Why are geese such cunts?

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SandyCat

SandyCat

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There's some of them at a nearby park that try to murder anyone who comes by. How can so much anger be compacted into a small flying death machine?
 
Solution
O.O
Because they're the avian equivalent of a missing link. They're the last remaining bits of ancient reptilian still prominent in bird DNA. Have you ever seen the inside of their beaks? Just a peak at that is a Lovecraftian horror all its own:

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One time I volunteered with some people doing goose abortions. Basically, you were in two man teams in a canoe, one dude would fight the geese off with a paddle while the other snuck in and shook their eggs until you felt the babies break inside, then put the eggs back in the nest so the geese are tricked into continuing to look after them. If they're visibly broken, the geese will just lay more.
 
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One of my earliest jobs was catching geese and holding them down in the kill-funnel while their heads got lopped off.

Wave your arms and advance on them: they'll invariably turn their back momentarily. While they're turning, grab their ankles and yank - they'll fall on their chest. Now quickly get control of their ankles with one hand then bring the bird up close to your chest and wrap your free arm around their wings. Once they're immobilized they'll stop struggling. Kill at your leisure.
 
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To be fair if I was an animal and was dealing with a species that weighed 10x-15x what I did, but which always ran away the second I came after them, I'd mercilessly bully them at every opportunity too.

I mean, talk to the animal weirdos, they're the ones who yell at you if you try to punt shitty little animals.
 
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Shidoen said:
Nah Storks are the niggers of birds. They hang around crocs and drop off a baby then leave.
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I would actually say Swans are. I have seen them absolutely destroy what used to be a nice pond or small lake people would go to.

Agent Abe Caprine said:
Imagine being scared of a cassowary.
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That's just a self-preservation instinct kicking in, given what a cassowary can do to a human, or just about any animal it encounters it doesn't like for that matter. Talk about birds being modern dinos, the cassowary is the epitome of that. The doohickey on the head of most breeds is a dead giveaway.
 
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