting. If you somehow co-exist in a space and slowly get to talk to one another, sure that's how it's meant to go, but we live in such a 'fast fashion' kind of world that you got 5 mins to appeal to someone else, so people tend to let it all out there.

Most dudes however stoic tend to fall for female attention, entertaining those who shouldn't be. I've dropped a few very 1-to-1 and reasonable chicks halfway through planning a meeting simply because I realize how little they offer but "Oh yeah? " and general "I am actively replying". Unlike being unemployed, you may not get many offers but you can afford to pass them up.