Why are urinals even a thing?

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Serious answer: stalls do take more space, use more water, and require more touching of door locks, toilet seats, etc.

But fuck urinals. They spray piss mist all over you if the stream points too high. I am all for abolishing them.
 
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For high traffic/crowd areas, the urinals' faster speed of usage can reduce congestion and delays. You ever see those long lines outside of women's restrooms? That's what happens when the restroom is entirely comprised of sitting toilets.
 
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Vingle said:
Gotta use the poop knife.
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My family poops big. Maybe it's genetic, maybe it's our diet, but everyone births giant logs of crap. If anyone has laid a mega-poop, you know that sometimes it won't flush. It lays across the hole in the bottom of the bowl and the vortex of draining water merely gives it a spin as it mocks you.
Growing up, this was a common enough occurrence that our family had a poop knife. It was an old rusty kitchen knife that hung on a nail in the laundry room, only to be used for that purpose. It was normal to walk through the hallway and have someone call out "hey, can you get me the poop knife"?
I thought it was standard kit. You have your plunger, your toilet brush, and your poop knife.
Fast forward to 22. It's been a day or two between poops and I'm over at my friend's house. My friend was the local dealer and always had 'guests' over, because you can't buy weed without sitting on your ass and sampling it for an hour. I excuse myself and lay a gigantic turd. I look down and see that it's a sideways one, so I crack the door and call out for my friend. He arrives and I ask him for his poop knife.
"My what?"
Your poop knife, I say. I need to use it. Please.
"Wtf is a poop knife?"
Obviously he has one, but maybe he calls it by a more delicate name. A fecal cleaver? A Dung divider? A guano glaive? I explain what it is I want and why I want it.
He starts giggling. Then laughing. Then lots of people start laughing. It turns out, the music stopped and everyone heard my pleas through the door. It also turns out that none of them had poop knives, it was just my fucked up family with their fucked up bowels. FML.
I told this to my wife last night, who was amused and horrified at the same time. It turns out that she did not know what a poop knife was and had been using the old rusty knife hanging in the utility closet as a basic utility knife. Thankfully she didn't cook with it, but used it to open Amazon boxes.
She will be getting her own utility knife now.
[Edit: Common question - Why was this not in the bathroom instead of the laundry room? Answer. We only had one poop knife, and the laundry room was central to all three bathrooms. I have no idea why we didn't have three poop knives. All I know is that we didn't. We had the one. Possibly because my father was notoriously cheap about the weirdest things. So yes, we shared our poop knife.]
 
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King Fructose said:
Serious answer: stalls do take more space, use more water, and require more touching of door locks, toilet seats, etc.

But fuck urinals. They spray piss mist all over you if the stream points too high. I am all for abolishing them.
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The best urinals, used at nicer sporting venues and highway rest stops, from my observation are angled downward and not shallow, thus almost completely eliminating splashback. We can only wish all urinals were designed with such engineering.
 
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Urinals are fine, piss trenches though can go fuck themselves. Those places that have just a big wall with a trench to piss into. Yeah fuck them.
 
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